Before You Leave: A Romance Novel (20 page)

The quiet journey takes only thirty minutes to complete; throughout it all I took in the landscape and beauty of the island. Thanking the driver, he refuses payment for his service, one more act that Kieran had to do he said. I want to be angry with him but I’m not. How can I when right up to the end he is still thinking of me. Instead I take my case and walk into the busy departure hall. With only a carry-on bag it didn’t take long for me to get through the security. Checking my watch I know I have more than enough time to grab a bottle of water and a magazine for my flight, so different from how I arrived twelve days ago. That journey I remember very little, even the moment Kieran caught me as I fell is a blur on my memory. Twelve days of him watching over me, twelve days for me to fall for him. Surely no one could have those kinds of feelings after just two weeks, that isn’t possible.

After waiting around for more than an hour the monitor indicates that the flight is ready to board. Joining the other passengers I wait in line for the doors to open and my boarding paper to be checked.

Moving out towards the waiting plane it hits me. My stomach twists into a knot at the realisation that this is it. I am leaving the island and have to continue alone, but what is making me feel queasy is that I’m leaving Kieran. My feet drag my body to the door of the aeroplane and I stand with the queue of people behind me, unable to move.

The steward moves towards me and takes my free hand, checking my seat off the paper as he walks me down the aisle.

“Now you sit there and we will be taking off shortly. If you need anything just press the button above your head and I will come to you. I’m just putting your case in this overhead compartment.”

I just nod at him and turn my body towards the small oval window not wanting to see the expressions of the other travellers. Taking a tissue out of my bag I let the tears fall. The loss of probably never knowing another man like Kieran again. One who, without question cared for me in more ways than Ryan ever did in all our time together, and I let him go.

Pressing my fingers across my lips, I close my sodden eyes and remember the kiss from only a few hours ago, the kiss to beat all others, the one that said so much and yet nothing at all. The taste of Kieran forever embedded on me. And I don’t want to let him go.

The seat next to me is taken at the same time I hear the door at the front bang shut. The passenger must have run to make the flight on time, as his breathing is rapid. But I don’t look. Right now I don’t care who is sitting next to me as long as they don’t want to make conversation.

The stewardess acts out the emergency procedures as the plane taxis to the runway and still I keep my eyes firmly shut. The quicker we are up in the air the quicker the drinks trolley will be going through the cabin and already I want to order a large whiskey to knock me out, just like I did for the journey here. Holding tight to the armrest as the plane ascends into the air I then ease myself back into the seat while it straightens up again. It isn’t until I hear over the tannoy that the drinks trolley is on its way that I open my eyes. I didn’t have to look to see who is sitting next to me I can feel him. I was too absorbed in my own self-pity to realise before. Taking a deep breath in of just Kieran, I turn in my seat. His unsure smile doesn’t extend fully and my heart flutters.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper in shock.

Taking my hand into his, he brings it up to his lips and kisses the back of it.

“I am never going to let you go through life by yourself again.”

“But I left you at the hotel.”

“And I followed.”

“But you love the island, and my life is a mess.”

“I can come back, with you, when the time is right. You need me, the island can keep.”

“Kieran your life is here. You need to go back.”

“My life Jules, is where you are. Trust me and let me get you through this. I don’t want you to do this on your own.”

“You’re really coming home with me?”

“I really am.”

I lean over and brush his lips with mine. I can’t stop the smile I have for him afterwards. Holding onto his hands tightly I realise that my life might be tough for a while when I get home, but with Kieran by my side it will get better.

“Are you coming, we’re going to be late.” I shout up the stairs for the fourth time.

“Nearly, I just wanted to finish the last coat of paint before we leave.”

“Seriously Kieran, Sarah’s flight will land in less than two hours. Leave the room until we get back.”

“No, no, I want the colour to be a surprise, you haven’t told her yet have you?”

“The colour you’re painting it? No, thought you are far too excited about all of this for me to spoil the surprise. You do realise Sarah is visiting us, not the room?” Stepping on the second step I shout a little louder to him. “I’m going to get the car out of the garage and bring it around the front, don’t be long.” I wait for his reply knowing already what he is going to say.

“Use the jeep, it has a better safety record than your little run around and take your time.”

“I love that little car and anyway I wouldn’t even fit in it now, let alone two more people.” I call back up the stairs.

“That is very true. I love your shape.” He shouts down over the railing, his dark brown hair flops over his forehead and I chuckle a little at him pushing it back.

