Deserve (18 page)

“Come here, angel,” I say gently and pick her up, settling
her onto my lap. She curls up against me like a little kitten and my heart
aches for the shit she’s gone through in the last twenty-four hours. I lean my
cheek against her hair, offering her silent comfort.

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” she asks,
sounding lost. There is no answer for one of the world’s oldest questions

“I don’t know, but Hannah’s in one of the best hospitals in
the world, angel. She’ll pull through.”

She presses her face deeper into my chest and I hold her
close. We stay like that until the take-out arrives. I coax her to eat the
chicken salad sandwich, but she only manages a few bites before she sets it
aside. It makes me ache, seeing her so listless—so unlike herself.

For the rest of the evening, she’s like a robot. She goes
through the motions, but she doesn’t seem to be conscious of her surroundings.

“Maggie, do you have class tomorrow?”

It takes her a few extra beats to register my question and
then she nods her head. “Yes. All day.”

“Can you take a few days off?”

She waggles her head violently. “No! I want to go back to
school.”

“Okay.” I should have known she wouldn’t give herself any
slack. And I suspect she wants to reclaim a sense of normalcy in her life. I
kiss her head and turn her toward the stairs. “Why don’t you head off to bed?
I’ll be right up.” My lips twist wryly at how easily she obeys me this time.

Making a sudden decision, I call my partner and tell him I’m
taking some time off.

***

“What do you mean he has an alibi?” I shout into the phone.

“Calm down, Sean,” Leslie scolds irritably. “Ludlow said he
was at the movies and the footage at the theater confirms he went into the
show.”

“He could have gone straight to the back exit and made it
back to the dorms in plenty of time.”

“Well, there was no way to prove it, so we had to let him
go.”

An inhuman growl emerges from my throat. “Fuck! What about
the boyfriend?”

“Out of town for work. His supervisor confirmed his story. Sorry,
I know that isn’t what you wanted to hear, but we’ve hit a brick wall in the
investigation. Until Hannah Michaels wakes up from her coma—God
willing—we have nothing.”

“It makes me sick to think of that piece of shit out there,
possibly waiting to hurt her again.”

“Me too, Sean. How’s Maggie holding up?”

I glance upstairs where Maggie has commandeered one of the
guestrooms as a study. She said the smell in my bedroom was distracting. I had
taken offense, but with a crooked smile, she assured me it was a good thing and
I decided to give up trying to understand a woman’s mind.

“She’s still shaken up.” She hides it well, but I see the
shadows in her eyes.

“That’s to be expected after something like this. She needs
time.”

“Yeah.”

“I really like her.”

“She has that effect on people,” I say wryly, doubting
anyone can resist Maggie’s pure spirit.

“James and I would love to have you guys over for dinner.
We’d love to get to know her better.”

My muscles tense at the invitation. “I’ll check my
calendar.”

“You’re full of shit,” she accuses, anger in her voice. “Why
the fuck are you avoiding him, Sean? He misses you.”

I close my eyes in remorse, feeling like a piece of shit and
I lash out. “That’s bullshit. I’m not avoiding him!”

“You dumbass!” she shouts and hangs up on me.

My fingers tighten on my phone and I hear the plastic
crackle under the pressure. “Fucking hell!” Just the thought of seeing James
makes the acid churn in my gut.

“Is everything okay?” At the small touch on the back of my
neck, I feel some of the tension bleed out of me. Deliberately loosening my
jaw, I look up. My heart thumps an extra beat at seeing the look of concern in
her eyes. Nobody has looked at me like this for years.

“Yeah.” Pulling her down next to me, I breathe in her
cinnamon scent. It feels so fucking right to have her here. She’s only been
here for three days, but she’s already left her stamp in every room in the apartment.
I love seeing her books scattered everywhere and her toiletries sitting next to
mine in the bathroom. “That was Leslie. She says Ludlow is clear. He was
supposedly at the movies.”

“Oh no! Poor Josh.” Her face contorts with remorse. “I
shouldn’t have mentioned his name to Leslie. I feel so bad.”

“You did the right thing. We need to follow every trail and
I’m not convinced he’s innocent.” I explain my theory to her and before I even
finish, she’s wagging her head at me.

“No, that’s far-fetched. He’s innocent and you’re paranoid.”

“I am not! You’re too naïve.”

“Just because I believe in the best of people doesn’t mean
I’m naïve.”

