Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (102 page)

During the next several weeks, the weather
was accommodating to carefree nights up in the tower. I stayed with
Ayden for the first few hours of the night. Usually I brought
shirts to mend, and we talked until I grew tired and he insisted I
get some sleep. “The day has been long for you. I see your eyes
growing heavy. Go to bed and have sweet dreams,” Ayden said in his
deep, husky voice, taking my sewing needle away and kissing my lips
lightly.

“I suppose I am more tired than I realize,” I
admitted and stood. “But if a sudden storm arises, you’d best wake
me.”

Ayden smiled widely. “Of course.”

Before I headed into the house, I needed to
use the outhouse. The moon was full and bright enough so I didn’t
need a lamp to see my way. The ocean was tranquil and serene, the
night very still.

When I reached the small, narrow structure, I
looked over to the shore and noticed Heath. He was standing looking
through his telescope! Suddenly I was no longer overwhelmed with
sleep and instinctively drifted over to him. I should have known to
stay away and not become drawn into an unavoidable clash. Never did
I trust my instincts, and I was foolishly led by my blinded
emotions.

I didn’t say anything at first, staying back
in the shadows the way I did when I first came to the island. I had
followed Heath to the shore where he peered through his telescope -
just the way he was doing right at this moment. It could have been
nine years earlier, for I felt almost the same desire to watch
Heath, while keeping my presence faint.

While he continued to study the beautiful
night sky, I stayed silent; I held my breath, but my heart pounded
heavily in my chest, and I believed that hard pounding rhythm shook
the ground beneath my feet and exposed my presence.

“As a boy I used to believe I could someday
reach the stars that seemed so obtainable through the telescope,
and that anything and everything was possible,” Heath said in a
low, husky voice, while keeping his one eye against the scope and
the other closed tight. “Now they appear as illusion, a glimmer of
light from a long ago star that has long since died out. They
really aren’t there; it’s only the powerful beams that continue to
travel through space and into our eyes.”

Oh, how Heath’s emotions mirrored my own.
They were just as deep, profound, and overcome with relentless
wretchedness. Though we were intuitively drawn to the light, the
hope, the decency of the world, we were continually disappointed,
disenchanted, and embittered. The similarity frightened me so much,
it made me want to flee from my own melancholy. I turned to go; but
Heath wasn’t going to let me leave without attacking my integrity
and inflicting upon me a deep scar first.

Heath whirled about, the blue light of the
radiant moon illuminating his face, revealing all the anger and
resentment he harbored against me. “Is it your intention to seduce
Ayden, use your contemptible ways to lure him in, only to destroy
him in the end?”

I was surprised by his sudden outburst, and
quickly came to my own defense. “How dare you say that to me?” I
objected hotly. “I love Ayden.”

Heath laughed disdainfully; the idea
obviously unbelievable to him. “Is that what you told Richard and
Ned and who knows what other men you slept with?”

I quickly swallowed the hurt he was
inflicting upon me and allowed my anger and hatred toward him to
rise and take over instead. “That’s right, I said that to them,” I
spat, lashing back to inflict a scar on him as well. “I allowed
them to take me, love me, use my body, and obtain incredible sexual
pleasure until I was done with them, and not before taking all
their money first.” I said this with the most exaggerated crudeness
I could muster, just so I could shock him, disgust him even more,
so maybe he would never speak to me again and would leave me alone
for good. “And that’s not all. I fell madly in love with my father,
my real father. Warren Stone was his name, and I slept with him,
too! Then I killed him, and not long after, became a shameful
actress, wearing scant clothing to attract wealthy married men who
constantly asked me to become their mistress, though I was too busy
pleasing Richard at the time to do so. And I pleased him in every
way, I . . .” Heath swiftly lunged for me, grabbing me with his one
strong hand, gripping so hard I cried out in pain. I began to sob
while he violently shook me and demanded I say no more. “You stay
away from me, you understand! Ayden might accept you and forgive
your scandalous past, but I won’t! There was a murder, more than
one, caused by you!” Heath towered over me as I shuddered in fear,
waiting to hear what he was about to reveal. “Richard Parker is
sitting in jail, awaiting trial for the murder of Ned Griffin.
Rumor around the city is that the murder was brought about by
jealousy . . . over their ongoing rivalry for you.”

