Chased Dreams (18 page)

Still, I managed to doze off for a few hours
here and there, always finding myself back in the hospital when I
awakened. I was beginning to believe all of this, even though I was
still afraid to.

I watched Brittney closely, studying her as
she moved, trying to make sense of what had happened in my head.
Despite my deep feelings for Nikki, I’d been in love with Brittney,
too—at least I thought I had. All the emotions tumbling inside me
felt real; whether they were imagined or not.

“Nikki said you visited me every day.”

She jumped, placing her hand over her heart.
“Chase, you scared the crap out of me. I thought you were still
asleep.” She moved closer, resting her hands on the foot of my
bed.

“Is that true? You came every day—even when
you weren’t working?”

Nodding, she stared into my eyes. “Yes,
everyone tried to come as often as they could. We kept talking to
you, hoping something would eventually get through; or, if you
could hear us, so you wouldn’t feel alone. We wanted you to know we
were all here for you.”

“What did you talk to me about?” I asked,
wanting to test the doctor’s theory.

A perplexed look crossed her face. “Do you
mean all of us, or me in particular?”

“Just you,” I replied. “Unless you don’t
have time right now. I don’t want you to get in trouble or
anything.”

Shaking her head, she moved around to the
side of the bed, sitting in the chair Nikki had been in yesterday.
“My boss won’t mind. She knows we are friends.”

Friends. I flinched a little at the word.
She was so much more to me than that, and she had no idea.

“I talked to you about all sorts of things.”
She gave a small laugh, almost like she was a bit embarrassed. “To
be honest, you’ve kind of been my sounding board. There’s been a
lot going on in my life lately. Sometimes I’d come sit in here
beside you and spill every little detail out to you. It was
therapeutic for me, and you never talked back to me in a
condescending manner.”

“Who’s talking to you that way?” My temper
flared at her words.

She shrugged. “Matt, people around town, my
parents even, sometimes.”

“Why?” I demanded. The Brittney I knew was a
beautiful, amazing girl—even before the accident. No one should be
making her feel bad.

“Isn’t it obvious?” She gestured to her
stomach. “I’m pregnant.”

“So? What does that have to do with
anything?”

She laughed. “It’s small town judgment,
Chase. A girl gets pregnant out of wedlock and suddenly she’s a
whore, a disgrace to her family and all who know her. Her boyfriend
accuses her of cheating with someone else and leaves, even though
he knows she was only ever with him.”

“Sounds like small minded people in a small
town to me.” I couldn’t believe anyone would treat her that
way.

“Well, I’ve certainly learned who my real
friends are. It’s funny, but you’d think when someone was in
trouble and having a hard time, that that’s when people would rally
around them the most and support them.” She sighed, sadly,
dejectedly. “That’s not how it is, at all. That’s when everyone
abandons you instead.”

I didn’t know what to say to her. What she
was saying was the truth. I’d seen it happen; hell, it’d happened
to me. Still, I wished I could tell her it would be easier, but I
knew it would just be a lie.

“Did you tell me about breaking up with
Matt?”

She nodded. “I’ve pretty much told you every
single detail about my life since they brought you here.”

“What do you mean, brought me here?”

“After the accident, you were flown to the
Neurological Center in the valley. You had a brain bleed and
swelling. They had to drill into your skull to relieve the
pressure.” She leaned over and brushed her thumb against a spot on
my forehead. “Right here. You have a small scar there now.”

Lifting my hand, I slid my fingers over
hers; finding the small indention she spoke of, and she pulled her
hand away from mine.

“So, it was really bad, then?” I continued
to touch the spot there.

“It was really bad, Chase. None of us
thought you were going to make it. I should leave all this stuff
for the doctor or your family to tell you. It’s really personal. I
don’t want to shock you.”

I shook my head, dropping my hand away. “No,
I want to know. I want you to tell me. I’m never going to get past
all this if people keep secrets from me.”

