Beyond 4/20 (22 page)

Lucy took her turn in the bathroom while Tuck dressed Sara Beth for bed. Before long they were both settled in, and quickly Sara Beth was fast asleep. After Tuck went to his room, only a minute later Lucy showed up and sat on the side of his bed next to him.

“Don’t you love her anymore?”

She always knew her dad loved Chelsea, and she had always hoped they would marry someday. Once John died, she was pretty certain of it. This, whatever this was, totally took her by surprise.

“I’ll always love her.”

“Then why did you leave us?”

Reaching for Lucy’s hand, he said, “Hey, I didn’t leave you. You’re my girl. You know that.”

“But you left my mom and Sara Beth.”

“Sara Beth is here, too.”

“But not for good.”

“You don’t know that. Why can’t she come home when you do?”

“Because she’s not yours,” she snapped.

Lucy was hurting and angry. Because he was walking away, their family was broken again, just like it used to be. Since she had Chelsea in her life, her family never once felt broken. Suddenly, it did.

“When you find another girl, you can’t have Sara Beth anymore. That’s what you want. Isn’t it?”

“What do you mean, find another girl?”

“When you get a girlfriend. Isn’t that why you left her?”

“No.”

Tuck considered the things he had said to Chelsea about wanting someone who looked at him the way she looked at John. Had Chelsea told Lucy that?

“I mean, someday I may date, but that’s not what this is about.”

“She said y’all need some space.”

“What else did she tell you?”

“That you weren’t mad but that you needed to see what else life had for you and what God has for you. And that you helped when she needed you most, but that you need to get back to your own life. She said you were the best guy she’s ever known and you would always be friends.”

“We will always be friends. I will always care about her.”

“Why don’t you marry her so we can be a family?”

Tuck sighed heavily. “I’ll be honest with you. For a long time that’s what I thought would happen. Now, I realize that she’ll always love somebody else. I think I deserve to marry a woman who will love me. Does that make any sense?”

It did, but Lucy just barely nodded. “What about Sara Beth?”

“I don’t know. That’s up to Chelsea.”

“You let her have me.”

Smiling at what a smart little girl she was, he said, “That’s true, but this may be a little different.”

“How is it different?”

He thought for a moment but couldn’t come up with an answer. Really there was no difference.

“We’ll just have to see how things go.”

“Do you want Sara Beth?”

“Absolutely. In my heart, she is mine.”

“In her heart, you’re hers, too.”

That one statement made Tuck cry. He turned quickly and wiped his eyes so Lucy wouldn’t see, fearing it would upset her.

Instead of upsetting her, it prompted her to hug him. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m sorry this is so hard.”

“Me too, sugar.”

It had been just over a month since Tuck stopped coming around. After the first two weeks, they all seemed to settle in to a new way of doing things. As if they were separated with joint custody, Tuck took the girls home with him a few nights a week and the rest of the time they were with Chelsea. The dropping off and picking up process was no less awkward than New Year’s Day, but at least there wasn’t the emotional drama with Sara Beth. As a matter of fact, the nights she went with Tuck were her favorite, and she often felt the need to tell her mama so. Because Sara Beth did love Tuck so much, Chelsea allowed it to continue, but the idea that her daughter would rather be with Tuck than with her broke her heart. It was only overnight since he had to bring her home while he worked, but still, Chelsea wanted to be wanted and not just her babysitter.

Just as Lucy had for John, Sara Beth colored pictures for Tuck every day. She talked about Wowwipop non-stop and how she would ride when she went to Tuck’s next. Not caring how cold it was outside, she would get bundled up and Tuck would lead her around the barnyard on her pony. Lucy sent Chelsea a photo on her phone the last time. As much as she was glad that Sara Beth was happy, she felt left out. Every time such a feeling would occur, she realized it must have been exactly what Tuck felt when Lucy was with John and her. Chelsea quickly discovered that feeling jealous over your child having a good time only made you feel worse. Of course she wanted Sara Beth and Lucy to have a good time with him, but still, she was jealous. And lonesome. And wondering why things couldn’t have stayed as they were.

Tuck was leaving the bank after making a payment on his line of credit. While Chelsea was feeling so bad the past spring, he ended up opening the equity line just to pay his help. Over the long haul, he hadn’t had to borrow much, but still he was working on paying it off.

