Chased Dreams (4 page)

I glanced at her pretty face; it was full of
concern and pity. I didn’t want to see those emotions there. It was
my job to take care of her, not add to her burdens. I needed to
protect her.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” I stroked
my hand over her blonde hair glowing like a halo in the light. She
looked almost angelic.

Her expression hardened a bit as she pressed
her lips into a firm line. She stared at me for a moment. “Don’t
give me that bull. I know you’re struggling with this and I want to
help.”

A frustrated chuckle escaped me. “Help me
how? There’s nothing you can do.”

“I know I can’t change what’s happened to
you, but it might help if you talked about it and let some of your
emotion out.” She studied me for a moment. “You just seem so closed
off right now. I don’t know how to reach you.”

I shrugged. “There isn’t anything to say,
Britt. My leg is busted up. I may or may not recover from it. I get
no choice in the matter. It’s the hand that fate has dealt me and I
get to deal with it, whether I want to or not. It doesn’t matter
that it’s completely turned our lives upside down, there’s no way
out of it. Talking about it isn’t going to change a thing.”

She glanced away from me, but not before I
saw the disappointment shining in her eyes. It made my heart feel
like it was being squeezed in a vise. I wasn’t good enough for her
anymore, and she knew it. This wasn’t what she’d signed on for.

I wanted to reassure her, to tell her I was
okay and that everything was going to work out for the best. But,
the truth was, I couldn’t say something I didn’t believe. I was
damaged goods now. I knew she was seeing the dreams and hopes for
our future together slipping away, just like I was.

Football was what I knew. I was an athlete.
It had been my identity for my entire life. I didn’t know how to be
anything else. Yes, I’d gone to school and got my Bachelor’s Degree
in General Studies. I’d taken a few classes that could go toward a
Sports Medicine Degree, as electives, but never thought it would be
something I would need myself. I’d planned on playing until I
couldn’t play anymore, and then falling back on my education to get
me through the years beyond that. I never even considered that my
career might be over at this stage.

Brittney patted my chest, drawing my
attention back to her. “Just try to stay positive, Chase. We have
no idea how things might turn out. I’m here for you if you decide
you want to talk.” She rolled away from me and snuggled into her
pillow. I stared at her back where the silk strands of her
nightgown crisscrossed against her skin. I wanted to reach out to
her. I wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. I
wanted to kiss her and make love to her, but I couldn’t even do
that—with my knee like it was. My hands balled into fists,
clenching until my nails were digging into my skin. She might as
well be married to a complete invalid. I was good for nothing.

I reached over and snapped out the light.
Shifting around in the dark I tried to find a comfortable position
to sleep in, but it was nearly impossible with this stupid brace on
my knee. I wasn’t sure how long I’d lain there, trying to get
comfortable, before I finally decided to get up. Every time I’d
move, Brittney would let out little moans in her sleep. I knew I
was disturbing her rest.

Reaching out in the dark, I felt for the
crutches I’d left beside the nightstand. I grabbed them and moved
as noiselessly as I could to my feet. I went into the living room
and lay down on the couch before flipping on the television with
the remote. I naturally gravitated to the sports channels and found
the Fiesta Bowl I’d recently played in on an overnight replay. I
couldn’t click away, taking the opportunity to see the game from a
spectator’s perspective. I watched every move I made, recalling
precisely how the ball had felt in my hands during those intense
moments. I’d never felt more alive than when I’d played in that
game. Everything was sharp and clear to me. I was in complete
control. It was quite possibly the best game I’d ever played in my
life. Now, I was watching, wondering if it had been my last.

I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until I
woke to Brittney shaking my shoulder, the morning sun seeping
through the slats of the closed blinds behind her. “How long have
you been out here?” she asked, that damn concerned look still
plastered to her face.

“All night,” I mumbled as I sat up, rubbing
my eyes. “I couldn’t get comfortable and I knew it was disturbing
you, so I left so you could rest.” My gaze settled on the
television that was now playing the morning sports news show.

