Desperation of Love (2 page)

Stalling for time, I pull down the car visor and check my makeup in the small mirror. I wore my hair down tonight, in loose waves cascading down my back and framing my face. My make-up is minimal, with only a light coating of bronzer, nude lip gloss, a bit of mascara, and a light brown eye shadow, which makes my blue eyes a little more vibrant. Confidence is definitely not something I’ve ever been lacking. I may not be a supermodel, but I can stare in a mirror and be pleased with the reflection staring back at me. Maybe my assurance comes from the fact that I’m an only child. My parents struggled for years to have a baby, trying everything from holistic medicine to in vitro fertilization. When they finally had me, they were so ecstatic that they spoiled me rotten. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a brat or anything, but my parents never let a day go by without telling me how beautiful I was. They always said how proud they were, and there was little that I wanted that I didn’t eventually get. When my luck ran out, it was a hard lesson that I learned. The one thing I really wanted as a child didn’t happen. I wanted my parents to stay together, but no matter how much I begged, cried and fought, nothing would save their marriage. When they went down, they did so in a blaze of glory, dragging me down with them and putting me through a horrific custody battle.

The sound of an incoming text message brings me back to the present. I pull my phone from the center console and see that it’s from Elle.

Our table is ready. Are you almost here?

I guess it’s now or never. I can’t keep them waiting all night. I quickly type out a reply.

In the parking lot, be right in.

Exiting the car, I straighten out my black and white shift dress. It hits just above the knee and, paired with my black heels, it makes me look taller than my normal five feet four inches. The sound of my shoes clacking on the pavement matches the increased rhythm of my heart. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I’ve hung out with Alex on several occasions, up until the night of the wedding. We even made out a couple times. In fact, the night we met at Elle’s house, we had a hot and heavy make out session on her couch, not that I would ever admit that to her or anyone else. And when I was a complete and total wreck while Elle was hospitalized after being brutally beaten by her low life ex boyfriend, Alex was there to comfort me. And I let him. I’ve never been one to show weakness. I learned early on that the only way to survive in this world is by exuding nothing but strength. That’s why I lift my head up, straighten out my back, and square my shoulders as I enter the restaurant. I look around for Elle but I don’t see her in the small waiting area. I open my purse and pull out my phone to call her.

A feather light touch at my waist sends a shiver down my spine. I don’t need to turn around to know who it is. I recognize his familiar scent, a mixture of soap and his usual cologne, a combination that always intoxicates me. He inches closer, the feel of his gentle breath on my neck makes my eyes close.

“I’d almost forgotten just how beautiful you are.” The deep timbre of his voice makes my breath catch. I open my eyes and turn around so that we’re face to face. One look at him and my heart goes into overdrive. Clearly, I’ve forgotten just how handsome he is. He’s tall, at least 6’ 2”, and I have to tilt my head up to meet his gaze. I do my best to look composed and unaffected, even though my body is betraying me. His light olive skin and honey brown eyes are warm and inviting and his full lips, which I’ve had the pleasure of tasting a time or two, make my imagination run wild. His brown hair is shorter than I remember, the top is spiked up a bit and the sides are shaved close. It’s a different look for him but he carries it very well. His dark green Henley is fitted just tight enough to hint at how ripped his muscles are, while his dark jeans fit like they were tailor-made. Simply put, Alex Garza is as mouthwateringly sexy as they come.

“Hi, Alex,” I say. He smiles and it radiates through me. It’s infectious and immediately calms my nerves. I can’t help but smile back.

“Ahh, there she is! You do remember me, huh?” He goads me and pulls me into a sweet embrace. If there’s one thing I can say about Alex, it’s that he’s always been kind to me. He’s the type of person that people just naturally gravitate to. I hug him back and say, “Of course. How could I forget you?” There’s only a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

He tilts his head and grins at me. “Do you want me to answer that?”

