Broken (16 page)

Chapter 29

Nick

I’m driving back from Scotty’s, feeling more confused and heartbroken than I ever have felt before. All my life, I have managed to avoid emotional attachments. Well, my adult life I have. I’ve felt connected to Ryan throughout my life, and, to a certain extent, my parents. The women in my life, however, have consistently been non-entities, really. I hate to admit that most of them simply didn’t matter much to me.

I knew why. I didn’t want emotional involvement. But Scotty was truly different for me, and I had yet to figure out exactly why. I think it was because she was really the first woman who presented herself to me as somebody who could care less about my wealth, which was intoxicating, in and of itself. But also that she was somebody who was so hurt that I felt the need to protect her and to do anything for her to make her happy. And there was something about her that made me think that, underneath it all, we really were the same. Both of us hurt and afraid of emotional commitment. But now I wanted emotional commitment, craved it for the first time in my life, and my past was getting completely in the way.

So, I viewed Scotty’s reticence to get involved with me as nothing more than a speed bump. I knew that I would find a way to win her over, and I also knew that when I did, I would finally give up all the women, and men, who have come in and out of my life for short blips,
and then vanish. I simply would no longer have a need for there to be anybody else but her in my life.

Truth be told, commitment to somebody was something that I really had craved for some time. I lied to myself when I told myself that it was something that I didn’t want or need, but the fever had been breaking for awhile. Scotty managed to finally get through the armor that I built around myself, so now I knew that I would never be the same again.

I would bide my time. I knew that I would see her every day, really, between the night classes and her work schedule. So, I would be given ample opportunity to insinuate myself so that she could finally see that she could trust me.

∞

In the meantime, I went to work trying to make things happen for Jack. I promised him that I would put in a good word for him, and I was as good as my word. I still wanted to get an in with him, so that he would say nice things about me to Scotty. It certainly wouldn’t hurt and might make Scotty see that I was a good guy.

So, I called Bob on Monday, just as I promised.

“Bob,” I said. “This is Nick O’Hara.”

“Nick! Long time no hear. Although I did know that you were in town. I read it in the paper. Congrats on getting that new partnership, and congrats on getting the lead on the Chase project.”

“Hey, thanks. I’m getting settled in here, you know, just feeling my way around. Anyhow, I wanted to call you about this guy I know, Jack Donaldson. He’s trying to get an audition for your new musical. Any way that you might be able to see him?”

“Well, sure, but what’s he like?”

“He has musical talent. He’s about six foot, pretty handsome really. I could send over some photos of him if you like.”

“Sure, please do. You can email them to me,” he said, giving me his email address. “But, sure, buddy, anything to help out an old friend. What’s been going on? You still married to that Rielle woman?”

“Uh, no. No. We divorced just recently. She got custody of the kids and the house in Kansas.”

“Oh, sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. It was kind of a disastrous marriage, to be perfectly honest.”

“Ah, don’t sweat it. Finding women was never a chore for you, if I can remember rightly.”

I just laughed. “True that. But finding the right woman…ah, now there’s the rub. Not as easy as it might seem.”

“Don’t I know
it. I’m on number three myself. Never thought I would be on number three before I turned 35 years old.”

“Well, at least you keep on trying. I guess that’s something to say.”

“Yeah. Anyhow, I gotta run. But send me the stats on this Jack guy and his pictures, and I’ll certainly give him an audition. Not going to promise a part or anything, but I have to confess that he does have a better chance than all those unknowns who don’t have somebody like you to recommend them to me. And, hey, you’re in town now, so we need to get together more often. Like old times.”

“Sure thing, buddy. I’ll hit you up sometime and we can do dinner. Shoot the crap like we used to. I’m living in Tribeca, and I
know that you’re living in Greenwich, so we need to find a way to get together more often.”

We said our goodbyes and I felt better already. And I would be seeing Scotty today, so that cheered me up as well.

Maybe I was living in denial, but I still saw a future in her.

Chapter 30

Scotty

Oh, I am sick. But I am just sick over the situation, not physically sick. So, I can’t very well call in to my internship today. I just have to face the music, and act professionally. Nick was still my boss, and I was not going to commit professional hari-kari by quitting, just because I couldn’t allow myself to be with him on a personal basis.

I reminded myself of my goals and dreams as I made my way to the office on the subway. I had hit a snag of sorts in getting somewhat personally involved with my boss, but that wouldn’t keep me from making the best of this rather tense situation.

So, when I got to the office, I took a deep breath and approached Nick’s office with trepidation. “Hello, Nick,” I said, knocking on his open door. He was sitting at his desk, reading
The Wall Street Journal,
and eating a bowl of cereal and drinking a cup of coffee. His face lit up upon seeing me, and my heart melted and broke at the same time.

“Scotty,” he said. “So good to see you. Come in, come in. I need to talk with you anyhow.”

I hesitantly approached him. “You do? What about?”

“Well, I forgot to tell you. You won’t be working for Portia anymore. You’ll still be floating for a week or two more, before you join my design team for good. But you won’t be floating over to Portia any more.”

