“A baby? Really? How exciting,” I cried.
Momma didn’t seem very excited about it.
“I suppose so,” she muttered.
“Momma?”
“Yes, Lillian?”
“Why didn’t you have any more babies after
me?” I asked. I had often wondered why I had no brothers or
sisters. Especially that day, I wondered why I was a sole child.
Momma came back to me and took my face in her hands, making me look
up into her melancholy eyes. She sighed then said, “I am unable to
have any more babies.” She said that with so much anguish that her
pain went straight to my heart.
Momma knew I wanted to know why, but that
night she wasn’t ready, and as she said goodnight to me, left with
eyes full of tears.
_______________
The very next Saturday was my birthday. It
was the first birthday ever that I was going to celebrate with
people other than my very own family. In years past, the day came
with a gift and a cake and that was all. I had never had a real
party. Momma used to tell me one day I could have one; one day we
would be able to have the luxury of a birthday party in my honor.
As far back as I could remember, I had wished for it to come. Now
it had finally arrived.
Opal and Momma spent the morning baking my
cake. Daddy told me I didn’t have to do any of my morning chores; I
could go off and play. Heath and Ayden asked if I wanted to go
fishing. I had just put on my Sunday dress, my only dress for a
special occasion. Normally, I would have gone fishing with them,
but that day I didn’t want to get dirty.
“Then just come and sit with us. You won’t
have to actually fish,” Ayden said. They had their fishing poles in
hand and stood waiting for my answer.
“I’ll bait the hook for you,” Ayden
added.
“Come on, Lillian. What else are you going to
do?”
“I think I want to stay inside and read
today. Besides, I’m wearing my Sunday best.”
“But it isn’t Sunday,” Ayden said.
“She knows that!” Heath interrupted. “Okay,
Lillian, we’ll see you later.”
I plopped down on my bed and opened my book.
It wasn’t long before I would have my school books to study again;
there were only three weeks left of fun and play until Heath and
Ayden would row in to the mainland for schooling. I would be left
on the island to be schooled by Momma. She was a good teacher;
Daddy often praised her for my knowledge and intelligence. He’d
say, “I know she doesn’t get her smarts from me.”
Momma always told him to never say that.
She’d say he was the smartest man she had ever known, and he would
smile and kiss her rosy lips.
Though I was smart thanks to Momma, I wanted
more than anything to go to school with Heath and Ayden and meet
other children. I wanted to see what it was like in a real school
house with a real teacher. Each time I brought it up, Momma told me
it was out of the question. “Your father and I don’t want to hear
this again.”
“Why can’t I be like other children and go to
a real school?” I would groan.
Daddy had come down from a long night in the
tower and overheard me crying to Momma. “You are not like other
children, Lillian. Now, not another word of this,” he
commanded.
I didn’t understand why I wasn’t like Heath
or Ayden—why I wasn’t worthy of attending school. I was a good
girl; I was sure of that. Momma and Daddy both knew I was smart. No
school would turn me away. I wanted in the worst way for them to
tell me why—just once tell me why.
Although I tried to concentrate on my book, I
was too excited about the upcoming evening. Daddy gave me no hint
as to what my present was. My presents were always special because
Momma and Daddy gave them to me, but just once I did want something
I’d wished for. Every time we went to the village’s general store,
I gazed up at the dolls. Each and every time. Only once did Daddy
notice, and that was the day he told me we couldn’t afford a doll
like that. I had rag dolls that I played with—but never a real
porcelain doll. If I ever did receive one as a gift, I wanted to
name her Jane, after Jane Austen, the author of many of my favorite
books. Something told me this birthday was going to be different
from all others and one of my most memorable days.
I had been working for some time on tying my
hair back in one of my prettiest blue ribbons, and as soon as I had
it just right, I went downstairs. I was the first one ready for
supper. Momma had the table set. But as I lit the candelabra in
anticipation of everyone’s arrival, a gust of wind blew them out.