I’m really hoping we can get through this evening without reliving that unfortunate incident. “Not particularly, no,” I say, shaking my head. I immediately realize that in order to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, I’m going to need a buffer between us. “Where are Elle and Victor?”

“Elle’s in the bathroom. You know, baby on the bladder and all that, and Victor is paying the bar tab.”

“Nope, I’m right here. Hey, Shorty,” Victor calls, walking up to us. He’s taken to calling me Shorty lately since he’s so much taller than me. He looks every bit of the superstar that he is. His black shirt and jeans just scream designer. While Alex’s hair could be called messy, Victor’s is styled to perfection. Alex is ripped, Victor is toned. Victor is just a tad shorter than Alex, and his complexion is just a bit darker, but the fact that they are siblings is undeniable.

“Hi,” I say, giving him a hug. “How’s our girl?”

“Uncomfortable, but beautiful as ever.” He grins at me and I can see the excitement and happiness written all over his face. Elle is in her seventh month of pregnancy and every time I see her and Victor together, I know that this baby is going to be so loved. Victor somehow managed to bring Elle out of her shell, showing her the kind of happiness that she never thought was possible. Even though he was able to heal all of her emotional scars, she’s given him just as much in return. Love, peace, simplicity, and above all, a normal life and a family.

“It’ll be worth it in the end,” I say.

Elle is at Victor’s side before I can finish my sentence. “Say that when you’re eight thousand weeks pregnant and swollen.” She’s semi joking but more irritated than anything else. “No one is happier about this baby than me, trust me, but good God I’m ready for this to be over.”

We all smile, carefully biting back laughter because she’s just too cute. Even swollen and uncomfortable, Elle is probably the prettiest pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. Her adorable baby bump gets a little bigger every time I see her. She can complain all she wants but the truth of the matter is that she’s glowing and clearly happy.

Victor pulls her to his side and kisses the top of her head, soothing her in a way that only he can. “It’s okay, love, there’s not much longer to go now.” She wraps her arms around his waist and melts into him.

As sickening as they are, seeing them together always does something to me. A pang in my chest is filled with both joy for them and a hint of envy. The feeling of being in love is something I’ve purposefully never experienced.

“Alright, enough with the mushiness. Can we have dinner or what?” I say, eager to get this meal over with. The quicker I can escape Alex, the better I’ll be.

Dinner isn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. Alex sits next to me and, thankfully, he seems normal, totally unphased by our hookup. Once the check is taken care of, I say my goodbyes to everyone and promise Elle to have dinner with her later in the week.

“Come on. I’ll walk you to your car.” Alex is standing right beside me. I’d rather he didn’t walk me
anywhere
. Being alone with him always seems to get me in to trouble but denying him would cause suspicion, and I’m not ready to admit to anyone what an idiot I am.

Reluctantly, I agree. “Alright, thanks.” He follows me out of the restaurant and as soon as we’re out of view, he grabs my hand, linking his fingers with mine. I look down at our joined hands, unsure of what to make of the gesture. It seems bigger than what we are, almost too intimate for us. Once at my car, I let go of his hand and open the door. I turn to face him but keep the door between us, using it as a shield. His eyes are dark, focused, like he’s trying hard to read my thoughts. I’m unsure of what comes next and slightly uncomfortable by the intensity of his stare, making me feel vulnerable. Needing to break the moment, I finally speak. “Thanks for walking me. Goodnight, Alex.”

His eyes never leave mine as he runs a hand through his hair. “I think you and I need to talk.”

“About what?”

He maneuvers around the car door and places his hands on the frame, effectively blocking me in. “About why you left me alone in your house the morning after the wedding and about why you’ve ignored me ever since.”

I bring my hands up to his chest and give a slight push. He doesn’t budge. I shake my head. “No. I think some things are better left unsaid, don’t you?”

“Jordan.” The sound of my name coming from his mouth feels like a warning. With one word, he’s letting me know that he’s not moving until he gets what he wants.

