Cowboy Gangster 03 - Outlaws of Love (5 page)

Why did you fucking bother with me at all? Why the apartment? Why any of it?
Axel choked on a sob and raked his arm irritably across his eyes. “Why didn’t you just leave me the fuck alone from the start-” His feet stuck to the carpet, stopping him cold as he entered the living room and saw the man on the sofa. “What…what’re you doing here?”

“Camping out,” Dane said casually.

♦

“I don’t want you here.”

Dane sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I know.”

“Then why are you still here?” Axel asked with a tremor to his voice. He glanced toward the kitchen anxiously.

“Angel isn’t here,” Dane said. “He left.”

Averting his eyes, Axel wiped his face with a shaky hand. “Why didn’t you go with him?”

“Because we need to talk.”

“No,” Axel whispered thickly. “I don’t want to talk. I just want you to leave.”

Dane sighed and shook his head. “Not until we talk.”

Axel looked at him. “Then will you leave?”

Not a chance in hell
. Dane shrugged. “We’ll see.”

Watching him with uncertainty, Axel asked quietly, “Talk about what?”

“How about we start with Angel.”

Axel frowned. “What about him?” he mumbled.

Clearing his throat, Dane leaned back and motioned for Axel to take a seat on the sofa with him. The young man hesitated then walked around the coffee table. Dane’s eyes followed him, drifting down to rest on the silver buckle nestled over the snap of his jeans.

Did the boy even realize he was still wearing the cowboy’s belt?

Axel sat at the far end and stared blankly at his hands in his lap.

“I know you’re hurting like hell right now,” Dane said softly. “And trust me, I know what you’re going through. I understand wanting to push people away.” Tears shimmered in Axel’s eyes but he didn’t look at Dane.
Believe me, I know how fucking bad it hurts.
“But I want you to tell me the real reason you’re pushing Angel away.”

Dane knew that Axel’s insistence that Angel leave and not come back –had to do with more than just Clint leaving. The pain Clint left behind was a catalyst for Axel’s emotions, bringing to the forefront of his mind things he’d started to lay to rest after coming to the club yesterday. And if the pain was left to fester, then the beautiful thing that was happening between Axel and Angel…would die.

And that was unacceptable. Angel needed this healing to take place as much as Axel did. Just as he’d needed the same healing with Dane.

Tears slid down Axel’s face as he slowly turned his eyes to meet Dane’s gaze. “Do you know what it feels like,” he whispered, his chin trembling, “To hurt someone as…beautiful and innocent as Angel?” He closed his eyes as more tears seeped out. “What it does to your…soul?”

Dane’s eyes swam, the pain in Axel an extension of his own. “Yes,” he whispered thickly. “I do.”

♦

Angel entered the house without knocking. None of Max’s boys had to wait for an invitation to enter his home. They were family, all of them. Angel hugged the pup to his chest, his face stained with tears as he stepped into the kitchen archway. Max and his husband-to-be, Horatio Kaplan, were working together preparing what appeared to be an early lunch. Pushing forty, the two men seemed more like new young lovers just starting out. At heart, perhaps they were. Angel didn’t know the details of their history together, but he did know it had taken them two decades to get to where they were now. And they weren’t wasting a single moment.

He watched them silently as they took advantage of each and every opportunity to touch each other, steal a kiss, whisper something flirty or suggestive in the other’s ear, causing smiles and laughter. It hurt to think that Axel might miss out on this “family” because Clint destroyed his faith in those who would so willingly love him and accept him.

Angel blinked at the sting in his eyes. “Hey,” he said quietly.

The two men looked his way, startled by his sudden appearance. “Angel,” Max’s face lit up as it always did when Angel came to visit –though his visits were often. “We didn’t hear you come in, son.” His smile wavered when he noticed Angel’s streaked face, and concern knit his brow. “Angel, what’s wrong?”

