Chased Dreams (16 page)

Love,

Grandpa

I was overwhelmed. Never had I ever expected
something like this. I was speechless, sitting dumbfounded as I
held the letter.

“The lawyer for your grandpa’s estate told
your grandma and your mom what was in the letter. They felt it was
best for you to hear the news straight from the source. I
volunteered to drop it off.”

I was shocked. “I don’t know what to say. I
certainly never thought he’d give me anything—not like this. I
guess I never even thought about wills and such. My mom said he’d
left my grandma well taken care of, so I just assumed he’d left
everything to her. I even talked to Brittney about moving back
there so we could help Grandma out.”

“Well, I’m sure she would love that. Maybe
you could build a house there, too. It was nice of him to remember
Nikki.”

“He gave me the land where I always used to
take her, down by the creek.” I paused and set the letter aside.
“I’ve been thinking about Nikki so much, lately. I don’t know why,
but it’s like I can’t get her out of my head.” I was staring again,
eyes roaming over Justine’s features that were so reminiscent of
Nikki’s. “I miss her so much; but it makes me feel like an awful
husband every time I feel this way.”

“Chase, Brittney knows you love her. And she
knows how much you loved Nikki, too. I’m sure she understands your
loss. It’s okay to grieve. Look how many years it’s taken me to get
past losing my husband? And that’s not even the right way to say
it. I’ll never get past it. I will love him with every breath I
take. But, I know he wants me to be happy. Nikki would want that
for you, too.”

“I am happy. Brittney is an amazing wife;
and now we have a baby on the way. I don’t know what I did to
deserve all this, but I’m truly blessed.”

“Congratulations on that, by the way. You’re
mom is very excited.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I kind of got that when
she was squealing in my ear on the phone. My ear was ringing for
hours, afterward.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I can see her doing
that.” Glancing down at her watch, she patted her arm. “I hate to
deliver and run, but I’ve got to get going or I’m going to be
late.”

She stood and enveloped me in a hug. “I love
you, Chase.”

“Love you, too. Thanks so much—for
everything.”

“I hope you’ll come back to us,” she said
softly. “All of us at home miss you.”

Chapter Eighteen

“Chase.”

I awakened, again, to Nikki’s voice. The
horrible headache and ringing in my ears was back, but this time
much worse. Holding my head between my hands, I pushed, trying to
ease some of the tension. My head felt like it was going to
explode. Standing, I stumbled toward the bathroom to get more
painkillers, the room spinning violently around me. I needed to
throw up. My limbs were shaking and I felt weak all over. Opening
the medicine cabinet, I grabbed the bottle, trying to remove the
lid, but couldn’t.

“Brittney,” I called, hoping she could open
it for me.

“What is it?” she replied, groggily.

“Help me. Something’s wrong.” Unable to
stand, I fell to the floor, an agonizing scream escaping me as I
held my head.

“Chase?” Flipping on the light, she jumped
out of bed in alarm, rushing to my side. “What is it? What’s the
matter?”

“I don’t know.” I groaned in agony as I
writhed on the floor. “My head. Something’s wrong with my head!”
Nausea rolled through me heavily. “I think I’m going to puke.” I
hollered again, as another pain stabbed through me. “I think
. . . I think I’m having a stroke,” I stuttered.

“Don’t you leave me, Chase! I mean it!”
Brittney shouted, the color draining from her face. “I’m calling
911.”

“Hurry!”

That was the last thing I remembered before
everything went black.

***

“Someone,” I tried to say, but the word was
garbled. My eyelids were heavy. So heavy, it was as if they were
made of brick. I struggled to open them, but I couldn’t. Exhausted,
I went back to sleep.

***

There was a bright light shining. I tried to
turn my head away, but it felt like lead. This time, though, I was
able to open my eyes a sliver. Light was coming in through a
window, threatening to blind me. Rolling my head to the side, I saw
tubes and bags of stuff hanging beside me. Their names niggled at
my mind—I should know what they were, but I couldn’t quite get the
word for it. Darkness consumed me.

