Change of Heart (14 page)

“Thanks, Kate. I should have gone while Decker and I were out today but things got kinda heavy, and I didn’t even think about it.”

“Heavy in a good way? Or heavy in a bad way?” she winks.

My
. Roommate. Winks.

Since when?

“What is
up
with you?” I ask.

Her eyes quickly dart from the grocery bags to me and back to the bags. “What do you mean?”

“You’re acting so weird. Different. Since I’ve been back. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she answers way too quickly. So of course I don’t believe her.

“Kate,” I say firmly.

“Casey,” she matches my tone.

“Whatever.”

“Tell me about you and Decker,” she says, changing the subject and continuing with her task of putting the groceries away. I make a face at all the vegetables she’s putting in the fridge’s crisper drawer.

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“Right. That’s why you went from sending him away to letting him stay here?” She looks at me knowingly, raising her eyebrow.

I lean back against the counter and cross my arms over my chest. “I decided to give the whole friend thing a chance.” She smiles wide in response. “Don’t get too excited, I’m still not sure I’m gonna tell him anything.”

She frowns. “Why the heck not?”

I shake my head. “I just don’t know if I can, okay? Let me do this my way. I want the chance to make new memories with Decker. I don’t want to regret the lost time like I do…like I do with my dad.”

“Oh sweetie,” she says, frowning as she steps over to me and pulls me into a hug. “You know there’s a way for you to ensure lots of chances for memories.”

I pull out of her embrace. “No. Just no.”

She grimaces. “Sorry, Casey. But I still think you’re being dumb. I respect your wishes because ultimately it’s your decision. But you’re an idiot.” She turns away from me and puts away the last of the groceries, slamming the refrigerator, cabinet, and pantry doors.

I scowl at her back while she proceeds to ignore me, then finally stomp off to my room. Whatever. I’ve made my decision, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.

Chapter Twenty-One

Decker

I can’t help but overhear Casey and Kate’s conversation in the kitchen. Yeah, maybe I was eavesdropping. I have no shame, not when it comes to helping Casey. And now I know with complete certainty that Casey is hiding something from me. Her vague conversation with Kate proves it, and I
will
find out what it is.

The words Kate had spoken to me yesterday before letting me into Casey’s room come back into my mind.

“I don’t know, Decker. You may be just what we need.”

What had she meant by that?

Only one way to find out. I know Casey’s in her room because I just heard the door slam shut after she presumably stormed off. And I know Kate is still in the kitchen because I can still hear her slamming shit.

Women.

I carefully open the bedroom door and silently sneak past Casey’s room as I creep towards the kitchen. “Hey,” I say as I enter, causing Kate to jump.

“You scared the hell out of me!” she says, clutching her hand to her chest. “We’re going to need to get you a bell.” I laugh because Casey said the same thing yesterday. Maybe I should quit the sports medicine route and look into a career as a ninja.

“Sorry,” I say, shrugging my shoulders. “It’s not like you would have been able to hear me approach over all that racket.” I gesture to the cabinet doors she had been slamming.

She blushes when she realizes I’d caught her little performance. “Sorry about that,” she says. “Casey just gets me so riled up sometimes.”

That’s right, talk about Casey.

“What were you two arguing about?”

“You heard that?” she asks, her eyes wide.

I nod. “Kind of hard not to.”

She looks down at the linoleum. “It’s nothing.”

“You seem a little too pissed off for it to be nothing.”

She blows a breath out. “Look, Casey’s just got some issues that I’ve been trying to get her to open up about it but she won’t. She’s the most stubborn person I know.”

“Don’t I know it.” I laugh and she joins in.

“Right, you would know.” She shakes her head again. “I like you, Decker, but I can’t betray her trust. I’m sorry.”

I sigh. Figures. Kate’s a smart girl; she’d probably known from the moment I’d opened my mouth what I was after. “I understand. I just want to help in any way that I can. If you have any suggestions on how I can do that, please tell me.”