Of course Max’s first concern would be that there was trouble between Angel and Dane. Max had held Dane’s hand and walked him through hell when Angel and Dane had fallen apart. He wasn’t so naïve that he didn’t understand the depths that Max and Dane had gone. They had both been in great pain at the time. To this day they retained a special bond, though it had long since ceased to be sexual.

The same level of concern that resonated from Max, shone on Horatio’s face as well.

“It’s Axel,” Angel whispered, defusing their fears about Dane.

The two men exchanged an uncertain look. “What about Axel?” Max asked. “I’d heard things were going well between you and him.”

“It was,” Angel said thickly. “But then…” his lips tightened and he hugged Jonah closer. “…Clint left him and…and it crushed him.” He swallowed hard and blinked back the rising tears. “And he told me to leave, and not come back. Said he didn’t need anyone.”

“Son…” Max came to him and embraced him. He kissed his head. “Sounds to me like he was just hurting. People lash out in anger when they’re hurting inside. I’m sure everything will be okay between the two of you. Just give him a little time to adjust.”

Horatio approached and touched Angel’s back with affection. “I thought Clint and Axel were getting pretty tight? What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Angel choked and drew back from Max. “He took off in the middle of the night last night, then he came back a little while ago and…” He shook his head and pressed his face into the pup’s fur. “Clint and Axel made love…then Clint walked out on him.”

Horatio frowned. “Did he give a reason why?”

“I don’t know,” Angel said. “Axel wouldn’t talk to me. He just told me to leave and…” He stroked the pup gently, tears rising up again. “…He told me to take the pup that Clint gave him, said he didn’t want it anymore.” He glanced toward the hall. “Is…is Maddy here?”

“No,” Max murmured, one arm still wrapped around Angel’s shoulder. “He’s over at Savannah’s.”

“Would it be okay if he kept the pup here for a while?” Angel asked quietly. “I hope Axel will take him back, but…until he does…”

“Of course,” Max nodded and scratched the pup’s head. “That’s not a problem. I think Maddy would like that a lot.” A sad smile touched his lips. “When he heard that Clint had given Axel a pup, he told us about the puppy Axel brought home when you were younger. Axel has to be hurting bad to give up this pup.”

“He is,” Angel whispered.

“Where is Dane?” Horatio asked. It wasn’t often that they saw Angel and Dane apart.

“He stayed at Axel’s apartment. He seemed…uneasy about leaving him alone.”

“Why?” Max wondered.

Angel shrugged. “I don’t know. When Clint came to the apartment yesterday, he took Dane aside and told him something, but I don’t know what. When I asked him, he said he couldn’t tell me right now. Maybe…maybe it has something to do with what Clint told him. I don’t know.”

The front door opened and closed. Angel twisted around toward the kitchen doorway. The footsteps in the entry hall were too strong and solid to be Maddy’s.

Gabe appeared and his stare locked instantly on Angel. “Hey, babe,” he smiled, though it barely reached up to his baby blues. There was a slight strain in his handsome face. “Dane said I could find you here.” He entered the kitchen, cupped Angel’s head and kissed his hair then hugged Max and Horatio. It was their family ritual –they were an affectionate bunch and hugs were generously passed out at every given opportunity.

“You talked to Dane?” Angel looked at him uncertainly, his eyes wet with lingering tears.

Releasing a slow breath, Gabe nodded. “Yeah. Just a little bit ago. He told me what happened.”

Angel licked his lips and ducked his head. “Why would Clint do that to Axel?” He trembled with a bitter edge to his voice. “Everything was good between them yesterday. You saw them. Why would he just…turn on him like that?”

Gabe sighed again and planted another kiss on Angel’s head. “That’s why I came over,” he murmured. “I think you and I need to have a talk.”

Max lifted the pup from Angel’s arms. “The little guy can hang out with us,” he smiled and snuggled the animal to his chest as Horatio ruffled its fur. Max glanced at the man and winked. “It’ll be good practice.”

“Practice?” Angel looked at them. “Practice…for what?”

