Beginnings of the Heart (10 page)

I let out the breath I had been holding in a whoosh. “Okay, you can come. But try not to do anything to upset my parents. Things have been getting better, and I don't want to rock the boat too much.” I replied.

“I'll behave as long as your mom does. I'll come up after dinner and we can talk. Do you think they'll eavesdrop on the conversation?” he asked.

“I really don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I'll see you later.”

“I love you Morgan.” Cole said.

I anxiously awaited Cole's arrival after a quiet, but surprisingly not uncomfortable dinner. I thought things were starting to get a little better. My dad had asked how my appointment had gone, and I told them about hearing the heartbeat. I had even seen a little smile on my mother's face. Maybe there was hope yet.

I was in the living room doing my homework when Cole knocked on the door. I had been waiting for him, but I still wasn't the first one to the door. The privilege was my dad's.

I hovered behind him until Cole was through the door, and then I was by his side. I didn't know whether I expected my dad to welcome him in or throw him out. Either way I was going to stand beside him like some guardian angel ready to do battle.

It was completely unnecessary. My dad was very civil and said hello and then retreated to the kitchen after Cole took off his jacket. As I stood staring dumbly after my dad, Cole took my hand and dragged me into the living room.

We sat down on the couch, and he turned to face me with the expression I had come to expect when he was talking about plans for the baby. Brow slightly furrowed, eyes with a sharp look of concentration mixed with commitment, and no smile on his beautiful lips. He didn't have to take it all so seriously, but he did and I loved him for it.

“So, like I told you on the phone I had to think about some things. And again, I'm sorry I worried you unnecessarily. I should have given you more of an explanation when I dropped you off, but hearing the baby's heartbeat threw me a little bit and…” He couldn't go on.

“Made it all a little too real.” I finished for him.

“Yeah, you too?” he asked.

I nodded my head. “All of a sudden it was like, wow, I'm having a baby who's going to need me for everything. I don't know how to be a parent.”

He gave me a half smile. “I know what you mean. Only for me it was like, I need to provide for and protect this baby and you, Morgan. I had to go home and think about, how to do everything and still be able to finish school so I can get a good job and take care of the two of you.”

“Why didn't you just tell me? You would have saved me a lot of worry this afternoon. I understand needing to think things through. Just don't leave me hanging again.” I said leaning forward until I could wrap my arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around my waist touched his forehead against mine. “I promise I won't worry you again.”

“So.” I began, leaning away from him but not removing my arms. “What are your thoughts? You might as well tell me.”

He gave me a slow smile and launched into his latest set of plans for our immediate future. We spent the rest of our time together quietly talking about the baby and how neither of us had any real idea how we would handle all the changes coming our way all too quickly.

As I heard the clock in the foyer start chiming eight o'clock my mother came to stand in the entrance of the living room. She did not look pleased Cole had come to see me, but Cole was right, she needed to start getting used to the idea he was here to stay. He wasn't leaving.

“Morgan.” she said without even glancing at Cole. “It's eight o'clock, and if you remember our discussion, it's time for your visitor to leave.”

“I was just leaving, Mrs. Taylor.” Cole gave my mother a big smile and then stood up and moved toward the foyer.

My mother stepped back and turned to go to the kitchen I assumed.

I smiled and gave Cole an exasperated look. “You shouldn't goad her. She's liable to ban you from the house.”

“She can try, but I have every right to be here and she knows it. It's killing her when what she would love to do is make me go away forever.”

He wound his arms around my waist, and I slid mine around his neck. Our lips met halfway and slid across each other. I heard footsteps behind me, and I knew Cole did as well because he tightened his arms around me so I couldn't pull away. The kiss ended, and he still didn't let me go. He just held on, and I could feel the silent laughter shaking his body slightly.

Finally, he stepped back and released me. I took a hasty step back, and he shook his head slightly. I could feel my mother's eyes boring into the back of my head.

“I'll see you tomorrow, Morgan. Good night, Mrs. Taylor. It was nice to see you again.” Cole said with a big smile.

I rolled my eyes at him and started pushing him out the door. As soon as I had him through and onto the porch he leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“I love you, Morgan. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you more. Bye.”

I stood in the door until he drove out of sight. I closed the door and turned to gather my books from the living room. My mother had just turned around and started for the kitchen. I could hear her mumbling, but I only caught the words, “disrespectful, can't believe, and if he thinks…”I knew who she was referring to and shook my head. He really shouldn't have purposefully riled her up.
What was he thinking? I thought to myself even as I smiled.

My life fell into a comfortable rhythm over the next several weeks. I went to school, came home, and did my homework. We ate dinner as a family during the week, and then Cole would come by and see me until the warden kicked him out at eight o'clock every night.

