Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (115 page)

Without warning, I threw myself onto Heath
and through tears of joy, hugged him tight, not wanting to ever let
go. He tenderly caressed my hair as I buried my face in his chest,
but in only a moment, abruptly pulled me back. “Do you remember the
day of the storm, when you fell over into the frigid sea?” he asked
hoarsely.

“Of course,” I laughed nervously, brushing my
tears away with the tips of my fingers.

“Do you recall my trip to the post
office?”

My smile faded when I noticed how serious he
was.

“Yes, of course I remember. That day is
etched in my mind. It was a terrible day,” I said softly.

“There was a letter I mailed that day.” I
didn’t want him to know I had spied and looked at the letter.

“A letter?”

“To an old college friend of mind in New York
City.” I was becoming restless and impatient.
What did any of
this have to do with our newfound relationship?
“He is an
attorney. The assistant District Attorney, Felix Lowell.”

“I don’t understand what this is about,” I
said hastily.

“There is a trial about to happen, a murder
trial.”

“Ned Griffin’s murder?” I uttered with great
anxiety. What did this trial have to do with me? Why were Heath’s
eyes burning for me to understand what he was saying, hoping for it
to click in my mind without his having to say it aloud?

“Richard is on trial for his murder. Remember
when I told you?”

“Yes, yes I remember. But what does this have
to do with you, with us?” I cried.

“The prosecution is planning to use you as a
witness. You are their star witness.”

“A witness to what? I didn’t see Ned’s
murder. I was here on the island when it happened.”

Heath pulled me into his embrace and soothed
me as I began to tremble with fright. I wanted nothing to do with
Richard.

“You have to return to New York,” he choked.
“And I will go with you.”

I wildly shook my head in protest and shoved
him back. “No!”

“You have no choice. You will be summoned to
appear.”

I fell onto my knees, down onto the cold
sand, and sobbed into my hands. Heath hovered over me, blocking the
sun. The air suddenly turned bitterly cold and damp.
No! It
can’t be true. I can’t go back there. Too many shadows and demons
to steal me away and never let me return.

“I will talk to Ayden. I’m sure he will
insist I look after you.”

I was blindsided with Heath’s news, crushed
he hadn’t brought me to the shore to confess his true love, and
shattered that I would have to return to New York and face my
horrendous past and the man who had left me with deep emotional
scars that no one but Heath could see.

Heath bent down and gently lifted me up, and
I collapsed into his comforting embrace. “Go rest. I will talk to
Ayden. We need to be leave by the end of the week.”

I was crying in my room that night when there
was a rap on the door. I’d fallen asleep for the remainder of the
afternoon, and had woken to instant tears.

“Come in,” I called out through my sobs.

Ayden stepped in, lit the lamp, and
cautiously approached me. We were on bad terms, neither one of us
sure of where we stood in the marriage. Curled up on the bed with
my back turned to him, I assumed he would keep his distance, say
whatever he needed to say, then leave, so I was surprised when he
knelt down and lowered his head to rest beside where my head lay on
my tear-soaked pillow.

“Heath told me about the pending trial,” he
said softly into my ear. “I don’t know anything about big cities or
lawyers.”

Ayden wasn’t as worldly or sophisticated as
Heath. He didn’t have a way with words, or know very well how to
express his feelings.

“I have failed you. In every way. I can’t
take you to New York. I have to step aside and allow Heath to hold
you up and protect you. My emotions have been in an endless fog, my
mind battling storms, my heart wreaking havoc,” Ayden admitted, all
choked up with emotion, “When you came back to Jasper Island, I
thought we were going to live happily ever after. I wanted to make
you happy and proud,” he said solemnly, with his lips brushing
against the lobes of my ear, sending tingles throughout my body.
“My own selfishness has stood in the way. My wants and needs have
built a fire in me that has burned out of control, and I’ve made
terrible mistakes. I have hurt you.”

I blinked back my tears and held my breath,
waiting to hear how he was in love with Sylvia. But, to my relief,
instead, he adamantly insisted he loved me and only me.

