Broken (18 page)

Chapter 33

Scotty

Nick just left, after inviting me over for Thanksgiving. I was amazingly touched by his offer. And I should’ve taken him up on it. After all, I really didn’t have any plans except to get a rotisserie chicken at the deli, with some stuffing and mashed potatoes that Jack had brought home from his Jewish Bakery job. I lied to Nick when I told him that I would be going to my mother’s place.

Truth be told, I hadn’t really spoken with mom since she humiliated me in the bar and Nick had to save me. I sent her money, like I always did, which was much of the reason why I was always so broke, but I didn’t take her phone calls. She needed to straighten up her life, and not drag me down with her.

I didn’t really know why I lied to Nick, except that I was still trying very hard not to let him in. God knows he had tried – he took me to lunch every day, and he constantly hinted that he wanted to go out. So, it was difficult to keep avoiding a personal relationship with him, but it was still something that I felt that I needed to do.

I found myself feeling really guilty for lying to him, and I also felt myself longing to be close to him. Of course, I couldn’t tell him that.

And, I wanted to trust him, I really did. I just couldn’t bring myself to. Especially after Portia’s remarks about Nick dating supermodels and not just women. He was becoming riskier by the second.

So, I pretty much kept my interactions with Nick to a bare minimum. I saw him here at the firm, and in class, and we went to lunch every day together. Usually just the two of us had lunch, but sometimes we had lunch with other people from the firm as well.

Such as one day when a bunch of us went out for lunch at a bar and grill. Another intern, Shane, was flirting with me shamelessly. Every time I looked at Nick, he was staring at us, and boring holes into Shane. I felt self-conscious. I wasn’t flirting back, of course. I don’t think that I even know how to flirt. But Nick made it clear, through his expressions, that he wasn’t in the least bit happy with mine and Shane’s interactions. He said nothing, of course, but it was clear that he wanted to kick Shane’s ass.

Now he wanted to spend Thanksgiving with me. And, oh, how I wanted to. That would be the first really special Thanksgiving of my life, because usually Jack and I spent the holiday with our
rotisserie chicken and fixins, and Jack usually had a guy over. The three of us would typically end up wandering the streets and looking at Christmas lights, and maybe playing board games at home. Not that this wasn’t a fun time. It was. Hanging out with Jack always was fun. But I usually felt like a third wheel, and I always longed to have somebody special to spend the holidays with.

Now, here was Nick, who was still trying to insinuate himself into my life, and I just couldn’t let him. It was confusing and heartbreaking, but I found myself hoping that Nick could find a woman to be happy with. Somebody who doesn’t have my baggage. He deserves that, really, because I believed in the capacity to change.

I just didn’t want to take the chance that he couldn’t change for me.

I didn’t tell Jack, of course, about Nick’s offer. Jack had backed off of bugging me about giving Nick a chance. But it was clear that Jack thought that I was making a huge mistake when it came to Nick.

This was especially true after Jack got an audition for one of Bob Terrill’s musicals, soon after Jack and I had dinner with Nick.

“I got an audition for one of the biggest productions in town!” Jack was all excited. “And, I’m quite sure that it was not coincidental that this musical is one of Bob Terrill’s.”

“That’s great!” I said. “A cocktail is in order!”

“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I haven’t gotten any parts just yet, but I would be happy just to be in the chorus on this one. A boy has to start somewhere.” Then he looked at me meaningfully. “Anyhow, it sounds like Nick came through. When are you going to stop being such a bitch to him and give him a chance?”

“What year is this?”

Jack just shook his head. “You are making a big mistake. Huge mistake. Nick is probably one of the most eligible men in town, and you won’t give him the time of day.” He sat down with his cocktail and looked at me disapprovingly. “I’m not going to let this go, Scotty. I think that you and Nick would be perfect together and would make very beautiful little babies.”

I didn’t say anything at first, then I changed the subject. “So, what are you going to wear for your audition? What are you going to sing?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I might go all Rachel Berry and sing something completely off the wall like
Bohemian Rhapsody.
That might get their attention.”

“Oh, I think you should! That would be totally cool.”

“Uh, huh,” Jack said. It was clear that he was still annoyed that I wasn’t letting Nick pursue me. “Well, this discussion about Nick is tabled but not forgotten. I’m going to bring it up every day until you relent and let that boy treat you like a proper girlfriend.”

“Noted,” I said, nodding my head. “Anyhow, I have to study.”

So, considering how Jack was reacting to my blowing Nick off, I thought it best not to mention the Thanksgiving invite. That would cause major headaches and fights between Jack and me, and I just wanted a happy holiday.

And that was what Jack and I were going to have. A happy holiday.