Pressing her lips together in a line, she
studied me for a moment before she nodded. “You were on life
support. After it was clear there wasn’t going to be any more
improvement, your family made the decision to remove you from the
machines.” Clenching her hands tightly in her lap, she stared at
them. “I didn’t think Nikki was going to make it. She was
hysterical, sobbing until the doctor on call prescribed something
to help calm her down.” Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. I
hated knowing I’d put her through all that. “But when they removed
everything, you showed us all the kind of fighter you are—breathing
on your own, your heart thumping strongly away. You weren’t
leaving, stubborn as ever, not that any of us minded. A few days
later, your mom and grandparents made arrangements to move you here
to the assisted living center so you could be closer to all of
us.”

I shook my head. “I wish I could remember
these things. What was happening in my mind was something
completely different than all of this. I mean, bits and pieces of
things you say seem familiar, as if they helped to shape what was
going on in my head; but I’m still trying to make sense of how I
could sink into something so far, that it seemed real.”

“The mind is an amazing thing, isn’t it? We
don’t even use all of it, according to scientists. I can believe in
something like this happening.” She paused, glancing toward the
door.

“Do you need to leave?” I asked. I didn’t
want her to, but I didn’t want her getting in trouble either.

“No. I just want to ask you something, but I
don’t want it to seem weird.”

“You can ask me anything, Britt,” I said,
falling into my natural term for her. “Any time.”

“Well, when you first woke up, you said some
strange things about us. I want to know what you meant.”

Sighing heavily, I tried to figure out how
to approach this discussion. I gave a half chuckle. “I’m a little
afraid to answer. I don’t want you to think I’m a perv or
something.”

She smiled. “I won’t.”

“Well, where I was, it was Nikki who died.
I’m not going to lie—I wished with nearly every breath I took that
I was dead with her. My grief was intense—it’s still intense, all
those thoughts and memories—they were as real to me as this is,
right here, right now.”

“That must’ve been so terrible for you. I’m
so sorry. I wish there was some way I could’ve helped you.”

“That’s just it. You did.” My gaze locked
with hers and I couldn’t break away. “You were there by my
side—first as a friend, and then it developed into something more.
Something good. And while I never stopped aching for Nikki, having
you in my life healed a lot of that pain for me.” I paused, unsure
of how much to tell her. “I don’t know if it’s because you were
here, talking to me a lot about your life, but in my dream
. . . I thought we were married, Brittney. I thought we
were having a baby together. And I was—am—I don’t know, but I loved
you. Incredibly. You were my world.”

Brittney’s eyes were wide with shock. She
was completely speechless.

I continued. “I’m sure some of it was my
doing. When I first moved here, I was really attracted to you; but
you were with Matt, so I didn’t pursue anything.”

Her mouth gaped open and she just stared at
me, dumbfounded. “I never knew that, Chase. I—I really don’t know
what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just want
you to know that as thrilled as I am to wake up and find Nikki is
alive, it’s been a hard thing for me, too. Getting her back made me
lose everything I had with you. You and that baby were my family.
You, Brittney, were the one who helped me through. Now I’ve lost
that . . . and I don’t know how to get over it.”

“Oh, Chase.” Leaning forward, she grasped my
hand, squeezing tightly. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through,
but you have to know—none of that was real. No matter how clear it
seemed.”

Her words slammed at me and I stared at
where our hands were clasped together, noticing a small scar on the
back of her hand.
My
Brittney’s hand bore no scar.

“Where’d you get this?” I asked, rubbing my
thumb over it She laughed and pulled away.

“You’ll think I’m stupid.”

“Uh, hello, coma guy who recreated his own
alternate universe, here. I think it’s pretty safe to say there’s
nothing you could say to top how stupid that sounds.”

“Well, when you put it that way
. . . .” She laughed. “I have told you all this
before, you know. It’s not my fault you don’t remember.”

“Be nice and get on with the story,” I
teased, and she sighed.

“After graduation, there was this party and
one of the local dealerships decided to give away a car. They made
us play this giant game of—,”

“Paint twister,” I blurted out. “And then
you took the car and t-boned another one on the way home.”