The smartass in me gears up for battle. “Alex,” I return, mimicking his tone. He leans in closer, our chests practically touching now. I start to feel lightheaded, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the line of questioning or the fact that he’s so close to me.

“What happened?” He’s persistent, not going to let this go and I know that I need to put some distance between us. I don’t like how he manages me. He creeps under my skin. It’s unwelcome and unfamiliar. I’m good at holding people at bay, keeping my emotions on lockdown. But he gets to me in a way that no one has before. I figure the best line of defense is to give him something.

“Fine! I was embarrassed, alright,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’m not exactly thrilled that you had to see me all sloppy drunk.”

He picks up a strand of my hair and gives it a gentle tug. “You weren’t sloppy.”

“I was trashed,” I reply with another roll of my eyes. “You don’t have to make it sound better than what it was.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He chuckles.

“I’m sorry that I left you there. It was childish.”

He looks away, just for a moment, like he’s trying to carefully choose what he wants to say next. He looks back at me with a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “You can make it up to me.”

“How?” I question, dragging out the word and squinting my eyes at him.

“Breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” I ask, sounding confused.

“Yes. Tomorrow morning, nine o’ clock, Laura’s Café.”

I can tell by the tone in his voice that it’s not a request, but I try to get out of it anyway. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have a choice.” I knew that was coming. Alex doesn’t strike me as the type to just walk away when he wants something and, evidently, breakfast with me is what he currently wants. “I’ll see you there, princess.” He leans in, placing a kiss on my forehead before walking away and leaving me to wonder what the hell just happened.

Laura’s Café is crowded, as usual. Now that the summer crowds are dying down, it’s easier to get a table but it’s busy nonetheless. I have no trouble spotting Alex at a table in the rear, coffee cup in hand, looking disturbingly sexy. He’s the kind of man who doesn’t have to try to be sexy, he just is. There’s an air of confidence about him. He’s secure in himself and, in turn, his sureness exudes. I can tell by his slightly damp hair that he’s freshly showered and even though he’s seated behind a table, I can’t help but notice how his dark blue t-shirt accentuates his muscular arms. I shake these thoughts out of my head. If I keep this up, it’s going to be an excruciatingly long breakfast.

“Morning, princess.” A slow smile forms on his lips. I can already feel my heart rate increase, and it kills me that he knows how he affects me.

I take my seat across from him, realizing that it’s not far enough away. The length of a football field wouldn’t be far enough. There’s just something about him that makes me want to throw myself at his feet. “What’s up with you calling me princess?” I ask. It’s the second time he’s called me that and I’m not sure I like it.

He takes a sip of his coffee and looks out the window. “It suits you.”

“Because I’m spoiled and stuck up?” It wouldn’t be the first time someone made that assumption about me. I get it all the time. It’s not that I’m either of those things, I just tend to be aloof at times. I think it’s a defense mechanism.

He turns his head and looks at me again. “Because you deserve to be treated like one.”

“God, you’re so full of it,” I say with a chuckle. I try to dismiss his compliment but I can’t deny that I really like how sweet he can be. More importantly, I can’t quite handle the intensity of his eyes on me, but I can’t make myself look away. He can see through all the smoke and mirrors, beyond the role I play every day. Maybe it’s because he’s taken the time to get to know me on a friendship level.

After what feels like an eternity, he looks away, staring down at his coffee. “That hurts, baby.”

“Oh, now it’s
baby
?” I question, shaking my head. “Why did you want to meet up with me, Alex?” Before he can reply, the waitress is there to take our orders. Pancakes for me, an omelet for him. I watch as the waitress gives him her best seductive smile, hoping that he’ll notice her. She couldn’t be more obvious if she tried. It makes me want to rip her hair out of her head, and that’s not a reaction that I’m comfortable with. He acts like he doesn’t see her, like she doesn’t even exist, like I’m the only one in the entire restaurant. It makes me uncomfortable but I like it nonetheless.