Deserve (17 page)

I rub my forehead, weigh the ramifications and then shake my
head in the negative. “Sean, if I tell
Cael
, do you
know what he’s going to do? He’s going to quit his job and move to New York to
be my full-time bodyguard. I can’t allow him to keep putting his life on hold
for me.”

“He’s your brother. He wants to protect you!”

I soften my voice, trying to get him to understand my
position. “Sean, my brother has sacrificed his childhood, his teenage years,
and his early adulthood for me. He’s built a life for himself in Chicago and
has a steady girlfriend. I love him and want him to be happy. You know
Cael
as well as I do. He’s going to be on the next plane
out of Chicago if he finds out.”

“Maggie, I know he has a tendency to overreact, but—”

I put my palm over mouth. “Please, Sean. Can we wait to see
if Leslie’s interview with Josh yields anything?”

He removes my hand with a grumble. Running fingers roughly
through his hair, he utters, “Fuck! Fine! But you’re moving into my apartment
until we solve the case.”

 
I want a boyfriend,
not a bodyguard. “Sean—”

He cuts me off, growling in anger. “No! You stay with me or
you can stay with
Cael
.”

“That’s blackmail!” I place my hands on my hips in
aggravation. My brother will likely ship me off to the middle of nowhere and
turn the city upside down looking for my attacker. His time in the army has
taught him some crazy, scary skills. He’ll never let me return to Columbia to
finish my degree.

“I don’t give a flying fuck!”

At his unyielding expression, I groan in defeat. “Fine,” I
mutter, scowling at him. “But you better not say anything to
Cael
.”

“We’ll pick up your things after we go to the hospital.”

I almost kick his shin at the note of victory in his voice,
but at the last moment, I remember where we are. Peering at Leslie, I note the
amusement on her face and blush at the show we’ve put on for everyone at the
station. “Um…we should get going. Thanks for everything, Leslie.”

“You’re welcome.” To my surprise, she gives me a hug.

She turns to Sean and asks, “When are you going to come see
your godson?”

I look at Sean in surprise. This is the first time I’ve
heard that he has a godson.

“Soon,” he says, but I can tell he’s lying.

Leslie looks at him skeptically and whispers something in
his ear. Whatever she says to him seems to deepen the shadows in his eyes.

I glance down at Maggie’s worried face and fight to keep my expression
neutral. Seeing Leslie has sent my emotions spiraling. Her whispered words that
James misses me only remind me of what a fuck-up I am as a godfather and as a
friend.

You’re my hero.

Maggie would never have said that if she knew what I had
done.

You don’t deserve her,
an insidious voice whispers in my head.
Look
at all the misery you’ve caused with your screw-ups.

I try to shove that voice back into the dark recesses of my
mind, but it’s only a matter of time before it comes out to mock and taunt me
again. It’s been my constant companion for many years and it’s never going
away.

“Sean?” She squeezes my hand to get my attention. “Are you
okay?”

Forcing my lips to pull up, I lie, “Yeah. Let’s go.” My
fingers curl around her hand possessively as we start to walk to my car.

Suddenly she halts and pulls out her phone. “Oh, it’s
Cael
.”

Crushing guilt bolts through me and I drop her hand like
it’s a hot coal.
Fuck.
There’s so
much shit I’m hiding from him.

Fortunately, Maggie is focused on her phone and doesn’t see
my expression. “He just got the notification about the assault and is freaking
out.” Her mouth twists in concentration as she taps rapidly into her phone
before pocketing it again.

“What did you tell him?”

She peeks at me, looking abashed. “Um…since we filed the
report today, he doesn’t know I’m involved. I just told him I’d be careful.
Hopefully there won’t be any more news updates about the case.”

Acid burns in my stomach. I feel like a fucking traitor.
“Maggie—”

“No, we already agreed I
can’t
tell
him.” She starts to walk purposefully in the direction of the car. “So, I never
knew you had a godson. It’s obviously Leslie’s son, Mac?” Maggie glances at me
from the corner of her eye.

The change of subject is just as uncomfortable for me.
“Yeah.” When I don’t say anything else, she tilts her head inquiringly.

“Do you see him often?”

“Not really.”
Only once at the baptism.

“Why not? Don’t you like kids?”

“Never been around them much.”

“They’re pretty great,” she says, as if she’s trying to
convince me.

“You have to say that. You’re going to be a pediatrician,” I
point out, trying to divert her attention away from personal questions, but it doesn’t
work.

“Why don’t you see Mac more often?”

“Busy, I guess.” Inside, I snarl in disgust at how easily
the lies are rolling off my tongue.

“Leslie says her husband was your partner.”

“Yeah. James was one of the best cops I know.”

“Was?” A line appears between her brows.

“Yeah, he left NYPD three years ago.”
Don’t elaborate. Don’t give her an opening to ask more questions.

