Deserve
Authors: C.C. Snow
Deserve
By C.C. Snow
Deserve
Copyright © 2016 by C.C. Snow
All Rights Reserved
Kindle Edition
Photo from Depositphotos.com
This book is a work of fiction.
Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s
imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
No part of this book may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without
prior permission of the author.
Maggie
The click of the front lock wakes me and before my eyes are
even fully open, I am barreling out of the room.
“Mommy!”
I hop from one bare foot to the other, waiting for the door
to open, excited that Mommy is finally home. Most of the time she works so late
I don’t get to say goodnight. I tug on my waistband, trying to stretch out the
elastic on my too-small pajamas. It’s digging into my waist, but
Cael
told me not to say anything to Mommy because she’d
feel bad she can’t buy me new ones. I don’t want her to feel bad.
The doorknob turns and then she’s there.
“Mommy,” I squeal with excitement and run toward her.
She bends down to hug me as I throw my arms around her leg.
“Hi, munchkin.” She presses her cheek against my head and I
sigh happily. She smells like the stuff she uses to clean the floors—bleach
and something else—but underneath I smell her soap. I squish my nose into
her thigh and take a deep whiff. I love Mommy’s smell.
“What are you doing up so late?” she asks.
I twist my head and squint at the clock. I don’t know why
since I don’t know how to tell time yet. “Um…” I bend my head back to look up
at her face. Mommy looks tired, but she still has a smile for me. She looks so
pretty when she smiles. Her eyes are sparkling like green Christmas lights and
her mouth reminds me of a picture I saw once at church.
Cael
told me it was a painting of the Madonna. I don’t know who that is, but she has
my mommy’s smile.
“It’s not late. It’s only five.” I hold up my fingers to
show her that I know my numbers.
Cael
has been
teaching me to read, too.
“Try ten.” She laughs and nuzzles my nose with hers. I love
it when she does that. She calls it an Eskimo kiss.
I hear loud stomping footfalls and then my brother’s growly voice.
He sounds like a grumpy bear. “You little brat! I thought you were asleep. Hi,
Mom. Sorry, I put her into bed at seven like you told me to.”
Mommy stoops down and picks me up in her arms. The smell of
her soap is stronger now. I hide my face in her neck and peek at
Cael
. My brother is frowning at me and I stick my tongue
out at him. “I wanted to see Mommy.”
“It’s okay
Cael
. Thank you for
watching her. I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to the movies.” She kisses him on
his cheek and his face turns red. I don’t think he likes kisses and hugs as
much as I do. “I’ll put her to bed now.”
I press my chin on her shoulder as we walk away and I grin
at him. He mouths, “Brat,” but I can tell he’s not really mad at me because
he’s smiling too. I
sorta
feel bad about getting out of bed. I try to be good when
Cael
watches me, but I have something important to ask Mommy.
I yell out, “Night,
Cael
.”
“Night, Maggie.” With a wave, he disappears into his room.
We have two bedrooms. I used to share one with
Cael
, but now my little bed is next to Mommy’s. She says
he’s a teenager and needs his own space. I didn’t know what a teenager was, but
the way she said it made me worry. When I had told her I didn’t want him to
turn into a monster, she had laughed really hard and told me it was going to be
okay.
She tucks me back into bed along with my pink bunny and sits
next to me. She looks sad and I reach out to smooth the lines on the side of
her mouth.
“How was work, Mommy?” I have heard
Cael
ask this question before and I want to try it out. I sound very grown-up, I
decide.
She laughs and
smooths
back my
hair. “It was fine.” She’s quiet for a little while and she looks sad again.
“How was your first day of kindergarten?”
I turn on my side so I can see her face. “Good. My teacher
is Ms. Allison. She is
kinda
grumpy, but I think
it’s
cuz
she doesn’t have pants
that fit her, Mommy. I could see she was so squished.” I wiggle and tug at my
pants under the blankets. I know how uncomfortable tight pants are so I spent
the whole day feeling sorry for Ms. Allison. “But it was good.” I pull my bunny
close and give him an Eskimo kiss. “Mommy, why don’t I have a daddy?”