“I flirted with danger, I admit that. I
wanted her, but fought my own demons, and have remained faithful to
you, I swear it,” he cried lifting his head. I sat up, turned
myself, and faced him. Ayden’s eyes were bloodshot from crying, his
face overcome with gloom.

“So you and Sylvia didn‘t . . .” Ayden rushed
to hold me, smothering my lips with his, passionately kissing my
breath away. Then he cradled me and kissed my face and neck,
winning me over, allowing my mind to shut down and my body to feel
the sensations that had remained dormant for a very long time.

As if the end of time were coming, Ayden and
I clung with breathless anticipation to one another as we amorously
consummated our marriage. Ayden was fervent and attentive with me.
It was a fantasy fulfilled. Afterward, Ayden brought me into his
embrace and stroked my long hair, using his fingers as a comb,
whispering how beautiful I was. He swore, as God was his witness,
that he would never again let anyone other than me capture his
affection.

* * *

The days before Heath and I were to make our
journey to New York, Ayden and I spent every waking minute together
and slept soundly in one another’s arms after long, passionate
nights of lovemaking. I wasn’t consumed with worry over the
upcoming trial; instead, I was thrilled with our newfound
passion.

James was gracious enough to take every watch
after he learned of my plight. Ayden and I were going to be
separated for a few weeks. Everyone on the island gave us the time
and space we needed to enjoy each other until we had to part ways.
Sylvia, however, continued to linger.

When her father was up in the tower and her
mother preoccupied with the burden of so many children, Sylvia
snooped around and tried to corner Ayden when he was alone for the
few minutes on the day when I was helping Hazel with supper.

The night before I left Jasper Island, Ayden
told me he set her straight, letting her know in words that left no
room for doubt that he was not interested in her. I didn’t want to
hear the details of their encounter. Instead, I begged Ayden to
make love to me repeatedly, to hold me and kiss me until the light
of morning.

I left Ayden sleeping soundly, and placed a
delicate kiss on his lips so as not to wake him. Heath was loading
up the rowboat, lugging in my bag, when I appeared. Hazel came
down, trailed by a few of the children with a bundle sandwiches in
hand, and bade us a modest farewell and safe journey. “Take care,”
she said somberly, giving us each a tight hug. “Don’t forget to
eat. You must keep up your strength through this terrible ordeal.”
The way she looked deep into my eyes indicated she was more
troubled about something else than concerned over Heath and me
eating well.

“Thank you for the food, Hazel. Please don’t
fret,” I begged. Her worried frown had my stomach twisted up in
knots. “We’ll come home safe and sound, I promise.”

“How long are you going to be gone?” Oliver
asked. Owen stood right beside him, also waiting for Heath’s
answer.

“As long as the adventure lasts,” Heath said
in a jovial tone, shooting me a quick wink.

As Heath rowed us to the mainland, the Cooper
children ran to the bluff to wave us a fond farewell. I kept my
eyes locked on the lighthouse, afraid even to blink, fearing it
would vanish out of sight forever. I was distraught to leave my
newfound passion with Ayden, worried about Sylvia’s sinful
determination to win my husband’s affections, and compelled to
forget what I had read in the letters - the scented letters from
Heath’s former fiancée. I finally found the courage to read them
only a day before our departure. In the letters, Sarah had
pitifully begged and pleaded for Heath to return to her.

I know you have ended our courtship in a
premeditated fiery blaze in an attempt to find your way home and
into the arms of Lillian. I will love you, my darling Heath, no
matter who your heart belongs to, and I forgive you for betraying
yourself. Come home to me.

The disturbing letters left me feeling deep
pity for Heath. Heath had unimaginably burned his own hand to
permanently end his career as a doctor so he could return to the
lighthouse station and proclaim his love for me. There was no
rescue; he saved no boy from a fiery death. It was what I had
suspected all along - a lie.

