Dark Grace (25 page)

“You have no idea how badly I want you right now, Zoe,” he mumbled.

He lowered himself down on top of me, kissing me deeply on the lips again. His kiss was eager and hot, his tongue searching for my own, which I offered willingly. As our kiss grew in passion, he broke free and looked at me longingly. He moved his head down to my chest, where he gently placed his mouth on my right breast. It was swollen and hard from my body doing what nature intended after delivering a baby, making it difficult for him to draw it into his mouth deeply, like I could tell he wanted to. He began sucking gently, his tongue stroking my nipple. It was painful at first and I winced, but Gus continued with his rhythmic motion. I knew he was being as gentle as he could. I felt a warm tingling sensation as my milk began to flow, and Gus moaned deeply with satisfaction as he discovered the result of his efforts. The pain in my breast that had begun to build days ago was finally waning. The intimacy of our actions had caused a tingling deep in my belly, and the feeling was growing. I looked down at him as he sucked eagerly, listened as he swallowed, and grew restless as I desperately needed him inside of me. I began moving beneath him, raising my hips up desperately searching for him.

“I need you, Gus,” I moaned.

“We can’t yet, baby,” he moaned against my breast.

“God, please?” I begged.
I could feel the hardness of his desire pressing against me, and moved more forcefully to feel him where I wanted him the most.

“Soon, baby,” he groaned as he slid my shirt up and began sucking at my other breast.

He was strong on top of me, which I loved, but I tried to wriggle out from beneath him in hopes of taking over and quenching my own desires. He held me down with his strong arms and continued to enjoy my left breast noisily. His control over me and the loudness of his pleasure drove me wild. At last, I felt his hand slip beneath my tight shorts. His fingers found my wet spot, and he stroked me gently there. As my hips begged for more, his finger slid deep within me and began rhythmically searching. He stopped sucking on my breast to return to my mouth, which he kissed sweetly. As I explored his mouth with my own I tasted the sweetness of my own milk.

Gus whispered into my ear, “
let it go.” His finger slid in and out of me faster and I felt as if I crumbled into oblivion as I shattered in waves of pleasure. “Good girl,” he said softly beside me.

I began crying softly in his arms.

“Shhhh, what’s wrong?” he asked me tenderly.

“Nothing, it was just…amazing,” I panted.

I looked up and he smiled down at me.

***

We put the shower supplies away, turned off the lantern, and locked the door to the safe room when we left. I felt clean and satiated as we walked back to our motel room together. The sun was close to setting, the horizon bringing new clouds toward shore. It smelled as if it might try to rain soon.

Once locked in for the night, Gus opened a small plastic bag he had brought back from the safe room.

“Zoe, I’m hoping you’ll wear this.” He held up a small foil package.

“What is it?”

“The birth control patch. You change it every week for three weeks then leave it off for a week.”

His request stung a bit, probably because I was still grieving Molly’s loss.
I frowned.

“Don’t look sad, Zoe.
I’d love to have kids with you someday. Just not quite yet.”

“It’s not that, Gus.
I think I’m just a little emotional right now. It’s so soon after Molly.”

“It’s just that if we’re going to keep being together, I don’t want to take the chance.
And you were just begging me…” he winked.

I smiled at him.
“Ok. Yeah, no problem as long as you remind me to change it?”

“Certainly, ma’am.
Was that ok? What I did, I mean?”

I nodded.
“Is it wrong that I liked it?”

He shook his head.
“It’s not wrong.”

“It’s just that, well, it was meant for Molly.”

He walked to me and wrapped his arms around me. “Let’s sleep.”

“Once the patch is on when will it be safe to do it again?”

“It should work within a week.”

“Ok.
Can you put it on me?”

“Ayup.
But don’t you want to think it over?”

I shook my head.
“No. Let’s get it started.”

I watched as he tore the foil package open and took out a square patch.
He peeled the backing off and walked over to me. He stood very close and used his free hand to reach behind me and pulled down my shorts. His other arm pulled me close and he gently pressed the patch onto my butt cheek.

We climbed into bed and drew the covers up for warmth.
I cuddled up next to Gus, settling in and enjoying the closeness. I listened to his breathing and knew he was asleep when it slowed and he began twitching randomly. I scooted closer and lay my ear against his chest, needing to hear the rhythm of his life. His skin was warm and soft. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I moved my ear over an inch, searching for the beat of his heart that I loved so much, but found it to be still and silent.

~*~