Change of Life (17 page)

“You’ve done a great job with the girls, Andy. I don’t know how you do it.”

“Well, it’s not always been easy, as you know, but we’re a good team, me and the girls. But you didn’t come round on the spur of the moment to tell me what a great Dad I am. What’s on your mind? I take it things aren’t going too well without Rosie. Do you want a beer by the way?” Andy went to the fridge.

“Yes please – I came on foot – so I can indulge. And yes, things aren’t going well at all.”

Andy handed me a beer. As he got on with his baking, I told him about Adam and about how hard I was finding it to cope without Rosie. I was aware as I was talking to him that this was the second time in the last few weeks that I’d turned up on his doorstep in need of a shoulder to cry on. The day Rosie told me she was leaving and I stormed off wearing only my running gear, it had been to Andy that I’d come. On that occasion he listened, fed me, let me take a shower, lent me some clothes and put me up for the night. And now, here I was again.

“I don’t think Adam will have gone far and I don’t think he’ll stay away for long,” Andy said when I’d finished. “He’s probably staying at a mate’s.” He smiled at me.

“Like his father you mean – running off to a friend’s house when the going gets tough?” I managed a wry smile.

“That’s what friends are for.” He smiled again. “I take it you’ve contacted his friends?”

“Yes, the girls got in touch with everybody they could think of. I’d no idea who his friends are, I’m ashamed to say.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, Tom. You’ve always left all that stuff to Rosie, haven’t you? And Rosie’s let you. It’s suited you both up to now. But now the situation is different. It’s just a fact.”

“Oh, you’re
being far too understanding
! Rosie didn’t ‘let me.’ I didn’t give her any choice. I’ve not been there for the kids like Rosie has. I’ve been kidding myself that being the provider and protector is my role and that doing that is enough. And I’ve not been there for Rosie either. I’m surprised she didn’t leave before now. What was I thinking of, not telling her about Robbie? And what was I thinking of trying to blame everything on him? And now I’ve succeeded in driving my son away.”

Andy fetched another couple of beers. “Come on, mate, let’s take these beers through.”

So we went to the room that Andy always refers to as his refuge from femininity. It’s a small room with a large television, a desk and an old leather sofa. The light was fading outside as we settled at either end of the sofa.

“Sorry, you must think I’m a right
prat
.”

Andy shook his head. “Don’t apologise – you can’t help being a
prat
– it’s nothing new.” He grinned. “But seriously - try not to worry. This is Adam we’re talking about - he won’t be doing anything reckless. He’ll have thought it all through. But you do need to tell Rosie. She won’t want to be protected from this.”

“I know – it’s okay - I’ve learned my lesson on that. I’ll tell her of course. Maybe she’ll come home – you know to be there if – when – Adam comes back.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, Tom. And don’t pressure her. Just let her know about Adam and that you miss her.”

“Yes, yes you’re right. How did you get so wise?”

“Oh, I’ve had plenty time to reflect and regret some of the stupid things I said and did to Jackie. I used to drive her mad, being the policeman at home as well as at work, and being absolutely no practical help as a husband and father. I was hardly here when the girls were little, and when I was, everything had to revolve around me. I didn’t see how it was for her until it was too late. No wonder she had to get away.” Andy paused for a moment – lost in his own thoughts. “But you’ve still got Rosie – give her space, show her you can do things better, show her you can be a real partner, a real soul mate. And accept Robbie for what he is – her nephew – don’t treat him as a threat that you need to protect her from. Rosie’s tough. She doesn’t need or want your protection. What she does need,
is
you to be there for the kids while she has some time out.”

I could only nod in agreement. I was about to ask Andy if and when I should make a formal report to the police about Adam when my mobile rang.

It was Ruby. Adam was at her house. She explained that he’d spent the day in her caravan without her knowledge. I knew from Rosie that the caravan was a permanent fixture in Ruby’s garden, having been retired from touring many years before. It had since been used as a playhouse by the many children associated with Ruby’s household. Adam would’ve been one of those who’d played in it when he was younger.

“Jenny phoned me earlier this evening,” Ruby said. “She told me about Adam not coming home and that he said in his text that he was in a safe place. Jenny remembered that they used to call the caravan their safe place when they were
wee
. She asked me to check it out and there he was.”

“Thank God,” I said. “Can I speak to him? Is he okay? I’ve had a couple of drinks so I can’t drive over, but Sam could come and collect him.”

“Well – the thing is…” Ruby hesitated. “The thing is
,
he says he’s not coming home and he doesn’t want to speak to you at the moment.”

“Oh,” was all I could say.

“But he’s fine – he’s having a bath just now and then I’m going to get him something to eat. He can stay here tonight – in the house - of course – it’ll be like old times.”

“That’s very kind of you, Ruby – you don’t have to do that – but thank you.

“It’s not kind – Adam’s like one of my own – all your kids are. Look, come over here in the morning. He should be in a better mood after a good night’s sleep. You can try talking to him then.”

I suppressed the urge to get in a taxi and go over to Ruby’s immediately. I told her I’d be over about ten the next morning.