I looked at him, feeling startled. He obviously felt that I couldn’t handle her. He was right, of course. Portia was just plain cruel to me. But, at the same time, I worried about how that move would be perceived by the other interns, the other partners, and, especially, Portia. I wondered if Nick had managed to do more damage than good.

Still, his heart was certainly in the right place, so I loved him all the more for doing that for me.

“Uh, Nick, thanks for that. I just hope that it doesn’t backfire, though.”

He nodded his head. “I know. I hope that I wasn’t rash.” Then he got up and stood right behind me. He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “I just felt the need to protect you. I hope that doesn’t sound patronizing. I really did it out of love.”

His words sent tingles through every centimeter of my body. I felt warm all over, like a favorite blanket was enveloping me. Jack had protected me since I had known him, but, other than Jack, nobody had ever protected me. Quite the opposite. And, once again, I found that I loved Nick all the more.

But I couldn’t show my love for him. I had to keep him at arm’s length. “Thanks again, Nick. I guess I need to get to work. I have projects to do for George and Roger. They seem to believe in me, even if Portia doesn’t.”

Oh, but I soon found out that my initial hunch was correct. Portia was none too happy about not having me to beat up.

She called me into her office.

Oh, lord, here we go.
I made my way to her office with great trepidation. I knocked on her door and she answered it. “Scotty,” she said. “I need to talk to you.”

“Yes, Ms. Anson?”

“Have a seat,” she said, gesturing to her chair.

I did.

She looked at me, her hands clasped, her body in an offensive posture. She was ready to go to war. I could see it in her eyes.

“I don’t know what you told Nick,” she began, “but I certainly don’t appreciate him going over my head to get you off of my service. He obviously has no idea who he is dealing with. But I’m going to make damned sure that you do.”

“I hate to sound disrespectful, but I don’t know why you aren’t talking to Nick about this. I had nothing to do with him getting me off your service. Why are you dealing with me instead of him?”

“Oh, I’ll deal with him. Trust me. But I want you to know something. I’m the backbone of this firm. My grandfather was one of the firm’s founders, and I’m by far the biggest rainmaker. I bring in about $20 million annually to this firm, because I’m able to land projects that others aren’t. I’m aggressive, and I’m not afraid to use all my assets to get what I want. Nobody in this firm can touch me. Nobody. We have two hundred partners here, fifty of them senior, and our firm does around $300 million annually. You do the math. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t fuck with me. And if Nick tries to fuck with me, he’s going to find that he’s going to be out in the cold. Yeah, he’s talented and renowned, but, without me, this firm would be hurting.”

I nodded my head, knowing exactly where this was going. Where it was all going to end up. It was simply a matter of time.

I might as well get some experience there while I could, before the inevitability of my being fired.

“I understand.”

“You do? Good. Because I plan on making your life a living hell. Now, I’m working on the Penske project, and I want you go bring me a design of the first floor lobby. I need it in an hour. And, if you bring me another piece of shit design that looks like a kindergartener drew it, I will rip it up and stuff the pieces of paper in your pie hole. You got that?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, trying hard not to sound sarcastic or condescending.

So, I got to work, going to my cubicle that the firm just gave me for my drafting projects. I felt intimidated and scared about doing this work for her. I knew that it wouldn’t be good enough for her. It could be designed by Frank Lloyd Wright himself, and, if it had my name on it, she would pronounce it amateurish and immature. I knew this going in. Yet, I was going to try my very hardest.

I finished the project within the hour, after doing careful research on the building style and what would be necessary for the lobby. It really wasn’t a hard project – floor plans were never the difficult thing. The truly hard parts of designing buildings were the calculations that go into everything an architect does. I was good at the calculations part, which surprised me, because I never thought that I would excel at math. Calculus and trigonometry came easily to me, though, because my brain was very logical. I also knew that I had the creativity to combine with the logic and the pragmatism, so I felt like I could truly succeed at this profession one day.

I believed in myself. Portia was trying her damndest to undermine this belief, but I had to not take it personally. She has the hots for Nick, she probably sees that Nick has the hots for me, and that was causing her bad behavior.

This knowledge didn’t make it any easier, however, to see her literally take a lighter to the lobby plan that I presented to her after finishing it.

I gave it to her within the hour, just like she asked. She looked at it, said nothing, but brought out a lighter
from under her desk and set it on fire. She looked at me while it burned. “You see this. This is what I think about your work. I can’t believe that you continue to work here. You won’t get a permanent position here. You probably won’t even get a good recommendation to carry through to your next prospective employer. So, I don’t know why you want to work for this firm. Especially since you’re not being paid.”

I blinked rapidly, but knew better than to say anything.
Not being paid? What?????

I started to breathe heavily. I had to ask Nick about that. He told me that I would be paid $40,000 a year, which would be directly deposited into my account.

I stood up.

“Where are you going, pray tell? I’m not finished with you,” Portia asked, her beautiful blue eyes narrowing.

“I have other partners who need me to do projects for them,” I said. “I’m not supposed to spend more than an hour or two with any one partner while I’m learning.”