I usually spent most of the weekend at Cole's house because it was easier for us to talk and definitely a more relaxed environment to be in. Cole would always take me home after dinner and then stay until it was time for him to leave.

My mother still hadn't warmed up to Cole and tried to ignore him as much as possible. To me, she was at least speaking, but everything was very inconsequential. Nothing of substance was shared between us.

My dad would ask questions about how I was feeling and whether I needed anything. He never sought me out when I was alone to ask his questions, it was always in front of my mother. I began to wonder if he did this to get her interested or if he was asking the questions for her.

I felt the latter was more probable. My dad asked how everything was going at school and if anyone had noticed I might be pregnant.

“Well, my P.E. teacher, Mrs. Stevens, pulled me aside after class today to talk to me. Apparently she's noticed some changes.” I looked up from my plate and met my mother's eyes. They were wide with shock and apprehension. “She asked if I was pregnant and told me she wouldn't tell anyone, but if I was she needed to know because in a few more weeks I shouldn't be participating like I have been.”

My parents were both frozen in shock, and my sister's eyes were flicking between everyone.

“What did you tell her?” my mother asked.

“I told her I was, but I didn't want anyone at school to know yet. I also asked her how she figured it out. I'm not really showing yet, just a little bump.”

“What did she say?” Mom asked.

“She said since she's a mother of four she can recognize the symptoms easily enough. We're starting some tumbling unit soon. She wanted to know so I wouldn't get hurt.” I finished and looked at my parents.

Everyone was silent while all of the information I had given settled into their minds. The one person who I was convinced didn't care about my feelings any longer or my future was the one to surprise me the most.

“Well, I think we can trust Mrs. Stevens to keep the pregnancy to herself. I'm also convinced she only had your health and safety in mind when she spoke to you. But, if you can't do the unit, how will you pass the class? You need P.E. to graduate, and you can't take it in summer school to make it up. Did she give you any alternatives?” the mother I used to know asked me.

It took me a moment to gather my frozen thoughts and answer her. “She mentioned it might be possible to do something as an independent study. Apparently there's some provision in the school handbook to modify classes for students who can't fully participate due to some physical impairment. Technically pregnancy would pass for a physical impairment. She wanted me to think about it and talk to you guys because she would need to have it approved by my guidance counselor and the principal.”

“Well, I think the only answer is to have her talk to them, and I'm pretty sure they will have to talk to you as well. They would have to keep it confidential, but this isn't going to stay a secret much longer.” My old mom said with a sympathetic smile, making my heart clench. And then, just as quickly, the new mother was back. “You are going to have to get used to the idea of everyone knowing what you've done.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured all of my friends would notice I was doing something different in P.E. I know everyone is going to find out soon. If not for this one class, then it would be someone noticing I'm not slowly inflating a beach ball under my shirt.” I smiled at my sister when she snorted a laugh.

And then it died on my lips when I looked over at my mother. My dad had a small grin on his lips, but hers were pursed together in a look of utter disapproval. Would I see my old mom again sometime soon? Probably not, I decided.

The next day at school I went to see Mrs. Stevens in the morning to tell her I would do the independent study. She looked relieved, which I could understand. I'm sure she didn't want a pregnant student doing something potentially harmful.

I asked about keeping it as confidential as possible.

“You know Morgan, your friends at the very least are going to wonder why you aren't participating in P.E. any longer, and someone is going to ask or figure it out.” She counseled me.

“I know, Mrs. Stevens. I would just like to keep it as quiet as I can for as long as possible. My mother isn't really taking it well.” Which I was sure was the understatement of the year.

“Okay, I'll do what I can. You'll probably be called to your guidance counselor today so be ready. I'll see you later.”

I nodded my head and went to my first period class. Mrs. Austin never tolerated anyone being late to her class.

I turned the corner and saw Cole anxiously waiting by the door to my class. When he saw me a big smile of relief broke across his face. He took my hand as soon as I was close enough and kissed me on the cheek.

“How did it go? Was she willing to keep it quiet for a little while longer?”

“Yes, but we both know the secret isn't going to last. I'm probably going to be called down to the guidance office this afternoon so don't freak out if I'm not where you think I should be at some point.” I teased him.

“Alright, but make sure you tell me everything when you're all done, okay?”

“Okay. I have to get in there. Mrs. Austin is going to fry me if I'm late. I'll see you later.” I told him and then gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.

The morning flew by, and I was totally distracted. I had never worried about what people would think when they found out I was pregnant, but now I was. I knew after my friends got over the shock of it all, they would be excited. I wasn't sure what to expect from the adults I interacted with at school and around town. I hoped they would be supportive, and if they couldn't be, then maybe they just wouldn't say anything at all. I had enough negativity in my life right now. I didn't need any more.