From out of nowhere came a powerful storm. The early evening turned
dark, and the winds kicked up as the surf began to pound the
island. In a matter of minutes, the rain became torrential. Daddy
ran in, soaking wet, and flew past me to get up to the tower and
light the lamp. I heard Edward calling for Heath. There was a
vessel in peril. I ran to see, too, and just as I stepped outside,
the vessel slowly broke apart and went to its watery grave. I could
hear men screaming for help, their voices crying out over the
howling winds and powerful thunder.
Heath and Edward threw lines out from the
shore; it was all they could do. The swells were too dangerous to
risk taking the rowboats out. A man bobbed up and down in the huge
swells not far from the shore, but the rope just couldn’t reach. We
stood there, helpless, as one wave after another swept over him and
he continued to scream. Then he went silent and disappeared into
the sea. Edward and Heath stayed on the shore in the pouring rain
until they were certain they could save no one. Then they waited
the rest of the night for bodies to wash up.
After the ferocious storm passed and the
swells subsided, a thick fog settled in. The night was long and
daunting. Heath and Edward pulled one dead man after another out of
the water and laid them on the cold, wet sand. Momma insisted I go
inside, but I refused.
“There is nothing we can do for them except
say a prayer,” she said.
“Then that’s what we will do, Momma. We will
give them a prayer.”
Momma took my hand, and we bowed our heads.
Opal, Heath, Edward, and Ayden came to stand with us as we listened
to Daddy ring the fog bell in ten-second intervals. We held hands
while Momma gave the Lord’s Prayer for the fifteen sailors and
captain that Heath and Edward dragged out of the water.
I didn’t remember it was my birthday until
the sun began to rise and the fog turned into an eerie white cloud
that blanketed the island. The new day was surrounded by death, and
my birthday was over. Heavy-hearted, I returned to my room. It
wasn’t long before there was a soft rap on my door.
“Lillian, it’s Heath.”
Heath stood, exhausted and drained, out in
the hall. He was cold and wet, but he wanted me to have my birthday
present. From his pocket, he pulled a necklace made of sea shells.
“Happy birthday.”
The gesture brought me to tears, and I fell
into his arms. Heath caught me and held me as I cried.
Heath awkwardly put his arms around me, and
tried to comfort me. “It’s okay,” he kept repeating. “Please don’t
cry,” he said. Then he opened my hand and put the necklace in it.
“Doesn’t the necklace make you happy?”
“Yes, yes, of course. I love it, Heath. Thank
you.”
“Don’t say anything to Ayden, but he made you
a bracelet to match,” Heath whispered softly in my ear.
I stepped back and looked up at him.
“Really?”
“Promise you will act surprised?”
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and
agreed. I wouldn’t tell Ayden I knew he had made me the bracelet. I
wouldn’t tell him how happy that made me, and I wouldn’t tell him I
knew he finally had come to like me.
“I have to get back. We have to row the men
to the mainland, to the undertaker.”
I reached for his hand and squeezed it tight,
then said, “You did the best you could, Heath.”
He gave me a solemn half-smile. “I wish we
could have saved them. It just makes me want to leave this place
and become a doctor so I can really save people. I won’t have to
battle the rain and the wind; I won’t have to fight the sea. I
won’t have to stand aside and watch as they get swallowed up by the
dark, cold water.” And with that, Heath left to go load up the
bodies and take them to the undertaker, where they would find their
final resting place.
The heavy fog didn’t lift until exactly one
week later. There were times I believed I would never see the sun
again. Even though I hated the sea sometimes, I longed for the damp
fog to retreat and leave us be, so I could once again gaze out and
see the whalers and schooners. For days on end, Daddy worked the
light with Edward, the two taking turns. Momma fell to bed, sick
with sadness over the loss of the sailors. Opal was left to do the
cooking and cleaning, while Heath tended to the general maintenance
around the houses. Ayden stayed close by as the others were kept
busy. When I wasn’t helping with Opal, Ayden and I would go off
looking for something to keep us busy.
“Why don’t we play hide and seek?” I
suggested. “I bet you can’t find me in this dense fog.”
Ayden was up for the challenge. “Okay, I’ll
hide first,” he said, and he ran into the fog. He disappeared
instantly. “Can you see me?” he called.
“No, I can’t see you.”
“Come and find me, Lillian.”
