Change of Heart (17 page)

“Jeez, Decker!” she slaps her hands down against her thighs. “
I
don’t have a problem with your friends.
They
have a problem with
me
.”

“What? No. They never had a problem when you tagged along.” She shoots me a glare when I say “tagged along.” “I didn’t mean it like that,” I say, raising my hands in what I hope will come off as a gesture of surrender and not piss her off more.

“That’s just it, Deck,” she says sadly. “I did tag along. And that’s how they all saw it. They tolerated me, the geeky girl, because of you. But they weren’t always that kind to me.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, feeling my face heat up at the thought of my friends being mean to Casey.

“They made fun of me, Deck. Never while you’re around, of course. But in the hallway at school and in gym. The girls only ever tried to get close to me because I was close to you, but they never liked me. They said some mean stuff.”

I stand up and start to pace. “What did they say?”

“It’s no big deal. It’s old news,” she says, waving her hand dismissively before she gets up and starts cleaning up the pizza buffet from the coffee table.

“It
is
a big deal and since I’m only just now finding out about it, it’s
not
old news. What. Did. They. Say?” I emphasize each word so she knows I’m not kidding around.

I help her bring the pizza and plates into the kitchen. Then take her hand and lead her back to the couch. We sit down, and I squeeze her hand. “Tell me. Please.”

She takes a deep breath and looks up at me. “There wasn’t ever really one thing. Like they didn’t have a nickname for me or anything, though the most common was ‘Decker’s Shadow.’” I start to stand up, but she tugs me back down. “If you expect me to tell you then you need to chill out. It was a long time ago, I’m over it.”

“Yeah but you shouldn’t have had to deal with it in the first place. And why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugs like it’s no big deal. It
is
a big deal. A very big deal. I would have done anything for her back then. I still would. And to think my friends, and I use that term loosely, were talking shit about her behind my back. It pisses me the fuck off.

“What else?” I ask through gritted teeth.

“When the girls weren’t trying to use me to get closer to you, they’d just taunt me. Saying things like you’d never be interested in a nerd like me, or they couldn’t understand how you’d want to spend time with someone like me.”

I shake my head…unbelievable. I knew the girls I hung out with in high school were shallow and superficial, but I had no idea they were being mean to Casey. And they couldn’t understand why I’d want to spend time with Casey? Maybe because she was the most amazing girl in the world…still is.

“And the guys?” I ask, almost not wanting to know.

“They just said some crude things.”

My fists clench, and I don’t realize I’m squeezing Casey’s hand until she shakes mine off. “Sorry,” I say, frowning. “What did they say?” These guys had been like brothers to me, my teammates. I’d trusted them.

“They said stuff about how I wasn’t much to look at, but I must have been good in bed for you to hang around me so much.”

I let out an animalistic growl and stand up, pulling at my hair with my hands. I can’t believe this shit! It makes me sick that I spent time with those assholes, not knowing what was going on behind my back. That they were saying such awful thing about the most important person in my life.

“What the fuck, Casey? And you didn’t think I deserved to know that?! I was with those assholes all the time! I would have kicked their fucking asses!”

She’s quiet and when I turn around in see that she has her head in her hands and her shoulders are shaking.

She’s crying.

Damn it!

I rush over to the couch and kneel down in front of her. “Casey, baby, you know that’s all bullshit. Don’t let the stupid shit those guys said make you feel this way. You’re so much stronger than that. You’re the best girl I know. Then and now. I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s not your fault.”

She looks up at me with tear-soaked eyes. “It
is
my fault, Decker. I knew better,” she cried.

She
knew
better? “Casey,” I say, tipping up her chin to look at me. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?”

She shakes her head and drops her chin back down to her chest. “You hear something too many times,” she whispers, “you start to believe it’s true.”

My brow furrows in confusion. “Believe what’s true? Casey, you didn’t actually think I felt that way about you? Did you?”

She shrugs. “I didn’t really know what to think, Decker. My self-esteem wasn’t all that great from being picked on all the time. And you never wanted to bring me out with your friends.”

“Because they were immature! You were too good for them! We talked about that!”

“In retrospect I can see that, but at the time it hurt.”

“Is that what made you leave?”

She stood from the couch and started pacing. “No. Maybe. I don’t know. We talked about this at the dock, do we have to rehash it?”

I stand up and get in her way so she has to stop and look at me. “We talked about some stuff at the dock, but you didn’t tell me how they’d acted towards you. You didn’t tell me that you believed the shit they said. Do you really think that little of me?”

“I was a hormonal teenage girl, Decker. An outcast. And you were like the hottest guy in school. You were with me, almost every night, and I couldn’t fathom why. The guys would stay that stuff, and I wondered if you were running off to them every morning to laugh at my expense since you were never there when I woke up.”

I place my hands on her shoulders. “Casey, I never ran off and told anyone about us. And before you start jumping to conclusions, it’s not because I was ashamed of you. It’s because what was between us was between us. The only reason I was never there in the morning is because I was terrified your parents would catch me in there. Simple as that. I would have stayed in bed with you all damn day if I could have.” And that was the damn truth. Being with Casey was the only time I ever felt complete.

I finally feel some of the tension leaving her shoulders. She takes a step towards me and rests her head against my chest. I lower my arms from her shoulders and wrap them around her, pulling her in tight.

“If that’s all true, why didn’t you ever want to date me?”

I did want to date you, damn it. But you were my best friend, and I was terrified my dumbass would do something stupid and lose you forever. Just like I did anyway.

I breathe in the lingering scent of her shampoo. Sweet and citrusy. “Because I was an idiot? I didn’t think you thought about us that way.”

“I was a girl, Decker. Of course I thought about us that way.” She sniffles, and it breaks my heart.

