Beginnings of the Heart (2 page)

I woke the next morning and wondered if everything the night before had been my imagination. I closed my eyes and tried to separate dream from reality. I stretched my arms over my head and ran my fingers through my hair.

How did I feel about all of this now? Did I regret my actions of the night before? The answer was a little more complicated. I wished our emotions hadn't gotten away from us, but they had.

I got out of bed and went to the bathroom my sister and I shared to take a shower. It was Saturday and everyone was home. My sister's door was still closed so I assumed she was still asleep, but I knew my mom and dad were probably up.

As I combed my hair and got dressed I wondered if they would be able to see a difference in me. I closely studied myself in the mirror and couldn't see anything apparent. My eyes looked the same, maybe a little brighter, but I looked as ordinary as I always did. I just needed to try and act like nothing happened.

Could I pretend nothing had changed between Cole and me last night?

“I have no idea what I'm going to do.” I said to myself.

I went back through to my bedroom and then out to the kitchen. As expected, my mom and dad were there talking about something. They glanced up at me as I walked in and went to get some cereal, but their conversation kept going. Maybe they wouldn't notice anything different about me.

“So how was the fair last night?” my mom asked from the table.

My heart started beating at a rhythm and volume I was sure she could hear from the table.

“It was good. Really crowded though. You know how it gets the last weekend.”

I took my bowl of cereal to the table and sat in my place to eat. I looked at my parents surreptitiously through my eyelashes. Neither of them was paying me any attention. Maybe she asked just to be nice?

“Hmm. So are you doing anything with Cole today or is he working?” she asked. This time she fixed her penetrating eyes on my face. I felt like she could look right into my head.

I looked back to my bowl. “I think we're going to get together, but said he'd call when he knew what was going on today.” I hoped it was enough information to keep her from asking more questions.

“Well, maybe you could just stay here today. You have been spending a lot of time with him lately, and I think you should take a break. I've told you before how I feel about how serious you are about
that boy. He's too old for you.” She ended her little speech looking at me with both of her eyebrows raised to emphasize her point.

“He's only a year ahead of me in school, Mom. And I don't see the big deal about spending time with Cole.”

“The big deal, as you put it, is you don't do anything else anymore. You used to hang out with other people. You had other friends. I just think you need to spend time with them as well.” She finished this off with the same eyebrow-raising expression.

“I still see my other friends. I just don't see them as much is all. I'll see all of them, every day, when school starts again.” I said all of this while suppressing the urge to roll my eyes at her.

My mom looked at me like she wanted to say something else, but my father cleared his throat and looked at her. Obviously something had already been discussed. I just wished I knew what it was.

“Well, I've said what I wanted to say. Just be sure to ask before you go and do anything. You're still only fifteen, and I like to know where you are.”

I had been officially dismissed, and I took the opportunity to make a hasty exit. At least they still didn't guess anything about last night.

After returning to my room I lay down on my bed and thought about the night before when Cole had dropped me off. I had started to open the door of the truck and slide out when he reached across and grabbed my hand.

“Are you sure you're okay? You've been kind of quiet.”

“Yeah, I'm fine.” I said, still embarrassed. He didn't seem to be affected at all, which bothered me a little bit.

“I'll call you tomorrow. I have to help my dad in the morning, but I'll be free after. Think about what you might want to do.”

He leaned in and gave me a brief but fierce kiss. He waited until I got the door of the house open and then he left.

As I lay there staring up at the ceiling, I couldn't help but be plagued by doubts. How could he love someone so plain? There were other girls in school who were so beautiful it made your teeth ache. Why me? What did he see in me?

I was startled out of my reverie by the shrill ring of my cell phone. I dove for it on my bedside table.

“Hello?” I said a little breathlessly.

“Hey. How're you doing?” Cole asked.

“I'm good. Are you done helping your dad for the day?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I finished up a little while ago. I had to take a shower and get something to eat, but now I'm all yours for the rest of the day and night.” He said teasingly.

“I'd like you around longer, but I'm not sure you could stand it.”

“I'll never get tired of you Morgan. So, what do you want to do? We have the rest of the day.”

“Umm, why don't you come down here for a little while? My mom started in on one of her ‘you're spending too much time with him' tirades. It might be better if we stayed in town for at least part of the day. We could take a walk down to the creek if you want.” I found I was holding my breath a little while I waited for his answer.

Hanging out at my house or anywhere near it was never on the top of either of our lists.

“Sounds good to me. As long as I get to take you out tonight and do something else. We could go for ice cream or something.” Cole said.

“Okay. I'm sure it'll be alright. My mom'll be pleased at least if we're in town for part of the day.”

“You know, you're always doing things to make your parents happy. Have you ever thought about doing things for you?”

“I do.” I said.

“Only when it's been approved by your parents. I'll see you in about twenty minutes. Love you.” Cole said.

“Love you more.” I said and hung up the phone.

Cole arrived, and I went to open the front door for him. My mom lifted her head from the book she was reading on the couch in the living room to look out of the window to see who was there. When she saw Cole, her eyes narrowed slightly and she pursed her lips, but before she could say anything, I turned to her.

“I know you wanted me to stay around home today so Cole decided to come down here. We're just going to take a walk and see who's around.”