I narrow my eyes at the obstinate look on her face. “Maggie,
don’t even
think
about going near
Ludlow.”

“I wasn’t planning to. And stop ordering me around!” She
scoots away from me and folds her arms over her chest.

Kneeling on the floor, I put my hands on her knees and look
into her set face. “Maggie, listen to me. If it’s not Ludlow, then we have no
idea who the attacker is.” I hate to see fear filling her eyes, but I need her
stubborn ass to understand the seriousness of the situation. “This guy is
dangerous. He knows you. He’s probably pissed you interrupted whatever sick
plans he had for Hannah. I don’t care if you stay angry with me for the rest of
your life, but I’m going to do what I need to do to keep you safe. And that
means everyone in your life is suspect until we catch this guy. So can you
please help me out and not fight me when I ask you to do something for your own
safety?” Terror seeps into my blood, thinking about something happening to her.

Several emotions cross her face lighting fast before she
throws her arms around me and hugs me close. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll be
careful.”

I crush her to me, unable to ignore that little prickle of
premonition that she’s in danger.

“Stuck-up bitch.” The virulent
whisper is right in my ear. The venom in the words penetrates into my skull,
sending terror through my body.

A rough hand yanks on
my hair, jerking my head back painfully.

I scream, but there’s
no sound coming out of my mouth. I take a deep breath, hoping air will help my
vocal chords work, but his hand cuts off my oxygen.

“Help! Help me!” But
the screams are in only in my head. The world around me is eerily silent except
for the heavy breathing of the man behind me. Tears are blinding me, but it
doesn’t matter because it’s pitch black.

His arm is a steel
band around my torso, squeezing me so hard I feel like my arms will snap.

“You’re going to be
begging for it by the end, you little cunt.” He pulls harder on my hair,
sending a million needles into my scalp. My sob is muffled completely by his
palm.

I kick out with my
legs and try to free my arms, but he’s immovable. His hand gropes my breast
roughly and my stomach heaves.

This can’t be
happening.

Terror and lack of air
are weakening my muscles. He must have felt it because he starts to lower me to
the floor.

Oh my God!

As I land on my side,
a spotlight suddenly flicks on, shining on a prone figure.

I stare into the
lifeless brown eyes, still holding the echoes of the horrors she’s been
through.

Hannah!

Screaming, I lunge awake, my body violently jolting upright.
Cold sweat streaks down my neck and back. I wheeze, fighting to draw air into
my deprived lungs.

“Maggie!” Sean awakens at the same instant I do, his hands
grasping the balls of my shoulders. “Fuck, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I press the heel of my palm against my damp
forehead, hoping to drive the last fragments of the nightmare away. “Just a bad
dream.” I look at the clock and sardonically note that it’s three in the
morning—the perfect hour to have a nightmare. Willing my breathing to
even out, I take a few shuddering
breaths
and remind
myself it’s only a dream.

Sean turns on the bedside lamp, the light driving away the
shadows of the room and the darkness in my mind. Scooting his back against the
headboard, he holds out his arms and I wrap myself around him, my head on his
bare chest and my left leg over his hard thigh. I let myself sink into his
warmth, letting his solid mass anchor me to reality.

“Want to talk about it?” His voice rumbles under my ear.

I shake my head and close my eyes. I know I’m acting like an
ostrich with its head buried in the sand, but I don’t want to relive my
nightmare. It’s been ten days since the attack and this is the fourth time I’ve
had the recurring dream. Each time, I jerk awake when I see my friend’s blank
eyes.

Hannah’s condition has stabilized, but to give her brain
more time to heal, the doctors have put her in an induced coma. Visitors are
now allowed and I go see her several times a week. As a precaution, there’s an
armed police guard on duty during visiting hours.

I bumped into Calvin once at the hospital and I was glad I
promised Sean I wouldn’t go anywhere by myself. Uncomfortable under his
unwavering gaze, I had stayed close to Todd’s side until we left.

Sean took a week off from work and escorted me to and from
school. He ignored my protests and secretly, I was relieved. I insisted he
return to work this past week, knowing he’s in the middle of a few critical
cases, but I miss the sense of absolute security I feel when he’s with me.

I thought I would recover quickly from what happened, but
the trauma lingers in ways I never expected. I hate the dark now; I don’t like
to go out at night. Paranoia creeps into my everyday life and I feel like there
are eyes watching me constantly. Yesterday, I almost jumped out of my skin when
Todd tapped me on my shoulder to get my attention.

