Chased Dreams (12 page)

“Hey, a man’s got to have his priorities.” I
started to smile, but a sudden buzzing sound in my head made me
feel dizzy. I leaned against the truck trying to steady myself,
blinking several times.

“Chase?” I heard Nikki’s voice call my name.
“Chase, are you okay?” No, it wasn’t Nikki. It was Brittney talking
to me. Giving my head a shake, I blinked again, and glanced around
at my now silent companions who were all staring at me with
concerned looks.

“Sorry. I’m fine really.” Everything seemed
completely normal, but that ache that always accompanied me missing
Nikki was back in my chest. I understood that what I’d been through
regarding her was very traumatic. I’d even read about people who
suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was definitely
showing some signs of that. For some reason, I just couldn’t seem
to fully let her go.

“What happened?” Brittney asked.

“I think the equilibrium was off in my ears.
They started ringing and it made me feel a little dizzy. That’s
all. I’m fine now. I feel perfectly normal.”

“Well, you haven’t been sleeping well
lately, it seemed like. I wonder if that has something to do with
it?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I can tell you that
the fresh air will probably do me good though, and help out with
that; so let’s get going.”

She still didn’t seem convinced. “Do you
need me to drive?”

I laughed. “Babe, I’m fine. I promise.
There’s no way I’d get behind the wheel if I wasn’t sure.”

She studied me for a minute longer and
finally nodded. “Okay, if you’re sure. Tana, why don’t you sit in
the backseat with me, and these two goons can visit together up
front.”

“Sounds good to me,” she said, climbing in.
Brittney followed after her.

“You know what this trip needs?” Brett asked
as he jumped in.

“Yes, I do,” I replied with a grin, easily
reading his mind. Dragging out my phone, I plugged it into the
sound system.

“Oh, great. Here comes the country music,”
Brittney complained from behind me.

“You know you love it,” I replied as the
twang hit the speakers and both Brett and I started singing.

“Looks like we’re in for four hours of
hell,” Tana joked loudly to Brittney over the music.

Brittney simply nodded, but I winked at her
through the rearview mirror and she smiled. Nothing could break my
mood.

I was going home.

Chapter Thirteen

“Hey, beautiful ladies,” I said, opening the
car door to greet both my mom and Grandma as they hurried down the
sidewalk to greet me.

Mom threw her arms around me first. “It’s
about time you came home to see me, young man. I’ve been missing
you something fierce.”

“I missed you too,” I replied, hugging her
tightly. “Is Greg here?”

“Not right now, but he will be. Why?”

“I was going to ask to borrow the quads and
Ranger.”

“I’m sure he won’t have a problem with
that,” she replied, stepping back so my Grandma could give me a
hug, too.

“I have to say, I thought you’d come home a
lot more often because you missed my cooking so much.”

“You know I always miss your cooking,
Grandma. I crave it every day.”

“Hey, now!” Brittney protested, poking me in
the ribs. “My cooking isn’t that bad!”

I laughed. “It’s not, really. You’d be proud
of what she’s taught herself with all those cooking shows she
watches these days.”

“Good for you, Brittney,” Grandma said,
moving to hug her too.

“Where’s Grandpa?”

“He had to go to the hospital for some
tests. He said to tell you to have fun and help yourself to the
trailer.”

“Is everything okay?” I asked. The word
“tests” always made me nervous these days.

She waved her hand in the air. “Nothing to
worry about. Just some routine stuff—don’t even worry your sweet
head about it. Go on and get your trailer hooked up.”

My mom followed me to where the camp trailer
was parked on the far side of the barn while Brett jumped in the
truck and drove it over.

“I see you aren’t using your crutches. How’s
your leg feeling?” she asked.

“It feels okay, for the most part,” I
answered honestly. “It still aches in the evenings and when I sleep
sometimes, but it’s getting better. I miss being able to get out
and exercise.”

“I bet you do. You never were one to just
sit around all day doing nothing.”

“Yeah, watching soap operas has never really
been my thing, ya know?”

She laughed. “I’ve missed you so much. Will
you be back in time to visit with us some on Sunday before you go
home?”