“Huh,” she said. “Something tells me that I’ll be able to find you in Nick’s office more often than not.” She crossed her arms. “Stay away from him. He’s a man-whore, you know. Dates supermodels,” she said, looking at her nails. “Gets into three-ways with them all the time. And not always just with women.”

Now, how does she know this?
I just looked at her, and she shrugged. “What? This might be a city of 8 million people, but it’s a small town when it comes to high society gossip.”

“I don’t think that you should be spreading rumors around to interns about other senior partners,” I said.

“Whatever,” she said. “Go on, go do your work for your other partners, but I expect you to be here in this office tomorrow morning first thing.”

At that, I left.

But, as I steadily worked on the projects that other partners gave to me, Portia’s words rang in my ears.
Dates supermodels. Gets into three-ways with them all the time. And not always just with women.
The words ran through my mind over and over like a freight train. And I could feel the brick wall, which I put up after talking to Ryan, get strengthened with concrete and steel. Portia was probably full of shit, as she clearly had it in for Nick because of the fact that they slept together and he wanted nothing more to do with her. But what if she was telling the truth? I felt incredibly naïve that I ever thought that Nick was a decent guy who could possibly be the one that I was looking for. Anybody who looked like that, and who had that kind of money and prestige, was going to either have a blond supermodel wife, or was going to be a man-whore.

Looks like Nick falls into that second category.

And what was up with the fact that I was unpaid? Why would he lie to me like that? I started to panic about that, because no way could I afford to continue to work here if I was unpaid.
I hope that I can get my bartending job back
, I thought miserably.

On and on and on my mind raced, until Nick found me at my cubicle for lunch. “Time for lunch, honey,” he said. “Where would you like to go?” He had my coat and hat in his arms.

“Oh, thanks, Nick,” I said. “But I brown-bagged it today.” I held up my brown bag as proof. The lunch that I packed consisted of a small tuna salad in a can with crackers and several carrot sticks. I knew that I would end up starving, because I usually did, but I didn’t want to rely on Nick for lunch every day.

“Don’t be silly,” he said. “Let me see that bag.”

I tried to snatch it away, but he grabbed it and looked inside. “Scotty, there’s not enough food in here to sustain a two-year old. Come on, we’re going to lunch.”

I felt nervous that Portia would see us, which would give her more ammunition, but I grudgingly obliged.

We got outside the building and onto the busy street. “Do you like Thai?” he asked. “There’s a great Thai place a couple of blocks east, on Park.”

I nodded my head. “Yes, but I feel bad you buying me lunch every day.”

He put his arm around me. “It’s the least I can do,” he said, then leaned in and said, in a low voice, “for the woman I love.”

Then he looked behind him, I guess to make sure that there wasn’t anybody from the firm following closely behind us.

I tried, very hard, not to get my hopes up when Nick reiterated that he loved me. He couldn’t chip away at my brick wall, which was reinforced with concrete and steel. I wouldn’t let him.

But
him having his arm around me made me feel so safe and secure….

Stop, Scotty. Man-whore, man-whore. Don’t ever forget that.

Possibly even a bisexual man-whore.

Over lunch, which consisted of Pad Thai with shrimp, which was delicious, by the way, I broached the subject of my not getting paid. I didn’t broach the subject of the three-ways with the supermodels, and the possibility of him being bisexual. That so was not my business anymore.

“So, Nick,” I said, “Portia let it slip that this internship was unpaid.”

“Portia. Are you working for her again?”

“Yeah. I think that you’re going to hear an earful from her about trying to get me off her service. But she gave me the earful today. I’m sure it’s your turn soon.”

Nick suddenly looked upset. I couldn’t tell if he was upset because I caught him in a lie, or because I was working for Portia against his wishes. Maybe both.

“So, you didn’t answer my question,” I said to the suddenly silent Nick. “I can’t afford to not get paid. I think that you know this.”

He nodded. “Of course, I know this,” he said. “Uh, I, uh, didn’t lie. I mean, I really wanted you for our firm, and I knew that you couldn’t afford to work for us. So, I, uh, arranged it so that your salary would, uh, come out of my personal account.”

I felt shocked. And more than a little belittled. And like a cheap whore. Well, no, I didn’t feel like a cheap whore, but I would have if Nick and I had actually started a sexual relationship.

“You’re paying me?” I asked. “Oh my god. I can’t believe this.”

“Listen, Scotty,” Nick said, taking my hands. “I see something in you. Professionally, I mean. I don’t think that it’s right that our firm doesn’t pay the interns. I never did. I guess that they figure that they have no problems getting top students to intern for free, because everybody wants those choice positions, but that doesn’t make it right. So, I did what I could to bring you on board. You aren’t a typical Columbia architectural student. You don’t come from wealthy parents, and I know that you struggle financially. So, that’s why I did it. Please believe me, I had no ulterior motives other than that.”

I took a deep breath, and drank from my water. “Have you done that for others?”

“Yes,” he said, although I had the feeling that he was lying about that. “When there are top students who would thrive in our firm, but can’t afford to work for free, I pay them out of my salary.”