I was actually given a pass to the guidance office at the beginning of P.E., lucky me. My guidance counselor, Mr. Smith, looked as uncomfortable as I felt talking about the baby. After the relevant facts were asked for and given he signed a form and handed it to me.

“You know, Morgan, having a baby is a big responsibility. Are you and Cole ready for it? I mean, you both have supportive parents and I know you are both responsible, but having a baby and still trying to finish high school can be very difficult.”

“We know, Mr. Smith. Cole's mom is going to watch the baby next year while we're in school, and we know it isn't going to be easy.” I answered him.

“Okay, but if you need to talk about the stress involved or need some help setting up a different schedule next year, let me know.” He waited for me to nod my head and then stood up from behind his desk. “You're going to need to take the form down to the main office and get Mr. Johnson to sign off on this. There shouldn't be a problem though.”

“Thank you.” I said and then left his office as quickly as possible.

After waiting for Mr. Johnson, the principal, to sign my form and having a similar discussion with him, I was sure the entire school would know by morning.

The dismissal bell rang as I stood to leave Mr. Johnson's office. I wasn't surprised to see Cole there waiting for me. He was slouched against the wall outside of the office looking very much at ease with his hands stuck in his pockets and his bag slung over his shoulder.

He looked up when he heard the door to the office open, and my lips automatically turned up into a smile. Cole threw me an answering smile, put his arm around my shoulders, and turned with me in the direction of my locker.

“So how did everything go? I assume everyone who had to sign off did or you wouldn't be coming out of there with a smile.” Cole said.

“I came out of there with a smile because you were waiting for me. But yes, everyone signed off. I'm also certain everyone is going to know about this in the next few days.” I grimaced at him.

“Why do you think everyone is going to know? And what's with the look?” He ran his fingertips over my cheek. “Are you really nervous about what people are going to think, or is it something else?”

I glanced around to see who might be close enough to hear us. Cole leaned against the locker next to mine and waited.

“I don't
think everyone is going to know, I
know everyone is going to. You should see the number of people the form has gone through. And the reason for it is typed very clearly at the top.”

“I know you. What's going on? Are you not telling me something I should know about?” Cole asked.

“I don't know. I've been wondering all day about what people here are going to say about me. Are they going to think I'm a slut, or are they just going to assume I was stupid enough to get pregnant and ruin my life? I'm not ruining my life, a slight detour maybe, but far from ruining it.” I spit out quickly while I stuffed my things roughly into my bag. “I guess I was just hoping we could keep it all under wraps until closer to the end of school.”

“Come on, I'll drive you home and then we can talk.” He said as he took my bag and then my hand in his.

The parking lot it was almost empty when we got in the truck, and a few minutes later, we were in front of my house.

I unlocked the door and through unspoken agreement we went into the living room and sat on the couch.

“Tell me why you're so quiet. I thought you were happy about the baby, but now you're worried about what people are going to think and… I'm not sure how to help you through this.” Cole's concern showed in his voice.

“I don't really care what other people think about me or our decision. And I am happy about the baby. I think I just had a brief period of anxiety. I mean, everyone I've known for my whole life is about to find out we are going to have a baby, and I really don't think any of their… opinions, will be directed at you very much. After all, everyone always wonders how the girl could have let something like this happen. Like she could have done it all by herself.” I finished and looked him straight in the eye.

“I think you're leaving something out. I don't think many people at school, especially our friends, are going to have much to say. So what is it about all of this you're still not telling me?” Cole was rubbing my back, but instead of making me talk, it made me sleepy.

“I don't know what's wrong with me. So much is happening so fast I don't think it has fully hit me, and I'm not sure it will until everyone knows. I'm almost looking forward to it, but then it will be the end of the secret. Do you know what I mean?” I looked up at him.

“Yeah. I'm happy about the baby, but it's been this thing only we knew about, and now it's like we have to share it with everyone else.” He kissed me on the forehead. “But you know what? Our happiness is what truly matters.” He put his hand on my stomach. “Nothing else.”

I slid my arms around his neck and leaned my forehead against his. “How is it I deserve someone like you? Our lives are irrevocably changed, I'm hormonal and trying to keep it all together, and you seem so calm and in control. Am I missing something here?” I asked.

“No, you're not missing anything. I'm dealing with the same things. It's just easier for me because I don't have to deal with all of the hormonal changes you have to. And my parents are a little more supportive than yours. It helps.”

“So, are you going to come back tonight or will I just see you tomorrow at school?” I asked.

“Are you telling me it's time to leave?” he teased me.

“I just don't want my mother to come home and then it will be a big thing and…”

“I know and yes, I'll be back tonight. Just remember what I said, okay?”

“I'll remember. I love you.” I said at the door.

“I love you more.”