Deeper (5 page)

All
too soon, the concert was over and we were heading home to Cincinnati. I was
starting to get tired on the way back and ended up falling asleep for a little
bit on Ryder’s shoulder. Before I knew it, I felt a tapping on my arm and I was
jolted awake. When we passed the grocery store Kris worked at I knew we were
back in Cincinnati and I was close to home. This had turned out to be such a
good day and I was really sorry to see it end, especially knowing that I had to
go home to Crystal.

“Hey
sleepy head, this is my stop,” Ryder said.

“Oh,
sorry,” I mumbled, groggy from my little nap.

I
sat up and hugged him before he got out of the car.

“Thank
you so much for today. This was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

“No
problem, Jess. Happy birthday,” Ryder replied, and he waved to the guys and got
out of the truck.

We
all waited until he was inside his house before Kris put the truck in reverse.
Alan, Ryder’s dad, stuck his head out the front door and waved to us as we
drove home toward our shitty apartment building.

Way
too soon we were pulling into Kris’ parking spot at the apartment complex. He
shut off the engine and I got out behind Beau and Jude. I hugged each of them
goodbye before they walked inside the building. I turned back to the truck,
expecting to see Kris behind me, but he was still behind the wheel. He was
staring at me and he looked really nervous. Puzzled, I opened the passenger
side door and climbed back inside.

“What’s
up? Aren’t you going in?”

He
shook his head and gripped the wheel.

“You
remember how I asked if we could talk tonight?”

“Yes,”
I replied. “We didn’t really have time to do that much, did we?”

“No,
not really,” he chuckled softly. “Do you have time now?”

“Of
course,” I answered nervously. “Do you want to come up to my room? Maybe you
can distract Crystal so we can sneak in.”

“Actually,
do you want to go somewhere with me instead? I had a place in mind.”

I
cocked my head to the side.

“Where?”

“The
last part of your birthday present,” he answered. He handed me a little card
and said, “I paid for a night for you at the Fairfield Inn.”

“A
h-hotel? You got me a hotel room for my birthday?”

Taking
in my expression, he laughed and said, “I thought you might want to get away
for the night. I know today probably started out shitty and I know it was
because of me.”

“Kris,
I…”

“Don’t
act like you weren’t hurt that I haven’t called,” he said, addressing the
elephant in the room (or truck cab). “We need to talk about it but I don’t want
to do it in your bedroom or my bedroom or my truck. Will you go there with me
and we can talk this out?”

My
stomach lurched. I was going to be alone in a hotel room with Kris. I had never
been this nervous in my life.

“O-o-kay.
Sure.”

“Thanks,
Jess. I promise it won’t take long and then I’ll come home and you can have
your room all to yourself.”

I
was kind of excited to be away from home and wanted to stay there for the night
but I also didn’t want to be there alone.

“Um,
Kris? Will you stay with me? I don’t want to be there by myself.”

“Are
you sure?” he asked, swallowing loudly.

“I’m
sure,” I answered.

“Then
I’ll stay.”

He
started the engine and neither of us spoke as we drove to the hotel.

Once
we got there, he quickly checked into the room and the woman behind the desk
gave us a knowing look. I felt my cheeks get red as she looked at me
disapprovingly.

I
knew how this looked…a ridiculously hot tattooed man was bringing a girl to a
hotel room and neither of them had luggage except for a brown take out bag Kris
was carrying. She looked at us like we were just here for a quick fuck…the
thought angered me. To think this woman looked at Kris and thought he would
bring a girl here just to fuck her and dump her made me want to jump the
counter and slap the bitch.

As
soon as we were checked in, we went into our room and Kris turned on the light.
I smiled as I looked around the room. There was a queen sized bed, a flat
screen TV, and a connecting bathroom. I know it sounded lame, but in that
moment I felt like a princess. It was the nicest room I’d ever been in.

“Wow,
Kris…”

“You
like it?” he asked me, placing the brown sack on the little table in the corner
of the room.

I
turned to face him and suddenly I couldn’t contain myself and ran to him and
throwing my arms around his neck.

“It’s
perfect. This room is so nice,” I replied. “I’ve never been in a hotel this
fancy before in my life.”

“Relax,
Jess, it’s not the Hilton, it’s just a Fairfield Inn,” Kris laughed, releasing
me.

“Well
it’s the nicest room I’ve ever been in. I can’t believe you did this.”

I
walked over to the bed and sat down. I had to stifle a moan because it was
so
soft
…nothing at all like the worn down rock hard twin mattress I’d slept
on for my entire life.

“It’s
no big deal. I just felt like you deserved to not have to sleep with one eye
open for once in your life,” he said over his shoulder.

“That
means a lot, Kris. Thank you for staying with me too. I just don’t want to end
the night alone.”

 “It’s
no problem, Jess. I wanted this day to be perfect for you and if you want to
end it hanging out in a hotel with my dumb ass then that’s what you will get.”

I
watched him pull out a white box from the bag he brought into the room.

“What’s
that?” I asked him.

Kris
turned around and walked over to the table with the box in his hand. Smiling,
he sat at the table and motioned for me to sit next to him.

“For
you.”

“Another
gift? You and the guys have already done enough today with the Demon’s Wings
concert, the clothes, and the night away from Crystal. This is already the best
birthday of my life. What more could there possibly be?” I asked, smiling.

“Just
open the damn thing,” he said, laughing as he took a seat across from me.

I
did as he asked and flipped the top off the box. When I saw what was inside I
gasped and grinned wider.

It
was a big cupcake with delicate pink frosting on it. There was a flower resting
on top that must have been made painstakingly from scratch, and sitting in the
middle was one single white candle. I looked at him and he was smiling as he
took it out of the box and placed it on the table between us.