She makes a funny sound, like I do when a piece of dry toast
gets stuck in my throat. “Who asked you that, Maggie?”
“
Didi
. She’s my new friend. Both
her mommy and daddy were there and she asked me why my mommy and daddy weren’t
there also. I told her you had to work, but my brother brought me to school and
that he was big and strong and can take care of me and that I don’t have a
daddy.” When
Didi
had looked at me with pity, I got a
funny feeling in my chest, like there was a stone lodged there.
Something shiny appears on Mommy’s cheeks and I reach out to
touch it. I spring up on my knees when I realize she’s crying. “Mommy, don’t cry!
I didn’t mean to make you sad.” Upset, I start crying too and climb onto her
lap to hug and kiss her face. Kisses and hugs always make me feel better. “I’m
sorry, Mommy.”
“It’s okay, baby.” She hugs me tightly and the funny feeling
in my chest goes away when she kisses my head and whispers, “It’s okay.”
She takes a corner of her shirt, wipes my cheeks and then
puts me back on the bed, tucking my bunny next to me.
“I’m sorry I asked a bad question, Mommy.”
“No, baby. You can ask me anything.” She stops and then her
voice gentles. “You do have a daddy, but he had to leave.”
“Why did he leave, Mommy?”
Mommy takes a deep breath and places a hand on my cheek.
“Baby, you see, in this world, there are people who look like grown-ups.
They’re tall and strong. They talk like adults and they act like adults. Some
of them even have important jobs, but on the inside, they’re not grown-ups.
They’re little children. Your daddy was one of those people, Maggie.”
“You mean he’s like
Cael
? Even
though he’s taller than my teacher, he’s only a little kid.”
“No, Maggie. With your brother, it’s the opposite. He’s a
kid on the outside, but he’s been an adult on the inside for years.” Her voice
sounds funny again, like she has a cold. “Your father looked like a responsible
adult on the outside, but inside he wasn’t really a grown-up so he didn’t know
how to be a daddy.”
I wrinkle my forehead, trying to understand her explanation.
“Did
Cael
and I make him go away, Mommy? Was he
scared of little kids?”
“NO!” She snaps and then softens her voice. “No, munchkin.
You and
Cael
have nothing to do with it. You are the
best children a mommy could ever ask for. Your father left because he wasn’t
strong enough. He was weak.”
“He wasn’t strong enough to pick me up, like you and
Cael
?”
“Something
like
that. He wasn’t
strong enough for a lot of things.” She laughs, but it doesn’t sound like she’s
finds it funny. I hold my bunny closer. “One day, when you find the right
person, make sure he’s strong, baby.
Strong on the inside.
Strong enough to deserve your love.
Strong
enough to love you more than anything else in the world.
Don’t settle
for second best. You deserve everything.” She touches my chest. “Do you
understand baby?”
I don’t, but it seems so important to her and I say, “Yes,
Mommy.”
“Good. Now close your eyes. You have school tomorrow.”
I obey and shut my eyes, but then another thought makes my
eyes pop open with alarm. I whisper, “Mommy?” I twist my head to look at her in
fear.
If my daddy could decide not to be
a daddy one day, can a mommy do the same?
I put my hand on my suddenly hurting
stomach.
“What, munchkin?”
“Are you going to leave
Cael
and
me?”
“Never, baby. Never.” She leans down and kisses my forehead.
“I love you. I’d never leave you and your brother.”
“I love you too, Mommy.” I close my eyes, but it takes me a
long time to fall asleep.
Sean
The tall blonde presses her tight body against me and a
potpourri of perfume, beer and cigarettes reaches my nose, making me want to
sneeze. Her red-painted fingers trail down the front of my blue button-down
shirt and instead of finding it seductive, I feel nothing. I try to look at her
objectively.
Pretty face. Check.