“I don’t want you to sleep on the couch. You
need your rest right now to heal properly. If you’re bothering me,
I’ll get up and leave. You stay put.” She glanced over at the large
clock hanging over the gas fireplace. “You need to get showered. We
have to have you to the surgical suite in an hour. Do you need me
to help you?”

“I think I can manage to take a shower on my
own.” I had to struggle to not snap at her. She was honestly trying
to be helpful, but it made me feel like a friggin’ cripple.

“I laid some clothes out on the bed for you
too.”

Gritting my teeth, I chose not to reply to
that helpful remark at all, fearing my attitude might reduce her to
tears by the time I was finished speaking my mind.

My mood wasn’t much improved when I returned
to the living room.

She glanced at me with a smile. “You look
nice. How are you feeling?”

‘Well, I’m alive,” I grumbled, feeling
guilty for pushing her away. Why was I running from the best thing
I currently had in my life?

“You all ready for this surgery?” She was
trying to be upbeat, but I could still detect that slight tremor in
her voice she got whenever she was nervous about something.

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go, babe.” I
just wanted to get this done with.

I stared blankly out the window as she
drove, not really seeing what was out there and wondering what
surgery would be like. I’d never had one before, having been pretty
healthy most of my life. I could barely recall any doctor’s visits
for illnesses or anything. This whole medical thing was completely
foreign to me.

All too soon, we arrived at our destination.
Brittney pulled the car up under the canopy by the front doors, so
I wouldn’t have far to walk. “I’ll go park and meet you inside in
just a minute.”

“Can I ask a favor?” I blurted out.

She looked surprised. “Of course you
can.”

“Don’t come in with me.”

A hurt look crossed her face and I thought I
saw tears well in her eyes before she glanced at the steering
wheel—her knuckles were white as she gripped it.

I placed my hand on her leg and lightly
squeezed, trying to soften the blow. “I just need to do this by
myself, Britt. I’m sorry.”

“I want to be there for you,” she said,
still refusing to look at me.

“Babe, I appreciate that. I really do. I
know I’m not explaining myself very well these days, but I need to
do this on my own. Okay?”

She didn’t reply, but nodded once.

“I’ll have someone call you as soon as I’m
done and give you a report. Does that sound good?”

She nodded again. “I’ll be back to pick you
up when you’re ready then.” She finally faced me. “Tell them I said
to please be careful with you.”

I smiled. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

She dropped a hand to mine, squeezing it
lightly. “I love you, Chase. See you later.”

“I love you too.” I leaned over and gave her
a light peck against the cheek, before grabbing my crutches and
getting out. I watched her drive away before I went inside. I knew
she wasn’t happy with me, but I couldn’t explain to her how
important it was for me to still feel like I could do things on my
own, not like I was being coddled like a small child.

After I got checked in, the receptionist
instructed me to sit in the waiting room until someone from the
surgical team came to get me. There wasn’t anyone else there and I
was glad to have the place to myself. Everything seemed distant as
I stared absently at the large Tuscan inspired paintings that hung
on the burnt orange walls. In the far corner was a large aquarium
with many bright colored tropical fish. I watched them for what
seemed like hours, occasionally finding myself dozing off. I was
beginning to wonder if they’d completely forgotten about me when I
heard a door open.

“Chase Walker?” a female voice said and I
opened my eyes a crack to find a beautiful woman with long black
hair standing there with a clipboard.

“Yes?” I replied, sitting straighter.

“Follow me, please,” she stated with a smile
and gave a nod with her head in the direction of the hallway behind
her.

I dutifully did as she asked, trying to
smoothly guide my crutches through the door as she held it open for
me. When she hurried to step in front of me, I couldn’t help but
wonder why a girl as pretty as she was wasn’t in movies or a model.
Her figure was perfect, round in all the right places, and her high
heels accentuated the muscle tone in her long, dark cream colored
legs that showed beneath her short skirt. It was hard not to
stare.

“My name is Selena, by the way. I’m the
Patient Care Coordinator. How are you feeling today, Mr. Walker?”
she asked, her voice soft and sweet as we moved along together,
passing through another door that was marked Pre-Op.

“I’m hanging in there. How about you?”