As he left that day, it wasn’t the money that was on his mind. It was Hailey. She had been the one who helped him with his paperwork that first day. Just now, she had flirted with him again, just as she did most every time he went into the bank, not exactly open, embarrassing flirting, but it was flirting. Little things she did and said, and the way she giggled at the things he said, he knew. Oddly enough, she wasn’t at all a girl he would normally be attracted to. She was sophisticated, kind of like Chelsea in L.A. sophisticated, totally out of his league. As a matter of fact, she was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen, different beautiful than Chelsea, but absolutely beautiful. He hated that he even found himself comparing her to Chelsea, but that was about his only point of reference in most areas. That was something he needed to work on, to branch out and remember that Chelsea wasn’t the center of the universe.

He missed Chelsea, but something felt right about stepping out of her life and he felt an unusual sense of relief that he hadn’t known almost ever. Since that night that he heard God’s promise, he had known nothing but longing and waiting. It felt good to be free of it, and he was certainly free. The night he left her place and drove out to the house site, he felt God release him. Or if it wasn’t exactly a release, it was at least a newfound peace that settled upon him. Wasn’t that likely a release?

Tuck sat for a minute more in his truck pondering, trying to work up the nerve to do what he had considered when he first walked into the bank. Deciding he had nothing to lose, he opened the truck door and headed back toward the bank.

Hailey saw Tuck come back in and at the sight of him grinned. He was bigger than life. Every time he came into the bank, she found herself acting like a silly teenager. He was one of the most – no, the most handsome man she had ever seen walk through the doors of the bank. Broad and tall, tan and rugged, he could have been an actor on a western. Why she considered that, she didn’t know, other than her dad used to watch westerns all the time. Tuck was like a real cowboy, maybe even a little bow-legged in the way he walked – or maybe he sauntered.

Her mind was filled with such crazy thoughts of him when he walked up to her desk, surprising her enough that she stammered when she spoke. “Dddid you forget something?” Nervously, she giggled.

“Yeah, I forgot to ask you. Are you seeing anyone?”

Stunned, she asked, “You mean like dating anyone?”

“Yes, are you dating anyone?”

Smiling, feeling a bit light-headed, she shook her head. “No.”

“Would you like to?” He chuckled, adding, “I mean go out on a date, to dinner or something?”

“I would like that.”

She turned just enough to look at Melanie, the girl who sat two desks over. Melanie’s eyes were like saucers, which made Hailey giggle again.

“Are you free this Friday night?” As soon as he said it, he remembered he would have the girls. “Wait, I mean Saturday night.”

“Sure.”

Taking out a business card, she wrote her cell number on the back. “Call me and we’ll decide on a time.”

He smiled. That wasn’t as hard as he expected. It wasn’t lost on him that he had never really asked a girl out. This was technically his first. With Lindsey, instead of a first date, they got married. Allison asked him out the first time and each subsequent time after. With Chelsea…he decided not to add her in the mix. This was his first; that was the main point.

“Okay, then. I’ll call you.”

“Great.”

Hailey tried to maintain her calm, but she was far from it. She waited long enough for him to get through the front door before squealing loudly.

Saturday morning, Tuck made his world famous pancakes, and the girls ate like teenage boys. “Doesn’t your mama ever make you pancakes?”

“Not anymore,” Lucy said.

“Well, I’ll make them anytime you want them.” Winking, he added, “As long as it’s on a Saturday. I can only add the secret ingredient on Saturday.”

“Sara Beth won’t eat them at home.”

Turning to Sara Beth, he asked, “Mine are the best, huh?”

With her mouth full, she only nodded. She was the prettiest little thing with her milk mustache and sticky lips.

“You know, I think I need to come kiss the sticky off of you.” With that, he went over and kissed all over her face.

She giggled and screamed and pushed him away with sticky fingers. “Stop ow I’ww pee.”

Tuck stopped and pulled a chair up to sit closer to her. “I think maybe you better take a break and go pee then.”

When Sara Beth climbed down from her chair, she stopped and slid her arms around Tuck. “I wove you, Daddy.”

“I love you, sweet baby.” For another minute he held her tightly to him until she broke free and ran for the bathroom.

