Before You Leave: A Romance Novel (16 page)

“Why was she angry with you?”

“I guess I didn’t realise how Ryan’s accident affected her too. He was her business partner.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t give her the right to be mad.”

“She is Sarah’s friend really. I guess I got in the way sometimes.”

“Right, that’s enough. Whatever her problem is it isn’t you, do you hear me?”

“I hear you.” I say deflated.

“Good. I’m glad Sarah got you here. I’m glad I was on that flight to catch you and I’m glad you’re sitting on my settee talking to me. That you feel you can means a lot to me. I do have to explain to you my reasons for being around you but I think you have had enough truth for one night.”

I nod my head; I really don’t think I stay awake much longer even though I want to hear his story. It must be the tablets from the doctor that are making me so tired.

“If you want I can drive you back to your hotel but I would prefer if you stayed here in my spare room. It would make me feel better if you did.”

“I don’t have anything with me, no toothbrush or clean clothes.”

“I can lend you my t-shirt. It’s cool at night because I leave on the air conditioning and you can use my toothbrush if you want.”

“I don’t think I should use your toothbrush.”

“Not even my new unopened one?” He lifts his dark eyebrows and puts on a smile that shows his pearly white teeth.

“Kieran I am too tired. I want to laugh but my mouth won’t let me.”

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Before my legs hit the floor, Kieran scoops me into his arms and taking two steps at a time climbs the steps to the first floor. Pushing the white glossed door open with his hip, we enter into what Kieran called his spare room.

Laying me down onto the bed that dominates the room with deep red sheets on and cushions that would make any home-store proud, Kieran makes a gap for my head to lie back on.

“They are not my idea, by the way. Just in case you think I’m a cushion mad kind of guy. My cousin, Izzie, helped decorate this room as she stays here sometimes.” He explains and I am glad he did. I have never liked an overabundance of cushions, although Sarah tried to make me buy some. I always refused. A bed doesn’t need decorating.

“Your bathroom is through there,” he explains while walking over to the door to the ensuite, “and if you need me I am in the room down the hall. Don’t hesitate to come knocking if you have a bad dream, or need company, or you get cold, or you just want to talk.”

“Kieran thank you. I think I will just need the shirt and toothbrush please.”

“Of course, wait here and I’ll get it for you. Don’t move a muscle.”

I lay my head on the soft pillow, my eyes get heavier and close. I cannot fight how tired I am. I don’t hear Kieran come back into the room. I don’t see him leave the toothbrush and paste on the bedside cabinet and I didn’t know he left his t-shirt next to me on the bed until I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold panic.

I can feel the sweat trickling down my back. Kicking off the sheet that must have been placed over me, I try and cool down but it doesn’t help. With my skin clammy I make my way over to the bathroom and turn on the cold tap. Throwing water over my face I try to cool myself, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Striping off my yellow dress and underwear and dropping it on the floor, I run the shower on the coolest setting. Sliding the door open I enter and let the water cascade over my heated body. Taking deep breaths I rest my head on the glass surrounding and start to calm. After a few minutes I’m able to leave the shower. The towels in the bathroom are identical to the ones Kieran has in his apartment and I welcome how much the small comfort makes me feel secure when I wrap myself in it. Before leaving the bathroom I brush my teeth with Kieran’s unused brush and now feeling a little more human, head back to bed. With the light starting to seep through the shutters, I stay hovering between the two rooms.

“Kieran, is that you?” I can see a figure sitting on the bed that has his physique but still I need to ask.

“I heard the shower on and was worried. Are you ok? Is your head sore?” Leaving the bed he takes the few steps to reach me. Looking up to him, even in this light I can see he looks worried and tired. His focus darts around my face, stopping only when he locks onto my eyes.

“I was hot and couldn’t cool down. The shower helped though.”

“You should’ve called me.”

“Kieran you have done enough for me already.”

“I haven’t done half enough.” Guiding me with his arm around my waist he brings me back to the bed.

“I’ll turn my back for you to put on my shirt and then I’m staying with you until it is a decent time of the morning.” Handing me the white shirt off the bed, Kieran turns his back on me.

“You don’t need to stay, I’ll be fine.” I tell his broad back now facing me. His shoulders slouch forward a little before he answers.