“Five minutes Kieran and then I’m leaving.” I scold him in jest, not wanting to get into another conversation about my figure. Winking at me, Kieran slips off his old t-shirt he has been using while painting and exposes his tanned lean chest. I want to stay and watch the show as he walks towards our bedroom but our time is stretched as it is. Leaving him to change, I pick up the keys to his jeep from the kitchen counter and make my way to the garage out the connecting door through the utility room. Pressing the remote on the key ring the garage door starts slowly lifting up. My little run around looks small next to Kieran’s jeep and as I pass my pride and joy I slide my finger across the bonnet. The red metal is cool and a little regret rears in my stomach. It has been a while since I got behind the wheel of her and even longer before I do so again. She will still be here when the right time comes for me to take her for another spin.

The sound of the heavy wheels on the gravel as I make my way around to the front of the villa, reminds me of the day Kieran brought me back here over a year ago on his moped.

How things had changed since then.

I turn on the stereo and slide in a cd rubbing my stomach as I do so. He still gives me butterflies even now while I wait eagerly in the jeep for him to appear.

My mind wonders back to the day he kept his promise on that flight home. Without him by my side, holding my hand, I don’t know if I would have made it through the chaos that waited me when I walked through the door of my empty apartment.

What I found hidden in Ryan’s pockets when we were cleaning out the clutter, lead to more questions not being answered. Receipts for meals in restaurants that I had never been to, expensive gifts bought not for me and the boarding card slipped nicely into the back of the wardrobe of
that
time he spent away with Abigail, here on the island. I must have emptied everything in my stomach from the shock of the evidence before me. It took another week until I was strong enough to confront Abigail.

Remembering her sad and sorrowful eyes, as their tangle was unravelled in the proof I had, was bittersweet. She had been mourning Ryan from a distance, unable to show her true feelings while I died in our apartment for a man who didn’t truly love me. Abigail denied nothing; it was like she was relieved to be free from the burden she kept hidden for so long. I’ll never forget how Kieran guided me away from their florist business and seated me into the hire car, numb and shaken. Since that day not one tear has fallen from my eyes for Ryan, not one guilty feeling for getting on with my life enters my thoughts.

Of course I’m sad he died, sad the lorry driver had to cope with crashing into him and causing his death. I am not sorry though, to learn he was texting Abigail when it happened after I read the police report of his phone messages. The sun didn’t blind him through the glass like I was lead to believe. He just wasn’t looking.

With Sarah and Kieran’s support, I decided to sell up. I no longer wanted to live in a place tainted with his lies. I wanted a new start and a new beginning. Kieran used his contacts and managed to have it sold within six weeks from the day I made that decision. Even when all my belongings were boxed up and Ryan’s sent to Abigail and his family, Kieran didn’t leave my side. I wanted him to, I knew that the more time he spent with me was less with his sister while he was in the same country. But he refused. And I’ll be forever grateful for it.

Not knowing what I wanted to do next, Kieran suggested staying at his family home. His face lit up as he said it, I knew he was missing Sinead and I wanted to move away from the area, so I agreed.

For nearly three months I lived with Sinead and his Aunty Mary. Both made me feel like part of the family as soon as my feet landed through their front door. My own parents were delighted to see me settled into normal life again wherever that would be.

Seeing Kieran around his family and the way he cares so much for them just made me fall harder for him and although he had travelled back and forth to deal with any business on the island, eventually he had to go back permanently. At that moment I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. I’ll never forget how his eyes shone when I told him I wanted to come back with him. I had enough money from the sale to buy a small place and would ask Pablo for a job when I had settled. Kieran fully understood my need for independence even though he wanted me to move straight in with him. Thinking it was too soon, I opted for his help to find me an apartment instead.

On the year anniversary of Ryan’s death, I boarded the plane and said goodbye to my past. I knew people would talk because I wasn’t at his anniversary mass but I felt it was the perfect time for me to leave. A new beginning and a chance for Abigail to mourn how she should have done the first time around, now that all her and Ryan’s family knew about their relationship.

My heart pounds while I recall the memory of my little apartment that he found for me overlooking the beach, a few steps away from where he kissed me before I left for the airport. I found the sea a calming place that I loved to visit and walked holding Kieran’s hand along the seafront. I hadn’t been able to look at the locks again and still have mine rattling at the bottom of my bag.

It was the end of November and the tourist season was still going strong that I remember starting to feel unwell. Not able to put my finger on it, Pablo gave me a few days off until I felt better. But I didn’t for another three weeks. After much persuasion from Kieran I made an appointment with the local doctor. Leaving Kieran outside the door I went in alone, feeling confident my new language skills would get me through. But I left white washed and tearful, refusing to tell him what was wrong until I had managed to filter the results myself, shocked that I didn’t see the symptoms sooner.

