Before You Leave: A Romance Novel (17 page)

“Kieran what do you mean you have seen her before? Here on the island or back in Ireland?”

“Here.”

“I am sure she was just on holiday. Must have been before I knew her as she never mentioned it.”

“Julia it was only last year. Around August time. The season was just picking up with Irish tourists desperate for the sun after a disastrous summer. I don’t normally remember every face but it was the man she was with that made her noticeable.”

“What man? Abigail has never mentioned a man, unless that is why she never indicated that she was here.”

“He was all over her. I’m talking over the top public show of affection. I’m certainly not a prude but when you’re in a cafe and you’re practically on top of the woman. That is wrong.”

“But she isn’t that kind of person, well I thought she wasn’t. Maybe they were drunk?”

“I thought the same thing but he approached me after I had seen them in the cafe Pablo runs and asked if I would be interested in charting my yacht to him. I was a little taken back as I don’t normally do that, my yacht is my sanctuary. Anyway he offered some crazy amount of money and me being the businessman that I am, I took it. So the two of them met me at the harbour and I set sail. The coastline was barely in the distance when he started to seduce her on the deck. I turned a blind eye at first and got on with steering Gail, that’s my yachts name. I don’t know what he thought he was playing at but I had Gail turned round in the next breeze and back into the harbour kicking them both off. God he was mad, I mean fucking nuts. Said that I had no right to interrupt them when he paid for a service. I threw his money back at him and told him to next time to control his dick. Goddamn Julia if they wanted to have sex outside there is more than enough places but bluntly in front of me, no I am not into that shit.” Kieran bunches his fists tighter as he talks, recalling the scene he had to endure.

“He sounds like a crazy man. Did she look embarrassed at all?”

“Not one bit. I don’t know if she met him here or came to the island with him. When I saw her with you on the plane something just snapped in me. I guess you could say I wanted to protect you from her.”

“Me from her, why? I know she hasn’t exactly been the belle of the ball since we arrived. But maybe she is regretting that time with him. Is that why you have been on my heels since I arrived?”

“Yes and no. At first on the plane, yes. I could see you weren’t up for those steps but Sarah was busy and Abigail had already reached the bottom while you staggered to the door. I caught you before you fell. That moment right there.” Kieran stops talking and wipes his brow again. “That moment Julia, it wasn’t you that fell but it was me, falling for you.”

I don’t know if the air in the room has just been sucked out or my headaches are coming back but my head starts to spin. Is that the reason he has been around me all this time? The way he took over in the hospital, finding me, me being here, Sarah trusting him, so many thoughts crash into me all at once that I have to get some air. Standing up quickly I leave the sitting area and without looking at Kieran walk out to the patio. Taking in deep breaths I try and control the sick feeling in my stomach and this time I know it isn’t the lack of food that is causing it. Why am I shocked? Haven’t I known myself that there has been some sort of connection? I’ve heard him say it, although less heartfelt words, at the hospital and I have fought against them every time. Or is it because I have felt the same way and denied it, feeling an awful guilt because of Ryan? Now that he has admitted it to me face to face, it seems too real.

“Hey I’m sorry I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that especially when I haven’t even explained everything to you properly.” Kieran stands at the sliding door that is only half concertinaed this morning. The distance between us seems to be more than a few feet right now.

“It’s Ryan,” I confess, “I don’t know if I’m ready to move on. I’ve only just found my feet since I have been here even though it doesn’t really look like it. Not after the hospital incident. Inside though, I’m starting to gain strength but I can’t just walk away from his memory. It’s too strong even with the stain of that text.” Kieran starts to walk towards me but I stop him. I need this distance; he clouds my thinking too much.

“Julia please let me finish and then I will leave you alone.”

Walking out of the sun, I take a seat on the wicker chair with its deep cushion in the shade. Cautiously Kieran joins me and sits on the edge of the two-seater nearest to me.

“I tried to give you my card at the airport, I thought once you had left there I wouldn’t see you again.”

“I...I barely remember a card.”