Nice tits. Check.
Long legs. Check.
Her fingers reach the top of my belt and slip suggestively
into my waistband.
She wants me. Check.
If I had a type, this woman would be it—oozing sexual
confidence and willingness—but there’s not even a twinge of interest
below the waist and I sigh inwardly. I had agreed to come out with a few of the
guys for drinks after work. I’ve been riding a dry spell for weeks and was
hoping to end it tonight. This blonde had been giving me the eye all night and
I had planned on taking her back to my place for a nice hard fuck, but my cock
doesn’t seem to be cooperating.
The fucker has been too damn selective recently. Fucking
snob.
“Baby, why don’t we go somewhere quiet?” She raises herself
on her toes and whispers wetly into my ear, “I want to take this monster in my
mouth.” Her hand snakes down to cup my crotch.
I feel
a slight
stiffening in my
groin. What man wouldn’t when a woman is fondling his junk and offering him a
blowjob? But the interest is lukewarm and I grab her wrist to remove her hand
from my dick. I’m just not feeling it tonight.
In the back of my mind, I remind myself to make an appointment
to see my doctor. It’s abnormal for a man to be celibate for this long,
especially when he has never gone without for longer than a week.
Some would call me a man-whore, but I don’t think I
technically qualify. Doesn’t a man-whore fuck anything that has a vagina? I
don’t do a lot of one-night stands. Okay…there have been a fair few of those,
but for the most part, I like to date a woman before I jump into bed with her.
I enjoy having dinner with them and letting the sexual tension build before we
hit the sheets. The main course without the appetizer never tastes quite as delicious.
I was with my last girlfriend, Jessica, for five months, but
we broke up in June. It was a mutual decision. The passion had burned out and
neither of us was broken-hearted about the end of the relationship. Both of us
had gone into it knowing it was temporary. Her ability to separate her emotions
from physical attraction was what drew me to her in the first place. I wasn’t
looking for a messy emotional entanglement and neither was she.
Since then, there had been a few hook-ups, but after each
one, I had been left feeling empty and dissatisfied. It wasn’t because I was
pining for Jessica because that vague sense of discontent had been the driving
force behind our break-up. Toward the end of the relationship, sex became a
chore. I thought it was because I was bored, but now I’m worried it might be
physiological.
Fuck. What if this is
permanent?
No, I really need to go see my doctor about this
condition
. Maybe I’m going through some
sort of early mid-life crisis. God, I hope I’m not going to have to rely on the
little blue pill to have a sex life. I shudder.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
The blonde’s whine jars me out of my reverie and I search
for the right words to let her know it’s not happening tonight. I don’t
remember the last time I turned down sex. What the hell do I say?
I’m sorry, but I have
a headache?
I mentally snort. I don’t want to hurt her feelings; I’m not a
complete asshole. Gently, I remove her hand from my package.
“Listen…”
Shit, what
was her name again?
Wendy? Mindy?
God, maybe I am an
asshole after all.
My phone buzzes in my trousers and I snatch it out my pocket
like a lifeline. I grin at seeing my best friend’s ugly mug appear on the
screen.
“
Cael
, hang on a second.” Pressing
the phone against my thigh, I turn to the blonde and pretend to be
disappointed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart…” I wince at the generic endearment, but
it’s better than calling her by the wrong name. “But I have to take this call.
It’s important. Maybe another night?”
She rubs her barely-covered breasts on my arm and pouts. “I
can wait until you finish the call.”
I should be flattered, but her persistence is starting to
annoy me. “Sorry, it’s going to take a while. It has to do with the case I’m
working on,” I lie.
With
slitted
eyes, she glares
balefully at the phone. I extricate myself as gently as I can and flash her a
smile. “Sorry. I’ll see you around.” She calls out something behind my back,
but I’m already striding away. I doubt she’d have any problems finding a replacement
tonight. I already see a few eager men leering in her direction, ready to go in
for the kill.