***

“Chase. My name is Chase.” My voice was
raspy and I didn’t know to whom I was speaking, or why. Could
anyone hear me? I clenched at the fabric I felt beneath my
fingertips, but even my fingers didn’t seem to work right. I faded
under again.

***

Time. Time was passing me by. I couldn’t
stop it, but I could feel it passing in the rustles and garbled
voices that frequently moved around me. What were they saying? What
was happening?

***

The incessant beeping wouldn’t go away and I
struggled to focus on what was making the sound. Slowly, I opened
my eyes, staring about at the unfamiliar room, realizing I was in
the hospital. Thankfully, my headache was gone. And I was obviously
alive, so that was a plus; but my knee was aching again. Something
bad had happened, but I didn’t know what.

Raising my arm, it felt weak, as I rubbed my
hand over my face, surprised to find I was in really great need of
a shave.
What the hell? How long have I been out of it,
I
thought, wishing I could talk with someone—anyone. As if I had
conjured her up, Brittney appeared in the doorway.

“Britt.” I was relieved to see her. “What
happened?” I asked, my voice raspy. She jumped and dropped the book
she was carrying.

“Oh my gosh!” She seemed completely stunned.
“You’re awake!” Running toward me she threw her arms around me.
“We’ve all been so worried.”

I let her hug me to her, enjoying the
familiarity of being in her arms. “What happened?” I asked, basking
in the smell of her perfume. “How long have I been out?”

She pulled away, biting at her lip for a
moment. “You really don’t remember anything?”

My limbs were so heavy. “I remember my head
hurting and falling on the floor. You were calling for an
ambulance. Then I woke up. Here.”

A confused look crossed her face. “I don’t
know what you’re talking about.” She stared at me for a moment.

“What do you mean, you don’t know? You were
with me.”

“Chase, you were in a car accident after
Homecoming. Brett told us you were sneaking out to meet Nikki. They
think you fell asleep at the wheel or something. You rolled your
truck. They had to cut you out of the vehicle and life flight you
to the hospital.” She hesitated for a moment, her eyes searching
mine. “You suffered a traumatic brain injury and you’ve been in a
coma for the past nine months. We were starting to lose hope that
you’d ever wake up.”

I started shaking, my mind a mass of
confusion. This was not right. “What do you mean? Nikki was the one
in the car accident that night. She died shortly afterward.”

“Oh, Chase.” Brittney placed her hand in
mine and squeezed it gently. “I don’t know how things got scrambled
up for you, but I promise you. Nikki is very much alive.” She cast
a look at the clock on the wall. “She visits you around this time
every day, without fail.”

My breaths came short and fast and I felt
agitated. “I don’t believe you. I’m . . . dreaming, or
hallucinating, or something. Nikki died and her death almost killed
me in the process.” I glanced toward her stomach, which showed a
slightly rounded baby bump. “You and I are married now, and we’re
having a baby.”

She glanced down at her stomach, placing a
hand on it protectively. “I am pregnant, but this is Matt’s baby,
Chase. You and I have never . . . .” Glancing at the
door, she stood. “I think I need to go get the doctor for you.”

She hurried out and I watched her leave, my
mind racing with a billion thoughts. I didn’t know what was
happening to me. Nothing made sense. I could recall the last
several years with perfect clarity. At least, I thought it was
perfect clarity; but what if I was messed up in the head?

Lowering my gaze, I stared at my arms,
seeing how thin they looked. Gone were the strong muscles that had
once been there, as if they’d wasted away. I tried to sit up, but I
was too weak to move myself.

What the hell was going on?

“Chase?” I froze. And all my previous
thoughts were suspended. I recognized that voice. If I were
deaf
, I’d still recognize it. Slowly, I lifted my head.

There she was, eyes wide with disbelief,
looking as perfect and whole as ever. “Nikki?” I breathed out
softly, unable to believe what I was seeing.

She ran toward me, crawling on the bed and
throwing her arms around me. “You’re awake!” She could barely choke
the words out as she sobbed against my chest. “You’re awake!” Her
hands curled into the hospital gown I was wearing, bunching it into
her fists.

Slowly, I lifted my shaky hand, moving so
carefully, completely afraid she’d disappear. Then I touched her,
my fingers running through edges of her dark hair, and the scent of
her perfume wafting up, filling my nostrils with the smell that was
uniquely her. Her body was molded to mine—every curve as familiar
to me as my own.

