Dark Grace (24 page)

It was morning when knocking at the door woke me.
I was still nestled against Gus. I lifted my head, slightly confused. I used my free arm to wipe drool off of my chin. Poor Gus’ chest suffered the worst of my saliva assault.

“Gus,” I whispered.
“Someone’s knocking on the door.”

He stirred next to me.
“Ok.” He sounded tired still.

“Zoe!”
I heard Abbey’s voice call from outside our front door. “Zoe, time to get up! I brought you clothes!”

I moaned.
“I don’t wanna get up yet.”

I felt Gus’ chest move up and down as he chuckled.
“I’ll take care of it. Go back to sleep.”

The mattress moved when Gus did.
I closed my eyes and wrapped the blankets around myself to keep the heat in. “Don’t forget you’re naked.”

“I have a towel, don’t worry.”

I listened as the deadbolt was undone. Gus opened the door.

“Hi Gus.
Why are you in here?”

“It’s just how it worked out, Abbey,” he said.
“Zoe’s still sleeping. Can I give her the clothes?”

“Uh, sure.”
She sounded a bit confused. “But can you tell her breakfast will be ready in half an hour? We’re eating on the beach!”

“I’ll make sure she’s there.”

“Thanks!” chirped the preteen.

“Anyone out there with you, Abs?”

“Uncle Nate’s just at the lobby waiting for me.”

“Ok, head on down and I’ll watch to make sure you get there safe and sound.”

“Thanks Gus!”

I heard her skip away.
Eventually our door shut again, the deadbolt clicked, and Gus sighed.

“Guess it’s time for breakfast,” he announced.

“I am kinda hungry,” I admitted. I threw the blankets off and rolled out of bed.

“Here, this is from the
Abster.”

He handed me a folded piece of tie-dye fabric in bright blues, reds, and oranges.
I shook it out to discover it was a sleeveless sundress. It looked big, but I was glad to have something clean. I pulled it over my head, wincing at the pain that the fabric caused when it hit my bare nipples.

“You’re hurting,” said Gus softly.
“Let me wrap you again?”

I nodded.
Gus took the top sheet off of the bed and used the knife from the ranger station to cut an edge. He tore it the rest of the way. He was gentle in wrapping my chest, and when he finished he kissed me very softly on the lips.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I slipped the dress back on and walked to the small bathroom near the back of our motel room. The back window was actually in the bathroom, which helped with lighting. I looked in the mirror, startled at my own appearance. My hair was tousled, my face dirty, and I was too thin. I looked ten years older than when this plague had changed our lives. I did my best to comb my hair with my fingers, but it did little to help.

“Gus?” I called out.
“Can you rip off another piece of the sheet? About two inches wide?”

“Ayup.
How long?”

“Maybe two feet or so?”

“Ok.”

I heard the ripping of cloth again and frowned at myself in the mirror.
I watched Gus walk up behind me as I stared at our reflections in the mirror. He held the piece of cloth over my shoulder and continued to stand behind me.

I slipped the piece of sheet under my hair and tied it in a bow at the top.
It was a messy excuse of a headband, but at least it would keep my untidy hair out of my face.

“You look lovely,” whispered Gus.

I rolled my eyes at his reflection. He moved my tangled hair to one side, leaned down, and kissed me lightly on the neck. “Let’s go,” he breathed against my skin. My insides tingled from the simple kiss.

***

As we walked past Bobby’s room, I knocked gently. Bobby opened the door quickly, and smiled when she saw me.

“Ready for breakfast?” I asked.
“I guess we’re expected out on the beach.”

“I’m starving,” she said with just a small smile on her lips.

“Great, you can walk with us,” said Gus.

Bobby locked her door and the three of us walked around to the back of the motel, where we quickly located the pathway to the shore.
The sand was damp from dew that had formed overnight. It made walking much easier. We walked up an incline for a short distance before reaching the crest. The ocean was before us, the sound of the waves crashing on the beach reminding me of when I had played on this same beach as a child. Sand dunes spanned the distance to both sides of us with sea grasses just starting to grow for the season. Ordinarily the wind blows quite heavily on the beaches of Washington State, but this morning was unusually calm. Seagulls screamed overhead, searching for sand dollars in the surf to fill their own bellies. I looked over at Gus and forced a nervous smile.