She gives me a genuine smile and, if I’m not mistaken, looks a bit relieved…as though a small weight has been lifted. “I definitely will.”

“Listen, what you said last night,” I say, “about me being just what you guys need?”

She looks down again. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

I nod. “Right.”

“Casey has missed you. A lot. That’s all.” She gives me a half smile and returns to her groceries, though much quieter now.

I know that’s not what she’d meant when she’d said it yesterday. At least it’s not the whole truth. Maybe one day I’ll get enough partial truths to form the whole truth. Maybe.

***

Casey finally emerges from her bedroom as I’m sitting on the couch, flipping between real estate and home renovation shows.

“I’m sorry about earlier, Decker,” she says, sitting next to me on the couch and curling up into my side.

“It’s alright, Case,” I tell her, even though it’s really not okay at all. I lower my arm from the back of the couch to wrap around her shoulder.

“I have to go back to work tomorrow,” she says.

“Where do you work?” How do I not know something as simple as that?

“I work as an admin at a small mental health clinic. It’s just part-time so I can get some extra cash and pad my resume a bit in my field.”

“Do you like it?”

She looks to be considering her response. That’s the Casey I remember…thinking before she speaks. “I don’t like doing administrative work. I am not a fan of filing, copying, and all that clerical stuff. But I like the place. The staff are really nice, and they know my major is psych so they talk to me about stuff. Not actual patient stuff though because that’s confidential, but they tell me about the job. The things they like and dislike. They answer my questions and sometimes help me on subjects I’m struggling with.”

“That sounds nice.” Though I can’t imagine Casey struggling with anything.

“It is,” she smiles and I can tell that despite her few cons, she really is happy there. “Do you work back home?”

“No,” I say, feeling ashamed. “I didn’t have time while I was playing, and since I’ve been injured…I haven’t really had the motivation, I guess.”

“Were you—are you—depressed?” she asks carefully.

I look down into her big brown eyes, wide with concern, and for the first time since I’ve ever known Casey, I want to lie to her. I don’t want her to know the truth. I don’t want her to know that I had battled depression in the months that followed the injury. And I really don’t want her to know that as bad as I’d felt when my career was over, it hadn’t been nearly as bad as the things I’d felt when she left me—back then I’d felt like my entire life was over.

But I can’t lie to her. “Yes, I was depressed.”

She frowns. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, Decker. I wish my parents had told me. I honestly don’t know if it would have made a difference, but I’d like to think that it would have. That I would have at least called you.” She nuzzles her head into my side and I feel my shirt dampen from her silent tears.

“Hey,” I say, lifting her chin with my finger so she’s looking in my eyes. “No tears. We both made mistakes. We’re here together now. We’re fixing things. We can’t go back. Only forward. And we’re going to go forward together.” I hold her gaze and see what may be hesitation in her eyes, but before I can say anything about it, it’s gone.

She gives me a small smile and nods. “I’d like that.”

“Me too,” I say, relieved she’d actually agreed with me.

We settle in more comfortably on the couch. Me leaning on the arm with my right elbow up. Her leaning against me with her legs tucked to the side. It’s familiar…it’s home. Then she says the most wonderful words.

“I’m going to go home for the summer.”

I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. “Really?”

She can hear the elation in my voice and laughs as she pats my stomach. “Yes, really. I’m going to tell my boss today. I’ll have to work out the two weeks, or until they can find a replacement, but it shouldn’t be too hard with school letting out. Lots of students are going to be looking for summer jobs.”

This is the best news I’ve had in a long time. I thought I’d be here most of the summer begging her to come home, but that’s not the case. She’s decided to do it all on her own.

“Have you told your mom yet?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “I was planning on calling her tonight.”

“She’s gonna be really happy.”

She sighs. “I know.”

“What’s wrong?” I look down, but her face is hidden behind her long hair.