“I guess. I expect you won't be gone for too long?” Mom asked.

“I'll be home before dinner.” I said and almost ran out the door before she could say anything else.

I met Cole on the sidewalk in front of the house. He took my hand and bent to brush his lips across mine. The simple gesture set off a firestorm in my mind and made my heart begin to race. He gave my hand a little tug to get me moving.

We had walked halfway to the corner before either of us spoke.

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asked me. “You're kind of quiet.”

“No, I'm fine. I'm still… I don't know, embarrassed I guess. I mean, it's like everything changed last night, but I don't really feel any different. It's going to take some time for me to get my head wrapped around it.” I said.

“Has anyone ever said you overthink things.” Cole said with a cocky smile on his face. “The only things you need to remember are my feelings for you haven't changed at all and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. And before you start worrying everyone is going to know, no one will unless we tell them and we aren't going to.” Cole said.

“I guess you're right. Anyway, what do you want to do? There really isn't a whole lot here.”

“I know, but as long as I can spend time with you I don't care. Let's go down to the creek and talk some more. Maybe I can convince you to think like me on other topics.” He said, laughing.

“You may have to work a little harder than you think. I do tend to overthink everything. I might not come around as quickly as you believe.” I said, smiling.

We made our way down to the creek winding its way through town and found a quiet spot under some trees. Their branches stretched out over the water as it babbled over the smooth stones lining the bottom.

We sat down on the soft grass, and I slipped off my flip flops and dangled my feet in the water. It felt cool in the hot afternoon and raised goose bumps on my arms and legs. Cole leaned back against a tree and crooked his finger at me. I went to sit beside him. I laid my head on his shoulder, and he put his arm around me.

“You know.” Cole's voice broke into my thoughts. “I'm kind of glad last night happened. And not for the reasons you think. Maybe now you'll realize my love for you is not the fickle thing you assume it to be. I'm hoping you realize I'm not going anywhere.”

“You're right.” I grudgingly admitted after a minute of thinking. “I was scared you would get tired of me and move on to someone else. I still am. I don't want you to go anywhere and needing you so much is… I don't know. When I think about it I hear my mother's voice in my head saying I'm too young to be this serious about a boy, but I try to silence her voice as much as I can. Is there something wrong with being in love and knowing what you want at our age?”

“I don't think so, but I am a little biased. Listen, the only people who need to worry about us is us. I know our parents have their own opinions about things, but when it comes down to it, we're the ones making decisions about what we want our relationship to be like.”

I looked up at his face and asked, “What do your parents think about all of this? They must have some opinion. Do they like me?”

He chuckled before answering. “Yes they like you, but they would like to get to know you better. Their opinion is if I'm happy and not doing anything stupid, everything's okay. Last night would rank in their stupid category. We can't let it happen again.”

“I know. I don't want to be labeled as ‘that girl'.”

“I don't want you to be either. My parents have a slightly different perspective than yours. They started dating when my mom was thirteen and my dad was sixteen, so they understand my feelings for you. They haven't forgotten what it's like to meet someone and know you're meant to be with them forever.”

“They know how you feel about me? You talk to them about this?” He nodded his head while he looked into my eyes. “Wow, the one time I tried to talk to Mom about you she went into an hour long speech about how I was too young to really know how I felt and I should just keep my options open.” I said, slightly stunned parents could be so open with their kids.

“Your options open? Let me guess, she thinks you shouldn't date anyone until college or after, and then you can get serious about someone, right?”

“Yeah.” I said into his shoulder. “I just don't see what her problem is. She and my dad met in high school and got married right after my mom graduated. I think they're happy so I don't get why she dismisses my feelings as a mere crush. I know it isn't, and I certainly don't want it to go away.”

“I think your mom wants for you what she didn't get for herself. She's in the same town she grew up in and never left. Or maybe she wants to live vicariously through your experiences in college.” He said.

I looked at him, thinking about what he said. It made a lot of sense and my mom had said things similar before, but I hadn't paid a lot of attention.

“I think you're right. You should be a psychologist or something. You're really good at this.”

“I actually thought about it, but I don't think I could listen to people all day long every day and still be a happy individual.” He finished with a smile.

“What do you want to do? I don't think you ever told me.” I asked.

“Well, before I met you I was thinking of going out west somewhere and working on a ranch and learning the business. I'd like to own property someday, and I don't want to mismanage it.”

“And now? Are you still thinking of going away?” I asked. My breath was being choked off at the mere thought of being away from him.

“Now I'm not so sure. I know I can learn the basics of running a ranch by doing other things, and I really don't want to leave you alone for any length of time. Your mom will warp your mind, and I wouldn't be here to straighten it back out.” Cole smiled.

He was right. Before having Cole in my life and especially before this summer, I took whatever my mom said at face value. I never really thought about what she said or questioned it. Now I did and was finding I had my own opinions on certain subjects and they were not always in line with hers. I still didn't have the confidence to disagree with her when she was shoving these opinions down my throat, but I no longer just accepted them either.

The afternoon passed far too quickly. As promised I was home in time for dinner. I didn't realize how quiet I was until my sister Samantha nudged me under the table at dinner.