Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (49 page)

Daddy was practically begging me to
understand him. Of course, I promised him. Why would I think
anything different? I could never doubt Daddy’s constant love for
me. Nothing in the world could ever change the way I felt about
him. Daddy had the deepest part of my heart; he had my love, which
was so strong, not even the most brutal of storms could break it.
My love for him could never sink, not like the ships that broke in
half and plunged to the bottom of the sea. My adoration for Daddy
kept me from any affliction that came my way. There was no reason
to believe otherwise.

I was eager to show Heath and Ayden my
beautiful doll. They had just returned from fishing. Both had
caught a half-dozen fish, and Opal took them to prepare for
supper.

“Look at what Daddy gave me for my birthday,”
I said, gleaming with happiness.

“That’s some doll,” Heath said.

“Her name is Jane. I am the luckiest girl to
have such a doll.”

“You be careful with her, Lillian,” Heath
said.

“Oh, of course. I’m going to keep her on my
bed. She is not a doll for playing with.”

“Then what’s the point?” Ayden asked.

“Well, she is to look at and admire.”

“She kind of resembles you,” Ayden said,
taking a closer look.

“Indeed she does,” Heath added.

“I’m going to put her back up in my room. See
you both later,” I sang.

I wasn’t sure if Momma had seen my doll. I
wasn’t sure if she even remembered missing my birthday. I didn’t
want to bring it up; I didn’t want to make her feel bad. It wasn’t
her fault she was often sick. There was no medicine the doctors
could give her to make her well. She had taken all kinds of powders
in years past, but none of them worked. Daddy and I had become used
to her episodes of weariness, her weeks of bed rest. It was
ordinary to us, though bizarre to Heath and Ayden. Their mother was
strong and always full of energy. She wasn’t fragile like
Momma.

I found Momma sitting outside under the last
of the warm summer sun. She had been knitting a baby blanket and
had dozed off into a peaceful nap. She looked relaxed, and there
was even a smile on her delicate face as she dreamed. I watched,
unable to decide if I should wake her. Momma hadn’t spent much time
with me lately. I missed her goodnights, her soft tender hugs.

“Momma,” I whispered, gently touching her
hand. “Are you awake?”

Slowly, she lifted her eyelids and gazed up
at me. She didn’t speak at first and appeared rather confused. Then
she reached for my hand. “Hattie, Hattie is that you?”

Hattie? Who was Hattie?

“Momma, it’s Lillian.”

“Lillian?” Her eyes focused then flew open,
as if she had just seen a ghost.

“Momma, I’m sorry for waking you. I wanted to
show you my doll. Daddy gave it to me today.”

“Oh, oh,” she said repeatedly then sat up.
She reached for my doll and held it. Time seemed to stand still for
me while Momma’s mind scrambled to come out of some distant
memory.

“Who is Hattie?” I asked. She didn’t answer.
“You called me Hattie, Momma.”

“Did I, Lillian? I’m sorry; I was dreaming,”
she admitted, then gave the doll back to me.

“I am sorry for waking you,” I said, then
turned to go. I looked back to see Momma staring off vacantly. Her
expression was filled with puzzlement. I was left with a feeling of
unease in the pit of my stomach. What was Momma dreaming about that
took her mind so far away? We never knew anyone by the name of
Hattie. She had not once mentioned anyone to me other than my dead
grandparents. Momma had no brothers or sisters. I could have
speculated all day as to who Momma thought I reminded her of. A
part of me wanted to know. I had always wondered about Momma’s life
before she met Daddy. Maybe Hattie was an aunt or a cousin, though
I wasn’t told of any that existed. My efforts to learn much of
anything about Momma and Daddy before I was born had left me only a
mystery. Without photographs, there was nothing for me to think
about except what was in my own imagination. The clues that Momma
gave were bewildering. Without Momma’s occasional flashbacks, I
would never even know as much as I did.

Daddy never, ever mentioned anyone or
anything about his past, except that he was in the Confederate
Navy. That is all I knew, and I didn’t dare ask him more, for when
I did, his eyes would turn dark and cold as the sea just before it
turned to ice.