Waving to my co-workers, I signal that I’m taking off and
head to the exit. As soon as I step outside, I suck in a lungful of air to
drive out the stale odors in my nostrils. I put the phone to my ear and start
to walk.
“
Cael
, what’s up?”
“Can you pick up Maggie from the airport August tenth?” No
small talk. No bullshit. That’s pure, distilled
Cael
Jackson.
“Hello, sunshine. And how was your day?” Smiling, I stand at
the curb and raise my hand to flag down a cab.
“Fuck you!”
I chuckle at his aggravated tone and decide to needle him a
little more. “My day was fine. Thank you for asking.” A taxi pulls up and I
climb in. After giving the driver my address, I lean back.
A rumbling growl emanates from the phone. “Sean, shut it. Maggie
is moving to New York to attend Columbia Medical School next month. Can you
make sure she gets settled in? Maybe check in with her once a week after that?
I offered to take a few days off to help her move, but she started muttering
about overbearing older brothers.” He sounds proud and then exasperated.
“Fuck! Your sister is going to be a doctor? Where the fuck
has the time gone? Now I feel as old as shit.” I try to picture Freckles
wearing a stethoscope and a white coat, but the image I conjure up is of a
little girl playing dress up.
When was the last time I saw her? I do a quick calculation
in my head. Shit, has it been over four years? That makes Maggie
twenty-two-years-old. So goddamn young. At thirty I am not exactly ready to
check into a nursing home, but in my soul, I feel fucking ancient.
And guilty.
I’ve sent her birthday
cards and Christmas presents, but I’ve not made any effort to see her in person.
Whenever she was in New York, I was out of town and the few times I was in
Chicago, she was away at college. I should have made a more concerted effort to
see her.
“Of course I can pick her up. Send me her flight info.” I
unbutton my sleeves and roll them up. Even at night, it’s still eighty degrees
and muggy.
“Thanks, Sean. I owe you one.” His relief is palpable even
over the phone.
“Shut the fuck up. She’s like a little sister to me too.” Being
an only child, I had not understood sibling dynamics until I spent spring break
with the Jacksons and watched
Cael
interact with
Maggie. As soon as I saw her heart-shaped face and big green eyes, I understood
why
Cael
was so protective of her. Maggie is spunky
and spirited, ready and willing to give you hell, but underneath her tough
exterior, she’s an innocent lamb.
Some people are born predators and some are born prey.
Cael
and I are the former and his little sister is the
latter. And the
more
fuckery
I see in my life, the more I want to protect innocents like Maggie. It was my
driving motivation for joining the NYPD after I graduated college.
“Thanks all the same. I wouldn’t trust her with anyone
else.”
“What is this? A Bette Midler movie?” I grimace at his show
of sentimentality. Normally,
Cael’s
a cold bastard,
but when it comes to his sister, he’s the world’s biggest softie. Never one to
deal well with emotions myself, I find myself shifting uncomfortably.
“You’re such a fucking douchebag,” he grumbles.
My grin returns at his irritable comeback. “Now you can have
your man-card back.” He curses and I chuckle. We live to bait each other.
“Where’s Maggie living in the city?”
“She’s going to move into the dorms so it should be a pretty
safe environment. But I want you to run through the dangers of living in New
York with her.”
Did I mention
Cael
is protective?
“Don’t worry. I’ll use NYPD stats to put the fear of God in
her,” I offer, and since he can’t see me, I allow myself an eye-roll. Chicago’s
crime rates are worse than New York’s, but
Cael
is
not in the right frame of mind to listen to reason. Come to think of it, he’s
never in the right frame of mind when it comes to his baby sister.
“I wish she would just stay here for grad school. The
University of Chicago has a great program, but she insists she wants to attend
Columbia. By the way, I put in a transfer to work for FDNY.”
After
Cael
left the army, he
trained to be a firefighter. It’s the perfect profession for him. It requires
minimal interaction with the public and the mission is always clear. I can’t
see him in a desk job or in any line of work where he’d have to navigate office
politics.
