Desperation of Love (4 page)

“What?” I shriek. “How is that even possible? You literally just moved into your house.”

“I know. There was a water main break on my street. I’m out of my house for a few days and I need a place to crash.”

He must be joking. There’s no way in hell I can let him stay here with me. I can barely control myself around him in public places, let alone the privacy of my own home. “Umm, okay … I’m sorry about that but don’t you have a brother that you can stay with?”

“Yeah, but Victor and Ellie are still newlyweds. I don’t want to be a third wheel. Plus, they’re still busy decorating and fixing up the nursery. They don’t need me there,” he says, shaking his head.

“I don’t need you here!” I practically yell. “You need to go. There are dozens of hotels around here where you can stay for a few nights.”

“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” he asks, with a hint of amusement in his voice. It ticks me off that he’s enjoying this so much.

I cross my arms over my chest. “What have you done for me?” I ask defensively.

“Provided comfort, support, and carried your drunken ass home, to name a few.”

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that? Go to a hotel, Alex.”

He drops his bag in the middle of my entryway and stalks over to me. He wraps his arms around my waist and lowers his lips, placing a gentle kiss on my neck. “If you’re worried that I’m going to try to seduce you, I promise I’ll be good.”

I bring my arms up to his chest and push him. “You’re already trying! You’re being bad right now,” I say, exasperated by his clear insanity.

“Bad can be very good, princess.” He grins and turns to pick up his bag. “I’ll just put this in one of your spare bedrooms.” He throws it over his shoulder as he jogs up my stairs. What the hell just happened? Who does he think he is just storming in here and announcing that he’s staying like he owns the place? Why does he think it’s okay to just disrupt my life whenever he wants? After a heated inner debate, I decide for my own sanity to just let it go. How bad could it possibly be having him here for a couple days? I bite my lower lip to stop myself from smiling. As insane as Alex is, he makes me laugh. It’s possible that having him around here won’t be so bad. I go back to my office and try to focus on my work. Avoiding Alex seems like a good option for me right now. I just wish I wasn’t so attracted to him. It would make my life so much easier.

The water pipe breaking on my street was exactly the stroke of luck I needed to get close to Jordan. She’s so caught up with her fears that she can’t begin to see what’s right in front of her. This chemistry between us has been building since the day we met, almost a year ago. We were hanging out at my house, back when it was still Ellie’s, and we were instantly drawn to each other. We even made out a bit that night and fell asleep together on the couch. That’s the way it’s always been with us—stolen moments here and there that always leave me wishing I had more of her.

I never pursued much more than an occasional make out session with her because my life has been pretty hectic. Constantly traveling with my brother and making sure his business is in order has taken up so much of my life, but now that he’s retired and settled down, I have the time to find someone. The thing is, the more I date, the more I realize that what’s out there is a sea full of shallow women who care more about appearances than they do about getting to know what’s beyond the exterior. Jordan’s never been like that. She listens to me, sees through my sometimes cocky exterior, and understands what my life has been like. She wants me as much as I want her, I know she does, but witnessing her parents divorce did a number on her. She’s built a wall, one that I’m now up against. Patience isn’t one of my qualities, but God only knows I’m trying to give it to her. Jordan is the type of girl who needs a guy that isn’t going to put up with her shit and let her walk all over him. She’s a pro at finding suckers. That’s how she manages to cut guys out of her life so quickly. I don’t even think she does it on purpose, it’s a defense mechanism.

I move my shit in the bedroom closest to hers. The way I see it, it just gives me easier access to her if I should need it. And I plan on needing it. She talks a good game, but she’s never been one to resist temptation. She needs time to adjust to me being here so I’m giving her space for a while. I opt to make dinner for us instead. Maybe if I set the scene, we can have an honest discussion about our situation over dinner. Looking through her kitchen, it becomes very clear that Jordan doesn’t cook much. There’s barely anything that isn’t microwavable. I make a mental note to hit the grocery store at some point tomorrow. I’m able to scrounge up enough ingredients to make a simple stir-fry and begin to cook. Cooking didn’t always come naturally to me. Growing up the way I did, with my mom so focused on Victor and his career, and my dad always working, I had to learn how to fend for myself. Life was never easy for me in the Garza household. I was the not-so-perfect child in my mother’s eyes and she told me so often. Music was always her thing. She’d grown up wanting to be a singer, so of course, when Victor developed a natural inclination to sing, she was beside herself with pride and joy. It became her mission to make him a superstar and she succeeded, pushing me away in the process. There were times that I thought of leaving, moving away and making a life for myself, but I knew that if I did, Victor would have no one to protect him from her constant demands. I chose to be a part of the family business for him. It was my sacrifice to make and I don’t regret it for a minute.

Just as I’m finishing up dinner, the doorbell rings. I know Jordan is trying to get some work done in her office, so I decide to answer the door. I recognize the face on the other side and it pisses me off. I put all of that aggravation into my greeting. “What the fuck do you want?”

The smell of food invades my senses. I look at the clock on my computer screen and realize that it’s dinnertime. I’ve been in my office for hours and haven’t heard a peep from Alex. He must be cooking, which I find both refreshing and annoying, but I haven’t eaten since breakfast and whatever he’s making smells amazing. I start to save the files I’ve been working on when I hear the doorbell ring. I’m almost afraid to go answer it, not sure if I can handle yet another surprise guest today. The sound of raised voices causes me to speed up.