“Kris,
this is beautiful! It’s like the fanciest cupcake I’ve ever seen. I almost
don’t want to eat it.”

“But
you will though, especially when I tell you its red velvet.”

I
gasped and smiled.

“Really?
That’s my-”

“Favorite.
I know,” he said, winking at me.

My
stomach did a flip and I felt my cheeks start to turn red. Taking out a
lighter, he lit the candle on the top and said, “Okay, birthday girl. Make a
wish.”

I
smiled at him and pulled my long hair around my shoulder so it would be safe
from the flame. I looked at Kris and his green eyes were glowing in the
firelight. Making a wish would be easy…the only thing I’ve ever wished for in
my life was him.

I
took a deep breath and blew out the candle on the cake. I was about to open my
eyes and take a bite of my mouthwatering cupcake when I got the surprise of my
life.

I
knew his face was close to mine before I realized what was happening because I
could smell his cologne. I thought maybe he would kiss my cheek but when his
lips pressed against mine my heart almost stopped. This couldn’t be real. I had
to be dreaming this. Never in my life had I ever gotten something I was foolish
enough to want so I had to be imagining that Kris was actually kissing me.

When
I felt his long fingers graze my neck and pull me closer to him, I knew I
hadn’t dreamed this…for the first time in my life my birthday wish had come
true.

He
kissed me softly for just a few seconds before he pulled away, leaving me
struggling to breathe. My eyes fluttered open and once my vision focused on his
beautiful face my heart almost leapt out of my chest. He didn’t look apologetic
or regretful. He looked just as vulnerable and scared as I was.

His
fingers were playing with my hair at the nape of my neck and he whispered, “I’m
sorry for surprising you like that, Jess, but I won’t apologize for kissing you.
I don’t know what’s changed between us this past week but all I know is that I
am feeling something for you that goes way beyond friendship. This is why I’ve
stayed away the past week. I don’t know how it happened but its hit me like a
ton of bricks and I can’t stop thinking about you. It scared me that I felt
that way for you because you’ve been my best friend for thirteen years but I
can’t keep it in anymore.”

I
could barely breathe. I felt tingles all through my body at his words.

“Kris,”
I choked out.

“I
don’t know if you feel the same way and I’ll understand if you don’t, but I
just had to kiss you at least once.”

We
sat there together staring into each other’s eyes for what felt like an
eternity. I couldn’t speak…I had literally been shocked into silence. This was
everything I’d ever wanted and it was right in front of me…what was I waiting
for?

Kris
cleared his throat nervously and finally broke the silence.

“Well,
hey, listen, forget about it. No big deal, okay? Let’s just have some cake,” he
said, picking up a fork.

“Kris,”
I repeated, but he smiled at me and gently stabbed the fork into the cupcake. 

Why the hell couldn’t I say anything?

“It’s
okay, Jess, really. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything. We can
talk about it later because if I know you as well as I do you are dying to try
this cupcake right now,” he said, putting the fork to my lips.

Honestly,
eating cake was the farthest thing from my mind at that moment. I wanted to
tell him so much that I loved him and always had but I was terrified. I knew he
had feelings for me. He’d just admitted it. I had everything I ever wanted
right in front of me ready to grab…and I was afraid to take it.

I
reluctantly opened my mouth and took the bite of red velvet cupcake he’d
offered me. It was delicious and I sat and ate the whole thing with him but it
was difficult. I couldn’t figure out why I could hardly speak but I had to say
something…I just couldn’t do it.

“Hey,
Jess, you there?” I heard Kris say, and I looked up and saw him waving his hand
in front of my face.

I
jumped back and faked a laugh.

“Yeah,
sorry, I guess I’m just tired. It’s been a long day,” I said.

“Yeah,”
he said, and I noticed the disappointment on his face.

Damn it, Jessie, why can’t you just tell him you
love him?

“Listen,
why don’t we get some sleep?” he asked quietly.

I
nodded dumbly and said, “Okay.”

When
I stood up I realized something; there was only one bed in the room. I wasn’t
about to make Kris sleep on the floor and there was no way he would let me so
that meant we’d be sleeping in the same bed together. As if I wasn’t nervous
enough, I’d realized that I didn’t have any pajamas so I’d have to sleep in my
bra and panties right next to him. I bit my lip and was trying to decide what
to do when I looked over at him. He had taken off his shirt and walked to me.

“Here,
you can sleep in my shirt tonight,” he said, standing so close to me that I
could feel the heat of his skin. I took it with shaking hands before he moved
to the other side of the bed and unbuckled his pants.

My
mouth went dry as I watched him slide out of his jeans until he was wearing nothing
but a snug pair of boxer briefs. Oh God he was beautiful. He pulled back the
blankets and climbed into the bed.

Leaning
back on his pillow he asked, “Jess, are you getting in?”

“Uh
yeah, let me just go get changed,” I answered and I ran off toward the bathroom
before he could say anything else.

As
soon as I was inside, I shut the door and leaned against it. I held up his
shirt to my face and inhaled deeply. It smelled like his cologne mixed with a
little bit of sweat from jumping around at the concert…it was intoxicating. As
I breathed him in, I decided that I wasn’t going to be afraid. Kris had kissed
me and told me he had feelings for me. I had everything I wanted in the palm of
my hand; all I had to do was take it.

A
surge of adrenaline rushed through me and I quickly changed out of my clothes
and into his shirt. I decided then and there that I was going to go after what
I wanted and not be afraid. Whatever happened after I left this bathroom I
would welcome it.