I hate it. I hate how the attacker has affected my life. And
the worst part is not knowing when things can return to normal because there
have been no more leads on the case.

Sean’s lips graze my hairline. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll
be here.”

“Thanks.” I tilt my head to look at his face. Cobalt blue
eyes regard me with concern and I can’t resist stretching my neck to give him a
kiss on his jaw. I break away and press my nose into his deltoid, wishing I
could absorb his delicious scent into the pores of my skin. It’s still hard for
me to believe we’re together.

Living with Sean feels…right. I thought there would be an
adjustment period where we would get on each other’s nerves, but our lives seem
to mesh seamlessly. We share many of the same tastes in music, movies and books
and when we disagree, we both love the exhilaration of trying to persuade the
other to our own views.

Sharing stories about our day, sharing our physical space,
sharing our bodies—all of it seems so natural. It’s almost too perfect
and a part of me dreads the moment when I will have to move back to the dorms.

The main source of friction between us is
Cael
. Although neither of us has expressed a wish to reveal
our relationship, there’s an undercurrent of strain whenever my brother’s name
crops up in our conversations. I hate having to lie to my brother when he
calls, but I can’t overcome my fear of Sean picking their friendship over our
budding relationship.

My insistence on hiding the attack from my brother is an
additional point of contention between us. After we found out the case was
stalled, Sean was ready to tell
Cael
about the
assault, but I had begged and pleaded to keep it a secret. Only after a loud
and prolonged argument did he reluctantly give in. I just know in my gut that
if I told my brother, everything would fall apart—my goals, my
independence,
my
future with Sean.

Sean’s fingers play in my curls, drawing me back to the
present. I sigh in contentment at his affectionate gesture. This is a side of
himself he doesn’t show in public. I understand his restraint since one tabloid
photo of us kissing in public will have
Cael
on our
doorstep, breathing fire, but I also suspect Sean doesn’t like to show his
vulnerability to others. It’s only when we’re alone that he lets his guard
down, holding me close to him whenever possible.

My fingers trace the muscles along the outer edges of his
ribs. “You have such beautiful
serratus
anterior
muscles,” I say dreamily.

His chuckle originates from deep within his chest and I feel
it before I hear it. “I can honestly say I have never been admired for that
part of my anatomy,” he says in an amused tone.

“Well, there are a few other parts that are quite fantastic.”
I say, embracing the lighter mood with relief. Pursing my lips to hide my grin,
I sit up and run my gaze over his
body,
grateful he
sleeps in the buff. My pulse flutters when I see he’s already hard. “I do need
to study for my finals soon. Maybe you can help me with my anatomy exam. Having
a life model is vastly superior to looking at charts in my textbook.”

The slow, sexy smile on his face makes me instantly wet.
“I’m more than happy to help. Now tell me about these other fantastic parts you
admire so much.”

“Well, you do have a very nice…” I deliberately drop my eyes
to his groin and bring my hand within inches of his cock. Before my eyes, it
engorges further and suddenly I want nothing more than to feel its heat. At the
last moment, I move my hand to the left, tracing a line down his hard thigh.
“Sartorius.”

“What else?” he demands, his body tense.

I glide my fingertips even further away and his eyes narrow.
“Your tensor fasciae
latae
is certainly noteworthy.”

“And?”

Loving this game, I stroke a few inches to the right. He
shifts his hips, letting me know where he wants my touch, but I move to the
inside of his thigh. “And your adductor
longus
is
quite impressive.”

He groans and wraps his fingers around my wrist. “You little
tease. I’ll show you impressive. Touch me.”

“Bossy much?” I ask, fighting to not giggle.

He playfully growls, “Hah! It’s wasted on you.”

Tugging my hand away, I start to explore his thigh muscles
again. “That’s not true.” I flutter my lashes. “I like your bossiness
sometimes.”

He trails a finger over my nose, down my lips and chin until
he reaches the top of my camisole. “Really? Let’s do a quick review so I know
what you like.” Eyes sparkling with desire, he leans forward to take my earlobe
in his mouth.

Bringing both of my hands up to his broad shoulders, I
clutch onto him as he sucks on my sensitive flesh. I moan as he lets his teeth
sink in slightly.

“Was it when I did the body search?”