“I wish you’d told me.” Things could have been so different. Not that it’s either of our faults; we were just kids. We still are.

“I’m so sorry, Decker. All of the misunderstandings. All of my stupid fears. All of that wasted time. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, babe.” I rub soothing circles on her back. She always liked that when she was upset or not feeling well. “We’ve got plenty of time to make up for it.”

She sniffles again and squeezes me tighter, as if she doesn’t want to let go. Truth is, I don’t want her to. I sure don’t want to let her go. But I don’t want to freak her out either, and it seems like any time I get too close, she takes ten steps back.

“How about we watch that movie now?” I ask, nodding towards the television.

Casey pulls away from me and wipes her eyes. “That sounds good.” She smiles shyly at me and I tug her back to the couch. She cuddles back into my side and sighs contentedly.

Being with her like this…it feels almost too good to be true.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Casey

The bass is thumping so loud I feel like my head is about to explode. I can’t believe I let Decker talk me into going to a club. A club! I am barely a bar person, let alone a club person. I reach behind me to grab Kate’s hand. Yep, I’m that friend. If I am being forced out of my comfort zone and into a club, so is my roommate, who is even further out of her comfort zone than I am.

“I need to get some air,” I shout to her over the music.

She nods that she heard me and stays put, knowing that Decker will be back any minute with our drinks and if we’re not right where he left us, he’ll freak out. Who am I kidding? He’s going to freak out when he gets back, and I’m not there anyway.

I step out onto the back deck of the club and the chill of the night air immediately causes goosebumps to pepper my skin. I cross my arms and rub my upper arms for warmth. I don’t exactly keep club clothes around the apartment, and neither does Kate, so I improvised with the shortest black skirt I had—which still ended just a little above my knees—and white tank top. I look like I’ve just let my hair down after a long board meeting, not like a clubber. Oh well, I’m over what other people think of me.

I look around the deck and there only a handful of people out here. A couple is making out in one of the dark corners, a couple girls are smoking at one of the picnic tables, and on the far side a guy is talking on his cell phone.

I step over to the wooden railing and lean forward on my forearms, looking out onto the bay. Decker found this place one day during his travels. I had no idea it was even here. Had no reason to know, or find out for that matter. It’s not a bad place, just loud. So not my thing. But I need to learn to live a little, right?

I’m standing there, taking in the bay, when I feel heat behind me.
Decker.
I feel warmth against my back as he leans forward, pressing against me. But I instantly tense when two tattooed forearms appear on the railing on both sides of me. Decker doesn’t have tattoos. I straighten up quickly, accidentally smacking the back of my head into the guy’s face, causing him to grunt. I spin around quickly, taking in the aggressor.

“What the fuck?” he calls out, keeping his hands coned over his nose. He’s taller than me, which isn’t too difficult to accomplish, but he’s thin, lanky.
Decker can take him,
I think to myself.

“Maybe you should try not startling women, and you wouldn’t get hurt,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest and popping my hip out to the side.

“Crazy bitch,” he says.

I’m starting to get a little nervous because I’m sort of in the corner of the deck, and he’s blocking my path to the back door.
Why won’t he just leave?
“Look, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You startled me, and I jumped.”

The guy stands up straight, finally lowering his hands from his face, and glares at me. His eyes are dark, soulless. There is blood running from his nose and his face is already starting to bruise. I wince and take a step back, which puts me right against the railing. I feel trapped, and my body tenses.

Smooth, Casey. Why didn’t you just run when he was bent over? Could have at least gotten out of this damn corner.

I look around, noticing for the first time that we’re alone on the deck. The couple in the opposite corner are gone, as are the smokers and the guy on his cell phone. Or maybe is this cell phone guy—I hadn’t gotten a good look.

Shit.

“Look, I said I was sorry.”
Think, Casey, think!
“My boyfriend is going to be outside with my drink any second. It’ll probably be best if you’re not here when he comes.”

He laughs, it’s a maniacal sound that makes me cringe. This is why I don’t go out. There are far better ways to die, more dignified ways, than by a crazy ass goon at a damn night club.

Why didn’t I take that damn self-defense class with Kate?

He takes a step forward and reaches his hand out to touch my cheek, but before he makes contact, I hear the most beautiful sound in the world.

“There you are.” Decker slips in between me and the goon and looks into my eyes with a concerned green gaze. He holds my face between his hands and seems to give my soul a thorough examination through my eyes.

I smile and can see some of the tension leave his body. He turns to look at the goon and winces, probably at the blood. “Thanks for keeping my girl company,” he says amicably as he puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. My heart flutters at his words and the gesture, though I know he’s just playing a part to get us out of this mess.

The goon seems to be sizing Decker up, and must realize that he’s no match, because he simply shrugs and says “no problem” before turning around and exiting the deck to the street. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

Decker quickly turns to me. “Are you okay?” He holds my face in his hands again; his eyes scanning me from head to toe for any harm.

“I’m fine,” I try to assure him. It doesn’t work.

“What the fuck happened? I leave you for five minutes! Why didn’t you just stay inside where I could see you?” He runs his hands through his hair, a nervous gesture I’m familiar with—or at least I used to be.

“I came out for air. He approached me from behind and startled me, I jumped and the back of my head might have broken his nose.” I cringe on that last part.

Decker stares at me for a minute, then laughs. “You accidentally broke the guy’s nose with your head?”

I shrug. “What can I say? I’m badass like that.”

He continues to laugh as he takes my hand and leads me inside. “Come on, Kate’s watching our drinks. I think her boyfriend just showed up.”

“Jay?” I ask, curious. I didn’t expect to meet him this quickly. Can’t say I’m not thrilled though.

“Yeah, I think that’s what she said his name was. It was pretty loud, though.” He pauses at the door and turns to look me in the eyes. “You sure you’re okay?”