Nathan, Susan, and Abbey were all sitting on a blanket they had spread out, halfway down to the water’s edge.
The tide was just starting to recede, creating a feast for the birds. I looked down the beach and found Boggs sitting by himself on a large piece of driftwood.

“I need to go talk to him, Gus.”

“I know, darlin’. I won’t be far away.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and made my way down to where Boggs sat looking out at the waves.
He seemed unaware that I was behind him, so I cleared my throat.

“Mind if I sit?” I asked.

He looked back at me and just stared for a moment, with something resembling hate heavy in his eyes. He didn’t answer, so I walked around to the front of the log. I seated myself a couple of feet away from him.

“You left us,” I said.
He remained quiet. “Boggs. You left us.”

“What did you expect, Zo?”
He sounded so very angry, and so hurt.

“I admitted what I had done was wrong.
Boggs, everything is so messed up in this life. I made a mistake.” I was getting angry myself. “Everyone makes mistakes,” I whispered.

He turned his head to look at me and had venom in his eyes.
“You fucked Gus. That’s more than just a mistake. How do you expect me to just forgive you for that? I thought I could, but Jesus.”

I glared at him.
“I don’t know that I do want forgiveness anymore. It seems so insignificant now. So petty.”

He leaned his head back as if he were going to look at the sky, and laughed loudly.
“Petty? That’s rich.”

He stood up suddenly, startling me.
The look in his eyes reminded me of the horrible day when he had struck me. His hands were clenched in fists. I followed his lead, also standing, and backed away a couple of steps.

“You’re not Mr. Perfect either, Boggs.”

He laughed again. This was not the person I had known since I was a child. This was not the man I had fallen in love with.

“At least I didn’t go fuck Emilie.
Or Susan!”

“You hit me.
You left me. You left us, Boggs!”

“Us?
You expected me to stay with Gus?” His eyes were wide and he ran a hand firmly through his unruly dark hair.

“Not Gus, you idiot!
Me! And our baby!” I was screaming, unable to keep my cool any longer. “You left me and you left her!”

The others had made their way closer to where we were standing, except for Susan who stayed farther down the beach with Abbey.
I ignored their proximity. I needed to say what I had to say.

“And you don’t even care!” I added.

“Care about what?” yelled Boggs. He had taken a step toward me, and I instinctively took a step back. “You expect me to care about the fucker who screwed you? Care about you after you did something so sick?”

“I expected you to care about your daughter, and what happened to her.
I expected you to care enough to be there. Gus is the only father she knew!” I spat at him. “He was the one there when we needed him. He’s the one who first held her when she came into the world. He’s the only father she knew!” I screamed. “He’s the one who buried her, and he’s the one who cried over her grave!”

I hadn’t realized that Gus was at my side until he stepped between me and Boggs.
My heart was pounding from the adrenaline rushing through my veins. Hot tears were staining my cheeks.

“You don’t even know her name,” I moaned.

Boggs had his hands on his hips, still clenched in fists. “For all I know he was her father.” His eyes had taken on a haze. Gus guided me away from him. We walked the beach together, not speaking. Once we stopped, Gus put an arm around my shoulders. I was facing the waves, closed my eyes, and drew the air deep into my lungs.

“I’m sorry, Gus.”
I was shaking.

“What for?” he asked, sounding dumbfounded.

“For that outburst.”

“You needed to.
No apologies.”

I turned to face him and looked up at his face.
He leaned down and kissed me with passion. It wasn't the deepest of kisses, or the strongest, but was full of deep rooted emotion.

“Let’s go back?” he said questioningly.
“Have some breakfast?”

I nodded.
“Ok.”

We walked back to the gathering, holding hands.
I could tell Abbey had been crying. Everyone was quiet. Breakfast was laid out in bowls. Everything was meant to be eaten by hand. Fresh cooked clams, canned green beans, Ritz crackers, and pretzels. Everyone was quiet as we ate. Bobby seemed uncomfortable. I figured she felt awkward and out of place. I made a mental note to talk to her after breakfast to explain a few things. Boggs was absent, having wandered off somewhere to be by himself. Right about then I didn’t care where he was.

“Gus, mind lending a hand today in the safe room?
We want to get the escape hatch built,” said Nathan with his mouth half full.

“Sure, anything you need.
Just name it.”