I was aghast, horrified at what Heath was
telling me. I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach and
needed to sit before I collapsed. It couldn’t be true! Heath was
lying just to inflict more pain on me! He must have hated me that
much.

“You’re lying!” I choked.

“You have left a trail of dead men behind
you, and the truth is, I’m afraid for my brother,” Heath added
callously. “And, I will make Ayden well aware of what you have been
involved with and the tragic occurrences that always seem to unfold
around you.”

All night long, I sat in Daddy’s rocker by
the fireplace and stared into the darkness. Ned was murdered, gone,
his life taken away by a selfish, egocentric man - Richard Parker.
And was it all because of me, as Heath implied? Or was I, as well
as Ned Griffin, just another one of Richard’s victims? Was Richard
such a beast? Could he have committed such a brutal crime? Was I
truly the reason Ned Griffin was dead? I fretfully wondered and
speculated all night long, with a sinking, sick feeling in the pit
of my stomach, until the sun began to creep up over the horizon,
and Ayden returned from his nightly duty.

“Lillian, what are you doing sitting there in
your dress? Didn’t you sleep?” Ayden asked as he placed his cap on
the mantel.

“I couldn’t,” I choked.

He came to me and made me look up at him.
“You’ve been crying.”

“I’m fine, really,” I denied and went to
start cooking.

“It’s nothing, truly,” I lied. “I was only
thinking of Daddy. I miss him.”

Ayden pulled me close, hugged me, then
smiled. “I will fix up breakfast for Heath and me. Go rest.”

I was plagued with guilt. I should have
confessed what Heath had told me, but I just couldn’t. I stayed up
all night crying and fighting all my fears until the light of day
finally drove away all my dark, daunting feelings.

I wasn’t going to let Heath win. I’d fought
my way back to Jasper Island to be free of the chains that bound me
to my past. I was not going to give him the power to ruin all that
I had managed to obtain. I had Ayden and he loved me, for better or
worse. I would do anything not to lose that unconditional, magical
love. With Ayden’s devotion, I would stay strong, unyielding, and
never let go.

“Thank you,” I said, and I threw my arms
around his neck.

“Don’t get used to it,” he joked and went to
kiss my cheek, but instead of allowing his lips to land on my
cheek, I tilted my head, and they fell lightly onto my lips. He was
a little surprised at first, though when our kiss became more than
mundane, he pressed harder against me, so hard I felt his heart
beating madly against my chest. “Wow,” he exclaimed when I finally
drew back just so I could catch my breath. His eyes were bedazzled;
his hands pulled me back to him. I invited another long kiss,
causing Ayden to fire up with passion and excitement. I had lit a
burning ember, and feared the lust in his eyes. “Ayden, wait,” I
murmured as he went to lift me to carry me to his room.

“Oh, Lillian, please don’t say no. I need you
so badly. Every kiss you give me makes me crazier for you. I feel
like a caged animal,” he said, while kissing my neck.

I gently nudged him away, fearing his anger,
yet still unable to proceed with becoming intimate with my husband.
There was an underlying, unnerving feeling I had about giving
myself to Ayden. I wasn’t sure why I continued to drive a wedge
between us, for it wasn’t in my best interest.

“I thought I was ready,” I shyly confessed.
He gave a heavy sigh, resigning himself to my constraint, and went
to cook breakfast.

Upstairs, I collapsed in my bed, cursing
myself for playing with fire, and most of all, hating myself for
not wanting Ayden. He was extremely handsome, and my body tingled
with excitement when he was near me, but a significant part of my
mind screamed out for me to stay away, save myself, and show him I
could be as pure as the girl he had fallen in love with years
before. But what frightened me even more was the small part of my
confused mind that often whispered that he wasn’t the man I was in
love with - that I was desperately trying to fool myself.

Ayden and I rowed into the village later that
day to collect the mail and shop for a few supplies. It was a once
a week excursion I looked forward to, knowing that come winter we
would be stuck on the island until spring came and chased away the
ice and freezing winds that prevented us from safely reaching the
harbor.

“I have to speak with Lars Goodwin about a
kerosene delivery. I’ll meet you at the store,” Ayden said as I
waited to enter the small post office.

“Your birthday is coming up; I want to make
you a cake. What kind tickles your fancy?”