“Maybe.” I try to sound nonchalant, but I can’t hide the
neediness in my voice. I never knew sex could be both hot and fun until Sean. Recalling
the spontaneous role-play when he searched for “hidden” contraband on my person,
I feel a spurt of warmth in my belly. Being told to bend over the sofa and to
spread my legs was freaking mind-blowing. Who knew I had a kinky side?

“Hmm…” He kisses along my jaw and down my neck, lingering on
the freckles on my chest. He seems to be fascinated by them. His breath comes
in hot puffs against my skin and my nipples bead into tight buds. “Or maybe it
was when I told you to get on your knees?”

My breath stutters in my throat and a little whimper
emerges. I always get weak in my bones when he lets out his dominant streak in
bed. Taking him in my mouth was…I swallow convulsively. “Maybe.” My voice is an
octave higher and I have to clear my throat.

Moving in a blur, he has me on my back and my panties
stripped off before I can even draw in enough air to scream.

“Or maybe it’s when I tell you to come for me.”

“Oh shit!” I shout when he presses his face between my
thighs and licks my slick folds. The flat of his tongue rubs against my clit
and all I feel is pure, unadulterated pleasure. When he pushes his tongue into
my channel, I bow my back with a sharp, needy cry. A few thrusts and my core
clenches. A muttered “come, angel,” and I implode, fireworks going off in my
lower belly. Sean’s agile tongue does something to my inner walls that prolongs
my climax until I’m so spent, I can’t move my limbs.

Turning me onto my side, he fits the front of his body to my
back. When he lifts my right thigh and lodges his cock at my opening, the only
sound I can manage is a low murmur.

“I love how responsive you are,” he whispers into my ear as
he rocks his cock slowly into me, gliding into my depths. I moan at the
stretching sensation. One hand clasps my lower waist while the other roams
under my camisole, caressing every inch of me.

“Sean, you feel so good.” I twist around to kiss him. He
tastes of me and I lick his lips greedily.

“You feel fucking amazing and I can’t get enough,” he
mutters and my heart soars. He may not say the words I crave, but being with
him like this is more than I could have dreamed of.

His strokes are slow and steady. He maintains a languorous
rhythm for a long time, keeping the heat low. After my lightning-fast orgasm,
it feels decadently wonderful not to be hurtling toward the finish. He devotes
his full attention to drawing out every sensation, caressing my breasts until
they are tight and achy, thrusting in and out of my pussy until I don’t know
what it’s like not to have him joined to me. It feels like we could have
maintained the luxurious pace forever, but imperceptibly the flames start to
burn brighter and hotter.

It feels like he’s
making love to me.
At the tantalizing thought, I feel that familiar tension
in my lower belly. “I’m close.”

“Come for me, angel,” he rumbles. He slides his hand between
my thighs. His fingers touch my engorged bud and I come undone with a
high-pitched cry. I moan softly as my orgasm stretches on and on. I hear a loud
groan and then feel his silken release deep inside. I close my eyes to savor
the sweet intimacy.

***

Saturday morning, Sean drags me out of bed early and we make
breakfast. When I first moved in, I was appalled by the lack of food in his
house. He must have seen my dismay because we went on a massive
grocery shopping
trip and stocked up on everything. Since
then we’ve been cooking most of our meals instead of ordering take-out.

We rarely go out to dinner. The paparazzi are everywhere and
we’d rather not raise any questions neither of us is ready to answer. I try not
to let it bother me, but the secrecy is starting to chafe.

“Okay. Time to get going.” He closes the dishwasher and eyes
me up and down. “You need to be in tight, but comfortable clothes for our
outing.”

I notice that he’s already dressed in a moisture wicking
shirt and sweats. “Where are we going?” I hop a little on the balls of my feet,
excitement strumming through me at going out together.

He flicks my nose playfully and says, “You’ll see.” Spinning
me around to face the stairs, he pats my ass. “Go!”

“Bossy!” I call out over my shoulder.

“If we didn’t have to get going, I’d give you another taste
of my bossiness.”

My steps falter at the promise in his voice and a little
moan escapes my lips.

Smack!

“
Ow
!” I rub my backside, even
though his little tap hardly stung. When I look behind me, his blue eyes are
blazing with heat.

“Stop distracting me, woman. We have an appointment.”

The lure of the mysterious outing gets my feet moving and I
make a mental note to distract him after we come back. With Sean’s instructions
in mind, I pull on a pair of yoga pants and a body-hugging long sleeve tee. My
running shoes complete the comfortable outfit. In deference to the early winter
weather, I don my thick down jacket.