Cowboy Gangster 03 - Outlaws of Love (4 page)

Angel trembled as Dane’s grip eased a bit. “He
needs
you,” Angel said. “He’s…he’s never been this happy. He’s never had anything good…until you. Please don’t walk away.”

The man cleared his throat and whispered, “I’m sorry, kid.” His words weighed heavy with emotion. “It has to be this way.” He moved forward, descending the steps.

Angel tore loose of Dane’s hand and rushed to the edge of the stairs. “After all he’s been through-” Dane caught hold of him again, preventing him from storming down the stairs. His jaw clenched as the stairwell swam and distorted below him. “After everything that’s tried to break him in this
fucking life!”
he cried. “Congratulations –
you
did it, you
fuck!”

“Angel. Baby,” Dane drew him back and wrapped him in his arms as Clint disappeared out of the building. “Come on now, Axel will be okay. We’re here for him.”

“How can he…” Angel choked and shook his head. He untangled from Dane’s arms and entered the apartment, walking quickly down the hallway. Jonah scampered out of the kitchen and caught up to him, following eagerly at his heels, biting the cuffs of his pants playfully. Angel ignored the pup and knocked once on the bedroom door before opening it. “Axel…”

The young man sat on the edge of the bed, his body curled forward against his knees and head buried in his arms…shaking with sobs.

Angel swallowed thickly as fresh tears formed. “Axel?” He stepped inside the room and approached Axel slowly. He didn’t know what to say but felt compelled to comfort him somehow. But what words could soothe a broken heart? Angel had been there, he knew the depth of pain Axel was suffering now. And nothing in the entire world could stop it or even ease it a little. Nothing but…the one who caused it.

“Leave,” Axel whispered thickly without raising his head. “Both of you…leave.”

“What?” Angel frowned. “No…Axel, we’re not gonna leave you here alone.”

“Go,” Axel choked out tightly. “I don’t want you here.” He lifted his head a fraction and looked hard at Angel. “I don’t need you.” His jaw clenched and new tears pushed out. “I don’t fucking need
anyone.”
He choked on a sob but his face twisted with hurt and anger. “Leave!”

“Axel…” Angel trembled.

Axel jumped to his feet. “Get out!” he cried. “I don’t fucking want you here! Any of you!” As soon as Axel was on his feet, Jonah attacked his pant legs, chomping onto the denim cuffs, tugging and growling. Axel looked down and stared at the pup a moment, then snatched him up and thrust him at Angel. “And take him with you,” he said tightly, his throat working against fresh tears. “I don’t want him.”

“But…but you love him,” Angel’s chin trembled as Axel shoved the animal into his arms. “Axel…”

“Keep him,” Axel muttered thickly. “Or give him to Maddy. I don’t fucking care.” He turned his back to Angel, his voice breaking. “I
don’t
love him. I don’t love any
fucking
thing in this
fucking
world. Just take the fucking mutt and get out and leave me the fuck alone.”

Angel hesitated then backed toward the door. “I’ll keep him for you,” he whispered. “But he’s still yours…whenever you want him back.”

“I
don’t
want him back,” Axel told him. “I don’t ever want to fucking see him again.” His arms slid around his body and he ducked his head. “Or you.” His voice shook as he added in a whisper, “Don’t come back here anymore.”

“Axel…don’t say that,” Angel choked. “We’re brothers.”

Axel turned slowly and stared at him, eyes swimming. “That was an illusion.” He walked forward and Angel backed out of the room. Axel gripped the door. “Like everything good in this fucking life.” He closed the door, locking Angel out.

♦

The nurse entered the room and walked to the array of machines on the left side of Cory’s bed. She checked the readouts then looked at the occupants. “Mr. Romero needs his rest. I’m going to have to ask you to come back later.”

“When?” Anthony asked.

“A couple hours, at least,” she told him.

Anthony nodded and hugged his son. He felt Cory’s pain in the desperation of his embrace. The last thing Anthony wished to do was leave Cory alone right now, but the nurse was insistent.