On Christmas morning we both sat around the tree he had searched the whole island for and even up to this day he still hasn’t told me where he found it. The tree stood over eight feet tall and the smell of pine was intoxicating. As I passed him the little box I had carefully wrapped, I waited anticipating his reaction for what was inside.

Unravelling the ribbon I had painstakingly tied around it with my trembling fingers, he slipped the lid off. Lifting out a white stick with two lines in the window, he held it up to look closer at it.

“What is this Julia?” His question was one of bewilderment rather than confusion.

“It’s the reason I was been sick back in November Kieran. It’s also the reason my clothes haven’t been fitting well lately.” I told him, moving by his side for reassurance.

“But I don’t understand, we were careful, you were careful.”

“Apparently one day we weren’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Is that why you went to the doctors?”

“It is.”

“But you aren’t even showing that much, I just thought you were eating better than what you used too.”

“The baby is only small Kieran, give me a few more months before I swell.”

“When is baby O’Callaghan ready see me?” He asked seemingly still in shock.

“Are you ok with this Kieran, you know how much this is going to change our lives?”

“Oh Jules you have no idea, this is the best Christmas present I have ever received.” Pulling me onto his lap he lifted my t-shirt and kissed my belly. “Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?”

“No not yet, I thought if this went well, we could find that out together.”

“Never doubt how much I love you Julia and how much I love this little bun that is growing inside you.”

“I’m due the month of your birthday, Kieran.”

“Then I already have a name picked out.”

“Kieran let little bun grow into a cake first.”

“I know, I know but I am so ecstatic.”

“Come on, let’s finish opening these gifts under the tree. I think with the amount you have wrapped, it might take me a while.”

For the rest of Christmas Kieran’s didn’t stop smiling and kissing my small belly bump, fussing around me like I was about to give birth any moment. It was a very endearing time.

By the middle of January I moved into Kieran’s villa. I was increasing in size faster than I expected and my feet were swelling in the heat. Pablo understood when I was unable to continue working. I didn’t sell my apartment but started to rent it out to gather income. It was a shock to us both, when at the next scan; we were told I was expecting twins. I left, yet again, with a pale face while Kieran’s was beaming.

Changing the song on the CD while I wait for the over excited dad-to-be to hurry up, a pain shoots across my stomach. It isn’t the first time I have felt this, only last week the doctor told me that it was a common occurrence and it is my body getting ready for the birth. Knowing that I really should be resting at eight months gone and huge, I just couldn’t resist wanting to meet Sarah at the airport on her first visit to us. Her partner, Justin will be arriving in two weeks but I needed Sarah to be with me for the arranged delivery that is booked for next week. The next sharp pain comes fast and fierce and makes me cry out for Kieran. I hold tight onto the steering wheel trying to transfer the pain onto something else. This can’t be happening today, I need to pick up Sarah for her to be with me too.

“Good god Julia what’s wrong.” Kieran stands with the drivers’ door open wide with a worried look I haven’t seen for a long time, etched across his face.

“I think the babies want to arrive Kieran. I don’t want them to come today. They shouldn’t. This isn’t what we planned for the birth.”

“Are you sure it isn’t another of those Braxton things?”

“I wish it was. Oh god it’s happening again.” I yelp at him panting out the contraction like I was taught in antenatal classes.

“Shit right, shit this is for real. I need to get your bag. Wait there, don’t move I’ll be really quick.” With the door left open, I hear Kieran trampling over the gravel, as I close my eyes tight through the pain. 

“Kieran hurry.” I shout out to the vast emptiness around me not sure if my body can cope with much more.

Throwing my pre-packed bags into the back, Kieran helps me gently and slowly out of my seat.

“Slowly does it sweetheart, slowly. You’re doing really well.” His soothing voice tries to calm me as I make my way to the passenger door barely able to walk with this pressure pressing down on me.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” I start to cry with my hand up on the doorframe.

“Of course you can, you are the strongest woman I know.”

“But I’m going to be a terrible mother, look at me. I’m a mess I can’t even get up into the jeep.” I sob.

“Shall I get the moped for you?”

“Oh Kieran that is so not funny.”

Kieran rubs my lower back and brushes my sticky hair off my face with his other hand. “Julia you are beautiful. Our babies are going to be beautiful and with your kind nature and my good looks they will be perfect.”

“Kieran!!!!” I double over my large protruding stomach as the next contraction shoots through me.

“Pant it out Julia, breathe through the contraction. Remember think of the end result of the pain.”

“Thatttts easyyyy forrr youuuu tooooo sayyy.” I’m barely able to get out between each breath.