Candy Darling (5 page)

Love is a delicate spirit that loses its essence under scrutiny.

Dear Kathy,

So much goes on I forget to write. But my life changes so much and so quickly I'd better start telling you. Did you see me in Photoplay last month? What? You didn't know? Yes my dear your famous cousin has finally made page 5 of our old bible. Remember how we used to pour over those movie magazines. Kathy did you ever think I'd be in one? Remember drooling over Liz & Kim hating Debbie for making Liz look so mean. Well now they can look at me page 5 January 1970. Also hold on to your hat I'm in the March issue of Vogue. Also I'm in Dec. Esquire and have a full Color page and article.

Tonight I met a boy who wants to be my slave. He calls me goddess. Kathy I don't think you can understand these things. You are so simple and I so jaded—not really—worldly lets say.

You will be surprised to know that Jane Fonda's husband Roger Vadim who was married to Brigitte Bardot is in love with me. I was out with him last night. He told me he loved me so much that he would fight a war over me. I gave him a silver ring with a turquoise. He kisses me and holds me in public because he is truly innocent and cares not what people think. I always feel I have to protect him. We have not been to bed together.

Last night was the last night of my two week play and at the end I changed it around. I played a woman who invited her ex-family over for a re-runion. It was caled “The Re-union.” Her family did not like her because she is mad. I felt that play lacked sufficient drama and did not allow me to show everyone what I am capable of doing so because it was the last night and because Vadim was there I changed the ending. I went into a long monologue laughing, screaming, and crying. When the writer who is also the director and also works the lights saw this he turned out the the lights but I kept on even on a
black stage
! Actually it wasn't even a stage it was the back room of a bar on East 3rd St. called The Old Reliable. After the show everyone was coming over to meet Vadim. I didn't know how to act because when average people meet someone who is famous they think that they can turn over their problems. Even the owner of the bar was telling Vadim of his problems how he'd like to have a bigger place etc. But Vadim has this quality of being like a savior. And I know I have a look of refinement and nobility which is sometimes thought of as being angelic and athereal. Perhaps people think my touch will heal them. Why must I be deified? It is such a burden. I don't know what else to say I better end this letter. Be sure never to throw my letters away but put them in a safe place as some day they are sure to be worth money and it will be your good fortune to be prudent now. Besides I may wish to look them over too myself someday when I write my memoirs. When will your telephone work? Would you like me to visit sometime? I would have to come with my manager, Sandy, or a boy friend. Yes in spite of all the places I've been I'm still not able to take care of myself. Write to me soon I'm sorry for the delay.

Love

Candy

Dear Kathy

First of all please forgive me for not writing sooner. I've been so involved with my own identity, which has been so vague, and social commitments, basic living procedures and affairs of the heart that for a while I ceased to exist. Except for other people.

Don't expect to see me for the holidays. I will not cease to be myself for foolish people, no matter how dear, for foolish people to make harsh judgements on me that may hurt others that I love. As dear as certain members of the family are to me I owe them nothing but what I feel for them. If what I feel for them is going to hurt me then let it hurt me. Only the rejection will hurt. But it can never hurt me as much as I can hurt myself by not being myself. There is one thing I must tell you because I just found it to be a truth. I'm sure it must have come to you. You must always be yourself no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality. We should both try to live it. You've got to always keep your heart and mind open. You can disguise your emotions you can even numb them and finally you can paralyze them. And that is tragic. Our emotions are the only clues to our identity. The only true meaning in life is passion. The passion to learn, to paint, to love etc. Don't dare destroy your passion for the sake of others. When you do you've lost the beauty of life and that's what a sin is. By robbing yourself of your very reason to exist you have cheated. You must laugh when you must laugh, you must weep when you must weep, and you must love when you must love. I'm telling you this because we are in the same bag and also because I love you dearly. We are so close that you are actually a part of me and that part can never be taken away. You are always inside me, in my memory and in my heart. We should do a lot of exploring together. I'd like you to come to N.Y. to live with me. By January I should have enough money. It's time to live our own lives and I hope we can enjoy a long, but not too long, relationship where we could share our room and board and ourselves. Hopingly presuming that we will both find lovers that will want us and need us to stay with them. As long as we have to grow up, (and we really should you know), lets do it together.