Waving Brett back as he reversed the truck,
I guided him into place under the hitch. “Yep. We were all hoping
to see our parents while we were here.”

“Wonderful. I look forward to it. Maybe we
could all have Sunday dinner together just like old times?”

“That sounds perfect,” I responded, really
meaning it. Being here was making me feel completely energized.
Bending, I started hooking everything up.

“Chase! Wait!” Grandma said, hurrying up to
us. “I baked a bunch of cookies for you to take camping with you. I
knew you’d like that.”

Smiling widely, I took the offered heaping
plate. “Grandma, you’re the best.” I bent to give her a kiss on the
cheek. “Now these are all for me, right? I don’t have to
share?”

“Dream on, ya big lug,” Brittney said,
coming up behind me and trying to grab the plate.

“Don’t you even think about it, Britt. I’m
tired of you always trying to steal my grandma’s cookies from me.
They’re mine.” I held the plate over my head so she couldn’t reach
it.

“You gonna stand like that all weekend?” she
asked, folding her arms.

“Nope. Just until I finish eating the
cookies.” I laughed when she glared at me. “Fine. I’ll share. You
have been taking care of me a lot lately. I suppose that warrants a
cookie.” Lowering the plate, I let her take one. “Just don’t let
Brett and Tana have any. They’re pigs.”

Winking, I passed the cookies around to
everyone, letting them take one before taking one for myself. I
moaned as I bit into the chocolate chip delight. Grandma’s cookies
were like a little piece of heaven.

“Love you, Chase,” Grandma said as I hugged
her again.

“Love you, too,” I replied. “Thanks for the
cookies.”

We loaded back into the truck and drove
through the gates of the ranch and out onto the skinny, winding
side road lined with trees. The road led past the creek to the spot
where I used to take Nikki. We’d spent hours making out beneath
those trees. Nikki would’ve loved a day like this, camping
together, being with one another, dreaming of our futures.

Why did everything always come back to her?
Sometimes it felt as if she were everywhere, still very much a part
of me and everything in my life. It was such a tender spot in my
heart, the place I held her in, both painful and beautiful. It
seemed like I was missing her more and more lately.

As if she could sense my mood, Brittney
leaned forward and brushed her hands over my shoulders, squeezing
them gently. Forcing Nikki from my mind, I determined to make this
a good, fun experience—if not for myself, then for Brittney.

***

Pausing, I closed my eyes and inhaled the
fresh air deeply into my lungs. It was almost as if someone sprayed
my favorite outdoorsy scent room freshener in the air. There was
nothing like the smell of the forest or the whispering sound of the
soft breeze rustling through the needles on the pine trees.

As the sun dipped lower, the temperature
dropped drastically—it didn’t matter that it was summer. The nights
were always cooler in the higher elevations.

“This is going to be great,” I said with a
smile, glancing at our small group.

“Well, I, for one, can’t wait to sleep in my
warm comfy bed in the trailer,” Brett replied with a chuckle.

“Who said you were sleeping in there?” I
retorted with a laugh, my smile growing wider as he stared at me
with a slightly nervous expression, his eyes darting between Tana
and me. “Calm down, dude. I’m kidding.” He visibly relaxed and Tana
laughed.

“Does anyone want to tell ghost stories
around the campfire tonight?” she asked, holding a flashlight under
her chin and clicking it on.

Brett chuckled. “Babe, it’s not dark enough
to even see that yet, but I’m all for getting you scared and worked
up so you’ll keep hanging on to me.”

I watched him attack her, her shrieks
filling the air, before turning away to stare off into the
surrounding forest. Ghost stories . . . Tana may not realize it,
but these woods were already haunted; but there was only one ghost
here, and that was Nikki’s.

Visions of the two of us tangled in one
another’s arms flitted through my head and memories overwhelmed
me—the way her lips felt against mine, the way her skin had tasted
as my tongue trailed across it, the sound of her sweet voice
whispering around me.

“
Chase.”

Closing my eyes, I gritted my teeth. I could
still hear her as if she were here with me.

