California Sunshine (9 page)

              "Let me help you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but let me help you. I'm not giving up on you, or us. I know deep down inside that there will be an us, and when there is, I'll love you like you've never been loved before."

              "Just give me time, please. I'm not sayin' no, just, not today. That kiss last night, though, whew." I said, fanning myself with my hand.

              He laughed, "Yeah. Tell me about it. I had a little trouble going to sleep."

              "You too?" I asked, winking at him.

              We were sitting on the couch, I had decided not to go back until tomorrow. "Hey. Can I ask you somethin'?"

              "Anything."

              "Can we build a fort? Please?" I asked.

              He laughed, "We can build a fort. Where?"

              "Right here!" I exclaimed.

              "How many blankets do you want?" he asked.

              "How many you got?"

              "Well if I take the comforters off the beds, six."

              "Perfect. I'll help." I said going to get up, but he grabbed my hand, pulling me back down.

              "First, one kiss."

              I smiled, a slight blush crossing my face. "Just one," I whispered, leaning into him. When I did, he pulled me into his arms and for the first time in forever, I felt like I belonged somewhere.

              We had finished the fort and we were laying inside. He had brought his tablet in and there was a movie playing. I had my arms curled around a pillow, laying on my stomach. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and felt my body begin to relax.

              "I won't judge if you want to take a nap."

              I giggled, my eyes still closed. "I'm sorry. I ain't been sleepin' good."

              "Why haven't you told me? Have I been keeping you up too late?" he asked.

              My eyes flew open. "No! Uh, I ain't told you, cause I didn't want to bring you down with me."

              "You wouldn't have. Tell me now, why you haven't been sleeping very well."

              I sighed. "I have nightmares. I'll wake up cryin', or havin' a panic or anxiety attack. I need to start seein' my therapist again. Yes. I'm that fucked up."

              "You're not fucked up. Anytime you have a night like that, call me. Please."

              "We ain't together, and I ain't gonna call you at three or four my time."

              "You should. I've got some great ways to calm you down. Yeah, okay, we aren't together, but dammit I still want to help you."

              "Fine. Fine. The next time it's unbearable I'll call you. Deal?" I asked, moving closer to him.

              He put his arm around me. "Deal. Now let's really do this being grown kids thing right and take a nap."

              I woke up with my head on Josh's chest, my arm over his stomach. His arm under me, holding me close. Just as I was about to close my eyes again, there was a knock at his door. I bit my bottom lip and gently shook him.

              "Hey, hey Josh," I whispered.

              He slowly opened his eyes and pulled me closer, pushing a few stray strands of hair out of my face. "What?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

              For a few seconds I forgot, but with the next knock it all came back to me. "Somebody's here."

              He smiled, "I don't want to answer the door, I want to be here like this, with you, for another five minutes."

              "I want that too, but I'm afraid they may knock the door down."

              He sighed, kissed me on the forehead and climbed out of the fort.

              "Hey mom, dad." I heard Josh say. When he did my heart sank.

              "Joshua what are you doing with a blanket fort in your living room?" I heard, what assumed was his step mom ask.

              "Well, I have company."

              "Oh, I'm so sorry," She said.

              I slowly crawled out and stood. I smiled brightly and held my hand out. "I'm Joanna."

              "Oh sweetie, you should have told us you had a girl over!" she exclaimed, her smile spreading to her eyes.

              Josh's dad stepped forward and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you, Joanna. My name is Abel. I'm Joshua's dad."

              I smiled, "Nice to meet you."

              "I'm Robin. Joshua's mother." The woman said pulling me into a hug and I had to giggle as I returned her hug.

              "Nice to meet ya'll."

              "Sweetie, where are you from?" Robin asked.

              "Arkansas, but I live in Nashville," I replied.

              "It's very pretty this time of year there isn't it?" Abel asked.

              "Yes sir."

              "Why didn't you tell us you have a girlfriend son?" he asked Josh, slapping him lovingly on the shoulder.

              "Because she's not my girlfriend. We're friends."

              "How is that possible? She's gorgeous, don't let her get away. Plus she has manners." Robin said.

              I smiled. "Thank you, ma'am. Well if we ever cross that bridge to bein' in a relationship, y'all will be the first people we tell. Deal?" I asked.

              Robin smiled. "Deal. I already like you."

              "Well thank you." I replied, standing there, feeling just slightly out of place.