“We have a pile of lumber inside and I sketched some basic plans.
The walls and floor are concrete, so I want to cut through the lobby floor today. If you can pound some nails and come up with the hatch itself while I cut into the floor that’ll be a huge help.”

“Will do.”

“Boggs is building a ladder. Once it’s done the hatch will open upward. We’ll cover it with an area rug to hide it from above.”

“Sounds well thought out,” I said.

“Zoe?” Abbey called my name quietly.

“
Yeah, Abs?”

“I’m sorry about the baby.”

“Abbey, shhh,” whispered Susan.

“No, it’s ok.
Thanks, Abbey. I wish you could have met her. She was beautiful, like you.”

“Did you give her a name?”

I nodded. “Molly.”

“That’s pretty.”

“Was she…” she paused in thought. “Was she born alive?”

Talking about Molly’s short life was easier than I had expected.
I wanted to remember every moment I had been given with her. “She was. She was perfect, with dark curly hair.”

“What happened to her?”

“I fed her and held her for a long time. We were both tired and slept. When I woke up she was gone.” I forced myself to not cry, wanting to be strong for Abbey’s sake. “Gus wrapped her in a soft towel and I held her some more. I couldn’t leave her behind, so I held her while we drove. We buried her beside a pretty lake.”

Abbey scooted closer to me and wrapped her arms around me.
I returned her hug and held her for a while. We looked out at the ocean waves crashing on the shore. “It’ll be ok, Abbey,” I whispered and kissed the top of her head. A breeze picked up and I shivered.

After breakfast Susan took Abbey to the safe room to help organize supplies while Gus and Nathan started in on the construction project.
I asked Bobby to stay on the beach with me for a while so I could fill her in on the events that had led to the tension in the group. She was a good listener. My biggest fear was that she’d think badly of me and Gus, but amazingly she seemed empathetic. She told me a bit about her own life before the dead had claimed the earth. She had been a dental assistant and had owned what she called the “world’s best poodle” who was named Tinkerbelle. She had been at a friend’s home for a birthday gathering when the dead had risen. The zombies had come in through the unlocked patio door. Bobby had watched as they tore her girlfriend apart and eaten her, as well as her poodle. She had only escaped when her friend Mike had pulled her to the safety of his car that was parked a block away. We talked about the companions we’d lost since the plague had hit. Her story was as gruesome as our own. We ended the conversation with a long hug and I hoped she’d feel more at home with the group overall.

I decided to stay on the beach for a while to watch the constantly changing patterns of waves.
There was something soothing about the ocean. I drew my knees up and leaned into them. It hurt my chest even more, but I needed to feel the pain as a reminder that I was still alive. I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds around me. Sea birds, waves, wind, and the rustling of the sand around me. When I opened my eyes, Boggs was sitting facing me. I blinked a few times, but said nothing. I hadn’t heard his approach and didn’t want him to know that I was startled.

“What did you name her?” he asked quietly.

I stared back at him for a long moment before answering. “Molly.”

“My grandmother’s name?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Did she suffer?”

“No. She died peacefully in her sleep. She was only alive for a few hours.”

“I’m sorry, Zo.
I really am.”

“She looked like you, Adam.
She had your dark, curly hair. I’ve never seen a baby with that much hair. She was perfect.”

“Where…” he stumbled on his words.
“Where did you leave her?”

“We buried her by a lake.”

“Did she turn?”

“I can’t talk about that.
I only want to remember her like she was when I first held her.”

“I have a right to know.
You know I do.” He was beginning to sound angry again.

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to talk to you about her more.
Just not now. Not yet.” I stood and walked back to the motel. I didn’t look back to see if he was following.

