Beginnings of the Heart (9 page)

“Okay, I'll remember. Just don't let go okay?”

“Okay.”

My parents were waiting for us in the dining room. They had taken two chairs at the far end of the table. Cole held a chair out for me at the opposite end and then moved a chair so he was right next to me and took my hand in his. We both looked expectantly at my parents and waited for one of them to begin.

My dad cleared his throat. “It was a bit of a shock earlier, learning you were pregnant and things got a little out of hand. Now, we realize this is your baby and the two of you will be making the decisions in regards to the baby. Also, we know we can't order the two of you to stop seeing each other. In truth, it's a little late. Instead, we would like for there to be a few concessions on your part concerning the two of you being together which will include a new, earlier curfew during the week and on the weekends and, for a while, we would like for the two of you to not be alone with each other. Now, about the plans you've made. It's obvious you put a lot of thought into them and they are very good. We are prepared to help as well in whatever way we can.”

I sat frozen in my chair. Of everything I had imagined, I didn't think this second round was going to go so well. My dad looked apologetic and sounded sincere. My mother didn't look furious any longer, but there was something still there burning in her eyes. I didn't know if it was anger or some other emotion.

“What about the not-so-subtle suggestion Morgan put the baby up for adoption and not ruin her life? I'm not comfortable having her stay here if she is going to be constantly bombarded by veiled threats or accusations. I know you were both in shock earlier, but those kinds of thoughts don't really go away. We made the decision to keep the baby and raise it. I mean no disrespect, but I need to look out for Morgan's and the baby's well-being.” Cole said.

My mother's eyes continued to smolder as Cole spoke, and I was suddenly very nervous to be here without him. I gripped his hand harder to try and draw some of his strength and confidence into myself.

“There isn't going to be any further talk about you not keeping the baby. The two of you have made your decision, and we will respect it.” My dad answered.

“You can't expect us to accept this and move on like nothing has happened overnight. It is going to take some time, and there is one last thing we would like the two of you to do.” My mother began. “We don't want you to tell anyone until you have to. I know you have made your decision, but I don't think you really understand how everyone is going to react, and I would like to spare you as much of the gossip as possible for as long as we can.”

I looked at Cole, and he looked back at me. I wished we were alone so I could talk to him about all of this. As it was we had both of my parents staring at us. He nodded his head once at me, and I nodded back.

“We'll agree to the requests you've made, but a curfew? Seriously?” I asked.

“I've never been more serious about anything. It won't do you any good to argue the point either. During the week you won't be allowed to go anywhere except school and home, and if Cole visits, he will need to leave by eight o'clock. On the weekends, we would appreciate you going only to his house or here. Curfew at eleven. I think we are being very generous by these hours.” My mother stated stiffly.

I nodded my head and then looked at Cole. He was looking at my parents, and I was sure he was making some kind of assessment as to their sincerity. He looked at me and smiled, and I nodded back.

“Well, I'm going to talk to Morgan for a few minutes and then take off. Thank you for being supportive of us. It means a lot.” Cole said.

Cole stood up and, still holding my hand, led me into the living room. Once out of sight of my parents he pulled me into the comforting circle of his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. We stayed wrapped together for a few minutes, and I could feel the tension leave my body.

“If you don't feel comfortable staying here you can always come stay with me. I think they really are sincere, but your mom is still angry. You need to promise if it becomes too much here you'll tell me, okay?” Cole pulled back and looked into my eyes.

“I'm okay staying here and, yes, I'll let you know.”

“I'll call you tomorrow and probably come to get you for part of the day. Give them a little space. They'll probably need it, no matter how understanding they appear to be right now.” Cole said.

“Okay. Give me some time in the morning to get up and around. I'm suddenly feeling really tired.” I said.

“Well, get some sleep and take care of yourself. I need you.”

I walked him to the door and waved to him as he drove away. I closed the door and turned to go to my room and crawl into bed, but the appearance of my parents cut those plans short.

“We wanted to know if you've seen a doctor yet. We just want to know you're being taken care of, and if you haven't, you need to see one.” My mother said, some of the stiffness gone from her voice now.

“Not yet. I have an appointment next week after school.” I answered.

“Good. We'll talk again tomorrow.” My mother said.

I had been officially dismissed, and I tried not to actually run to my room. I changed my clothes, brushed my teeth, and crawled into bed. I was so physically and emotionally exhausted I was sure I would be able to fall right to sleep. But sleep eluded me, and I found myself wondering about the other emotion I saw in my mother's eyes. I was sure I had seen it before, but I couldn't put a name to it yet. Finally, not even my restless mind could keep sleep at bay any longer. I fell asleep still seeing the look in my mother's eyes and wondering about it.

The rest of Christmas break sped by. I spent most days at Cole's house and the rest of the time ignored by my mother. My dad was at least making an effort to make things appear normal.

It was painfully apparent my mother's anger had not faded. She held it close. I understood she was hurt and disappointed, but her ignoring me was hurting my feelings and I didn't even really understand why.

My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. I answered it mechanically. “Hello?”