“Are you married?” she asked without
hesitation, not even bothering to answer my question. She turned to
stare into my eyes and I felt my face get hot with the
connection.

“Yes, I am,” I managed to choke out.

“That’s a shame,” she replied, and then gave
a little laugh as if she couldn’t quite believe she’d said that out
loud. “She must be a beautiful woman to have nabbed a sexy guy like
you.” She was totally hitting on me and there was nothing I could
do back.

“Yes, my wife is gorgeous,” I said, trying
to think of what else to say that would show her the depth of my
feeling for Brittney and how much I truly loved her. But I couldn’t
think of anything. She held my gaze for several moments.

“I’m sure she’s wonderful,” she finally
spoke, an obvious tone of disappointment in her voice. She mustered
up a smile. “The anesthesiologist will be in shortly to get you set
up. In the meantime, please change out of all your clothes into the
gown we have here, on the bed.” She walked by me and pulled the
curtain around the bed on its little track. As she did so, I caught
the scent of her perfume and I couldn’t help inhaling it, deeply.
It was the same as Nikki’s. I’d recognize it anywhere.

“It was nice meeting you,” I said, trying to
make her stay a split second longer. “Have a wonderful day.” I must
be going crazy. She gave me the same butterflies I used to feel
whenever I caught the scent of Nikki next to me.

Selena smiled brightly. “Thank you. Good
luck with your surgery, Mr. Walker.”

I slumped back against the bed as soon as
she left, hanging my head in defeat. What the hell had just
happened? And why was everything suddenly coming back to Nikki? I
thought I’d been through this stage already, but it seemed like
everything was just getting harder and harder lately.

I quickly changed into my hospital gown and
lay on the bed as I’d been instructed. The anesthesiologist entered
the room with another nurse and I tried to focus as he asked me
pertinent questions about my medical history as the nurse began an
I.V. on me. It wasn’t long before I was being wheeled into the
surgical suite and shifted over to another table. I stared at the
bright lights over my head thinking of Brittney and how much I
loved her. I needed to try harder. I couldn’t mess things up with
her.

A mask was placed over my face. “Chase, I’m
going to give you some medicine, now,” the anesthesiologist said.
“You’ll be fine and will probably start to . . .” I lost track of
the rest of his words as I slipped into unconsciousness.

Chapter Five

It was a warm summer day and our black
jerseys made it feel even hotter. I glanced around at the other
kids who made up my team. We were the undefeated Wayside Raiders,
and although this was only peewee football, it was something my
town took pretty seriously. The windows of the cars in the parking
lot were painted with numbers and comments like “Go Team” as
parents came to support their sons who were playing or daughters
who were cheering.

I’d hardly been able to sleep the past two
nights—I was so excited for this game. We were playing the
Wickenburg Thunder, a team that was also undefeated. I was so
pumped to play, knowing all my relatives were coming out to support
me. This was my first chance to win a championship, and there was
no way we were going to lose if I had anything to say about it.

With my Gatorade in hand, I walked toward
the field. The grass was bright green, almost seeming brighter than
I’d ever seen it. The drink was part of my game day ritual—drink
half before the game and half of it at halftime. I quickly guzzled
the first half before setting it on the sideline table and heading
out to warm up.

As we ran through some drills, I had the
feeling that something wasn’t quite right. I glanced around, but
nothing seemed out of place, so I shook it off.

The referees came out onto the field and my
coach called the team captains out to do the coin toss. We all
watched in anticipation as the quarter was flipped into the air.
The ref caught it and revealed it to everyone. Heads up. We’d won
the call. It had to be a sign. Today was going to be a great
day!

I ran back to join the mob of my teammates
jumping and hitting each other as we pumped ourselves up. I glanced
to the stands and saw Amy Stackhouse sitting there watching me. She
was the cutest girl in school. We liked each other, but wouldn’t
admit it. She’d been my first kiss in third grade, after a triple
dog dare that had happened in front of half the school. I briefly
thought about the note she’d slipped me yesterday, wishing me good
luck today and telling me that if we won, she would have a special
surprise for me. I wanted to know what that surprise was.