***

I spent most of the remainder of the day in the motel room by myself. Susan had been cold toward me since our group had reunited and Boggs was the last person I wanted to be around, for obvious reasons. I had borrowed a book from Abbey’s library and made a feeble attempt to read the first chapter but found it too difficult to focus. The room was dark, so I had opened the curtains on the front window for extra lighting, but was situated where nothing could see me easily should something stroll by. Open curtains these days were far too dangerous. My blood ran cold and I was instantly alert when I heard the painful screams of someone, or some animal, in the distance. The terrifying sound lasted far too long before it finally quieted. I toyed with the idea of standing and walking to the window to draw the curtains, but the thought was interrupted by the signatures of the dead creeping into my mind. They were fast. Far faster than any we had encountered so far. I wasn't able to determine how many there were, but it didn’t matter. They were Runners, and something else. I knew my only hope was to race for the bathroom window, and so I stood and hugged the shadows of the walls until I was in the small restroom. I slid the window open and stepped onto the edge of the toilet, and then hoisted myself up and out. The drop down wasn’t far but my injured leg was jarred and a shooting pain ran up my leg. I hobbled as fast as I could to the closed door of the safe room, where I found the padlock missing. I knew the others must be inside, and likely hadn’t heard the danger. I knocked, but had forgotten the secret sequence that Abbey had taught me.

It seemed an eternity before the door opened.
Susan looked at me oddly. “You forgot the code,” she said just slightly coolly.

“Get in,” I urged as I shoved on the door to gain entry myself, pushing her out of the way.
“Lock it!”

“Zoe?
What’s wrong?” asked Abbey, her eyes wide with fear. Any traces of happiness were instantly wiped from her face.

“They’re coming.
And they’re fast.”     

Gus was already to the door, engaging the makeshift lock.

“Please say you haven’t cut through the floor yet?” I said pleadingly.

“Not yet, darlin’.”

I backed away from the door, sensing that the dead were approaching the motel. “Everyone stay quiet. They’re nearly here. Runners, but they’re faster than usual, and something else is with them.”

I watched as Boggs scooped Abbey up and took her toward the back of the room where a couch was set up.
Nathan and Susan followed them. Bobby was standing on a stepstool where she had been busy doing some odd job she had been given. She wore yellow rubber gloves and safety glasses. I turned to face the door and held my breath. I felt Gus standing close behind me. Another scream sounded, this time right outside the door. It was from a source that wasn’t meant to live in this world, of that I was certain. It was a twisted unholy scream with an underlying groan of pain that sounded like it belonged to more than one creature. The sound of footfalls heavy from running surrounded us. My mind was spinning from the severity of the intrusions; hunger and desire and torture became the meaning of life. I turned around to face Gus and buried my face against his chest. His arms holding me tight were the only thing keeping me from shattering into a thousand virtual pieces.

Every few seconds something would crash into the door.
I could only imagine what was happening outside. Eventually the sounds grew more distant and the trespasses into my head began to fade. Before my mind was my own again, I saw an image flash deep within my mind. It was the form of some sort of large animal, round and sloppy, that hobbled alongside the Runners.

“They’re nearly gone,” I whispered.
I was exhausted and felt broken from the incident. I slumped forward and allowed Gus to support me.

“You did
good, baby,” he whispered sweetly into my ear.

“What was that?” asked Susan from behind us.

“Something evil,” Gus said quietly while stroking my hair. “Zoe thinks the zombies are evolving, and that whatever that herd was they had something else with it.”

“Something else?” asked Bobby.

I was too tired to speak, but knew that Gus was inside of my thoughts. I could feel him there and I welcomed his presence.

“It was big, kind-of like a big blob.
They had it tethered.”

“Gus, how do you know?” asked Nathan.

“I can hear Zoe’s mind.”

He never stopped looking into my eyes while he answered questions.

***

We stayed in the safe room for the rest of the day.
The occasional flicker in my mind warned that straggler Runners were still passing by. Susan and Abbey quietly threw together supper by the light of the single lantern. We ate cold canned beans and crackers and washed it all down with water.

After dinner the couch that had been brought down from the lobby was crowded with Bobby, Abbey, Susan, and Boggs taking up the seats.
Nathan was happily sitting on an old plastic milk crate, busy rechecking the plans for the escape hatch. Gus had found an energy drink in the supplies and was sipping on it. I yawned, still utterly exhausted from the day. I was sitting on the floor with my legs crossed, inspecting the wound on my shin. It was healing well, and fast, but looked angry around the edges still.

“You need to soak that,” said Gus.

“I need to soak all of me,” I mumbled back.

“We have a shower!” chirped Abbey.
“Want me to set it up?”

“Are you serious?” I asked, suddenly more awake.
“Yes!”

Abbey jumped up from her spot, seemingly excited to be able to make someone else happy.
“C’mon!”

I stood slowly, my leg muscles aching from our trek the day before.
I followed Abbey to the back of the room, where the now unusable laundry facilities were situated.