“
Chase, I miss you. I need you.
Please.”

Nothing could stop me from turning in the
direction the sound was coming from and I hurried off through the
trees chasing after the voice like a madman.

“
Chase, I love you.”
Her voice was
softer now and I paused, trying to listen over my own heavy
breathing to determine the direction it was coming from. Adjusting
my course, I continued.

“Nikki! I’m here, Nikki! Where are you?” The
only answer was the wind whispering through the pines; but I
continued on anyway, desperate to find her, running until I came to
the edge of the creek.

“Nikki?” I called again, turning around in a
circle as I surveyed the area, but there was nothing.

What the hell was I doing? Sinking to sit by
the water’s edge, I ran both of my hands into my hair, frustrated.
Why was I still hearing her? Better yet, why was I chasing after
her? Brittney was an amazing wife; but I still found myself longing
heavily for Nikki. Was it possible for someone to be completely and
totally in love with two people at the same time?

Admit it, Walker,
my inner voice
said.
You’re longing for your dead girlfriend.

It was right. The proof was in my actions. I
kept returning to the places that reminded me of her, as if it
could somehow bring her back to me, as if the mere memories of our
short time together, could somehow bring her to life again.

No matter how much I denied it, the truth
was constantly staring me in the face; but I kept refusing to
acknowledge it because of the damage it would cause. No matter how
much I tried to bury it or tell myself otherwise, it refused to be
buried.

I was still completely, irrevocably, in love
with Nikki. I was constantly telling myself lies—that it was her
friendship I missed most, but it wasn’t true. I missed everything
about her—her kisses, the special glances she reserved just for me,
the way she bit her bottom lip when she was trying to be seductive;
but most of all, I missed the way she made
me
feel when I
was around her. She made me feel like I was some sort of super
hero, that whatever I wanted to do was possible. Even now, in my
most desperate moments, she was the one who frequented my dreams,
encouraging me to keep going.

Hanging my head, I watched as my tears hit
the ground in front of me. I was in mourning for a relationship I’d
never be able to have, the relationship I really wanted.

What kind of selfish husband was I? I really
loved my wife, but I couldn’t stop thinking about someone else. My
heart was still being shredded over what might have been. Why?

I loved Brittney. I really did. She’d stood
by my side through so much. I owed her my whole heart—every bit of
it; but for some reason, I seemed unable to let Nikki and the past
go. My head was a mess and I felt as though I was seeking the
echoes of chased dreams.

Wiping my eyes, I crawled to my feet, a new
determination settling over me. I needed to do my best to live in
the present, to love those who were in my life now. Crying over my
old ghosts wasn’t going to get me anywhere.

Slowly, I made my way back to the campsite,
my heart heavy and overwhelmed with both grief and hesitation. How
did one overcome wanting and wishing for something they could never
have?

Walking back into camp, I realized I must’ve
been gone longer than I’d thought. Brett had started a fire and
Britt was busy laying out hotdogs and all the makings for s’mores.
A soft smile creased my face as I watched her moving around
happily. She knew how much I liked her s’mores, and no one made
them better than she did. We had so many happy little memories like
this together. I needed to focus more on those and how
she
made me feel instead of allowing myself to constantly drift back to
what could’ve been.

“Who’s hungry?” she asked, looking up and
spying me. Her smile widened and she held out a roasting stick to
me. “Ready to eat, big guy?”

“You know it,” I replied, hurrying to take
it from her and loading it up with three hotdogs. She laughed as
she watched me fill my plate with buns and chips before grabbing a
soda and heading to a folding chair near the fire.

“Someone is having fun,” she called after
me.

“You know me. I love camping,” I replied
with a grin, holding my hotdogs over the open flames to cook as I
shoved a chip in my mouth. The conversation between the four of us
grew quieter as we enjoyed our meal. And the darker it got, the
more ready for bed I was. This emotional exhaustion was starting to
wreak havoc on my system. I didn’t know how much longer I could
keep it up. I was worn out.

“Hey, I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but
I think I’m going to crash soon. The best fishing happens first
thing in the morning, so I think I’ll call it an early night.”