Chapter 34

Nick

I was miserable that Scotty wouldn’t be coming to my loft for Thanksgiving, but all was not lost. Granted, I couldn’t be with the woman I loved on the holiday, but I had an invite by Nate and Nat to spend the holiday with them. Even though this particular option placed a very, very distant second to spending the day with Scotty, it still wasn’t a bad offer, so I called Nate to tell him that I would be taking him up on it.

“Hey, that’s great, Nick,” Nate said when I called him about spending Thanksgiving with them. “I’m glad that you’re going to be able to make it. It’s been a long time, buddy. Too long. I mean, you’ve been in town for about six months now, and I still haven’t seen you since you moved here. What’s up with that?”

“Well, working 60 hours a week at the firm and teaching six hours of courses at Columbia has taken up most of my time. But it will be good to see you too. And Nat, of course. And Christopher.”

“Christopher will be spending the holiday with his grandmother on Long Island. Nat will be around, though.”

“Ok, cool. What can I bring?”

“A bottle of wine would be great. You know your wines, so pick up a good one.”

Which I did, stopping by a high dollar wine bar to pick up a bottle of
Egon Muller
Riesling, which retailed for over $1300. Then I made my way over to Nate’s apartment on the Upper West Side.

I got there, and Natalie came out to greet me in her typically effusive way. “Nick! It’s so good to see you! Let me take your coat.” She took my coat and looked at my bottle of wine. “
Egon Muller.
Very nice, Nick. Very nice.”

I walked into the place, which was decorated very festively for the holidays. A 13-foot Christmas tree was in the corner, next to the fireplace, and it was decorated with white lights and hundreds upon hundreds of keepsake ornaments. There were already presents under the tree, as well, most of them for Christopher, who was just over one year old. The fireplace was strung with Christmas lights as well, and there was an enormous wreath on one of the walls.

“Something smells good,” I said as I walked into the apartment. “What’s cooking? The usual?”

“Yes, of course,” Natalie said. “Although we’re having goose instead of turkey. I hope you don’t mind. I did all the cooking, so I hope you enjoy it.”

“Oh, I’m quite sure I will,” I said. “Can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal.”

Then I walked into the dining room, and stopped short. There was a beautiful brunette woman sitting there, drinking wine with Nate. She was wearing a white cashmere sweater and tweed pants. With her full lips, high cheekbones and hazel-green eyes, she looked like somebody who would be on a Times Square billboard.

I cocked my head at Nate, who stood up to give me a hug. “Good to see you, Nick. Good to see you. Have a seat.” He led me over to the table, and the brunette woman stood up and smiled. “Uh, Nick, this is Ava. Ava is the lead flautist for the New York City philharmonic. Well, she will be, anyhow, next season. Right now, she’s new in town, so I thought I would invite her to Thanksgiving too.”

I nodded my head at the beautiful woman. She smiled and looked me up and down. “Nice to meet you Nick,” she said, shaking my hand. “Nate has told me a lot about you.”

I nodded my head and said nothing.
Nate has told me nothing about you. In fact, he neglected to even mention that you would be here.
I looked at Nate. “Hey, Nate, will you come in the kitchen and show me where to put this wine?”

Nate waved his hand dismissively. “You know where to put it. You’ve been here before.”

“Well, maybe you’ve moved your rack,” I said stupidly. “So, please, come in here and help me make sure I put this wine in the right place.”

Nate looked at me, saw my expression, and finally understood. “Oh, yeah, Nick, you know what, there is a different place that we’re keeping our wine. Uh, Ava, let me pour you another glass and Nick and I will be right out.”

Once Nate got into the wine storage area, I cornered him. “A setup Nate? Really? And you couldn’t tell me?”

“Hey, I wanted to surprise you. Ava is pretty gorgeous, huh? And accomplished. I think that she would be right up your alley.”

I shook my head. “Well, your heart’s in the right place. But I’m in love with somebody. Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

Nate looked at me like I had grown another head. “What? You? In love? Right….”

“I resent your implication. I’m capable of loving somebody, and I’m telling you that I’m in love right now.”

Nate looked skeptical. “And where is this mystery woman?”

“She’s at her mother’s.”

“And you’re not there at her mother’s with her because…”

I didn’t know how to explain to him that I might be in love with Scotty, but we had not yet gone any further than a couple of kisses, and she wasn’t giving me the time of day. Nate would probably think that I was crazy.

“I’m just not. So, please, tell Ava that I’m not interested.”

“I’ll do no such thing. You need to give her a chance. She’s a beautiful and classy lady, and you both have a love for classical music. She’s perfect for you.”

I sighed.

This was going to be a long night.

Chapter 35

I found myself having not a bad time with Ava, Nate and Nat, to my surprise. Ava was a stimulating conversationalist and a world traveler. We had a ton of things in common. Like me, she had a home on Lake Como, and both of us spoke fluent Italian, Spanish and French. Both of us graduated from Harvard, although she got her PhD there, while I got my bachelor’s there. Both of us had visited every continent at least once, except Antarctica. She had a robust knowledge of architecture, as this was her hobby, and she was pretty funny as well.