Brittney sat there dazed looking and nodded.
“I got a scar on my hand from some of the glass and had to get ten
stitches.”

“I remember it being on your forehead,” I
replied, but she shook her head.

“No injury for me there, but head and hand
sound a lot alike. You do remember stuff I told you, don’t you?”
She couldn’t stop staring at me like I was some sort of puzzle she
couldn’t solve. “But why me and not Nikki?”

I shrugged. “I heard her plenty of times,
and thought of her a lot . . . but I also thought she was
dead and I was going crazy. I think I tried to block her out in an
effort to feel sane.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Any other fun
memories of “alternate’ me?” she asked.

“Plenty,” I replied, unable to resist
letting my gaze travel over her amazing figure. “And for some
reason a lot of them revolved around water.”

“Water?”

“Yeah, you took me to a lake one time.
Another time we went to Tempe Town Lake together. And we walked by
a stream in the woods and once, we got caught in a terrible
rainstorm. Oh, and there was the time we went fishing. Then there
were all those nice showers we took together, too.” I arched my
eyebrow at her.

The heat flushed vividly across her face and
she was very flustered. “I think I might have an answer for that,
actually.”

“Really? What?”

“I, uh, well, I gave you most of your sponge
baths.” She bit her lip and her face grew even pinker.

“Nikki said my grandpa did those.”

“He did! I mean I helped him—or he helped
me. He would help move you around while I washed; and then he would
shave you.”

Now I was the one who felt like blushing.
“Just exactly where were you washing?”

“Well, everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” My gaze dropped straight to my
crotch before lifting back up to meet hers.

“Everywhere. It’s my job, Chase. I help do
it for all the patients here.”

“Hmmm. I think I can safely say that’s where
all those “memories” came from.” I was mortified. “Now if I can
just recover my dignity.”

She laughed hard and stood up. “I need to
get back to work.” Leaning over, she placed a sisterly type kiss on
my forehead. Slipping my hand behind her neck, I pulled her lower,
placing a kiss on her lips. She froze in surprise, but didn’t shove
me away. But it didn’t matter, I found out what I needed to know.
The girl I was kissing was
not
the girl who’d been in my
head. The spark wasn’t there between us, at all.

Slowly, I released her. “I’m sorry. I had to
know.”

She nodded, taking a step backward.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for
me.”

“It was my pleasure. I love you.” She
shuffled uncomfortably. “You know what I mean.”

“I do, and I love you, too.”

She walked over to her cart and started
pushing it toward the door. “Goodbye, Chase. I’ll come see you
later, okay?”

“Sounds good.” I watched her turn and step
out into the hall. “Goodbye, Britt,” I added softly, knowing for
sure the life I’d experienced with her was truly over. My chest
tightened and I closed my eyes as I tried to fight the tears. I was
so tired of loss and losing people I loved.

I just wanted everything to be normal
again.

Chapter Twenty-One

I jumped like I was having a heart attack
when the phone beside my bed rang, not expecting it in the
stillness. There was a television on the wall, but for some reason,
I was content to just stay lost in my own thoughts for the time
being.

Grabbing the cord to the phone, I struggled
to pull it closer, hating that such a simple task was so incredibly
difficult. I finally managed to finagle the receiver into my reach
and lifted it, slowly, to my ear. “Hello?” I gasped out, feeling as
if I’d just run a marathon.

There was a soft sigh on the other end. “Did
I wake you?” Nikki asked and I couldn’t keep a wide smile from
crossing my face.

“Are you checking up on me?”

“Yes. I am. I needed to make sure you’re
still in the land of the living.”

“I’m here. You aren’t going to get rid of me
that easy,” I teased.

“Chase, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I
don’t
want
to get rid of you . . . ever.”

It was amazing how easily the connection
between us continued on, never missing a beat, as if we’d just left
the Homecoming Dance together and not been through months of
terrible drama. “I have to say, I like hearing you talk like
that.”

She laughed. “I like hearing you talk,
period. It’s been horrible without you.”