“Was it because he was shot?”

Fucking Leslie and her
goddamn big mouth.
I dart a glance at her face, wondering what else they
had discussed in the other room. “Yeah.”

She narrows her eyes at my unresponsiveness, but to my
relief, drops the subject.

On our way to the hospital, I strategize how I can keep her
safe. When I found out her attacker knew her personally, I lost my shit. This
is someone who has access and opportunity to hurt her. My first instinct is to
hide her somewhere until we make an arrest, but after years of watching her
interact with her brother, I know she would rebel against any attempts to
curtail her freedom.

“Maggie, until we find this guy, don’t go anywhere by
yourself.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know I shouldn’t have phrased
it as a command and sure enough, her hackles rise.

“Sean, that’s unreasonable. I’m not going to alter my
lifestyle. I’ll keep my pepper spray with me.”

“You didn’t have it with you last night! And it doesn’t stop
someone if they come at you from the back.” I retort.

“I won’t ever forget it again. I’ll be extra careful.”

I grind my teeth in aggravation. I’m going to need dental work
at this rate. “Like when you went charging into the situation to hit and kick
the fucker!”

She has the good sense to look ashamed and tugs on her
curls. “What was I supposed to do? He was hurting her!” Her eyes fill with
tears and I feel like a monster for badgering her, but this is too damn
important.

Splitting my attention between her face and the road, I
reach over and squeeze her knee. I consciously soften my voice. “Angel, I know
you were trying to do the right thing, but you should have screamed, run away
from him as quickly as you could, and called 911. Chances were, the
perp
would have run away in fear.”

“I did yell that I called the police, but it didn’t scare
him away,” she says with a small mutinous pout. Fucking adorable.

Traffic
be
damned. With one eye on
the car ahead of us, I put my hand at the back of her neck and pull her in for
a hard, but brief kiss. I push her away before her soft lips distract me. Her cheeks
turn pink and I groan, wanting to turn the car around to go back to the apartment
and make her flush all over. How the hell did I resist her for as long as I did?

I rein in my sensual thoughts and try to focus on making her
see reason. “But you should have run away from danger, not toward it. Promise
me you’ll walk with someone to your classes. Otherwise I’m going to take a
leave of absence and dog your steps.” The more I think about it, the more the
idea appeals to me. I mentally count up my vacation and personal days. I
haven’t taken any time off for a few years. “I think I have at least six weeks
of time I can cash in.”

“Sean, you’re being irrational. I don’t want anyone to
follow me around. Chances are, the guy got scared and won’t come near me
again.”

I think I hear a molar crack when I snap my teeth together.
“Maggie, you don’t know that. He may have a personal vendetta against you now
that you’ve thwarted him. Hell, you don’t even know who he is. It could be one
of your professors for all we know.”
Jesus,
the possibilities are endless.
I rub the back of my neck in a futile attempt
to get rid of some of the tension.

She juts out her chin stubbornly and folds her arms over her
chest. “I don’t need a guard dog.”

“Then promise me,” I say, refusing to back down. Her
security is my number one priority.

“I’m not going to make a promise I can’t keep.”

“Fine. I can quit my damn job and not have to worry about
money for the rest of my life.”

“ARGH! I don’t need a babysitter!” She raises her voice.

I take a deep breath and try another tack, making my tone as
reasonable as possible. “Maggie, I don’t want to be your babysitter, but I
don’t want anything to happen to you. What I’m requesting is that you ask a
friend to walk with you to and from your classes. Whenever I can accompany you,
I will.” I glance at her, see the uncertainty on her face and go for the kill.
“This is just temporary. Please, angel.”

She sticks her lower lip out. “Fine, but I don’t like it.”

Stubborn brat
.
“You don’t have to like it. You just have to be safe. In fact, other than
school, you should stay in the apartment.”

The last bit might have pushed her too far because she’s
still sulking when we walk into the hospital.

We check in at the front desk and the man directs us to the
ICU. When we walk past the waiting room, someone calls Maggie’s name.

Swiveling around, we see Cory Michaels standing in the
doorway. He looks dead on his feet, his brown eyes dull and tired. His shirt
and khakis are wrinkled and I suspect he spent the whole night at the hospital.

“Cory. God! I’m so sorry about Hannah.” She rushes up to him
and pulls him into a tight hug. I curl my fingers against the impulse to drag
her away from him, reminding myself that the man is hurting, but I don’t relax
until they break apart.

“How is she?” Maggie asks, concern pulling down the corners
of her lips.

He presses his fingers into his eye sockets. “Not good.
She’s in a coma. The bastard smashed her head so hard she’s bleeding in her
brain.”

“Fuck!” I utter softly. Any type of brain injury is
life-threatening
. And if she wakes up, there’s no guarantee
that she won’t suffer long-term damage to her mind.