Heath had an unbearable choice to make. He
alarmingly believed he had to choose between being a doctor and
loving me. Only days after the incident, when he was in the
hospital, did he learn the devastating news that I had married his
brother. Heath was left with no choice. He was too ashamed and
humiliated to stay in Boston where he would never practice medicine
again, nor could he face Sarah. Heath’s hand was temporarily
paralyzed, and he was in such despair that he returned home, for he
had lost everything - both his profession and me. That’s why he was
so angry, so despondent. After all these years, Heath had finally
given into his unspoken love for me, only to have his heart broken
when he learned of my marriage to Ayden.

Before placing the letters back under the
mattress, I took out a pen, ink, and paper from one of my old
writing tablets, anxiously sat down and wrote Heath an intimate
love letter I never intended for him to read. It was my way of
letting go of the deep love I had carried for him since I was nine
years old - relinquishing my devotion. With this unprompted secret
confession, my heart would now belong exclusively to Ayden, and my
conscience would finally be clear.

My dearest Heath,

For so long my heart has belonged to you,
waiting for the day you would come to me with open arms and words
of love and adoration. Since the day I met you, I have thought of
and wanted nothing more. Even during our years apart, I felt you
with me, your eyes following me and your heart empty without me, or
at the very least, that is what I wanted to believe.

When we were finally reunited, I was crushed
to learn of your engagement and devastated to meet the beautiful
woman who had won your heart. I envied Sarah Van Dorn, and was
jealous to the bone. I wished I was the one you swooped up in your
arms and twirled around the dance floor. I wished your blue eyes
shined upon me that momentous evening, instead of on her. I
couldn’t blame you for rejecting me, for my life had turned into a
disgraceful mess.

When I found my way back to Jasper Island,
Ayden was there waiting for me. He had stood holding his breath for
the day I would return. How elated I was to learn someone had
missed me and yearned for me since the moment I was whisked away in
the darkness of night. Ayden at once proclaimed his love for me,
and though it was the vision of you that filled my eyes, I said yes
to him - vowing to be his wife.

The day you arrived, not long after Ayden
and I were married, I began to feel my heart tear apart, and deep
anguish settled in. Seeing you again instantly stirred up my buried
love for you and sent me into an emotional tailspin. And though
your eyes revealed nothing but revulsion for me, instinctively I
knew that would someday change.

Forgive me for hiding the letters from Sarah
that rightfully belonged to you, though I feel no guilt or shame. I
admit I wanted to discover the truth, needed to know if you truly
felt the same way as I felt for you. With disbelieving eyes, I read
every letter as my heart soared beyond the heavens.

At the same time, it pained me to think of
what I had done and how I am responsible for keeping you and Sarah
apart. For I can never have you, Heath - it was not written in the
stars, not ever meant to be.

I belong to Ayden now, mind and body, but my
heart and soul will always be yours to treasure, and this will be
our forever secret. I love you with unspeakable passion, Heath
Dalton. I love you, love you, love you . . .

Lillian

I felt miserable when we boarded the train to
New York. Heath was aware of my melancholy, though he didn’t truly
understand the depth of my emotions. An enormous part of my sadness
came from seeing how he looked at me with such unconditional love
and knowing all he had sacrificed because of me.

Our travels went without incident, and we
arrived in the foreboding city in the freezing, bone-chilling rain.
Heath predictably had our itinerary planned, and before I had time
to take in the city that had stolen my innocence, I was unpacking
in a luxurious suite in one of the city’s most lavish hotels.

Heath had the connecting suite. He knocked on
the adjoining door just before I climbed into the strange bed,
longing for the comfort of sleep and sweet dreams of our lighthouse
station. I was almost in denial about all that was happening. I was
reluctant to speak of the upcoming trial and refused to think about
it. In my mind, I had shut off all the bad memories of Richard
Parker and of Ned Griffin’s murder, and concentrated on nothing but
my days with Ayden and all the amorous words he had finally
whispered after we shared one another in the most loving union. “I
can’t imagine how I became so lucky to have you as my wife,” he
murmured in between hot, breathless kisses. “You are all that is
beautiful to me, Lillian. You are the brilliant sunrise, fiery
sunset, and endless horizon of my every waking day. You are the
wild wind that sweeps through my heart and makes it beat. My life
is truly nothing without you.”