Love Always

Candy Darling

c/o Seymour Levy

173 Bleeker St.

N.Y.C.

(hearts and flowers)

Dear Pat,

Hi. Nobody loves me or wants me. I lead a dull uninteresting existance. At least you have your mother to turn to. I have Kathy but she isn't near my locale. I am in homeroom now. There's a bunch of chicks in here and they all hate me. Someday I'll be a movie star……that's it ! ! And I'll be rich and famous and have all the friends I want. Can't you just picture some “dramatic chick” saying this.

You're just a

star-struck

starry-eyed kid

Stella

So how's tricks. I'm the “Earthy” type huh? Hell ! ! ! ! All I do in homeroom is sit here and watch these

Dear Gary

How is my little? Thank you for your card. I wanted to write to you and Wade but I didn't have your address. I see you are c/o someone else now so I gather you two are no longer chummy. If so its too bad—he's very nice.

I got back from Europe about three weeks ago. I was in Austria Germany & Sweden. I was in a picture in Germany with Christina Kaufman, Tony Curtis' ex-wife. I spent Christmas in Sweden (Stockholm).

After I left Washington I became very busy doing interviews in New York. Terri Maki came to see me

Hi Tommy.

Surprised to hear from me? I never thought I'd be writing to you. I've been up all night alone wondering about my identity. I'm living on East 6th St. now with a straight couple and a couple of drag queens. One of the queens triggered me off trying to look for an explanation for living in this strange stylized sexuality. She asked me when she got in drag what I felt she looked like. Male or female. I tried to tell her there is no feeling about it. Realization cuts feeling off. I tried to explain my identity as being a male who has assumed the attitudes and somewhat the emotions of a female. I've been slowly strangling my ego. With the ego and fear I haven't many people to classify myself. The role is rather drab and without glamour and mystery. I don't know which role to play. I would like to live with someone whom I could—

What promised to be a long and rewarding career fizzles out into disillusionment

Once popular off-off Broadway and underground

Star Seeks work

Contact Candy Darling

The Once Popular Underground Goddess.

the ex-denizen of glamour.

It Hurts to BE A HAS BEEN

a fallen Star

Aida

up your keester drek

ask the good father what that means.

Dear Miss DeCarlo

This is just a note to tell you that you are so lovely and warm. I love you. I am an Andy Warhol star who has been in
Flesh
.

Candy Darling

TROPICAL TURKEY SALAD

2, 5 oz. cans of boned turkey, chopu p. 1 16 oz. can sliced pineapple use 6 rings on serving platter place remaining 5 and chop into salad add ¾ cup mayonnaise, add ½ cup unsalted peanuts. now ½ cup chopped celery, add few drops tabasco sauce
chill
1 T wastershire sauce & 1 T lemon juice cucumber on top and spread each …

I don't like to go out with people who do not feel they are my social equals. People that are too nice to me. Tonight I went out with Jeremiah and his friend whatsisname. Jerry met me at Lincoln Center and we had a drink (Irish Coffee) ata bar. Then we went back to Lincoln Center (the fountain) and met whatsisname. Then we walked over to take the bus on Broadway and who did go riding by on his bycicle bicycle bycicle bycicle bicycle bicycle but Bradford Riley. We were programmed to meet I know it. I knew I would meet him today. Because I am wearing the black skirt and printed blouse. It is the 3rd time he has seen it. The last time was at the premiere of “Barbarella.” The time before was the play Arresties.

To think I once loved him. I am sitting next to a primitive and there is one sitting across from me. I hate riding with scum and thats just what they are hard faces and they both have their feet up. Naturally they are scrutinizing me with their hard eyes and talking childish voices. Do I still love Brad? I don't think so but I do like him as much as I can like any man who is that attractive to me. If he were mine I'm sure I would wear him as proudly as a diamond brooch. I told him to call me.

