Deeper (10 page)

“We’re
heading out about six or so in order to make to Pennsylvania by sound check.”

“How
long will it take to get there?”

“About
five hours I think. That’s what Alan told Ryder anyway.”

“So,
how are you getting there?”

“I
guess Alan is letting Ryder take one of his old work vans. It’s big enough to
load our equipment up in it and get us all there safely.”

Jessie
smiled brightly at me and took another sip of her drink before putting down
next to her.

“What
is it?” I asked her, taking a long swig of my beer.

“I’m
just so freaking happy for you. Just think, this time tomorrow you will be on a
stage in front of thousands of people playing your asses off.”

“Yeah,
it’s crazy,” I answered, smiling back at her. “So, are you going to miss me?”

She
blinked her huge blue eyes at me and sighed.

“Of
course I’ll miss you,” she replied, sounding sad. “Do you think I won’t?”

“Not
at all, I was hoping you would. That way I know that you won’t let any other
guys come sniffing around while I’m gone,” I joked, but when I looked at her
she wasn’t smiling.

“Kris,
when I told you I loved you three weeks ago I meant it. You’ve been the only
guy I’ve loved for the last thirteen years and now that we’re finally together,
there’s no man in the world that could ever steal me away from you.”

She
had a stray hair that had escaped her ponytail and I tucked it behind her ear.

“I
hope not. Three months is an awful long time to be away from the girl I love,”
I said, and I froze. Did I just say...

“The
girl you what?” she asked, a stunned expression on her face.

I
swallowed hard and felt a warmth I’d never felt before spreading through my
chest and out to my fingertips. I took a deep breath and smiled.

“The
girl I love.” As tears began glistening in her eyes, I declared, “I love you,
Jess.”

“You
do? You didn’t just say it because you slipped up or because you’re leaving
tomorrow?”

I
snaked my fingers around the back of her neck and pulled her face close to
mine.

“No,
I didn’t. You know I don’t say things I don’t mean. It feels good to finally
admit what I’ve been afraid to say out loud.”

Jessie
smiled so brightly that the bonfire actually dimmed.

“I
love you too, Kris. But you already knew that,” she laughed.

“I
did, and I’m a lucky bastard,” I said. I couldn’t spend one more second without
feeling her petal soft lips on mine so I pulled her into a kiss that I was sure
would make her melt.

She
moaned into my mouth as I thrust my tongue inside hers, tasting her sweetness.
As I kissed her and rolled my tongue the way she loved, I suddenly had a dire
need to get her alone. Everyone had ridden together in my truck, so I couldn’t
just leave them behind, and I wasn’t about to take her to the bed of my truck.
She deserved something a little more romantic for our last night together in
three months.

I
had a few blankets in my truck and knowing the area as well as I did, I knew
the perfect place we could be alone. I reluctantly broke the kiss and caressed
her cheek with my thumb.

“You
want to get out of here?”

She
nodded.

“Yeah,
but what about the guys?”

“Don’t
worry, we won’t leave them behind. You trust me?”

“Of
course I do.”

“Then
come with me. There’s something I’d like to share with you,” I said, and stood
up. I held my hand out to her and she took it. I pulled her up and we walked to
my truck. I quickly got the blankets and as we were walking away, I heard Jude
call out, “Don’t get her pregnant, bro!”

“Fuck
you man!” I yelled back, flipping him off as I heard him laughing. Jessie clung
to my arm as I led us down the river to a little abandoned shack by a
waterfall. It wasn’t the best place to bring a girl, but it was secluded and I
knew we’d be all alone.

When
we reached the front door, I pushed it open and led her inside. I saw some old
pillar candles lying around and I rummaged through my pockets until I found an
old lighter I always carried…I didn’t smoke but I always felt like I should
have a lighter with me.

“What
is this place?” Jessie asked me, smiling as I spread out a blanket on the floor
of the shack.

“Just
an old abandoned shack. I don’t know if anyone ever lived here, but I used to
sneak away and come here as a kid when I needed to get away from my dad.” After
a few flicks of my lighter, I successfully lit the first candle.

It
had gotten silent and when I looked up at Jessie, she was frowning.

“Why
didn’t I ever know about it?”

I
shrugged.

“I
guess I just needed a place that was just for me, you know? One place I could
go when I needed to be alone, or when I wanted to talk to my mom.”