“We’ll be back as soon as we can,” Anthony told him. “I’m going to go get a motel room, and I will stay here until I can take you home with me.”

“We will both be staying until then,” Angelo assured.

Cory nodded, his eyes glossy. “I want to see Shay…as soon as I’m able,” he whispered.

“Son…”

“No,” he shook his head. “I have to see him.” His throat worked and eyes filled with fresh tears. “I have to, dad.”

Anthony cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. “I understand,” he said thickly. “I’ll take you as soon as the doctor gives the okay for you to be up out of bed.”

Cochise waited for Anthony and Angelo to exit the room, then followed behind. He remained silent, his face a granite mask. There was no discerning his thoughts simply by looking in his eyes. The man had learned a long time ago –long before he came to Nathan Sanitini –to veil his emotions, or perhaps eradicate them altogether. Anthony had known the Egyptian for two decades and had yet to figure him out. The man was a closed book –closed and
locked.

“Do you want to come with us?” Anthony asked him when they emerged from the hospital entrance doors. “Get some rest?”

He shook his head. “I’ll wait here.”

“You heard the nurse,” Angelo said. “It’s going to be a couple hours before we can get back in to see Cory.”

Cochise shrugged. “Don’t have anywhere else to be.” His stare evaded their faces, eyes hard and distant. Effects of Shay’s death…or something more?

Exchanging a glance with Angelo, Anthony ventured cautiously, “Do you want to tell me what happened at Venetti’s?” Anthony barely caught the slight twitch in the man’s face.

“Nothing to tell,” he murmured with a dull tone. “The fucker’s dead.”

There was more to the incident, Anthony was certain, but now wasn’t the time to push for specifics. Maybe there would never be a good time to do so. Some things were best left alone.

He nodded slowly. “All right,” he said. “If Clint shows up before we get back, call me.”

Another slight twitch. Cochise gave a single nod.

“Are you thinking the job didn’t go down clean?” Angelo asked when he and Anthony were alone in the car and pulling out of the hospital parking lot.

“I don’t know,” Anthony murmured. “Whatever happened, Cochise won’t give up the details.”

“Do you think Clint will?”

“If he feels it’s something we need to know,” Anthony said. “But if he doesn’t offer, maybe we shouldn’t ask. Neither one of them were in a controlled mindset when they went after Venetti.”

Angelo stared out the front windshield, eyes tight. “I can’t say I would give a fuck if they got a little messy.” He shifted his gaze to the side window, a film of tears forming.

The man fell silent and Anthony was unable to prevent his thoughts from returning to the restroom…and the kiss they had come so close to completing. He glanced at Angelo. Should he address the issue…or just it let it fade away, both of them pretending it never happened? Did it even mean anything –or was it just the cause and effect of grief and loss?

Anthony left it alone as he located a motel. After paying for a room, the two men climbed a set of outside metal stairs that led to the second floor balcony. Anthony unlocked the door and entered.

Twin beds occupied the room with a single nightstand between them, along with a small bureau, round table with three chairs, and a mini-refrigerator.

Angelo closed the door behind him. “We didn’t bring anything with us,” he murmured. “No change of clothes…nothing.”

Dropping the room key on the table, Anthony slipped out of his jacket. “We can make a quick trip back and grab whatever we need. But not until Clint returns. I want him and Cochise here with Cory. We still don’t know what the fuck happened.”

Angelo walked to the twin bed on the left and sat down. “Of course,” he whispered. “There could still be a threat.” He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor. The weight of Shay’s loss visibly pressed down on the man’s shoulders. Anthony had seen him this broken only one other time in his life.

Sitting across from him on the other bed, Anthony leaned forward and rubbed his hands down the back of Angelo’s head and kissed his hair. “We’re going to make it through this,” he said quietly. “Just like we did when Mary died.” He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, touching his brow to Angelo’s head. “Together.”