Chapter Eighteen

Before leaving for Ruby’s, I called Sheena, my secretary, to say that I’d not be in to the hospital until the afternoon. There were no elective operations scheduled that day, but I did have inpatients to see and there was a clinic starting at two. I asked Sheena to get Anna, my registrar, to cover the clinic until I got there and I also said to her to ask if Bruce, the senior consultant, could make himself available if Anna needed him.

Sheena must’ve been surprised by what I said. Although I’d been leaving early a lot recently, I’d not taken any unscheduled leave in the five years that she’d been my secretary. She was, however, restrained in her curiosity and I didn’t feel any need to explain my absence beyond saying ‘family matters to attend to’. She said she’d make sure my commitments were covered and she’d see me later.

As I parked the car outside Ruby’s, I realised I was feeling quite nervous. I was acutely aware that I had to be careful what I said to Adam. I didn’t want to alienate him any further.

I’d no idea what to say to put things right and get him to come home. Part of me wanted to turn the car round and head in to work, to pretend that none of this was happening.

But I forced myself to get out the car and go and ring Ruby’s doorbell. As I waited for her to come to the door, I recalled the first time I’d come here seventeen years before. Our GP, at the time of Rosie’s depression, had arranged for me to meet Ruby when I told him that I was looking for help in the house. She used to clean at the practice and he thought she’d be perfect.

And she was. She helped to care for Sam and the twins and became a valued friend to Rosie. It was she who coaxed Rosie to make the small steps that led to her getting back to normal life. Yes, the time in hospital and the medication were necessary, but Rosie certainly felt that it was as much Ruby’s sheer common sense, sense of humour and compassion that saved her. She said that the family and her friends were actually too close to really help her. They either got upset themselves or were scared of upsetting her. But Ruby said and did all the right things.

And here she was again, coming to the rescue of my family.

Ruby showed me into her living room where there was coffee and biscuits waiting, but no Adam.

“Have a seat, Tom,” she said. “Adam’s upstairs. He knows you’re here and he’s going to come and talk you. But he wanted me to talk to you first.”

I sat down and took the mug of coffee Ruby handed me. She spoke in a way that was so direct there was no possibility of arguing.

“Right,” I replied. “So what did he want you to say to me?”

“He doesn’t want to come home – not yet anyway. He says he’ll come home when Rosie does and when Robbie’s gone away.”

“Oh he does, does he? And where is he planning to stay in the meantime?”

“He wants to stay here. He says he’s left school and he’s working at the karting place. He says he’ll pay me rent.”

I laughed sarcastically. “I don’t think so. He’s not left school and he’s not making a career at the karting centre. He can’t stay here. That’s ridiculous.”

“He seems pretty certain. He’s thought it all through. Okay, he shouldn’t have run away and worried you all like that – and I’ve told him so – but he’s finding it all too much to be at home just now. He can’t cope with home or school and he’s come up with a solution.”

Despite Ruby’s calm assertiveness, I had to fight to suppress the urge to demand to see my son. I just wanted to force him into the car and take him home.

I took a deep breath. “So what do you suggest, Ruby?”

“Let him stay here. Let him work at the centre for the summer. He can pay me a bit of rent from his earnings. And I wouldn’t force the school thing if I were you. Surely, if you explain to the school, they’ll excuse him for the rest of the term and hold his place over the summer. I think he needs a break from the pressure of school and home right now.”

How could I argue? This woman took common sense to a whole new level. It was infuriating and endearing at the same time.

I shrugged. “Maybe,” I said. “And now can I see Adam?”

Ruby smiled inscrutably. “I think you should,” she said and left the room.

A minute or so later Adam walked into the living room. I stood up. Ruby was nowhere to be seen. He closed the door behind him. We faced each other across the room, but Adam didn’t make eye contact.

“Adam,” I said.

“Dad,” he replied. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. His shoulders were hunched and he looked down at the floor.

It was only now – now that I could see him – that I realised just how scared I’d been for my son.

“Come and sit down,” I said. “We need to talk.”

And so we talked. Adam told me how he hated school and was afraid I’d make him keep going. He also mentioned how scared he was that having Robbie in our family would change things at home and how he didn’t like being in the house without his mum. He said he’d felt he needed to get to a safe place and that’s why he’d gone to the caravan, because that had been a safe place when he was a child.

I smiled inwardly when he used the past tense in referring to his status as a child. “But you must’ve known that you’d be found – Ruby, or one of the family, would be bound to see you sooner or later.”

“Yeah – I just needed somewhere to think what to do. I thought I’d move on to Edinburgh or something. I knew I couldn’t stay in the caravan for long. I had to sneak into the house to use the toilet today when everyone was out. I remembered where Ruby hides the key. She’s always going on about how no one in her family ever has their bloody keys, so she has to leave one under the stone angel beside the back door.”

I laughed out loud at this. I think my laughter was prompted by a mixture of relief at seeing him and a sudden rush of affection for my literal-minded boy.

Adam gave me a puzzled look. He’d obviously not intended to be amusing. He was simply telling the facts. He was just being Adam.

“Sorry,” I said. “So tell me – what is it you want to do now?”