I
lit another candle just before she moved to me and wrapped her arms around my
waist.

“I
get it. You were always my safe place to go,” she said softly.

My
heart clenched in my chest.

“So,”
she began, “what kinds of things do you talk to your mom about?”

“Just
stuff,” I answered, lighting the last candle.

“You
can tell me, you know. I’m always here for you.”

I
wrapped my arm around her and traced the curve of her spine.

“I
know, baby. And you always have me,” I said, kissing her forehead.

“So,
you really aren’t going to tell me?” she urged, and I laughed at her
persistence.

“There’s
nothing really to tell. I just talk to her about the normal things that a kid
would say to the mother they never knew.”

“Like
what?”

“I
just tell her that I miss her, that I wish I’d been able to know her, and that
my life would sucked ten times less if she were here.”

She
ran a hand under my shirt and across my abs, which clenched at her touch.

“I
wish you’d had her in her life too, Kris. Things would have definitely been
easier for you.”

“What
about you? You ever think about your dad?”

“I
have no idea who he is, nor do I care. My mom told me that he knew she was
pregnant with me and didn’t give a shit. Oh well, his loss,” she replied,
shrugging her shoulders.

“That’s
damn right. Anyone that chooses to miss out on knowing a beautiful, perfect
girl like you is a fucking idiot.”

She
blinked her gorgeous blue eyes at me and sighed.

“I’m
hardly perfect, Kris, but…thank you. When you say it I almost believe it.”

“I
can’t see how you don’t believe it,” I said, tracing her bottom lip with my
thumb.

Placing
her delicate hand on my scruffy cheek, she whispered, “I love you so much.”

“I
love you too,” I answered before pulling her lips back to mine. She wrapped her
arms around my neck and kissed me back, whimpering as I gently nibbled on her
bottom lip.

“Kris,”
she panted, “are you sure no one will catch us in here?”

“I’m
positive. No one but me ever comes here. Not that I know of anyway,” I
answered, gently lifting the bottom of her shirt to bare her stomach.

“Good,
because I want you so much and I don’t want any distractions. Not tonight,” she
whispered. She stepped back from my embrace and slowly lifted her shirt over
her head and tossed it next to the blanket.

She
stood before me in nothing but her cut offs, a black bra, and her flip flops.

“Should
I keep going or do you want to help me out?”

I
grinned at her and closed the distance between us.

“I’ll
always be glad to get help get you naked,” I answered, and she giggled. I
leaned in and kissed her neck as my fingers found the button on her shorts.
Slowly undoing them, I slid the zipper down and stood back to watch as they
fell to the floor.

She
was devastatingly gorgeous in the candlelight and I was instantaneously
aroused. I stepped back to her and unclasped her bra and slid it off her
shoulders. It fell to the floor of the shed and when my eyes roamed down to her
bare chest, my cock twitched in my jeans.

I
leaned my head down and gently sucked one of her perfect, pink nipples into my
mouth. She softly whimpered in pleasure as I rolled it with my tongue, the soft
bud hardening as I teased it. I moved to her other breast, giving it equal
attention. My fingers slid down to the waist of her panties and she gasped as I
slid my fingertips inside them, instantly finding her scorching heat already
soaked with desire. I rubbed her tiny, swollen clit with my finger and she
cried out, digging her fingers into my shoulders.

“Kris,”
she moaned, “that feels so good.”

“You
like when I touch you like this, don’t you?”

“Yes,”
she breathed, her delicate fingers finding my belt buckle and quickly undoing
the clasp. She slid the button out of the hole on my jeans and pulled down the
zipper with a shaking hand. My hand never left her warmth as my pants fall down
to my ankles and I shook them off after kicking off my shoes.

She
began tugging at my shirt and I reluctantly removed my hand from her panties. I
quickly pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it aside. She sighed
seductively as she stared at my bare chest before her eyes roamed down and
landed on my engorged cock that was tenting out from my boxers. She gasped and
I could’ve sworn I heard her choke back a growl that was trying to escape her
throat.

“You’re
so beautiful,” she whispered, reaching out and rubbing my throbbing erection
through my shorts. She moved both hands to the top of my boxers and started to
push them down. I sucked in a gasp when she followed my shorts down and rested
on her knees before me.