“No shit! Aren’t you taking the protective thing a bit far?”
“Not you too. I haven’t told Maggie yet because she’s going
to blow a gasket, but she’s my only remaining family, Sean.”
Cael’s
voice becomes tight toward the end of the sentence
and my throat constricts.
Cael
and Maggie’s bastard of a
father abandoned them when they were kids, leaving Lorna Jackson to raise them
on her own. She was an amazing woman and she would be proud of how her kids
turned out. I would never forget her kindness; she had welcomed me into their
family unit with open arms. She fussed and fretted over me like I was one of
her children.
Cael
thought her mothering would irritate
me, but I loved it. I spent more holidays with the Jacksons than with my own
family. My mom died in a car accident when I was a teen. When Lorna died from
cancer five years ago, I felt like I had lost my mom all over again.
“You’re going to catch hell when she finds out.” I could
just imagine Maggie’s pointy chin jutting out in rebellion as she goes
toe-to-toe with her tough-as-nails older brother.
He makes a scoffing sound. “Which is why she’s not going to
find out until it’s a done deal.”
I snicker at his answer. Strike first and ask
questions later is
a good strategy when dealing with Maggie.
“It’ll be great to have you in the same city. Maybe I can help you get laid.”
“Fuck off, you asshole.”
“Charming, as always,
Cael
. Hey!
You can always crash at my place when you move here. God knows I have the
space.” My thirty-five-hundred-square-foot, four-bedroom, five-bath apartment
is an obscene amount of space for one person, but I can’t bear to sell it. My
mom left it to me and I like knowing she lived there when she was young and
single—when she was happy.
“Hell no! I don’t need to witness the endless parade of
women going in and out of your bedroom. Besides, Rob says he knows a couple of
ex-military guys who can hook me up with a place.”
“Well, the invite’s an open one. I’ve lived with you before
so I already know what a pig you are.”
He snorts in disbelief. “Right. Who woke up next to a
congealed piece of pizza, reeking of cheap beer?”
“Ah…those were the good
ol
’ days.”
I smile at the memory of the first time I met
Cael
. I
had moved into the dorms a day early and had a party in the room to celebrate
my emancipation from my father’s thumb. When I woke up from the aftermath, I
saw a grim-faced, hulking giant frowning down at me in disapproval. It was my
new roommate. And the rest, as they say, is history.
“I don’t have time to go down memory lane with you. Besides your
life is one long poorly written porn,” he utters with disgust.
“Hey, I resent that! It’s not all poorly written. Remember I
dated that English major? What was her name? Amanda? No…Samantha! She was going
to be a poet. I’m sure she wrote a goddamn epic about my performance. Ode to
Sean’s magnificent co—”
“Stop!” He groans theatrically. “Please don’t introduce
whoever you’re dating to my baby sister. I don’t want her to be corrupted.”
“You’re just jealous.” I keep my tone light, but after
tonight’s episode with the blonde, I have to agree with him. I always thought I
respected women, but recently the women were interchangeable and the sex was
mechanical. I really need to get my shit together or I’d turn into my bastard
of a father.
He snorts again. “Listen, can you do me a favor and pretend
that it’s your idea to pick her up and show her around?”
“Afraid she’ll kick your ass?” The cab pulls up to my
building and I pay the driver. I walk through the front door and exhale in
relief as the air conditioning hits my skin. With a wave to the guard, I enter
the elevator.
“Or worse, she’ll pull her stubborn shit and change her
flight without letting me know.”
The thought of his little sister pulling a fast one on the
ex-Ranger makes me smirk. “Fine. I’ll call her to congratulate her and then
arrange everything.”
“It’s not that I don’t think she can take care of herself,
but I worry about her in a new city.”
“I get it, man. Leave it to me. At the end of the call,
she’d think she was the one who came up with the idea.”
Bullshitting
people is
not only in my DNA, but after years of being in the public
eye, I’ve honed the skill to a fine art.