“The past is the past and buried like the
dead. None of it matters anymore. There is nothing for you to know,
Lillian,” Daddy said, and insisted I never ask him of it again.
When Daddy said this to me, Momma was standing deep in the shadows.
I caught a glimpse of her just as Daddy sent me on my way. All I
could see were her troubled eyes reflecting the flame from one lone
candle.

By strange coincidence, at supper Opal
announced that her parents were going to arrive at the end of the
following week for a visit. It was Heath and Ayden’s birthday
month. Momma and Daddy looked to one another, concerned.

“Grandpa Zechman retired as a professor of
mathematics. He taught at Harvard. That’s where I’m going to go,”
Heath said.

“I don’t want to go to college. I want to be
a lighthouse keeper like father,” Ayden announced.

“And you will be a fine lighthouse keeper at
that, Ayden,” Edward said.

“Both jobs are important,” I chimed in. “Both
save lives.”

Daddy smiled proudly and winked at me.

“I have no doubt that all of you children
will grow up to be successful,” Opal said.

Momma must have sensed what I was thinking.
What would I grow up to be successful at? Women were meant to stay
home and have babies. They did the cooking and cleaning. I wouldn’t
ever call that successful.

“Lillian will be a fine lighthouse keeper,
won’t you?”

“A girl for a lighthouse keeper? I don’t
think so,” Ayden laughed.

I swallowed hard and tried not to let anyone
to see the tears welling up in my eyes. Of course, I wanted to be
as brave as Daddy was, as dedicated and enthusiastic as any
lighthouse keeper. I believed it was a job I could do with my eyes
closed if I had to. Daddy then and there let me know he believed in
me.

“Lillian will be a fine lighthouse keeper;
there is no doubt in my mind. She is smart and strong and knows how
to work the beacon almost better than I.”

Momma’s smile grew wide, matching my own.
Daddy had confidence in me; Daddy knew I could succeed at anything,
regardless of what anyone thought. Heath instantaneously
agreed.

Ayden obviously objected. His face was
twisted with skepticism, but for my benefit I believed, he made no
other comment.

“Behind every successful man is a great
woman,” Daddy said, and he touched Momma affectionately on her
cheek and went to prepare for the night ahead. Heath blushed and
lowered his eyes. Daddy had never done that before—touched Momma
anywhere other than the privacy of their own dwelling. A simple
touch or look between the two of them held a passion and fire that
made everyone around them take notice.

Momma came to see me to bed earlier than
usual. She said she was going to stay up with Daddy in the tower.
After a quick brush of my hair, she leaned in and kissed me
goodnight.

“Momma?”

“Yes, Lillian?”

“Is it true that you make Daddy the great man
that he is? Does every wife do that for their husband?” I asked
skeptically.

I already knew that Momma made Daddy’s heart
beat; I was aware that the sparkle in his deep brown eyes came from
the light Momma shined into his life. But what was it about her
that made him want to save every ship in peril?

“Someday you will understand. You will be old
enough to see how your presence can make a man go to the moon and
back for you, how he will find compassion for others just because
he is in love with you. He will risk everything, even his own life.
It is because his heart is joined with mine through eternity that
he has the conviction to live life to its fullest. It is not me
that makes Daddy the great man that he is, but the love we share.”
Momma kissed my forehead and pulled the covers up under my chin,
then softly said, “You can have any man you want, Lillian. Just
remember to follow your heart.”

Those words rang familiar. The gypsy woman
had said the exact same thing.

_______________

Heath and Ayden were lucky to have visitors,
especially to have their grandparents come to Jasper Island. They
didn’t know I had no grandparents. They were unaware that Momma,
Daddy, and I would never have the good fortune of family in our
lives. I so envied them, and if I were to be granted a most special
wish, it would be to have everything I felt I was entitled to;
which included grandparents.

The Zechmans arrived early Friday morning,
the last day of the month of August. Edward rowed them from the
vessel to the island. Heath and Ayden stood by to retrieve their
trunk, and Opal waved frantically as soon as she spotted the row
boat coming ashore.