Maggie falls apart at the news, sobbing and shaking all
over. She turns to me and muffles her wails into my chest. Her grief is tearing
me apart. I hold her close, the selfish part of me glad she’s not the one in a
hospital bed.

“Is there anything we can do to help, Cory?” I ask gently,
noting the look of hurt on his face as he sees Maggie in my arms. Against my
will, I feel a surge of sympathy for him even as I hold her closer.
She’s mine now.

He shakes his head slowly. “No, but thank you for offering.”
He takes a few shivering
breaths
, fighting for
control.

Ignoring the fact that it’s not my case, I go into my cop
mode and ask, “Is there anyone in your sister’s life who could have done this?”
His eyes get so
big,
I can see the white surrounding
his irises.

“Why would you ask that?”

“Since it’s an ongoing investigation, I can’t give you too
many details, but we suspect the perpetrator is someone she and Maggie know
personally. Do you remember anyone she might have fought with recently who
would want to hurt her?”

Glassy-eyed, he shakes his head. “No. My sister is one of
those people who makes friends wherever she goes.” He shrugs. “I mean,
occasionally she shoots off her mouth, but I’ve never seen anyone get truly
offended. I can’t imagine anyone yelling at her, let alone…” His voice cracks
and he takes a second to collect himself. “Let alone hurt her physically.”

Damn. Dead end.
“What
about her boyfriend?”

“Cal?” He shakes his head vigorously. “No way it could be
him. They hardly went anywhere without each other. Besides, he wasn’t even in
town. He’s a roadie for a rock band and they’ve been on the road since last
week. He’s not due back until tomorrow or he would be here.”

I withhold my opinion on a douche
who
puts his job ahead of his girl. “If you can think of anything, please let me
know.” Awkwardly, I put my left hand in my jacket and take out my card. “Or if
you need anything.”

“Thanks.” He slips it into the front pocket of his khakis.

Feeling Maggie’s trembling subside, I bend my head and
whisper, “You okay, angel?”

Taking a few calming
breaths
, she
nods and wipes her cheeks. Eyes puffy and red, she turns to Cory. “Can I see
her?”

Cory shakes his head regretfully. “Only immediate family can
see her.”

“I’m so sorry. I wish I could have done something to stop
him.”

“Don’t, Maggie,” I say, my voice tight.

Cory’s asks, “What do you mean?”

“Maybe if I hadn’t interrupted, he wouldn’t have bashed her
head in…” She trails off, a look of guilt on her face.

I know the direction of her thoughts all too well and I
refuse to let her walk down this road. God knows it leads to nowhere but hell.
I grasp her upper arms, trying to pull her out the morass of her dark thoughts.
“No! Don’t make yourself crazy thinking about what-ifs. The
perp
was the one responsible for this. The only one.”

“Sean’s right, Maggie.” Cory says from behind me. “You were
incredibly brave for confronting him. The only one to blame is the attacker.
I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Glad he is concurring with me, I unclench my hands and rub
her arms. “We won’t ever know what would have happened had you not intervened.”
I will her to understand and after a long moment, she inclines her head, some
of the shadows receding from her eyes.

Turning back to Cory, she says, “Thanks, Cory. Are your
parents here?”

“The whole Michaels clan came as soon as they heard.” He
points his chin to the waiting room. “I better get back to them. I’ll tell
Hannah you dropped by.”

Maggie pulls Cory into another hug. “Call me if you need
anything. Even if it’s just to talk.”

“Thanks, Maggie.”

I drive to her dorm, glancing at her throughout the ride,
but she looks completely checked out. I think the gravity of what could have
happened to her is finally sinking in.

Word must have spread among the students because as soon as
we near the entrance to the building, people start approaching Maggie,
exclaiming over what happened. I stand back and scrutinize everyone who comes
in contact with her, looking for anyone who exhibits unusual behavior, but they
all appear to be genuinely upset by the news. I remind myself that sociopaths
are the best actors, but I trust my gut and nobody is setting off any alarm
bells.

On automatic pilot, she gathers her clothes and books and
stuffs them in her suitcase. My pulse accelerates, thinking about having her at
my apartment twenty-four seven. Surprisingly, my primary emotion is not
panic—it’s anticipation. I want to have her as close to me as possible
for as long as possible.

As soon as we walk in to my apartment, I nudge her toward
the living room. “Let me put your suitcase upstairs and then we’ll figure out
lunch.”

She nods and sits on the sofa, staring into space.

I don’t hesitate to carry her bag straight into my bedroom.
No way in hell will she be staying in one of the guestrooms. I empty a couple of
my drawers and put her clothes in the dresser. There’s a funny sensation in my
chest at seeing her belongings in my bedroom.

After I unpack her books, I stash her suitcase at the back
of the closet. When I return downstairs, she still looks dazed. Knowing she
needs some time to process everything, I put in a quick order for take-out and
then I sit on the sofa.