“Any kind you make will be scrumptious. And
don’t forget about Heath; he turns twenty-five,” Ayden said before
hurrying off.

I was expected to bake Heath a cake for his
birthday! I would do so, but reluctantly.

The mail was meager, only Ayden’s salary and
a letter for Heath. There was no return address but the postage was
stamped in Massachusetts.

“Thank you, Miss Hagen,” I said, allowing her
to see me place Heath’s letter in my skirt pocket.

“You’re welcome, Mrs. Dalton. You have a fine
day,” she said and merrily waved goodbye.

Ayden wasn’t at the store when I arrived, so
I gave Mr. Makson my list and shopped for some fabric to make a new
shirt for Ayden as a present for his birthday. Though he always
wore his keeper’s uniform, I hoped to have him take me out to a
restaurant when the second keeper came on duty, giving Ayden a
night off.

I had Mr. Makson measure, cut, then packaged
the fabric just in time so Ayden wouldn’t see.

“Did you get everything?” he asked.

“All but the lard. They are out.”

“We’ll pick it up next week. Let’s get to the
bank, then back to the lighthouse.”

Ayden always rushed about, not wanting to
spend much time in the harbor village. He didn’t like to walk the
streets and take in all the bustling activity.

“Can’t we take a walk? Let’s go see the
schoolhouse and the spooky graveyard. Remember Halloween night and
how scared we were when old man Powell’s dogs were after us? And
how Heath went off with Clara Roth so we were left alone?”

Ayden thought back for a moment, then
insisted we not dilly-dally. “I have many chores to do. There’s no
time to reminisce about our childhood.”

“Maybe another day?” I asked
optimistically.

“Maybe. Come now, the seas are rough and the
tide will be against us. It will take me twice as long to row out
to the island as it did to get us here.”

Ayden was always so regimented. He wasn’t a
free spirit like me. However, I always knew that about him. Ayden
had told me long ago that he wanted to remain a keeper until he was
old and gray, and he had no desire to see or do anything else. He
didn’t want to travel, explore, or seek new adventures. Ayden’s
idea of an adventure was fighting storms and saving sailors from
drowning in the unforgiving waters.

That night, after a quiet supper, just Ayden
and me (Heath told Ayden earlier he wasn‘t going to join us, and
for that I was relieved), before Ayden went up to the lighthouse, I
rubbed his shoulders the way Momma used to do for Daddy. Ayden was
grateful and commented on how much better he felt. “That should get
me through the night. You will come see me soon?” he asked as he
buttoned up his shirt.

“I have something to tend to.”

“Oh? Something more important than spending
time with me?”

“Don’t make me tell you. It’s a surprise,” I
replied and smiled to him.

“Something to do with my birthday coming up?”
he questioned with a boyish grin.

“Go on now,” I insisted.

“All right, all right, I’m going,” he
chuckled.

I was excited to start on his shirt. I had
never sewn one before, but I remembered everything Opal had taught
me. I was certain I could do it and do it well.

After the dishes were washed, dried, and put
away, I brought down my sewing materials and set up in Daddy’s
rocker. Ayden had a nice warm fire going, and I sat close, as the
late summer night caused the house to become chilly.

While I worked, I sang some of Momma’s
favorite hymns. I wished I knew how to play the piano, and gazed
over to it. How long ago it seemed since she was sitting there on
the bench, running her delicate hands over the pearl colored keys
and singing with the voice that made angels cry. I was told I had a
good singing voice, but it could never compare to hers.

I was so preoccupied with my recollections
that I accidentally pricked my finger with the sewing needle. I
reached into my skirt pocket to retrieve a handkerchief when I felt
the letter addressed to Heath that I had all but forgotten about.
Using the glow from the fire, I lifted the letter and peered at it,
seeing through the milky white envelope. I couldn’t make out the
words, as hard as I tried. Next, I checked to see if the seal was
loose. It wasn’t. I sat there with the envelope in my hands,
contemplating what to do. I knew it was wrong to keep it from
Heath, but the thought of opening and reading it was even worse. I
was deeply curious, intrigued as to who was writing to him
. Was
it a friend, a relative?
Or was it from Sarah?
No, it
couldn’t be. She had left him, deserted him at his worst time, and
discarded their engagement. How was I to know if I didn’t open
it?