Horatio smiled and touched his head to Max’s temple then kissed his cheek as he cast Angel a sidelong glance. “Taking care of a…baby.”

“A…” Angel’s stare jumped between them, his eyes widening a bit. “A…
baby?
What…”

Chuckling softly, Max walked toward the archway, Horatio following. “We’ll talk about it later.” The two men disappeared into the other room.

Angel stared at the empty doorway in stunned silence.
A baby?
He turned slowly and looked at Gabe. “Did you know…?”

Gabe laughed softly. “It’s news to me.”

“Are they talking about…adopting a baby?” Angel remained stunned.

“Sounds that way,” Gabe smiled. “Talk about one hell of a lucky baby.”

For a moment, Angel forgot everything else as warmth spread through his heart. A baby in the family? Did Maddy know? For a split second, Angel worried that Maddy might be reluctant to share his new fathers with a baby –but it passed before he had time to consider it. Maddy would love it to pieces. And he deserved the chance to be a big brother. In many ways, Angel missed out on the chance just to be Maddy’s “brother”. He’d spent his whole life trying to protect Maddy from the horrors of the world they lived in. It wasn’t until Max took them in that Angel was able to settle into his role as ‘big brother’ and could let go of the crippling fear that at any moment Maddy could be abused or even ripped from his life altogether. It would be an amazing and beautiful thing to see a baby begin its life in a good place, surrounded by family that would love and care for it with all their heart and soul.

“You okay, babe?” Gabe touched his shoulder. “You’re not worried that a baby will steal away your dads’ love, now are you?”

Angel smiled and wiped his eyes. “No,” he whispered. “I think it’s…wonderful. Everyone should be so lucky to come into a family like this.” He looked at Gabe then wrapped his arms around him. “Like Maddy and me.”

Hugging him tight, Gabe kissed his ear. “Baby,
we’re
the lucky ones.”

♦

It hurt to talk about the past…about Angel. Hurt even worse than the pain coursing through him now. He didn’t want to deal with any of it –the past or the present. He just wanted to…disappear. But Dane wouldn’t leave until they “talked”. Why the man gave a fuck, Axel didn’t know. Axel had done his fair share in contributing to Angel’s hellish life –why didn’t Dane hate him for that? Why didn’t
Angel?

“I didn’t know,” Axel whispered.

“Didn’t know what?”

“That…that Wade would really do it.” He swallowed thickly and looked at Dane. “It was my fault, too,” he trembled. “I wasn’t the one who…who put it in Wade’s head to…” He looked away and hugged himself tight, shaking. “…To
pimp
out Angel.” He choked on a sob. “But I didn’t do anything to stop him. I-I thought it was funny when Byrd said it, like I was being cool…being one of
them.
But I didn’t know he would really do it.” Axel squeezed his eyes shut, everything inside him hating who he’d been back then, his despicable, horrid words like open wounds raked across his heart…embedded in his soul. The
real
horror had started
that
day for Angel and Maddy…

♦  ♦  ♦

“Fuck.” Wade snorted and thumped a cigarette butt out of one of the ashtrays. “If they were girls, we could at least pimp them out to horny men and make a butt load of cash.”

Axel chuckled and took a drag off a cigarette, shooting a quick look into the small adjoining living room. “Yeah,” he grunted. “No shit. Angel would be just the right age too. Lots of guys out there who would love to get their dicks in some young virgin pussy. So tight and hot. Mm!” He shook his head and grinned. “Fuck, it’s giving me a boner just thinking about it.”

“A bitch dog in heat would give you a boner,” Byrd drawled, then smirked.

“Fuck you, asshole,” Axel sneered but laughed anyway.

Byrd’s eyes settled heavily on Angel. When he spoke, his words were directed at Wade. “Why do they have to be girls?” he wondered. “There’s plenty of horny perverts out there who prefer a tight little boy ass to shove their cock in.” He sucked on a half spent cigarette, gaze resting on Angel. “You could still make a shit load off their sweet little asses.” He chuckled low. “Literally.”