Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (53 page)

I wanted to call him out, tell him that I saw
him watching her. I wanted to yell that I was prettier than Clara.
I wanted Heath to look at me with zealous eyes. But I didn’t have
what Momma said men liked to look at, what made men stop in their
tracks.

“When you grow older, Lillian, you will
blossom, and every man will turn to gaze your way,” she told me one
evening when I was eight years old. Every man, sailor, and captain
that laid eyes on Momma stared in awe at her beauty. I wanted to
know why. What she told me made me afraid. I wasn’t sure I wanted
every man to want me. I only wanted the man I fell in love with to
want me. Momma didn’t seem to mind all the attention she received,
but I knew Daddy hated it. He glared at the men whose eyes lingered
on her.

The bell rang, and we all hurried back inside
for the remainder of the school day. I was glad when it was finally
time to return home. I wanted to get out of my filthy dress, I
wanted a hot supper, and most of all I wanted to climb into bed and
try not to remember too much about my first day of school. I didn’t
want to remember that Heath found Clara so beautiful. As much as I
wanted to forget, Daddy was waiting for me, to hear every detail
about my day. When I came inside, he immediately noticed my stained
dress.

“What happened?”

“I wasn’t feeling well; I got sick,” I
admitted, and then asked to be excused so I could change. Daddy
wanted to know more and wouldn’t allow me to go to my room.

“Why were you sick? You were fine when I left
you.” Daddy was bothered.

“It was just nerves, Daddy. I quickly felt
better.”

He was suspicious, and I could see he was
beginning to regret sending me. I had to think of something to ease
his concerns.

“Heath helped me clean up, and Miss
Weatherbee gave me great sympathy. It was fine, Daddy, really,” I
said, hoping he would believe me.

“No one made fun of you? The children were
nice to you?” he asked, rubbing his square chin with the tips of
his fingers.

“Yes, Daddy. I made all kinds of new friends.
I even made a new best friend. Her name is Clara,” I lied. I wasn’t
sure what drove me to make up such a fib, but it sounded good.
Daddy’s face relaxed. He was satisfied.

“Okay then. Clean up for supper.” Before I
turned to go upstairs, I asked how Momma was feeling and if she was
going to join us for supper.

“Not tonight, Lillian,” he said softly. I
couldn’t remember the last time Momma dined with us. It had been so
long. The only time I got to see her was before bed. Then I came to
her the same way she used to come to me. I was now the one to brush
her long hair and kiss her goodnight. Sometimes she was happy to
see me. She would open her loving arms and welcome me. Although she
was weak, I could still feel the love she had for me. She would
tell me that she would be better soon and able to spend real time
with me again.

Then there were the nights that Momma sat up
and stared off into the darkness. She didn’t call for me; she
didn’t even realize I was there until I lit the oil lamp and spoke
to her. Then with her glazed-over eyes, she would try to focus on
me. Once again, she didn’t know it was me, and called me
Hattie.

“Where have you been all day, Hattie? Come
sit with me,” she said in a timid, childlike voice.

“Momma, it’s Lillian. I’m not Hattie,” I
said, holding back my tears. I hated when she called me that name.
I didn’t know who Hattie was.

“Were you off playing with Jacob-Thomas
again? You’re going to get into a wad of trouble,” Momma said, with
a thick southern accent. It seemed she was pretending, possibly
playing a cruel joke on me. But when I looked deep into her eyes, I
knew her mind was far away. I couldn’t tolerate being around her
when she was like that and found it becoming that way more often
than not.

I didn’t spend long at supper. I was
exhausted and asked to be excused early. I kissed Daddy on the
cheek, and as I went to go, he reminded me to stop in and say
goodnight to Momma. I took a long breath then let it out in a heavy
sigh. Daddy put his pipe down when he noticed my apprehension.

“Lillian, is there something wrong with
saying goodnight to your momma?”

Everyone had stopped eating to wait for my
answer, but I paid no attention to it. With pleading, tear-filled
eyes, I looked at Daddy and said, “She thinks I am someone named
Hattie.”