“Jess,”
I panted, my hard cock bobbing in front of her. I combed my fingers through her
hair and was about to join her on the floor but before I could, she wrapped her
slender fingers around my shaft and took the tip of me into her hot, sexy
mouth.

My
knees almost gave out as she licked and sucked me like I was her favorite
treat. I loved when Jessie would do this to me but I never let it go on long.
She made me feel so fucking incredible that it only took about a minute before
I was ready to blow.

She
took me in as far as she could and the moment I hit the back of her throat and
she made a slight gagging sound, I abruptly pulled away from her. I collapsed
to the floor in front of her and pulled her body close to me.

“Why
did you stop me?” she asked me, frustration in her eyes.

“Jessie
that felt fucking incredible. No one makes me feel the way you do baby.”

“Then
why do you always pull away when I do that to you?”

“Honestly?
It’s because it feels so God damned good that I am afraid that I will go early
and not be able to get it back up for another fifteen minutes,” I chuckled, and
she smiled.

“Well,
we wouldn’t want that,” she replied, lying back on the blanket I’d spread out
on the floor. She parted her legs in invitation and after I helped her slip off
her panties, I nestled my hips between them. This was my favorite place to be.

I
readied myself to push inside of her but before I did, I looked down at her and
suddenly my throat felt thick with emotion. She was so gorgeous; her long hair
was splayed out around her and her amazing blue eyes danced in the candlelight.
It hit me again in that moment that this would be the last time I’d get to be
with her like this in three months, maybe longer if the band did well.

I
decided then to take my time to make this memorable for us both because the
last thing I wanted was for her to decide that dating a traveling musician was
too hard and that this relationship wasn’t worth the effort. I needed her to
have a reason to stick with me and that’s exactly what I planned on doing.

Jessie

I
hadn’t realized I’d dozed off until I felt Kris kissing my neck and whispering
that we needed to go. I moaned sleepily as I reluctantly opened my eyes. I
didn’t want this moment to end.

Kris
had made this night truly memorable for us. It was magical; there was no other
word to describe it. In the last three weeks we’d had sex almost every day but
tonight in this shed…for the first time, we’d made love. Kris had made my body
feel amazing things before, but nothing I’d ever experienced with him had come
close to this.

He
took his time with me, worshipping every single part of my body until I was
desperate with want. He was slow and gentle, never too hard or too fast (even
though at one point I almost begged him to pick up his speed). He drove me
crazy with desire and by the time we both found our release, I felt like I’d
been branded from the inside out. I didn’t know if that was his intention, to
make me remember this night so I’d never want it with anyone else, but that’s
what happened. I had always been his and tonight solidified it.

We
both got dressed and after he’d blown out all the candles, we picked up the
blankets and walked back to his truck hand-in-hand. When we got back the guys
were still partying with some girls but quickly shoved them off when they saw
us approaching.

“It’s
about fucking time,” Ryder said, smiling as he climbed into the truck. “I
didn’t know how much more of that girl’s perfume I could stomach. She smelled…I
don’t know,
sticky
.”

“Gross,”
I answered, wrinkling my nose in disgust. “I hope you wore a condom.”

“Of
course I did. I’m the eternal Boy Scout,” he laughed, scooting across the back
seat of the truck so Beau could sit next to him. Jude got in last so I climbed
into the passenger seat and Kris shut the door behind me.

“What
about you, Miss Innocent? You make your man wrap up his junk?” Jude asked me,
grinning.

“Jude!”
I shouted, my cheeks getting flushed.

After
Kris got into the driver’s seat, he turned and glared at Jude.

“Shut
up, asshole.”

“What?”
Jude asked, feigning innocence. “I’m just saying that there’s nothing like an
unplanned pregnancy to fuck up some pretty big plans.”

I
rolled my eyes and sighed and was about to say something back to him, but Kris
put a hand on my leg and stopped me.

“Jude,
not that it’s any of your fucking business, but yes, I wore a condom. I always
do because neither one of us is ready for a kid. Besides, Jess is only
eighteen. She’s too young.”

“That
doesn’t mean anything, Kris. Crystal was what, sixteen when she had you, Jess?”
Beau asked.

“Yes,
Beau, but look at how my life has been. You really think she was ready to have
a baby at sixteen? Hell, she’s thirty-four and still not ready to be a mother.”

