Candy Darling
Authors: Candy Darling
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Candy Darling
Memoirs of an Andy Warhol Superstar
Candy Darling
for Sam Green
Contents
Introduction
Candy Darling entered this world on November 24, 1944. By all appearances she was a baby boy and was thus assigned the gender
male
. Candy's parents named her James Slattery. She grew up known by all as Jimmy. But Candy felt she was different. She came to realize that things didn't exactly line up, didn't quite configure.
Candy was given a short lifetime to figure out who she was. It was an epic struggle. In her time, there were very few precedents, and even fewer role models for transgendered people. Her journey toward self-realization was largely a solitary one: Confronting society's judgments and her own doubts with very little historical perspective, she was on her own. There was little to no empathy for how she felt, and even less understanding for who she was. (Christine Jorgensen, one of the first people to have sex-reassignment surgery, moved near Candy's Long Island hometown of Massapequa Park in 1959; a shy but transfixed young Jimmy used to stand in front of Jorgensen's house for hours). Growing up, there wasn't even a
name
for Candy's gender. The term
transgender
didn't exist until 1965 and didn't begin to find common acceptance for a decade or more after Candy's premature death in 1974, at the age of twenty-nine.
The depth and intensity of Candy's struggle, both with herself and with society at large, was not something she chose to share with the world. Candy styled herself after the stars of Hollywood's golden age, actors who benefited from the legions of image experts employed by the wealthy and powerful studio system. Oftentimes those stars paid a high price for the bewildering gap between their own reality and the fantastical image constructed for the ticket-buying public.
Candy did not have the benefit of a Hollywood budget; she had to craft a glamorous, enigmatic image on her own ⦠and she had to live it, day in and day out. Loneliness, rejection, and self-doubt were not qualities that fit into that public persona. Loneliness, rejection, and self-doubt are not glamorous. They are not what the public expects from an elegant star leading the dream life, never allowed to seep through the glossy surface of a perfectly lit photograph. Candy wasn't going to let any of those qualities pierce her painstakingly constructed image either. Makeup, hairstyle, and clothing were more than just a costume; they formed a gorgeous, meticulously crafted suit of armor, designed to protect, impress, beguile, attract, and intimidate.
It is only in Candy's diaries, going all the way back to her early teen years, that we start to understand some of what she privately felt and thought. In those pages she comes across as the brave, joyful, funny person that she was, but also, even as an adult, as the little child Jimmy trying to understand the transformation into ⦠whom?
How did this happen? Who else is like this? How do I deal with this?
In spite of her confusion, Candy moved forward. She was courageous and forceful. She was who she was, the whole package, and she couldn't be anyone else. Without intending it, without any agenda other than trying to find herself and her own happiness, she was a pioneer.
She went to New York City and found a world that was more tolerant and open-minded than suburban Long Islandâbut only marginally so. Yes, the city gave her an artistic community in which she could flourish, but her aspirations as an artist were still limited by ignorance and prejudice: “You've got to check out this chick Candy Darling! She is gorgeous, but guess what? She's really a man!” That was the kind of thinking she had to overcome or subvert. Even in New York City she was often seen, and exploited, more as an oddity than as an artist.
Perhaps it was all too much to expect anyone in those days to fully understand or accept. Ignored, oppressed, unrecognized, and conveniently “invisible” for generations, transgendered people were just too far outside the mainstream for even the most open-minded of people. A man could still be arrested for walking down a New York City street dressed in women's clothing. Again, there wasn't yet a word for Candy Darling's gender.
But there was always a word for what Candy was, then and now: human. These diaries give us a glimpse into Candy Darling, human soul. Where did the “real” Candy Darling start and the carefully constructed public persona of Candy Darling end? Was there a difference? Candy was a complex, frequently self-contradictory person. She was even a mystery to herself in many ways. Her gender and sexuality made her life desperately complicated, and she paid a heavy price for other people's fear and ignorance. But she did not define herself solely by her gender or her sexuality. She longed to be seen, respected, and most of all, one day unconditionally loved (by one fully committed man) for the sum of all her many, many parts.
Did Candy succeed in attaining all that she desired? Who ever really does? And who is to say? Her personal struggle, against great odds, for identity, for fame, for love created an enduring legacy for which we should all be humbly grateful. Brave pioneers such as Candy make it easier for all of usâno matter who we areâto find and make our own paths in a world that does not easily tolerate anyone who asks, “Why? Why are things the way that they are? Why should we be defined or controlled by anyone or anything other than ourselves?”
Of course, Candy said it best: “You must always be yourself, no matter what the price. It is the highest form of morality.”
James Rasin
Director of
Beautiful Darling: The Life and Times of Candy Darling, Andy Warhol Superstar
October 2014
New York City
Candy Darling
INTRODUCTION
THIS IS THE VOICE
of Candy Darling speaking, alive once again through her words, over 18 years since her death in 1974. Candy often confided in me as her friend that her writings were an integral part of her creative process, so during the course of the day, she committed her thoughts to a soft-covered notebookâthe type used by schoolchildrenâwriting about such things as recipes (she was an awful but, nevertheless, hopeful cook), drafts of letters or ones she had completed but decided for one reason or another not to send, makeup tips, addresses, lists of her favorite performers such as Joan Bennett, Kim Novak, Yvonne DeCarlo and Lana Turner.
Then, there are pages of speculation; words meant to be used as a rebuke or compliment, dialogue to be stored away for future useâperhaps for a play she was writing, jokes. The journal recorded her thoughts at that moment on that given day.
She was born a he: James Lawrence Slattery, in November of 1944 to a mother who worked as a bookkeeper at Manhattan's glamorous Jockey Club, and to a man who was a violent alcoholic who squandered family finances at the race track.
There was a half-brother through his mother's earlier marriage who would later, as an adult, deny Candy's existence to his own children, and a grandfather once billed as the “strongest man in Boston.”
With this cast of characters in mind, it could be safely said that her familyâand even Candy herself, could have been created through the pen of her great mentor and champion Tennessee Williams; but instead, in the best American tradition, Candy Darling created herself with the help of television's
Million Dollar Movie
.
During the 1950's
Million Dollar Movie
with its haunting theme song from
Gone With the Wind
(the perfect dirge for a vanished Hollywood), entertained Jimmy who often played hooky in order to watch the same movie aired three times a day, seven days a week.
Hollywood and its mystique fascinated him, and slowly transformed and transfigured the depressing reality of a lonely boy living a bleak existence in a small Cape Cod bungalow in Massapequa Park, Long Island.
The frequency of
Million Dollar Movie
enabled Jimmy to carefully study the workings of his favorite performers; makeup and costumes, the nuances and style, the contrived plots and dialogue. It wasn't long before he became a champion mimic ⦠only he wasn't doing male leads. His forte was the women and he could and would perform for anyone who would listen.