              After supper with Josh's parents, we went and picked up my rental. I followed him back to his place, but the entire drive I caught myself wishing I had more time with him. Wishing that we were together, but glad we weren't. I was afraid of getting into another relationship, I was afraid I wouldn't be enough for him. I was afraid that things would happen that happened with Lance. He had done a number on my self-esteem. I wished he hadn't, I wished I could just say 'Okay. This is someone new. He's not going to hurt you.' But I was uncertain of anything. And I definitely didn't trust myself enough to not let my guard down.

              When we got inside, Josh stopped me. "You know it's my turn to surprise you next right?" he asked.

              I smiled. "Is that so?"

              "Yeah, it is. And maybe next time I see you we can decide where we want to take this."

              I nodded, but the fear and panic taking over on the inside. "Sounds good." I lied. I hated lying, I didn't like liars. And I damn sure didn't like lying, but I wasn't sure of what else to say.

              "I'm sorry about my parent's thinking you were my girlfriend."

              "It's fine. They ain't the only ones rootin' for us." I said as I walked over to the fort that was still in the middle of the living room.

              "No, but like Ashley and Mike, they're waiting for the day that I'm with someone again. They hated my ex, so for my mom to say she already likes you. That's something to be proud of."

              "Why'd they hate your ex?" I asked, grabbing a blanket and folding it.

              "Because, she was rude. Had no manners what-so-ever. But love is blind. I know that now. And I almost married her."

              "Really? Why? I mean I know love is blind but is it dumb too? I don't mean to be rude, I'm sure you loved her. Hell, I loved Lance, and we were engaged."

              "I think I was in love with the thought of love at the time. I didn't know you two were engaged."

              "Yeah. I think I was in love with the thought of love too. I wasn't ready to get married, not to him. He was a good guy, but like I've said before, he didn't know how to treat me. He just knew how to win me, but not keep me."

              "Well, it sounds like Alexis and Lance would have gotten along great."

              "Now there's a name to this mysterious ex. Alexis? Cute name."

              "Yeah if you're a spawn of Satan."

              I cracked up laughing. "I'm sorry."

              "Don't be. I love to hear you laugh. But it's the truth, though. That girl, God, she was terrible. She would pick fights with me over the littlest things. Ever day there at the end we were fighting. She'd call me screaming at me."

              "That don't sound very lovin'. I don't understand why girls do that. I'm guilty of startin' fights, but never did I call Lance, screamin' at him."

              "I'm sure your arguments were valid though."

              "Sometimes. Like the nights he'd make plans with me and have to 'work late'. Or when he'd cancel plans at the last minute."

              "We sure knew how to pick 'em didn't we?" he asked.

              I smiled and nodded. "I guess."

              "Well, I'll never do something like that. I don't like canceling plans. Especially when it's with a girlfriend."

              "Well, I don't always like makin' plans. I like spontaneity every once in a while. And with my job, sometimes I like to just sit at home and do nothin'. Order pizza and watch TV."

              "I'll remember that."

              I laughed, "I'm beginnin' to think you know more about me than I know about you."

              "Oh, I'm easy to please. As you know I love the beach, and I love the outdoors. But I'm like you, I like sitting at home, doing nothing too."

              "I like an adventure."

              "Getting in the truck and just driving, letting the road take us where it wants."

              "Exactly. This whole trip was somewhat spontaneous. And if you ever come visit, I'll have to take you the back roads, to show you the most beautiful scenery."

              "As long as you're with me--"

              I stopped him. "Please don't."

              "Why not?" he asked, stepping closer.

              "Because, I have to be honest with you. All of this scares me. I'm afraid that I'm gonna end up goin' through the same thing I went through with Lance. I'm afraid that if we try a relationship, the distance will tear us apart. Or that I'll be too much to handle and you'll get tired and just walk away."

              "That will never happen. I told you, you deserve someone who will weather the storm with you, not just hold the umbrella. If we end up dating, I'm in it for the long run, not just until something else comes up that may be more convenient. I've been cheated on, I don't like cheaters and I don't like liars."

              I threw my arms around him, I couldn't help it. For some reason his words spoke to my heart, and they were whispering "Just believe him. Take the chance. Not right now, no not right now. When the time's right, though, don't turn him down." He pulled me closer and I buried my face in his chest.

              "I would never do anything to hurt you." he whispered.

              "I know that, and neither would I. Just give me some time." I whispered in reply, squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn't believe I was falling for someone I'd known for almost two months. I just hoped like hell he wouldn't make me regret it.

Chapter 10