“Who the hell are you?” I hear Mark’s familiar voice ask. Panic starts to consume me. The possibility of my ex having a showdown with Alex is suddenly very real.

“Who the hell am
I
? Who the hell are
you
? You’re standing at my door,” I hear Alex say. Shit, this is not going to end well. I make it to the living room just in time to see Mark square off against Alex.

“Your door? This is Jordan’s house.” He hasn’t seen me yet and I should try to stop this scene but I can’t move. I’m strangely fascinated and extremely horrified by seeing the two of them having words.

“And I’m Jordan’s man. What do you want?” Hearing Alex call himself my man makes me snap out of my daze.

“Alex!” I scold. He turns to look at me as Mark shifts his focus to my face. His expression is one of anger and disbelief.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Jordan?” he spits out. “I begged you to move in with me for months and you treated me like an inconvenience, and now you’ve got this guy living here with you?”

“Watch your mouth,” Alex commands, turning to face off with Mark again.

“Mark …” I call to him but I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure what I can say to make this better for him. I could just tell him the truth. That, in essence, Alex is just a house guest, but how true is that?

“Do NOT explain shit to this guy,” Alex demands, looking back at me. “You do not owe him an explanation about our relationship.”

Mark takes a step back. “I see. No explanation necessary.” I hated that look on his face the first time I put it there, when I broke his heart. Now it is there again. A painful reminder of the path of destruction I’ve left in my wake. He looks at Alex and nods his head. “Good luck with her. You’re gonna need it.” Just like that, he’s gone and I hate myself for being so cruel to him in the past, for making him waste seven months with someone who would never belong to him. Alex shuts and locks the door then turns to face me.

“I’m her
man
?” I repeat his words as I cross my arms. “What the hell was that, Alex?”

“What the hell was
that
?” He sounds pissed off, which makes no sense to me. If anyone should be mad, it’s me. “Why was he even here, Jordan? Didn’t you break up with him?”

“Yes! I broke up with him months ago but that’s beside the point,” I counter.

He walks over to me, getting in my space. “It is the point. He needed to see what he saw. Now, he got your message loud and clear. He won’t bother you again.”

“Did you have to deliver the message so brutally? Shit, Alex. He was hurt.”

“He’s not a baby, princess. He’s a grown man and he’ll get over it.” He cups my face in his hands and kisses my nose. That’s all it takes for some of the tension in my body to begin to release. Maybe he’s right. I broke up with Mark months ago but he keeps coming back, trying to convince me to give us another chance. Maybe this was the finality he needed in order to move on. “Are you hungry? You didn’t have much in your kitchen but I made a chicken stir-fry.”

And just like that, all thoughts of Mark are gone. Alex being able to cook is just plain sexy. I hate myself for thinking it but damn it, it’s true. “I’m starving.”

He releases my face and grabs my hand, walking me over to the dining room. The table is set and two glasses of wine have been poured. I can’t believe that he made this kind of effort. “Sit,” he says, pulling out the chair for me.

I do as I’m told, liking the attention he’s giving me. I shouldn’t be encouraging him but a girl’s gotta eat. He returns a few minutes later with two plates in hand, places one in front of me, and sits down next to me with his.

“Thank you. It looks really good,” I say, digging in. We eat in silence for a while and I can’t help but think of how comfortable this feels. It’s not awkward or forced. It’s just a peaceful dinner between two … friends? Alex breaks the silence first.

“I know you think I’m just this guy who has a smart mouth, does what he wants, and maybe you’d like to think I’m not in touch with reality, but this thing between us, no matter how hard you try to pretend it doesn’t exist, is real. It’s been happening since the night we met. We clicked and we haven’t been able to get each other out of our systems. I see you, I know who you are. I know what you need and I know what you’re afraid of. I may not be the most patient man, but I get you. I just wish you’d at least try, because deep down, I know you want to.”

I’m struck by his words. They hit me in a way that makes it painful to breathe. Somehow, he gets to me in a very real way. He’s validating my fears, accepting them, and not making me feel crazy for having them. Instinctively, I want to get up and walk away. I know the reasons why I shouldn’t date Alex are all good reasons, but he doesn’t seem to care so why should I? Why shouldn’t I explore these feelings that are so palpable between us? When Ellie was questioning whether or not she should get involved with Victor, I was the one who told her to go for it. So why shouldn’t I do the same?

“You’re right. I want to.” I need to be honest, stop rationalizing and hiding behind my excuses. He’s an adult and I’ve warned him repeatedly. That has to be enough for now.

“Excuse me? Did I just hear you admit that you want me?” He looks a bit stunned, but I can hear the twinge of amusement in his voice.

“You heard me admit to wanting to explore this thing between us,” I counter.

He shrugs his shoulders. “And how do you think we should do that?”

“We do what you proposed this morning. We date and get to know each other better.”

“I can do that,” he says, placing a quick kiss on my lips. “Now eat.”

“But no labels. I’m not your girlfriend. We’re just testing the waters, and I don’t want anyone to know about us right now. I can’t deal with all of that. I need time to see where this goes.”