Daddy’s troubled, dark eyes widened and
locked onto mine. The way he looked at me, alarm covering his face
as if it were some kind of mask, made my heart cry out for the
mother I knew, though I tried to deny it, would never be mine
again.

_______________

School was a great escape from the disturbing
days on the island. I became just as passionate as Heath about book
learning. I excelled, and within the first month, Miss Weatherbee
sent a note to Daddy requesting permission for a grade level
advancement.

“You don’t want to bite off more than you can
chew, Lillian,” he said as I followed him out to the barn. The
stalls were completed and a milking cow had been paid for. Daddy
was told he could bring it out to the island whenever the weather
permitted. The seas had been choppy, the swells too high to
transport the animal. The water was almost too rough for Heath to
row us to school.

“What does that mean?”
What was I biting
off?

“It means that you should leave well enough
alone. Your grades have been excellent where you are ranked now. If
Miss Weatherbee moves you up, maybe you will find the work too
difficult.”

I leaned up against the barn wall and watched
as he tightened a few loose bolts in the stall.

“I can do it, Daddy. I want to. I won’t fail;
I won’t let you down,” I said, hoping he could easily be reassured.
He wasn’t.

“It has all happened so fast, Lillian. A
month ago, you weren’t ever going to attend school; now you are
being advanced, and then who knows what else? Will you be sent to
the university next?” Daddy was exaggerating, most likely out of
fear. He was worried I would be hurt, or maybe he worried that my
excellence in school would somehow take me further from his
protection.

“Can you at least think it over?” I asked. He
stopped, sighed heavily, and said, “I will think about it.”

I ran up and kissed his scruffy cheek.

“All I want is for you to be happy. You
understand that, right?”

Of course I understood. Deep down, I was glad
he was so protective of me. I knew Daddy would always make sure
nothing bad happened.

With Daddy’s word that he would think it
over, I left him to go to the Daltons’ and help prepare supper.
Opal had just returned from seeing Momma. I always knew when she
had been with her. Opal’s eyes revealed the encounter; they were
dark and troubled. I wanted to ask how Momma was, if there were any
change, but I was afraid to hear the answer. Daddy and Opal did
their best to keep me from knowing how bad it really was. But
sometimes something would slip out.

“She kept asking for her brother,” Opal
whispered to Edward. I was by the stove, stirring the soup. They
thought I was far enough away not to listen. I knew for certain
Momma didn’t have a brother. Momma always told me I was an only
child, like herself. She said she understood how lonely it was not
to grow up with a sibling.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a brother or a
sister,” she would say with such pity in her soft voice.

Opal went on to describe Momma as senseless.
Edward must have become aware that I was listening by my hurt
expression. He cleared his throat, which made Opal look at me.

“Oh, you poor dear,” she said, and came to
hug me. It had been so long since I had been hugged by Momma that I
immediately burst into tears. Ayden had just walked in when he saw
me crying.

“What’s the matter with Lillian?”

“Hush now, Ayden,” Edward barked.

“Is she crying about her crazy mother?”

My head shot up when he said that. They all
thought she was crazy?

“Ayden Alexander Dalton!” Opal yelled.

Edward took him by the collar and removed him
from the kitchen. I let go of Opal and ran out of the kitchen,
through the house, and outside. I ran past our house and towards
the beach as I caught a glimpse of Momma standing at the edge of
the bluff. What was she doing there? She was in her bed clothes,
her long hair down, lying along her thin arms. Daddy was still in
the barn, so I hurried to get him. Lady appeared and followed me. I
quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and said in a panic, “Momma is
out by the bluff.”

Daddy dropped his tool and took off, yelling
her name. Heath came running when he heard the alarm in Daddy’s
voice. He had been fixing a loose board on the chicken coup. Momma
was on the edge, about to jump off.

“Amelia, stop!” Daddy cried. Heath got to her
first, but she had already taken a step off, and as he grabbed hold
of her, they both fell into the sea.

“Edward, Opal!” I called out. “Help!”

Daddy plunged into the sea after them, and
Lady followed suit. Her strong instinct to save Momma from drowning
kicked in, and she paddled out with them.

“Lillian, what is it? What’s wrong?” Edward
asked when he came running.