Tuck looked at Lucy. He could hardly read her expression. It was a cross between surprise and sadness. So he asked, “Does that bother you?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“She doesn’t have a daddy. I guess to her…”

“I’m not jealous, if that’s what you mean. It makes me sad. She only calls you that here or sometimes when we are alone there. It’s like she knows it’s not real or okay.” Lucy closed her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know. She just doesn’t do it in front of anyone else.”

Tuck knew who “anyone else” was.

“I can’t tell her not to call me that.”

“I know.” Lucy stood and moved away from the table. “I wish you would just come back.” With that, she left the kitchen.

A knot formed in Tuck’s stomach. In the past weeks, Lucy hadn’t mentioned anything like that. She seemed okay, but obviously she wasn’t. Chelsea wasn’t. He could see it by the look in her eyes when they left her, and he knew exactly what she was feeling once she was left alone with no kids in the house. It was sad and depressing and way too quiet. That was exactly what he experienced when he was at home alone. Only Sara Beth seemed okay. As long as he took her with him when he picked Lucy up, she was okay.

Sara Beth climbed into Tuck’s lap and asked, “Can I sweep hewe tonight?”

He was picking Hailey up that night for dinner, so he knew that wouldn’t work. “No, not tonight.”

“Why?”

She was dragging her plate of pancakes across the table to continue eating.

“I have somewhere to go tonight.”

“Can I go?”

“No, not this time.”

He hadn’t mentioned to anyone that he was going out with Hailey and didn’t plan to.

Un-phased, she asked, “Okay. Can I wide my Wowwipop?”

“Sure, just as soon as you’re finished eating.”

The remainder of the morning, Tuck thought about that conversation. He felt a little bad that he was hiding the fact that he was going out that evening, almost as if he were doing something wrong, which he wasn’t. Moving on with his life involved taking steps like that. Having dinner with Hailey was a really big step. Not that he felt she was
the one
. That wasn’t likely, but it was a baby step toward starting a new life. Actually, he was pretty excited about it.

He talked with Hailey on Friday when he was on the way to pick up the girls. It was his first opportunity to tell her about them. She knew he had Lucy since that had come up when he took out the loan, but the addition of Sara Beth was new and a bit difficult to explain. Indeed, they were a most unusual family. Speaking over the phone, he didn’t try to explain much of the situation but knew it would come up eventually.

Originally, Tuck had planned to take the girls to Chelsea’s early enough to go back home and change, but it worked out that he wouldn’t have enough time. So he showered and got ready for his date and then headed out. When they got to Chelsea’s, as he always did, he walked them up to the door.

Having just been running on the treadmill, Chelsea was a sweaty mess when Tuck and the girls arrived. For whatever reason, she felt embarrassed that he caught her looking that way. Used to, she would have never even thought twice about it. Maybe it was because he was so dressed up, wearing Wranglers and a nice button down shirt. The sight of him obviously dressed to go out caused this odd little flutter in the pit of her stomach.

When he stepped through the doorway and grinned at her, she said, “Well, look at you.”

“And look at you.” He laughed.

She laughed, too. It was the first time the drop-off procedure didn’t feel quite so uncomfortable.

“I’m a mess.”

“You’re never a mess.”

As soon as he stepped in and saw the pink flush of her cheeks, his heart began to race and he felt this warm feeling deep inside like he was standing next to a campfire. He had come to conclude, she would always do that to him.

“Want to come in?” She was hoping her invitation would prompt him to tell her where he was off to.

“No, I better run. I’ll see you in the morning, though.”

Wondering, she asked, “In the morning?”

“Church.”

“Of course.”

She felt foolish, but the fact that he was dressed up to go out was all that dominated her thoughts. He looked as if he was going on a date. Surely he wasn’t going on a date!

With no explanation at all he left her standing in the doorway. Already Sara Beth was telling her about widing Wowwipop and the campfire and playing horsey around the house. All Chelsea could do was sit and listen. She noticed how Lucy disappeared, but that was not too uncommon recently. As often as Chelsea had asked what was going on, Lucy had said nothing was the matter, but Chelsea sensed something was. There seemed to be an undercurrent of unhappiness that Lucy was not at all willing to discuss. As long as they had known each other, they had been open and honest with one another. Now, Chelsea felt a sense of distance between them that was bothering her more and more every day. She missed their closeness but didn’t know how to reach her anymore. Always with her head in a book, game, or TV, the gulf was widening.