What do you mean I'm not alluring enough maybe my name isn't Tondelaya but I've brushed off more men than the porter at the Waldorf.

There are people that wanna
be
that can't
be
so they put something on so they can
be
.

date:

Saturday July 18, 1970

condition of hair:

very dirty, tangled, not smooth, heavy regrowth in back of head, light regrowth in front.

material:

ultra blue starting at back right to back left to left side, to right side. Left on 1 hr.—result lemon color roots few black spots. Born Blonde beautiful beige. 30 min.

CANDY DARLING IS

the most beautiful girl in

the world.

Ondine

Ondine

Lois Smith

LOUISE HEUBNER

2 cups certified raw milk

2 fertile eggs

2 T protein & banana

in blender—

freeze

I have a great deal of mental energy that's projected to an audience

if you want to pay me 50 you should've told me.

it's amazing the $50 is very least you can do

I'm being a lady and look what happens—all my clothes are gone.

Faith for Today

Box8

N.Y. N.Y. 10008

Everyone needs some portion of Leadership. Look for opertunities to be of servise Set definite goals plan purpose and strive to be the best thing you can be

weigh the consequences

Consiencious leadership spreads divine light and love.

Be patient wait for the right time. temptaton to quit and take it easy.

inspiration

ask holy spirit to breath into you

Do what you can because there are many things that need doing.

Mission from God

The Christophers

… liberalized the Housing Authority in N.Y. at one time if you were suspected of belonging to a gang you were denied the low rent housing. If you were connected with drugs you were denied low rent housing. If your children were born out of wedlock you were denied—

Taken out of neighborhood that you liked and
they
put you whose knows where—

We decided in 1965 we did not like the methods.

Constructive alternative

each apt. air conditioned

” ”terraced

$21 per room

5

—

105

21

2

—

42

Candy Darling

in

“Revolting Women”

Keep that thought
inside you don't wast it.

All we think here is how to live.—fanatic

Hi Dear,

How are you? I have a new secretary—his name is George. He's only 18 years old but very wise. My hair is butter blonde and I have a Carroll Baker look. I love Carroll Baker don't you? Doesn't everybody? Who doesn't?

I sure wish we all could get together this summer. Remember that loveable cottage on Lake Winnepesaukee? I still remember the people's name—Horn. It would be just so wonderful if we all could rent it for a week you and Bob, George and I. What do you think? It's so private and such a beautiful lake. Don't worry about George he does what
I tell him
! Just like Joan Crawford in
Queen Bee
. In
Mildred Pierce
in
Harriet Craig
. George and I love Joan Crawford. We saw her in a film called
Beserk
! It was supposed to be a horror film but it was really a laugh riot. Joan owned a circus this time and all these performers were getting killed in gruesome ways. Diana Dors was in it and she was sawed in half. You remember Diana Dors don't you? England's answer to Jayne Mansfield? Oh you remember a real cheap looking tomatoe with a tremendous bust, platinumized hair, big lips a hard trashy face. She got hers the day after she was discovered in Joan's boyfriend's trailor portrayed by some young stud type. Oh it's a real must see.

If our drinking water was being poisened we wouldn't take it lightly but when our minds and the minds of our youth are being poisened

If you'll set that to music I'm sure you'll have a hit for your singing group.

Claire Trevor

A & P

phoney baloney

Relax you'll tear my dress

So what I paid for it

Why does everyone dislike you so much? Because they're all a bunch of phoneys. Even if they are all a bunch of the phoniest bastards in the world why do they all not like you? Weather they are or not to strike fear in people is not a good thing to do and you will one day be sorry you ever did this. To argue a point with you is useless you never give in and I know you feel this your forte. Remember you may win the point argument and get the better of someone but you lose a friend and create a feeling of bitter resentment.