“Daddy, Momma, and Heath,” I sobbed, pointing
to the bluff. “They went over to save Momma.”

Edward bolted down to the edge to look over
then he rushed to the boats. Ayden was right behind, and together
they pushed the boat out then jumped in. Daddy tried to swim to
where Heath had Momma by the back of her clothes. He was trying
desperately to keep them both above water.

“Over there; they are over there!” I yelled
to Edward.

“I got her; I got her,” Heath called. Daddy
finally reached them, but the heavy surf was sending them straight
towards the rocks. Opal had come to my side and reached for my
hand, then said with a jittery voice, “They will be fine; Edward
will pull them to safety.”

I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t think Opal was,
either. We stood helpless as Heath and Momma were dunked over and
over by the violent waves. Momma seemed oblivious to it all. Daddy
told Heath to let go and let him hold Momma, but Heath wouldn’t.
Finally, after battling the treacherous currents, Edward reached
them, and with Ayden’s help, lifted Momma in first, then Heath.
Daddy grabbed onto the boat and flung himself into it, and Lady
paddled back to shore.

Opal had me run to get the blankets. “Hurry,
Lillian!”

Our house was closer. I retrieved blankets
from both rooms and had them at the shore as Edward pulled the boat
up onto the beach. Heath climbed out. Daddy lifted out Momma, who
was unconscious, just as Ayden had been the night he almost
drowned. But Momma was breathing; she was alive. Daddy scooped her
up and ran with her in his arms to the house to lay her down before
the fire. I was shaking from the ordeal and sick to my stomach.
Opal came and held my hair back as I heaved.

“It’s all over. She is fine,” she said. But
Momma was not fine. She was crazy, just as Ayden said. She tried to
kill herself, and Heath and Daddy almost died saving her.

After I had emptied my stomach, I sat on the
ground. Heath walked up, soaked to the bone. Opal told him to get
inside and change into warm clothes. “And sit by the fire. I will
be right there.”

I didn’t know what to do, or where to go. I
was afraid to go back to the house. I didn’t want to see what Momma
was like. It was Opal’s idea to have me spend the night at their
house.

“You will be all right, Lillian. God has a
plan for all of us. Sometimes we don’t always understand what it
is.”

Was Opal telling me that God wanted Momma to
jump off the edge of the bluff? Did God want her to kill herself?
That was a sin; that couldn’t be in God’s plan. Then I realized the
devil himself told Momma to do it. The devil was making Momma
crazy.

I was emotionally exhausted when I sat down
next to the fire where Heath was warming his hands. He was still
shivering from his plunge into the bitterly cold Atlantic. Opal
came and brought us each a bowl of soup.

“Stay warm, Heath. I don’t want you catching
pneumonia the way Ayden did.”

“I will, Mother,” he said, and drank the hot
chicken soup straight from the bowl.

I watched him and wondered if he was angry
with Momma. He didn’t look angry, but I wouldn’t blame him if he
was. He risked his life to save her. And if he wasn’t angry with
Momma, I certainly was. I wanted to thank Heath for saving her, but
I was afraid to say anything. He sat without words, just staring
into the fire. Edward came in and hung his hat, and told me Momma
was better, and that Daddy had put her back in bed.

“Did he lock the door?” Opal asked when she
stepped out from the kitchen.

“Yes, the door is locked.”

Heath lowered his head and closed his eyes.
He was either relieved that she was safe from harm, or that he
wouldn’t have to risk his life again. Jumping into the arctic sea
wasn’t the way Heath wanted to save someone. That’s what Ayden and
Edward were born to do. It wasn’t his way, and after that day, I
could see how much Heath longed to leave behind everything about
the lighthouse station and go off to the university, where he would
get his medical degree and become a doctor. That’s the way Heath
wanted to be a hero.

Ayden came to see me before I fell asleep in
his bed. He had been kind enough to allow me to use his room. “I’ll
sleep on the floor beside the fire,” he said.

“Thank you, Ayden,” I said before he closed
the door to allow me to change.

“Lillian?”

“Yes, Ayden?”

“I’m sorry about what I said. I’m sorry for
calling your mother crazy,” he said, then softly closed the
door.