“See, there’s a drain built into the floor here,” she said happily.
“Uncle Nate made this thing so we can hang a bucket, and there’s a hose that comes out the bottom. All we have to do is warm up water on the camp stove to fill the bucket.” She smiled at me. “Pretty cool, huh?”

“Very cool.
Thanks, Abbey.”

“Zoe, does it feel safe out there yet?
Think we can all head back to our rooms?” asked Susan.

“
I think so. I haven’t felt one pass by in a couple hours.”

“We’ll all turn in for the night then.
Give you some privacy.”

“Thanks.”

“The camp stove’s on the far left shelf. Just make sure you use it outside, and then bring the water in. You know how to use the stove?” asked Nathan.

“
Yeah, thanks.”

Everyone began filing out of the room to go above to their respective rooms, except for Gus, who still sat there drinking his energy drink.
I didn’t understand how people could drink those things. Any I had ever tried before were nasty.

“Mind if I stay?” he asked.

“Of course not. No offense, but you could use a shower too.”

He winked at me.
“Well I can’t argue that fact. I’ll grab the cooking gear and set it up outside.”

“I’ll haul the water out.”

“Those five gallon buckets are heavy. Let me grab it.”

“Sure, but then let me get the stove and pot.”

“You got a deal.”

It took almost an hour to heat enough pots of water to fill the makeshift shower bucket.
Gus hung it from the rafters as Abbey had shown us. I set motel towels on the nearby step stool for when we were done. We decided to shower together to save the work of heating more water. We both stripped down to our bare selves and enjoyed getting wet together. The warm water was a sensation we hadn’t experienced in a long time. We clamped the hose while we lathered with soap and shampoo. I hoped one washing would rid us of what felt like many layers of grime.

“We should rinse off,” suggested Gus.
“You’re starting to shiver.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said with a yawn.

I let Gus rinse me off with the hose. The water was already cooling but felt good compared to the chill of the concrete room. I returned the favor once I was rid of my own suds. I hosed his back off and admired his body.

“Turn around.”

He did as instructed, holding his arms out so I could rinse his armpits.

“It’s getting cold,” he laughed.

I finished rinsing him, using the rest of the water in the bucket. We stood there naked and cold and looked at each other for a moment. Eventually, Gus leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. We wrapped in towels to dry off before walking to the supply shelf in search of fresh clothes. I picked out a pair of black spandex exercise shorts since my shin was still a bit painful, and topped it off with a black sports bra and a snug-fitting purple tank top. Gus had found some red and blue plaid flannel sleep pants and a yellow t-shirt and was already dressed by the time I finished. He was shuffling through a clear plastic bin of medical supplies, I assumed taking inventory of what the others had gathered during our absence.

“Anything good?” I asked.

“You might want these,” he said quietly. He was holding a box out to me. I took it and looked at it questioningly.

“Breast pads?”

“They just help with leaking until you dry up,” he said. “I’m assuming Susan set them aside for you.” He took the box from me and opened it. He took out two round pads, set the box on the shelf, and stepped toward me. I watched as he pulled my tank and bra forward and gently set one of the white absorbent pads over my left nipple before letting my clothes hold it in place. He gently pulled my clothing down away from my right breast, letting it fall free. “Does this one hurt more?” he asked.

“
Yeah, it’s gotten pretty bad.”

“It looks engorged.
You want help getting rid of some?”

Something about the look on his face told me that he had a big desire to help, and a longing within.
I nodded. He kept his eyes locked on mine for a moment before cupping my face in one of his hands.

“You sure?” he whispered as his breathing got heavier.

I nodded again. He kissed me on the lips sweetly, stepped closer, and deepened the kiss until I could feel his passion deep to my core. He moved his lips slowly down toward my neck, where he stopped and sucked gently on my earlobe while holding my face firmly in his hand. I leaned into his palm, feeling a welcomed sense of peace. His tongue was hot on my skin as it explored the contours of my skin. I placed my hands low on his back and felt as if I was about to melt into him, both physically and mentally. I was discovering that the closer we were, we seemed to almost meld into one person. He let go of my face and suddenly his hands were on my thighs, gripping me gently. He lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. He carried me like that to the couch, where he lowered me gently onto its soft cushions.