Delete This at Your Peril (3 page)

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: OK

Jack my friend,

OK, things are now progressing. My full name is, as you know, Bob

Godzilla Servant

68 Harbour View Road,

Broughty Ferry,

Dundee
¹

It's a lovely spot Broughty Ferry, and I stay down near the river. There's not much traffic which is obviously perfect, as otherwise the lions would get rattled. Can you please send me a photo of the lions without delay? I need to see that you definitely have access to them, before I confirm things with that halfwit Frank.

Your friend,

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: Details

Hello Bob,

Hope fine. The informations you gave me not complete, you only gave me your full name and your address. I will need–

Country

State

City

Zip Code

Phone Number

Bank Account

Pls give me the above information then we can proceed. As for the lions, I have to take some photographs of them before I scan and send to you, so you have to give me some time. Pls provide me with the remaining information Bob.

Thanks,

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: Here you go champ

Jack my friend,

What a wonderful morning, hope it's a belter over there in Togo also.

Zip Code -
                 

City - Dundee

Country - Scotland

I'll get the information from the bank later on. The Bank of Scotland in Broughty Ferry closes early on a Wednesday so the staff can go tenpin bowling.
²
Please get the photos of the lions to me as soon as you can, then we can move on. I cannot wait to see those magnificent creatures. Are they currently in captivity, or will you actually be capturing them yourself? By Christ Jack, I wish I were on that hunt with you my friend. Helping you. And holding you.

Yours Faithfully,

Bob G Servant

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject:

Pictures of the raw lions

Hello Bob,

You didn't include phone number or bank account. I have made arrangement in transporting the 4 gold lions to you. I have put photos below. One costs $299,000 so 4 will cost over $1,196,000 then the rest will be in cash. These gold lions will be bought from a friend of mine's company. So give me your phone number for better communication and bank information,

Thanks,

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: You have got to be kidding?

Jack,

Sorry about the delay, I was out getting my hair done. There appears to have been a slight misunderstanding my friend, I was expecting four live lions, not gold ones. If I stuck four lion statues in Frank's zoo then he would think I'd lost the fucking plot and would tell everyone that I'd gone mental again like when I first got the cheeseburger van money through and wore that dinosaur poncho for four months. The four photos you sent look great, if a little similar, but I'm afraid that you seem to have got the wrong end of the stick.

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: URGENT

Hello Bob,

Hope fine. Sorry I misunderstood you, 4 live lions will be much easier for me.

Look Bob, I went to that security company yesterday i was told to get $4000 to process the document for retrieval of the boxes that contains the money. I have raised $2000 so i need you to assist me in the rest of
the money. Immediately you send the remaining $2000 I will go to the security company so they can release the funds and I will purchase the lions immediately. I will pay you back the money with percentages.

This is urgent, reply immediately.

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: No Problem

Jack,

OK, can you send me the photos of the live lions? Where are you getting them? I will speak to the bank tomorrow, but $2,000 sounds fine, how much is that in pounds? The exchange rates in the Dundee
Evening Telegraph
are bollocks, they're done by the same guy that does the horoscopes.
³

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: HURRY BOB

Hello Bob,

Bob $2000 is £1700. Pls try to send it so I can collect the fund from the security company and as well send the lions to you. These is the lion's picture below. I have made arrangement of transporting it to you. I am buying four male lions from my friends private zoo and he has also arranged for shipment to Scotland.

I will prefer you send the money through Western Union transfer, so I can collect the fund and start shipping the lions.

Thanks,

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: LION PICTURE

Jack,

Greetings my dear, dear friend. Jacky, there seems to have been another misunderstanding. I looked at the website that is listed on the photo of the lion you sent and it belongs a Boston-based author and nature lover.

“I'm Tony Northrup. I live with my wife and cat in Woburn, Massachusetts, which is about 8 miles North-West of Boston”, he states quite clearly on his site.

Now Jack, I'm not sure if I can see the connection between yourself and Tony. Perhaps you sent the wrong photo?

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: YOU MISUNDERSTAND

Hello Bob,

You are getting this all wrong Bob. I didn't say that was the exact lion, I only gave you a clue on how the lion I will send looks like. If you want to see the exact lion I will send you must give me time to take it and scan it.

So Bob my friend you don't need to worry over this. This is Africa and you well know these animals are sufficient here. My brother even rears a
cub that's a baby lioness in his house, so Bob expect the lion's photograph later today. You haven't said anything about the money I asked for? Have you spoken to your bank? I don't think £1,700 should take long to send?

Thanks,

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: OK, I get it.

Hi Jack,

Thanks so much for putting my mind at rest and letting me know what a lion looks like. I have seen them in the past, in books and suchlike, so already had a fair idea but you have really helped me out there. For example, I had it in my head for some stupid reason that lions wore spectacles.

I look forward to seeing the photo of the actual lions. I just popped my head over the garden wall and had a word with Frank. He was busy cleaning out his Flamingo cage but he did say that he is very, very excited about getting hold of these lions. He has asked me to pass on a few questions –

Are they male or female?

Are they in good physical condition?

Do they talk?

Thank you my friend, and don't worry, I have booked in to see the bank manager tomorrow morning,

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: URGENT

Hello Bob,

Hope fine.

Answer to the questions.

1. The lions are all male lions and are very healthy.

2. I don't think I have ever seen a lion that talks.

I don't know if you are also interested in leopards cause my friend works
in the Government Zoo and he could find a leopard for you? Remember to speak to your bank tomorrow.

Thanks,

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: Leopards

I have spoken to Frank. He will take two leopards as long as they are friendly, and one elephant if you can get it? Frank is sure that he saw a talking lion on the television once. He thinks it was either on Songs of Praise or Bullseye. He says it reminded him of Jim McLean, the old Dundee United manager. Are you sure you can't get one?

I am going to the bank in two hours,

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: URGENT

Hello Bob,

Hope fine. I can get you two leopards. They are both not adults. I will try and see if the elephant will be possible and will see what I can do for the lion. When you are back from bank mail me and tell me when you are sending the money.

Thanks,

Jack.

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: The Full List

Jack,

How are you my friend? Frank just called, he will take the following –

4 lions, 2 leopards, 1 elephant, 1 alligator, 2 parrots, 1 hedgehog.

I said you might be able to get the two leopards and the elephant. How are you looking for the rest? And, of course, the talking lion? Frank has a good few quid. He's worked for me on various bits and
bobs and I've always looked after him so I think we should put our necks out on this one and make sure the lions talk.

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: URGENT

Hello Bob.

From your mail I will only be able to get

4 lions

2 leopards

1 Alligator

The hedgehog, parrots and elephant will take me some time to find but I think I will first send the four lions and two leopards to you before we proceed with the rest. Bob please send the £1,700 now so I can send the 4 lions and 2 leopards to you. I think one of the lions may talk a little.

Thanks,

Jack.

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: Sounds good

Hi Jack, I will pass on the bad news to Frank on the hedgehog front. I'm not sure about a lion that only talks a little, I'd like one that isn't so shy if possible?

Bob

----------------------------------

From: Jack Thompson

To: Bob Servant

Subject: THIS IS URGENT

Bob: This is urgent. What is hapening?? I don't sell animals. I only said I could get some lions to help you. Then you say you need a leopard and I say ok. Now you are saying the lion has to talk? What is this madness? Send me the £1700 that we agreed imeediately.

Jack

----------------------------------

From: Bob Servant

To: Jack Thompson

Subject: Take it easy Jack

Jack,

What does the lion say when it talks? I am just checking that it won't get me into any fights.