“I know but I’m not. I need to be close to you. I promise to lay on the top sheet and not touch but I need to do this.”

I know I should listen to my head that is telling me that I am mad being here not even knowing much about him but my gut is screaming to trust him. Sarah said I should and she already knows more about him then I do. Changing in to his shirt, a shirt that isn’t Ryan’s, I leave the towel beside the bed and lay back down on the dark red sheet that matched the top one.

“You can turn around.”

Turning he waits at the edge of the bed, I pat the space next to me to indicate he can lie there. It only strikes me then that he is only wearing a pair of tight fitting boxers. Even in this dull light I can see his body enjoys the outdoors and the sun. Facing me, he keeps one arm down beside him and the other under his head.

“You have very pretty eyes for someone who has been crying for so long.” His soft words are gentle to my ears. “I think you should turn over though or I might not be able to stop myself from kissing you again.”

I do what he asks and turn over. Closing my eyes I wonder what his lips would taste like on mine, a deeper kiss, one that doesn’t briefly touch mine, one that would stay with me forever. Would it be as delicious as the shower gel he must have used this evening because right now I have an urge to turn back around and plant his lips onto mine.

*****

Waking up my body is tangled, unable to move. I startle and try to free myself until the musky aroma reminds me that I am safe. No longer do I try to untangle but instead, stay lying still in his arms, with his heart beating near to me and the warmth of content comes over me.

I don’t know how long we stay in this position but when the sun starts to shine through the shutters, screaming to be let in, I slowly move away this time with ease. From under his hold I make my way out of the bed and open up the shutters. The ray beams in and lands on Kieran giving him a glow over his half naked body. His legs spread across the bed taking up most of the space with his torso tanned lying on his back, looking content and peaceful. The bulge in his boxers makes me blush and I look away as he starts to move. Throwing his arm over his eyes to shield the morning light he rolls on to his side facing me.

“Good morning, what a beautiful sight you are.”

“Morning, hope you don’t mind me opening the shutters?” My cheeks I can feel, are heating up again.

“Not at all. How are you feeling?”

“Much better, I slept very well.”

“Glad to hear. I slept exceptionally well. Very rare thing for me and I should thank you for that.”

“No need, if I recall it was me that woke you.”

“Well gorgeous for your information I wasn’t asleep. I’m not usually good at that.”

“Oh, do you want to talk about it now.”

“Would you like breakfast first?”

“No I’m fine.”

“Well I am starving and plus I make a mean pancake.”

“You’ve twisted my arm.” I smile.

“Stand exactly where you are.” His voice sounds serious. Standing still I look around the floor and the balcony doors just in case something is there I haven’t seen. 

“What is it Kieran, seriously if there is a spider tell me so I don’t freak out. Is it on me?”

“No, no spider but just turn slightly to the left.”

As I shuffle my feet to the left Kieran smiles broadly.

“What is it Kieran. This isn’t funny anymore.”

“Okay, okay, it’s the light. It hits my t-shirt on you in just the right place. You are like an angel standing there.”

I jump and land on him pretending to be cross, but he pins me down on the bed. My hands are held above my head while his body hovers above mine. I inhale him. His breath deepens and becomes shallow as he licks his lips locking his eyes onto mine. I hold still, waiting for him to move, silently begging for something but not sure what. My legs are trapped by his strong thighs and with just a thin piece of material between us; I can feel something hard pressing into my skin.

I wait.

Kiss me damn it.

With a sigh he lifts his body off mine, grabs the towel I used last night off the floor and wraps his lower half in it.

“I’ll be down stairs making breakfast. Come down when you’re ready.” He tells me as he leaves the room and me still lying on the bed, panting.

What just happened? I ask myself again while dressing in the clothes I wore yesterday. Quickly brushing my teeth I walk over to the double doors and open them up onto a balcony. A small steel table and a chair fit neatly on the outside area and I take a seat to look out to admire the view. The pool we were sitting near last night is at the left side of the garden. I can’t see how far the land goes but it’s beautifully maintained. The place is so peaceful, no cars or neighbours can be heard though I’m not surprised when he lives so far away from anyone and the main road. He really does like his peace and quiet.