“That’s because Sarah took it from you, I don’t think she liked me back then. I don’t blame her. She really cares for you. I had to visit one of my apartment blocks to check on a few things after the flight when I saw you sitting by the pool. You looked fragile, pale and then when I saw you putting on the sun cream while you were out already in the sun, I had to make a comment. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut even then could I? But there was and is something about you that just causes all reason to leave my brain. I want to protect you, but I know you don’t need protecting. And that frustrates me. After I knew where you were staying I thought it was fate. Something was connecting us together. With all the apartments and hotels on this island and you stay in one of mine.” I begin to say something but this time it is Kieran’s turn to silent me. Using his hand he holds it out to pause what I want to ask. “The other times I bumped into you were just that, a complete coincidence, like we were magnets pulling together. When Sarah told me you were missing that day, oh god Julia, I swear to you my heart was in my mouth. I have never panicked like I did that moment. Thank god you told Sarah where you were going. That beach is off the tourist track and you could have been there for hours before anyone would have noticed you there. Honest to god I haven’t been stalking you, whatever power is at work here is out of my doing, but I am so glad it has. The past few days, although not all plain sailing has certainly been the best ones in my year so far, fuck best ones in my life so far. That is all down to you just being you.”

Kieran pauses and waits for me to speak. “I haven’t exactly been fun in your company.” I tell him and he chuckles a little. “No you haven’t, but that doesn’t matter. Just your presence around me is enough.”

Strangely I know what he means. Just the aroma of Kieran starts off my butterflies.

“Do you mind me asking how many properties you own? Surely I was bound to stay in one of them considering I have been to two that I know of. How do you do that?” I ask him, changing the subject.

“What, own property?”

“Yes, I barely own one and that’s a struggle.”

Kieran sits back in the seat looking a little more relaxed.

“It started when my parents passed away. They used to bring Sinead and me here when we were young and before Sinead’s condition limited her travel. My father was a major shareholder in a large company overseas. I won’t go into details because it confused the hell out of me when I had to listen to how many pies he had his fingers in. My mother and he had a healthy trust fund set up for the two of us when we reached twenty-one. They never got to see us reach that age. On my 18
th
birthday my parents held a party for me at their social club. Over 100 people were in attendance and the place was buzzing. They bought me a big surprise, one I didn’t expect, a brand spanking new car. The black shone on the bonnet and I could see my reflection on the chrome on the wheels. I cut the big red bow that was around it but I knew I wouldn’t be driving it home. I’d been drinking and was in no fit state to drive. Dad said he would drive mum home in it, as it would be the only time they both would be in it together. He was right about that. It was.” Straightening his jean leg he rubs his knee with his hand. I know this mustn’t be easy for him, reliving a memory from his past. I start to move towards him, inching forward in my seat but he holds his hand out to stop me.

“No Julia, please let me finish. I’m not looking for sympathy from you but you asked and I want to tell you the truth.”

Sitting back on my seat I let him continue all the time desperate to be closer to him.

“I was told after the accident the car that hit them head on was driven by a drunk driver. Quite ironic really considering it was the reason I wasn’t driving that night. He was on their side of the road as they went around a bend. There was no way they could avoid him especially at the speed he was travelling at. All three of them died that night. The car insurance took another seven years to pay out the compensation, complications and his family fighting for his innocence is what held it back. We were lucky enough that our parents already had provisions for us if anything happened. So that brings me to now. My property, my yacht, my love for food, this island and my cafe’s, it’s for my parents. In their honour I wanted to make something of myself, someone they would be proud off. My aunt stepped in and took care of Sinead and me. I had just finished Secondary and really had no clue what I was going to do. After that night my future wasn’t going in the direction it should have and I wasn’t exactly a role model as an older brother. Thank god for Aunty Mary, my mum’s sister. She had a word with my dad’s family over here and before summer holidays were over I had a plane ticket in my hand and my suitcases packed. Moving here was the best thing for me and I learnt more than I would have if I stayed in Ireland. I did try and go back the following year and enrolled in a University to study business. After two years though I got sick of it and moved here permanently. I got a love of cooking from my uncle and worked in his restaurant until I opened my own cafe. And well as they say, the rest is history. I’m not a bad guy Julia, I really only want the best, I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I’m not a fool not to notice you are hurting, I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”

Kieran licks his bottom lip and pulls it into his mouth with his teeth, another thing I have noticed he does when he waits for me to speak. There is so much information trying to filter through my mind. The loss he has gone through, his sister who is sick and then me. Me with my baggage of worries and my poor behaviour since I have arrived here. Has it been fate that has been pulling him towards me since I got off the plane? Is he exactly what I need?