Ryder
leaned forward in his seat and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Well,
we all know you will never be like her when you have kids someday. The best
thing that bitch ever did in her life was make a fucking awesome daughter,” he
said, shaking my shoulder. “We’re going to miss you, Jess.”

I
swallowed the quickly-forming lump in my throat and turned my face to smile at
him. I knew that Ryder cared about me like a brother would, but in that moment
with him saying something that in his own way was so incredibly sweet, I was
truly touched.

“Thank
you, Ryder. I’ll miss you guys too, so much,” I replied, placing my hand on his
before he sat back in his seat. I took a deep breath as I glanced back at my
friends, all of them smiling at me and I felt a hot tear fall from my eyes.

Kris
started the truck and before he put it in gear, he turned and gently caressed
my cheek with his fingers.

“Hey,
no tears. This is a good thing,” he said. “This tour is only for three months
and then we’ll be back.”

I
nodded and put on my best smile. “Right. Three months is nothing,” I replied,
putting my seat belt on. “Just make sure you call me as often as you can. I
want to hear all about the crowds and other bands you guys get to work with.”

“Dad
got us a prepay phone to use for now, so we can check in every day if we need
do,” Ryder replied.

“Why
can’t she just come with us?” Jude asked.

I
shook my head and forced out a laugh. “Jude, you guys are getting your first
big break in the rock world opening for a pretty huge band. You’re trying to
make a name for yourself so the last thing you need is to be known as the band
that has some girl following them around,” I answered.

“It
wouldn’t be like that. Maybe you can be our, like, wardrobe chick or something
like that,” Jude said.

“We
just don’t want to leave you behind with Crystal,” Beau answered softly. “We
care about you, Jess.”

“Guys,
it’ll be fine, stop worrying,” I said with a forced smile, lying as best as I
could. “I have avoided her for the most part for the past eighteen years. This
was eventually going to happen and I can’t expect you all to be there every
time I need help. I will be okay until you get back.”

I
glanced at Kris, who was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that I could
tell his knuckles were white even in the dark and his jaw was clenched so tight
I was afraid he would break a tooth. He backed the truck out of the parking
spot and started to drive, his eyes focused on the road but not saying
anything.

We
rode the rest of the way in silence and I kept stealing glances at Kris. The
look on his face was one of pure agony and worry. Seeing him looking this way
was making my resolve completely crumble. I was trying to be strong and not let
him see how scared and sad I was that they were leaving, but seeing him
starting to break was making it impossible to do that.

Our
first stop was Ryder’s house and I’m sure Kris had every intention of just
dropping him off but when we pulled into the driveway, Ryder’s dad Alan was
sitting on the front porch with a smile on his face. He waved all of us over
and I looked at Kris, who stole a quick glance at me before shutting off the
engine. As he was getting out of the truck cab I quickly grabbed his hand and
squeezed it. Our eyes locked and he gave me a weak smile before getting out and
shutting the door.

Butterflies
were flying rampantly in my stomach as I got out of the truck and walked the
short distance to the front porch of Alan’s modest home. He was all smiles as
the five of us approached him and he took turns hugging everyone, one by one.

He
was chatting excitedly with everyone, hugging everyone and beaming with pride
at his son. When he made it to me, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and
asked, “What’s wrong, darlin’?”

“Nothing’s
wrong, Alan. I’m so excited for the guys,” I said, smiling as brightly as I
could.

He
grinned warmly at me but there was concern in his eyes. “Jessie, sweetheart,
you know if there is any trouble at home you can always come here, right?”

I
nodded.

“Yeah,
sure,” I answered, the lump in my throat getting even harder to swallow. “Of
course I do.”

“I’m
serious. If Crystal lays one finger on you, you call us and we’ll get you moved
into the spare room. I know that Kris and the boys have protected you as well
as they could for years but now that they are leaving you can’t keep her off of
your back on your own. Promise me you will call if you need help?”

I
fought back tears and hugged him as tightly as I could. In that moment I felt
blessed to know Alan Matthews. It was comforting to know I had a safe place to
land if the time came when I needed to get out, but I wasn’t going to be
anyone’s burden. I was unfortunate to have been born Crystal’s daughter and
until I could stand on my own two feet, I would just be stuck with her. I was
almost there…

“I
promise I will,” I said, and he kissed the top of my head.