After all this time, those days were still so vivid in Anthony’s memory. The depth of anguish and loss, trying to explain to a three-year-old little boy that he would never see his mother again…comforting one another. Anthony’s heart shuddered and he closed his eyes. They had come so close back then…but neither could follow through.

Yet here they were again, sharing a mutual loss that was breaking them down, stripping them of all facades, masks…protective shields.

Angelo curled his hands around Anthony’s wrists and raised his head. Tears broke loose and careened down Angelo’s face as their eyes met. “It isn’t supposed to be this way,” he whispered, shakes gripping him. “Sons aren’t supposed to die before their fathers.” He shuddered, his chin trembling. He squeezed Anthony’s wrists in desperation, anguish. “He was…he was supposed to go on…long after we were gone.” His head dropped and he shook with sobs, clutching Anthony.

“I know,” Anthony kissed his hair then gently lifted his face again, his thumbs sliding over the man’s cheeks, brushing away his tears. “It isn’t right.” He touched his head to Angelo’s brow, his own tears stinging, welling up and overflowing. “It isn’t fair.” His lips grazed Angelo’s wet face. “
Life
isn’t fucking fair.” He trembled, his mouth lingering against Angelo’s cheek.

Angelo grew still, tremors coursing through him. And Anthony felt it –that
willingness
that was there back in the restroom earlier. The longing to just let go and forget all their reasons for pretending ‘this’ didn’t exist. And they could, Anthony realized. Neither had the strength to truly fight it right now. But what about later? What would it do to them? To their family? To…Cory?

“You should try to get some sleep,” Anthony whispered, his hands unsteady against the man’s damp face. He rubbed his thumbs across his warm cheeks and kissed the curve of his jaw. “It’s been a long morning.”

Tightening his grip on Anthony’s wrists, Angelo swallowed thickly. “You should as well.”

“I’ll try,” Anthony murmured, though certain he wouldn’t venture anywhere near the realm of sleep.

Angelo’s head sank down slowly, weary against Anthony’s shoulder. It wasn’t often that Angelo allowed his vulnerability to show through, but when he did…it was with Anthony, and Anthony alone.

♦

Axel didn’t move from the bed until he heard the front door close. Then everything shifted into fast forward as he hurriedly finished dressing, his mind numb, hardly aware of what he was doing. He needed out of the apartment, away from the one place that had become his and Clint’s “safe haven”. It wasn’t a
haven
anymore…or safe. It was just a cold dwelling now. No longer…

Home.

It was the first time in his life that he’d known what a home felt like.

I’ll be home soon…wait for me?

Axel’s strength left him and he dropped onto the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands as sobs shook his body.

That’s one thing you can always count on…If I’m not here…then I’m missing you.

His fingers shoving into his hair, Axel squeezed fistfuls of the strands, crying openly. “You lied…you didn’t miss me…you never…”
Loved me.

Sucking in a shaky breath, Axel stood quickly. The bedroom distorted but he made no effort to fight the tears. No one was there to see them. The sudden need for Jimmy’s presence hit him hard and he choked on a rush of sobs. He swallowed hard as the tears flowed relentlessly.
Jimmy
. Axel had sent Angel and Dane away, but he longed for Jimmy to come back. He didn’t know why he was the only one he wanted to see. Angel’s care for him was genuine…why had he shoved him away?

Angel reminds you what you are. Jimmy is a clean slate. A fresh start in a new life.

“What life?” Axel whispered bitterly. He was a fucking fool to believe he could have anything good. If he had allowed Angel to stay…he wouldn’t have remained for long. The day would have come when he remembered everything Axel had done to him…all that he had taken part in…and the hatred would’ve come back. There was no forgiveness or redemption in this fucking life, not really.
Everything
was an illusion. Maybe even life itself.

Axel left the bedroom, his feet moving with urgency. He didn’t want to be in this apartment…maybe never again. He’d rather sleep on the fucking street than in the bed he and Clint had…