Kieran holds his hand towards me, his palm out stretched and fingers wide. Moving forward I rest my hand onto his, my fingers don’t even reach the tips of the length underneath. Enclosing his hand he gently pulls me towards him. His brown eyes never leaving mine and when I am between his thighs on my knees, he moves my damp hair off my face. I have heard talk about an electricity between two people, a spark or chemistry, but I never believed it and I certainly never felt it, not even with Ryan. But right at this moment the hairs at the back of my neck are prickled up and if he doesn’t kiss me soon I think I’ll melt under his gaze.

Closing my eyes, I feel his fingers trace over my cheek and down to my mouth. Outlining my lips before he leaves them yearning for more. His sweet tender kiss brushes where his fingers had just left and I hold my breath but he doesn’t repeat his action, instead he lays his forehead on mine. I inhale the intoxicating odour that is purely his as I hold onto his wrists with his hands cradling my face.

“Julia I want you so badly that it hurts. I’m not a foolish man but I am a patient one. I can wait until you’re ready, I have been waiting all my 33 years for you.”

“I think I’m ready for you now Kieran.” I could hardly recognise my own quivering voice speak what my heart is feeling.

“You think you are Julia but you’re not. I don’t want Ryan’s memory to still be with you when I touch you, when I kiss you or when I’m with you. I’m greedy like that.”

“What am I to do then, he may never leave me.”

“We are going to find out who that text was from and piece together what you are unable to let go of.” Kieran removes himself from me and sincerely smiles. “Do you have a picture of Ryan with you?”

“I do, in my purse. Does that seem bad that I still carry it?”

“No not one bit. But it might be time to leave him in the past. I’m going to check that your dress has dried for you so you can get changed. That gown is gapping and it’s distracting.”

“And I thought you were a gentleman.”

“Only on the weekends.”

“It is the weekend.”

“Exactly, that is why I need to get your dress for you.”

Kieran moves away from me to where my dress was hanging in the direct sun. Squeezing sections of it in his hands he holds it up to his cheek then brings it back over to me.

“All dried.”

“Thank you Kieran, I know I haven’t said it but really I am grateful for your help. Give me a minute and I’ll be back dressed and I’ll grab the photo for you.”

“No need to thank me, I’m just glad you haven’t ran out of the door.”

“Why would I do that now I know? You’ve been completely honest with me.”

“I haven’t freaked you out about my family and me sure it is fate that has brought us here?”

“No Kieran, it should be you running from me with my problems and a man that shadows me everywhere.”

“He was your life, I would expect nothing less but….go we have a puzzle to solve.”

Taking large strides through the living area and back up the stairs to my room, my feet feel lighter than they have done for a long time. Striping off I step into my cotton dress that now has a few more wrinkles than it did this morning and curl my hair up into a loose bun, held in place by an elastic band I found on the chest of drawers. Opening up my purse from my bag, I slide out the photo of the two of us. Running back down the stairs I slow my pace pass the white leather settee. This is the moment I am introducing Kieran to Ryan and it is making my fingers tremble. With each step closer I get to him I grip the photo tighter. Holding it to my chest Kieran stands just a few feet away from me. His head is bowed looking at the floor outside; I stop at the door and watch him for a moment. Kieran and Ryan in the same place at the same time, feeling a pull in my stomach is just a reminder that what is in my hands is my past.

Can Kieran be my future? The man in front of me that has the patience of a saint, stands waiting for me to show him the man that has been dominating my thoughts when he is no longer here. Kieran lifts his head and smiles a warm and welcoming smile for me. Just seeing his smile makes my heart melt and I take a step forward, instantly, he does the same. Shyly I stand close to him and hold out my photo, keeping my focus on his hand that takes it from me.

“When was this taken?”

“At our engagement party.”

“You look so happy Julia. You’re glowing.”

“It was an amazing night.”

“So this is Ryan. The man in your every waking thought and probably every dream one too.”

“It is and he was.”

“Was?”

“Lately there has been another.”

“Oh, but the other doesn’t make you smile like you are in this picture.”

“Not yet he doesn’t.”