Daddy and Momma kept to themselves, staying
up in the tower, cleaning the lenses and mirror. I was surprised
when they headed up to the tower and didn’t stay behind to greet
Opal’s father and mother. They had only just cleaned less than a
day before.

The grandfather was a tall, proud man with
thick, silvery-blond hair, wearing a bowler hat. His sack suit was
dapper, and he took out a monogrammed handkerchief to clean off his
spectacles after he stepped onto the rocky beach. He appeared to be
only a few years older than Edward and Daddy, but I was certain he
couldn’t have been. The grandmother had a gentle, kind expression,
just like Opal’s. Her hair was all silver and pulled back into a
tight bun. She was a smaller, thinner version of Opal. I noticed a
beautiful cameo on her wine-colored pagoda day dress, which
resembled nothing that Momma or Opal wore to work in every day.

The Daltons gave them a warm welcome and
introduced them to me. Heath put his hands on my shoulders and
stood behind me, then said, “Grandmother, Grandfather, this is
Lillian Arrington.”

They both smiled, and one at a time came and
embraced me.

“So you are the young lady that has
befriended my grandsons. Heath writes about you in every letter,”
the grandfather said.

“You are just as lovely as Heath described,”
the grandmother added. My stomach filled with what felt like a
hundred butterflies when she revealed what Heath wrote in his
letters. Did he really think I was lovely, or was he just trying to
be kind? When I turned to look at him, his expression hadn’t
changed. He wasn’t embarrassed. I believed he was just being
kind.

“Come, Mother; let’s get you settled in.”

Heath and Ayden hauled the trunk up the
embankment and to the house. I trailed behind Opal and her mother.
They obviously had a close mother/ daughter relationship, reminding
me of what I had with Momma. I was grateful for it. I couldn’t wait
for Momma and Daddy to meet them and hurried up to the tower.

“They are here,” I called, as I climbed up
the circular iron steps to the observation deck. Momma was gazing
out through the clear windows while Daddy cleaned the Fresnel
lens.

“Were you watching, Momma?”

“Yes, Lillian; I saw them arrive.”

They didn’t seem like they were going
anywhere.

“Aren’t you coming down?”

“Not now. We will meet them at supper,” Daddy
said, not looking up.

I knew it was not proper, but what could I
say? It was awkward when I returned without Momma and Daddy.

“Where are your parents? Have they come down
from the tower?” Edward asked.

I wasn’t sure what to say. I wanted to lie
and tell them something had broken and they were up there trying to
fix it, but I wasn’t even sure what I would say was broken.

By the time I ran through my options, Edward
had realized I was trying to cover for them.

“It’s all right, Lillian. I suspect they have
important things to do. We will introduce them at supper,” he said.
I hoped he understood, because I didn’t.

Heath and Ayden were gracious enough to allow
me to spend time with their grandparents. Heath was excited to show
his grandfather his telescope.

“Tell me what you have learned,” the
grandfather said. Heath eagerly demonstrated how the instrument
worked then explained where all the constellations were and what
they represented.

“Even Lillian knows them now,” Ayden informed
him.

“Heath taught me. He is a good teacher. We
have been studying fossils, also.”

“I see. It sounds like you children use your
time wisely. I’m glad to hear that. There is much to learn in this
world,” he said.

Heath idolized his grandfather. I didn’t
blame him. Ayden, on the other hand, was not cut of the same cloth.
Ayden enjoyed working with his hands. He was as smart as Heath,
just in a different way. Heath didn’t care to know the anatomy of a
lighthouse, although he could easily learn if he had wanted to.
Heath spent as little time as possible in the lighthouse and showed
vague interest when Daddy and Edward talked about it. However,
Ayden sat intrigued, his mind taking notes, memorizing every aspect
of what it took to be a lighthouse keeper. For me, it was second
nature; it was all I knew. The three of us were so different, but
we all had the same goals—to be the best at what we set out to
do.

Ayden was obviously aware of his
grandfather’s affections for Heath. Instead of trailing along and
trying to keep up with their discussion on mathematic equations, he
asked me if I wanted to go have a game of checkers. He had never
asked me before. Heath and Ayden played all the time and
occasionally I had a go of it with Heath.