“Nothing. But it’s only for the summer, Decker. I’ll come back here in August. I just don’t want you to get too excited because I’m just going to be gone again. Just don’t get too used to having me around. My mom needs to realize that, too.”

I tighten my arm that’s around her shoulder and pull her closer to me. “You’ll be home for two months, Case. That’s two more months than I’ve seen you in years. I’m gonna be excited, so is your mom and my parents, and you’re gonna deal with it.”

She laughs lightly, but still seems tense. “I guess so.”

I write it off as her being nervous about being back home after so long, especially since she’ll be returning to a home without her dad. Her sadness upsets me, but I can’t help but feel excited that this summer will give us two months to get to know each other again.

This summer might end up being the best summer of my life. Well, second best. The best was that summer fifteen years ago when I stumbled upon that little girl with the brown hair and brown eyes. The prettiest girl I’d ever seen.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Casey

To say my mother had been excited when I called is an understatement. When I’d told her I was coming home for the summer, she shrieked in my ear for a good five minutes before Decker finally took the phone away and promised her he’d get me home safely.

Twenty-seven hundred miles in the car with Decker Abrams. That’s going to be interesting. It’ll be nice to share the drive, but there will be so many hours in close quarters with him. I have no idea how I’m going to keep my cool, in more ways than one, but I’ve got two weeks to figure it out.

On my way to work, I dropped Decker off at the campus library so he could work on his finals. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving him at the apartment for eight hours. It’s not that I don’t trust him—I do—I’m just afraid he might find something I don’t want him to find. He’d actually suggested the library, so it was perfect. Now I’ll just need to figure out what to do with him for my other five shifts over the next two weeks.

I arrive at the clinic fifteen minutes early so I can meet with Sharon, my supervisor, and give my notice for the summer. I’ve worked here for almost two years now, and, with the exception of my dad’s death, I’ve never requested a day off, let alone two months.

I quietly knock on Sharon’s open door. She looks up from a mess of paperwork and smiles at me. “Casey! Come on in!” She gestures to the chair in front of her desk as she neatly stacks her papers and sets them aside. After I’m seated, she turns on her concern. “You doing okay?”

I nod at her. This is my first time back at work, my first time speaking with her, since taking the time off to go home. “It’s still hard to think about…to talk about…but I’m okay.”

She smiles sadly. Sharon isn’t one of the clinic’s staff with the “Ph.D.” at the end of her name, and she doesn’t need it as the facility’s manager, but she is a licensed therapist. She’s never tried to shrink me, though I’m sure she wants to. Everyone who knows my story wants to. She’s in her mid-thirties, tall and very beautiful, with wavy brown hair and bright blue eyes. But, she’s surprisingly single. With her positivity and confidence, I’m certain it’s intentional.

“So what’s going on?” Even though she hasn’t seen me in a couple weeks, she doesn’t make small talk, which I appreciate. My dad’s passing is still pretty raw, and I’m not quite ready to talk about it, especially with a counselor—paid or not.

I make eye contact and see in her eyes that she knows exactly why I’m here. She’s really good at reading people. “I’ve decided to go home for the summer.”

The smile on her knowing face brightens. “That’s great.”

I give a small smile, agreeing with her as I fidget my hands in my lap. “Is two weeks enough notice? I can stay longer. I don’t have to go back right away. And I’ll be back. You know, in the fall?”

Sharon raises her hand for me to pause. “Slow down, Casey. It’s fine. Two weeks is fine. In fact, tomorrow would be fine. We still have the temp on hand who was working for you while you were out. Plus, Claire just told me yesterday that she’d like more hours for the summer.” Claire was the other part-time admin who worked on my off days.

“I would like to work out the two weeks, if that’s okay,” I tell her, even though I can clearly tell I’m not needed. I know she doesn’t mean any harm by it, it’s more like she wants me to take an actual break, one that’s not for a hospital visit or funeral. And she wants me to do it before I change my mind. As I said, two years without requesting any leave.