“Well I hope he does soon, I like that look on you.” Kieran slants the photo more towards the light of the sun and rubs his finger across it. “Does Ryan always wear that around his neck?”

“The leather with the engraved cross and green stone?”

“That’s what it looks like, here can you see?” Kieran points to the pendant that Ryan always insisted on wearing. 

“He always wore it, he still is.”

“Do you know where he got it from?”

“No just something he’s always worn. Think he had it on even at that party I met him at.”

“The one he arrived with Abigail?”

“Yes that’s the one. You remembered?”

“Anything to do with you is etched deep in my memory.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not sure how to say this but that stone and cross is very popular on this island. Has Ryan been here before? He looks like someone I’ve seen.”

“Not that I know off. I have a feeling he was going to take me here for our honeymoon as he spoke about how great this place was but never did he say he visited. When do you think you saw him?”

Kieran rubs his unshaven chin. The bristles have been there since last night giving him a shade.

“Now I am thinking about it. He really does look like the arsehole of a man Abigail was with. But it can’t be, you said he hadn’t been here before and well she had been very coy about being here herself. Are you sure they hadn’t dated before he met you?”

“Kieran I don’t know what you are trying to indicate. They were business partners; he adored her like a sister. Maybe it was a business trip or just a friendly week away. Abigail must have her own reasons why she didn’t tell me and Sarah she was here but I am a hundred per cent sure they weren’t dating.”

“Hold on, I have a picture from my camera that I asked them if I could take just as they got on my yacht. I had this crazy idea that if it all went well I could advertise to hire the boat and thought I could use their picture. They were very smiley when I took it until I told them what I wanted it for and then the guy went apeshit. I should have known at that point not to take them out. Wait here I’ll just get it.”

Kieran hands back the photo of Ryan to me and leaves to enter the house. So many unsavoury thoughts rush through my mind trying to clarify what Kieran has just said. I hope that it has all been a mistake and he realises the picture he has isn’t Ryan. It doesn’t sound like him, acting all crazy and his hands all over another woman. He hardly had his hands all over me, too tired with his work and the late nights. I stumble towards the seats we sat at earlier; an awful realisation starts to drown the thoughts I had of Ryan. Oh god no surely it can’t be him, Kieran must be wrong.

Gentle but strong arms pull me into a warm embrace. My body shivers in the heat as I rock back and forth enclosed in his hold. I didn’t even hear him coming back outside, too caught up in my own emotions.

“Hush its ok. I know it is a shock just let it out.” His soothing words starts my tears and I let them disperse into his clean t-shirt.

“Was it him?” I manage to ask between sobs.

“It was. I am so sorry Julia, I really am. You don’t deserve this after what you’ve been through but the picture on my camera is of the same man.”

“He was here with
her
a month before his accident. Screwing
her
on
your
boat.”

“Did you have no idea at all?’

“Good god Kieran, I was going to marry him. And all the time he was with
her
.”

I can’t bear to look at the camera he has left on the table; the thought of seeing a picture of the two of them together is making bile stir in my stomach. Shrugging out of his arms I quickly rush to the nearest bathroom and empty what little I had in there into the toilet bowl. As my hair falls over my face it is brushed back and held away. When the retching stops, Kieran kneels down beside me and hands a tissue over.

“Come on, I think you need to lie down for a while. It has been a very enlightening morning. You should be resting.”

“I just want to fade away Kieran, I don’t think I can cope anymore.”

“Yes you can, let me be your strength.” Gathering me up in his arms, he picks me up off the floor. I hold on around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder as he carries me up the stairs and into the room I slept in last night. Laying me with care on the bed he throws over the red sheet to cover me.

“I’m going to sit outside on the balcony while you take a nap and when you wake up I will make you something to eat. Now rest.” He orders me as he reaches down to kiss the top of my head before walking over to the double doors opening them to sit outside. I close my eyes to shut out the pain of betrayal. The horrid feelings trample through my sleep until I start screaming out Ryan’s name.

“What’s wrong Julia? Wake up! What’s wrong? I’m here.” Startled, I open my eyes relieved to see Kieran. Pulling him towards me, he lays down beside me on the bed and I turn into him. Reaching for his arm to wrap around me and I fall asleep again. Soundly, without a nightmare or a dream to awaken me.