So, we had a good time talking, but I told myself that Ava was perfect only on paper.

Because she wasn’t Scotty.

I had no interest in pursuing her romantically, although it became increasingly obvious that Ava was digging me, to say the least.

Nate confirmed this when I went into the kitchen to bring the dessert out to the table. “So, Nick, Ava is perfect, huh? She really likes you. She told me that she would go out with you in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. I done
good, huh?”

“Sure, Nate. She’s pretty perfect for me. But I’m still not interested.”

“What? Are you crazy?” Nate was shaking his head. “Do you know how hard it was to find a woman to set you up with? You’re so damned picky. Ava is the cousin of a Goldman banker, and when I met her, I instantly knew that I wanted her to meet you.”

Nate looked crushed that I wasn’t interested in his “find.”

I put my arm around Nate. “Hey, you’re a good friend for trying. But, I’m telling you, there’s one woman for me, and her name is Scotty James.”

Nate sighed. “One date with Ava. I kinda promised her that you would take her out on the town. Come on, she’s new and doesn’t know many people. If you guys spend some time together, you might hit it off. Stranger things have happened.”

As Nate pleaded with me, I was overcome with a strange feeling. That, even though Scotty and I had never started officially dating, if I took this woman out, I would betraying my relationship with Scotty.

My nonexistent relationship with Scotty.

God, I was sounding like a crazy person in my head.

“Sure, Nate. Sure. Uh, I’ll see what she wants to do.”

Nate almost jumped up and down like a schoolboy. “Oh, good. I knew you would like her. I knew it.”

I rolled my eyes. I had just committed to taking this woman out, even though I had absolutely no desire to.
How do I get roped into these things?
But, I suppose that going out with a concert flautist who looked like a Victoria’s Secret model wouldn’t be the worst thing in the entire world.

But she wasn’t Scotty.

Nate and I made our way back into the dining room. Natalie and Ava were having a good time talking and laughing. Two beautiful women, one of whom I had and the other of whom clearly wanted to have me. Most men would kill to be in my shoes right now, I reminded myself.
So quit whining.

“Hey, Nick, we’re going to play some Trivial Pursuit,” Natalie said. “You and Ava against me and Nate.”

This is going to be interesting. Four Ivy-League educated people playing a trivia game.
“Cool,” I said. “Let’s get started.”

So, we played for the next few hours. I had a good time, but, every time I looked at Ava, I imagined Scotty sitting there with us playing the game. How I wished that Ava was Scotty. I tried to will myself to stop thinking like that. To be present and in the moment, as opposed to trying to be someplace else. To enjoy what’s in front of me instead of thinking about the one thing that I couldn’t yet have.

But I was going to have her. I knew it. I could feel it. It was just around the corner. Scotty was going to be mine.

In the meantime, though, there was Ava, who was a lot of fun, I had to admit. And she was flirting with me the entire evening shamelessly.

Finally, the evening ended. Ava left, and I got her number and promised to call her. I still wasn’t sold on taking her out, but I had her number just in case.

I stayed around to help clean up and catch up with Nate.

“So,” Nate said. “Ava is really digging you. Hard. She wants you bad.”

“Uh huh,” I said. “And you know this how?”

“Because she told me that she’s digging you and wants you bad. Well, not in those words, but I got the gist. So, you promised me that you would give her a chance and take her out. Where are you guys going to go?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take her to a show or to a gallery opening.” Two places that I really wanted to take Scotty.

“Cool,” Nate said. “Well, good luck to you. We all want you to be happy, now that I’m happy and Ryan is too. It’s your turn, buddy.”

I nodded my head. “Thanks.” I knew that he meant well with his little set-up with Ava. Nate and I were never as close as Ryan and I, which was why Nate so clearly was trying to force me into something that I just wasn’t into. Ryan never would have done that.

Sometimes I missed that guy so much.

I drove home from Nate’s feeling depressed. I kinda had to take Ava out at least once, because I kinda promised Nate that I would. But it wasn’t something that I looked forward to.

I found myself driving uptown towards Scotty’s apartment. What I would do once I was up there, I really didn’t know. I only knew that I was compelled to drive up there, almost as if there was a magnetic force bringing me into that neighborhood. I got to her street, and drove around for almost a half hour, looking for a parking spot that was within a couple of miles of her apartment. It was harder than ever, however, to find such a spot, considering this was Thanksgiving.

I finally found a spot, and jogged the whole way to her building, even though I was wearing dress slacks and dress shoes.

My heart in my throat, I buzzed her place.

Then buzzed again.

Then waited out in the cold for about fifteen minutes before buzzing again.

I finally gave up and went home, feeling bluer than ever.

I was officially pussy-whipped.