My only landmark was the light from the
tower. If I didn’t have that, I would certainly be lost. I slowly
walked into a foggy world that resembled nothing of Jasper Island.
I could barely see my hand in front of my face. In the distance, I
heard Ayden laughing and remained on his trail. His laughter was
light and silly for a while, then faded. I stopped and closed my
eyes, then intently listened for him. He had stopped laughing. All
I could hear was the fog bell and the sound of the waves crashing
against the rocks. Once or twice, I heard the steam whistle of a
vessel in the far distance, then not long after, I heard the
melancholy songs from a pod of whales.
I searched for Ayden by the shore, and over
the island, walking slowly, afraid I would fall off the bluff. It
was eerie being alone. When I couldn’t find him, I grew tired and
called for him. Through the murkiness, I could tell I was very far
from the lighthouse.
“Ayden, I give up,” I called. “Come out; come
out, wherever you are, Ayden!”
Still he didn’t give up.
“Ayden Dalton, where are you?”
I heard him call my name. I turned in
circles, lost and confused as to what direction he was calling
me.
“Ayden, I can’t see you!”
“Over here, Lillian.”
I turned again and again, spinning in
circles, trying to figure out where he was, then out of nowhere, a
figure appeared from the mist. I screamed.
“Lillian, where are you?”
“Ayden!”
Ayden came through the fog, running until he
found me, and then he stopped short next to me and stared with
disbelieving eye at the ghost. Then the ghost vanished, just as
quickly as he appeared.
“Did you see him, Ayden? Did you see
Victor?”
“I saw him.”
I took hold of Ayden’s hand then whispered,
“Did you see him the night you almost died?” Our eyes locked onto
one another, and the fog bell rang. “He saved you, Ayden.”
As unbelievable as it was, as much as Victor
left both Ayden and I with wide eyes and our hearts pounding in our
chests, we knew he was there to protect us. His image was
frightening, but we were safe when he was around. And only Ayden
and I could see him.
Ayden didn’t let go of my hand as we made our
way through the fog, following the light back to the tower.
“We tell no one of this,” I said to him.
“This is our secret. Do you swear, Ayden Dalton? Swear you won’t
tell a soul.”
Ayden squeezed my hand, his eyes unwavering,
then said, “I swear.”
After the week of ominous fog, the sun
brought bright blue skies and rejuvenated us all. Daddy was
exhausted and fell into bed just as Momma came out of her long
sleep. She allowed him to sleep that first star-filled night while
she manned the tower.
The days that passed seemed more like a
strange dream than reality. I, more than anything, didn’t want to
remember most of it. I hated thinking of the dead bodies, the eerie
fog, Momma’s ill sleep, Daddy’s fatigue, and the ghost that stayed
near. The only thing that kept those thoughts from turning into
horrible nightmares was Ayden’s new friendship for me. And there
was one other very special thing besides my friendship, besides the
warm sun that chased the fog away that lifted my spirits.
Just before Daddy collapsed into bed, he came
to me with a box in his hand. I had been reading on my bed when he
knocked on my door. Poor Daddy; it was the most tired I had ever
seen him. His eyes were hollow, his face pale. His uniform was
unkempt, his hair messy under his cap. But he came to me with his
last ounce of energy and placed the box next to me.
“I’m sorry about your birthday, Lillian,” he
sighed.
“It’s okay, Daddy.”
“Open it. Tell me if you like it.”
I put my book down and brought the long box
onto my lap. Slowly, I opened it, and inside was the doll, the
beautiful doll I had wished so hard for.
“Oh, Daddy,” I cried. “Thank you so
much.”
“Are you happy?” he asked, with such
worry.
I jumped up and hugged him as tight as I
could and covered his scruffy face with dozens of kisses.
“I have never been so happy,” I
exclaimed.
“You know I would go to the ends of the earth
to make you happy, don’t you, Lillian?”
I took his face in my hands and said, “I love
you the most, Daddy.”
He brought me close and stroked my long,
thick hair. “You will always be my special princess. No matter what
life brings, no matter what dark shadows are cast over the bright
sun, know your daddy loves you. Never believe anything less of me,
my darling daughter.”