“Good.
Listen, I’d better let you kids get some rest so you can hit the road early.
Mom and I made sure that all of your instruments were packed in the van, so all
you have to do is pack some clothes and you’re all set to head out,” he
replied, releasing me and putting an arm around Ryder and patting his back
proudly.

“Thanks
Dad,” Ryder replied. He said goodbye to everyone and when he hugged me, it was
a little tighter than normal. “See you in the morning?”

“Definitely.
Don’t leave without letting me say goodbye,” I whispered.

He
backed away and gave everyone one last wave before going inside his house with
Alan following behind him. I turned and walked back to the truck, feeling even
more somber than I had before. We all climbed in and drove back to the
apartment with Jude and Beau talking to Kris about what songs they would
perform for their first time on stage tomorrow night, and me sitting in the
passenger seat, already feeling like I was on the outside looking in.

After
Beau and Jude had gone home, Kris and I were walking slowly to his apartment
hand in hand. Neither one of us wanted to go home because we wouldn’t be alone
for our last night, but his apartment was a better option than mine. Kris’ dad
Bill was a bastard but between him and my mother he was the lesser of two
evils. As long as Kris and I didn’t bother him, we were safe to do whatever we
wanted and would be able to stay in his room without any complaining from him.

When
Kris unlocked the front door, he put his keys in a little bowl by the door and
announced, “We’re home.”

Bill
came walking out in the living room holding his signature can of cheap beer in
his hand. “Who’s we?” he asked before his glassy eyes landed on me. “Oh, it’s
you.”

“Nice
to see you Mr. Engle,” I said as sarcastically as I could.

Bill
was never mean or hateful to me, but the man had definitely never gone out of
his way to be nice either. He tolerated me because he knew if he said anything
rude to me, Kris would knock him out cold with one punch. Bill used to take out
his anger at being a single parent on his son but once Kris started fighting
back, he just ignored him unless he had to interact with him.

“She
staying here tonight?” he asked Kris, taking a swig of beer.

“Yes,”
Kris said irritatingly. “Got a problem with that?”

“She’s
a legal adult so I got no problem with it, but if you are going be fucking all
night just try to keep it down. I have to be up early.”

“Well
so do I,” Kris snapped. “Luckily for you I’ll officially be out of your hair
for good in the morning.”

Bill
looked at Kris like he’d suddenly grown three heads.

“What
the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m
talking about the fact that our band got offered an opening slot on a huge
summer tour for Stick and Stones and we leave tomorrow morning for
Pennsylvania.”

Bill
was silent for a few moments, staring at Kris like he hadn’t seen him in a very
long time. Everyone knew he was bitter over having to raise Kris on his own
after losing his wife Anna in childbirth, but the way he was looking at him
right now, it was like he was…almost happy for him. However, knowing Kris as
well as I did, it was too little too late.

He
took another sip of his beer before he quietly, “You’re mama would’ve been proud.”
He nodded his head at me and quickly left the room.

I
squeezed his hand and kissed his bicep. He turned his face to me and said,
“Well that was awkward.”

“I
know. He almost looked proud of you,” I answered.

“Well
fuck him, I don’t give a shit anymore. Come on,” he said, taking my hands and
pulling me toward his room. “Let’s make the rest of this night count.”

Smiling
meekly, I said, “Kris, you already made tonight count in the shed. That was
amazing.”

He
pulled my body against his and I shivered as I felt his erection swelling
against my belly. He reached his hands up and combed his fingers through my
hair and stared into my eyes.

“Jess,
this is the last night I will be able to hold you, to kiss your lips, to have
you in my bed for
three fucking months
. I am not wasting a single
fucking second,” he whispered, and lowered his lips to mine.

He
sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and gently nibbled, causing liquid heat to
pool in my core and my knees to buckle. My arms helplessly fell to my sides as
Kris leaned his arms down, picking me up and carrying me into his bedroom.

As
soon as we were inside, he kicked the door shut with his foot and moved us to
his bed. Gently laying me down, he stood back up and began to slowly undress in
front of me. My heart was pounding out of my chest as he pulled his shirt over
his head and tossed it carelessly to the floor. He unbuckled his pants and I
watched with bated breath while he slipped out of them along with his boxers
and let them fall to the floor. Stepping out of them, he walked to me
completely naked while taking his strong, thick length into his hand and
stroking it slowly.