“Hey Morgan, I thought you might like to get out of there for a while, and we might be able to sneak off and go look at the second-hand store I told you about the other day.” Cole said. “My parents said we could store things in the garage if we needed to.”

“Umm, yeah. When did you want to go?” I asked, trying to get my mind refocused on the present.

“In just a little while. I can leave here in about ten minutes if you're ready now, or I can wait.”

“No I'm ready now. I'll grab my jacket and come out when you get here.” I said.

“You know eventually I'm going to come back inside your house, right? You can't keep us all separated forever.” Cole said.

“I know, but for now I think it's easier. I'll see you in a little bit, okay?” I asked.

“Okay, see you.”

I went into the kitchen and told my dad I was going with Cole and I would be back later. He just nodded and let me go without grilling me or anything. Maybe they, or at least my dad, were going to mellow faster than I thought.

As soon as Cole pulled up out front, I was through the door and running for his truck. I lived for these moments. Being out from under the increasingly oppressive atmosphere of my house was awesome.

I smiled brightly at Cole as I climbed into the truck, and he returned my smile. I slid across the seat to sit next to him, threw my arms around his neck, and gave him a kiss. He slid his hand into my hair and wrapped his fingers around my head as he deepened the kiss. His lips slid off of mine, across my jaw, and down the side of my neck. My breathing became increasingly shallow until he reluctantly pulled away.

“Hi.” I said more than a little breathlessly.

“Hi. We better get out of here before your mom comes out on the war path.”

“You might be right.” I said.

We both laughed as we pulled away from the curb. We drove into Riverside to the second-hand furniture shop Cole had found. We were hoping to find a crib in good condition we could use for the baby.

Luckily we found a white crib with a matching changing table, and it included a mattress. We couldn't believe we found something so quickly, and after paying for it, Cole loaded it into the back of his truck. We went back to his house and put it into the garage to store it until we needed it.

We were surprised to find no one was home and decided to stay for a while. Cole picked out a movie, and we both lay down on the couch to watch. I didn't see much of it though because, as usual, I fell asleep. When I woke up it was to find Cole had also fallen asleep and someone had covered us up. I assumed Cole had done this before he fell asleep.

Once everyone found out we were going to have a baby all of the focus would be on our ages. It wouldn't matter to anyone we were in love or would be great parents. All anyone would see was how young we were and we had brought a new little life into the world who would be utterly dependent on two teenagers for its every need.

Cole began to stir beside me and I smiled at him as he opened his eyes. “Did you have a nice nap?”

“Yep, and it was really nice to be able to hold you. You know, in a few more months we won't both fit on the couch anymore.”

“Gee, thanks for the reminder I'm going to get fat. It's bad enough my jeans are starting to get tight. I guess it's a good thing leggings and loose shirts are in style right now. I'll be able to hide most of it for a while. I wonder how big I'll actually get?”

“I guess we're going to find out. So, how are things really going at your house? You keep telling me they're okay, but I can tell they aren't. Why won't you tell me?” he asked.

I rolled over on my side so I could look at him. “Things really are okay. They aren't great, but Dad talks to me and tries to pretend nothing has changed. My mother basically ignores me so I don't have to hear anything she says because she isn't saying anything. I'm starting to get tired of the silent treatment. I keep wondering when it's going to end and what's going to come out of her mouth when it does. It's a little like waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

He cupped my cheek in his hand, and I pressed more firmly into it. “Listen, if you can't take it anymore we'll work it out. I know I keep telling you to stay calm because of the baby.” He said while leaning his forehead against mine, “but I also want you to be healthy. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you.”

“Nothing is going to happen to me. I'm taking care of myself which takes care of the baby. We are both going to get through this. You'll see.” I reassured him.

“I'll feel better after your appointment this week. I just need to be sure all of the stress hasn't taken a toll on you, health wise. I know emotionally you're better since we told everyone at least.” Cole said.

“I feel more relaxed, especially when I'm with you.”

He gave me a lopsided grin which I returned. Then we both heard the backdoor open and then close quietly. Soft footsteps reached my ears and I started to sit up, but Cole wrapped his arms around me and held me where I was.

Cecelia's face appeared over the back of the couch. “I see the two of you are awake. Did you enjoy your naps?” She asked, with a smile.

Cole's head snapped around to look at her. “How long have you been here?”

“I got home a couple hours ago, and the two of you were out cold. I gave into my mothering instincts and covered you up and then went out to the barn so I wouldn't wake you. You both needed the rest I think.” She smiled at us. “I see you found a crib. I assume you're leaving it here until closer to the birth?”

“Yes, if it's alright. My parents still need a little time to get used to the idea.”

“By which she means her mother isn't even speaking to her yet and her dad is pretending nothing is different.” Cole said.

Cecelia kept her expression very neutral, but I could see the slight disapproval in narrowing of her eyes. I wondered what she disapproved of more, the silent treatment or the pretending?

“They might just need some more time. It might have been different for us if it was our daughter instead of our son. I'm not sure how I would have reacted.” Cecelia said.