“You’re awake!” she cried again, wracked
with tears.

Wrapping my arms around her, I held on as
tightly as I could, casting my gaze heavenward, my own tears
dripping into her hair. “Dear God, if this is a dream, please don’t
ever let me wake up!”

***

“I just don’t understand,” I said for the
millionth time, looking at the neurologist, Dr. Kennish. Focusing
was difficult; and combined with the confusion going on around me,
I was more than a little lost.

My whole family was in the room, weeping and
hugging each other, and smiling at me. Grandpa had both his arms
extended, one draped around my mom, and the other around Grandma.
Brett, Brittney, and Tana stood huddled together in the corner with
big grins on their faces. Nikki held my hand in a death grip,
squeezing so hard it was almost painful, but I understood. I was
afraid to let go of her, as well. I was afraid to blink, to close
my eyes, fearful I would find myself gone again.

“When dealing with a traumatic brain injury,
it’s very common for injured people to experience some sort of an
alternate reality. The brain can still hear what’s going on around
it and it struggles to make sense of things. What you’ve described
to me could easily be explained by conversations taking place in
this room. Take your knee for instance. It was injured in the
accident and you had a fracture that required surgery. You’re mind
twisted that around so it made sense to you.”

I shook my head, unable to believe what I
was hearing. “I don’t see how that’s possible. I remember these
things—I felt real pain, smelled real smells, and tasted real food.
I can remember distinct minute details, and I remember the
depression I suffered on multiple occasions because of what
happened. I’m telling you. It was real.”

Dr. Kennish pursed his lips together for a
few moments. “Then let me ask you couple a more questions. Did you
ever suffer from headaches, or maybe hear voices you couldn’t
explain?”

I had. I knew I had, on multiple occasions.
“Well, yeah, but still.”

“How about the sequences of events? Were
they always in order? Or did things seem out of place—disjointed so
to speak.”

I pondered on this for a few minutes, going
back over the last several years, or what I thought was years, of
my life. “I remember playing in a college championship game after
Nikki died, but it was several years later. But then I remember
going back and starting college again. But then I got married to
Brittney and . . . .” I dwindled to a stop, concentrating
on pulling up the memories, but I noticed Nikki’s hand tightening
at my words.

“And what?” my mom encouraged me to
continue.

“I remember having a baby with Brittney. It
was a little girl, and we named her after Nikki. But right before
all of this happened, she’d just told me she was pregnant and we
hadn’t had the baby yet.” Damn it to hell if anyone else could
follow this. I was confusing myself. “I also remember having weird
dreams. Seeing people from my past who are dead, or even being in
my own past like when I was a kid playing pee wee football.” I
sighed, frustrated. What had seemed so incredibly clear was now
sounding like a fragmented mess.

The doctor just nodded. “Exactly as I
expected. You may have felt you were experiencing certain things at
the time, but the brain can do a lot to protect itself. I suspect
the longer you stay awake, the fuzzier it will become as reality
takes over. The only way I can explain it is, have you ever had a
really vivid dream—and in the dream, things made total sense to
you? Then, you wake up and try to tell someone else about the
dream, but you find it sounds silly?”

I nodded, wondering to myself how this could
really be happening? How did one close their eyes and wake up in an
alternate reality?

“My advice is to take things a minute at a
time, right now, Mr. Walker. You’ve experienced a huge trauma
that’s taken months out of your life. Go slowly. Get reacquainted
with people and let the process evolve and sort itself out
naturally. There’s no reason to push yourself so hard, mentally.
It’ll come back in pieces here and there, though it’s not uncommon
to never remember any of your accident.”

“What happens now?” My grandpa asked. “Can
we take him home?”

Doctor Kennish shook his head. “No, we’ll be
keeping him here for a little while. He’s going to need extensive
rehabilitation to build his muscle strength. He’s been all these
months getting his nutrition intravenously, so we need to help him
work his way back to eating. Plus, we’ll be doing more neurological
and cognitive testing to determine the most affected areas of his
brain.”