I was fairly certain she said it just to make me feel better about how my parents were treating me. I knew they were shocked, but at some point they were going to have to accept the inevitable and suck it up.

“Are you going to stay for dinner Morgan? We're going to eat in about thirty minutes or so.” Cecelia said over her shoulder as she left the room.

“I can't believe I fell asleep.” Cole said, astonished.

“I can. You worry too much about me. You have to take care of yourself too you know.” I chastised him lightly.

“Well, are you staying or am I taking you home to eat in silence with your family?” Cole asked.

“I think I'll stay here. It'll give them a break and a chance to relax while they eat. Although I don't know if they talk even when I'm not there. I hope they do, if only for my sister's sake. She's been really supportive, but I know all of this has to be affecting her.”

“Well, hopefully your parents will come around soon and some of the pressure will be off of her too.” Cole said. “Come on, we'll go help my mom and then after dinner I'll take you home. No need to rile your parents up too much.”

“Yeah, we wouldn't want to do that.” I responded sarcastically and rolled my eyes.

The following days flew by, and before we knew it, we were at the clinic for my appointment.

Cole was anxious. He wanted everything to go well. I was oddly relaxed. After the stress of keeping the secret and then the telling of it, the actual pregnancy didn't really worry me at all.

The nurse called us back and after checking all of my vitals, she left telling us the doctor would be in to see us in a few minutes. Not two minutes later, Dr. James came into the room and greeted us both.

“You probably don't need me to tell you this, but you are pregnant. Do your families know?” she asked.

“Yes they do.” I answered her.

“Well, all of your vitals look really good. If you'll lie back we'll see if we can't hear the heartbeat and see how the baby is doing.”

She put some gel on my stomach and then placed a probe on it. It sounded at first like a microphone someone was rubbing their hand across, and then I heard the most beautiful thing. It was a really fast, fluttery sounding heartbeat. I held my breath, afraid I would miss even for one second the amazing sound of the little life inside of me.

I heard Cole's breathing stop as well, and then his hand took mine. It all became real. It is fine to
know you're going to have a baby, but when you actually hear the heartbeat and realize there is a life inside of you growing and developing, the magnitude of the situation hits you full force.

I was only sixteen, and I was going to have a baby who would be totally dependent on me for every little thing it needed in life. The enormity of the job being thrust upon me was overwhelming and intimidating. I, we, were going to be parents and I wasn't even sure what the job title actually entailed.

“Well, everything sounds good. If you have any questions, you can always call and I'll see you again in a month. Take care of yourself.” she said and then left the room.

Cole and I followed her out, made my next appointment, and then left. Neither of us said much on the ride back to Centerville. Cole parked in front of my house and we both sat in silence for a few more minutes.

“Hearing the baby's heartbeat was… wow.” He started.

“Yeah
, it kind of made it all real.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I'll talk to you later I guess.” I was suddenly very unsure of everything and I knew why. Cole seemed very distant.

“Okay, I'll call you later.” He mumbled.

I slid across the seat to get out of the truck. I looked back at Cole, and he was still staring out of the windshield as if he was in shock.

“Bye.” I whispered. I turned back to the door, grasped the door handle, and opened the door. I got out and was about to close the door when he spoke again.

“Morgan, I love you.” He said, looking at me for the first time since leaving the clinic.

“I love you too.”

I waved as he drove away without looking back. Was he rethinking his commitment to me or was it something else keeping him so quiet?

All of the uncertainty was making me nauseous. I wrapped my arms around my waist as I walked into the house. I went to my room, dropped my bag on the floor, and lay down on my bed.

I don't know how long I stayed there, but my aimless thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. I looked at the clock and was surprised to see it was almost five-thirty.

“Hello?” I wearily answered.

“Hey, were you sleeping?” Cole's voice reached out to me.

“No. I was just lying here thinking. What's going on?” I asked.

“I just wanted to give you a call before your parents got home. Do you think I could come up tonight? I've been doing some thinking, and I want to talk with you.”

My heart froze inside of my chest. Were all of my fears going to come true? Was he so freaked out by the reality of a baby he was going to leave me?

“I also think it's time you let me back into the house. It's time your parents got used to seeing me again.” He finished.

I was so confused I couldn't speak. He was implying he was going to be around a lot, so did I have it all wrong? Had I been worrying all afternoon for nothing?

“Morgan? Is something wrong?” Cole asked.

“If you mean I've been worrying all afternoon you were rethinking how involved you wanted to be in my life and our baby's, then yes, there is something wrong.” I spit out to him.

“Why would I be rethinking my involvement in your life? I love you. I'm not going anywhere.” Cole was clearly frustrated.

“If you weren't thinking about leaving, then what did you have to think about? You sounded all serious, you were totally distracted, and you barely looked at me. What else was I supposed to think?” I was getting upset.

“Okay, I should have been clearer with you earlier. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. All I meant was after hearing the baby's heartbeat, I… some of the plans I made just don't seem adequate is all. So, can I come up later? I won't stay beyond the curfew or anything, but I think it's time I came back.”