The silence is broken with the sound of Kieran’s voice from below. The conversation only seems one way. Getting up from the chair I lean over the railing to see Kieran walking around the patio area with his phone against his ear.

“
No I haven’t had a chance to tell her yet.”
Pause
  “I know but I’m sure she will understand when I do.”
Pause
. “But you have to love me, you always have.”
Pause
. “Okay I’ll let you know as soon as I do. Miss you. Bye”

Slouching back down onto the chair the horrid memories come back from the text I read from Ryan’s phone and all I want to do is run. Run far away from everyone in my life until I can run no more. 

Walking into the kitchen, Kieran stands at the counter dishing out scrambled eggs. My stomach turns. Throwing back my head to allow my hair to cascade down my back I smile as I reach him.

“Glad you could join me. I thought you were coming straight after when I left.”

“I had a couple of things to do, woman stuff, you know.”

“Woman stuff hey, do you need anything for that?”

“Not that kind of woman stuff just needed a few minutes to dress.”

“Well I hope you like eggs. I made you scrambled eggs on wholegrain toast. Do you like?”

“Mmm looks delicious.”

“Good eat up before it gets cold though.”

Sitting on the high-back stool, I pull the smallest looking dish in front of me. Kieran hands me a fork and sits down opposite me.

“You seem very quiet, are you sure you are okay?”

“I’m good, hungry I guess.”

With the fork I start pushing the egg around the plate before stabbing it into a small piece of cooked egg. Sliding it off the prong with my teeth I chew it quickly before swallowing fast, not giving the egg a chance to hit my taste buds. Kieran puts his fork down on the side of his plate and watches me. I only manage another three more small mouthfuls before I give up and push the plate away.

“Thought you were hungry.”

“So did I.”

“Do you want me to cook you something else?”

“No Kieran eat yours so I can go back to my hotel room please.”

“You want to leave…now?” I can’t look at the stunned face or the disappointment Kieran is bound to be showing, instead I take the plate to the sink. Resting my hands on the smooth wooden surround, my shoulders lower as I speak to him with my back turned.

“I just want an easy life, no complications, no heartache, no tears unless they are for happy reasons. I need to protect myself Kieran. I can’t do this. These lies, this pretending, I’m through.”

“What are you afraid off Julia?” His words are soft but I know now anything he says will be far from the truth.

“I’m afraid of you, Kieran. I don’t know you and yet here I am in your home, standing in your kitchen and all the time you’re stringing me along.”

“What…what are you talking about?”

Turning I face him, I want him to see that I know the truth. That he has now been found out.

“You Kieran, I feel like I have been lied too since the day I arrived on this damn island. You have followed me all over like a stalker and fuck, look where I am. In your fucking lair. When did I become so weak that I managed to get trapped in your lies while I spilled out my heart to you last night?”

“Woah back up a bit there,” Kieran gets up from his stool and uses his hands in a gesture to calm down while all the time approaching me, “didn’t I say I would explain it all to you this morning. I have been more than honest with you.”

“Don’t come any closer,” I tell him, putting my own hands up to keep me out of his reach.

“This is ridiculous.”

“You think so do you? So how come I have just overheard you talking to someone on the phone?
Miss you! You have to love me! You always have!
Who was that, your mother?” I spit the words at him and can feel the heat travel up to my face this time in temper. In one swift move Kieran picks me up with my arms stuck down to my sides and carries me out to the pool. I kick my legs trying to get him to let me go but he holds fast.

“Put me down Kieran.” I manage to say through my teeth gritted down in annoyance.

“Oh you want to go down do you? I can do that.”

Stepping to the edge of the water Kieran throws me in. My arms and legs splash like mad trying to keep my body balanced in the water and not to go under, but I do. Slowly I drift under still wearing my yellow dress and with my hair floating out in waves and I realise how peaceful it is when I stop fighting. So I close my eyes and embrace the new freedom I begin to feel. Until my body is jolted out of the water away from my peaceful drifting and placed onto the cool tiles.

“Oh shit are you ok Julia? Julia talk to me.”

“I was fine until you pulled me out.” I splatter out to him.

“No, no don’t talk like that, I thought you could swim, I saw you swim.” Kieran towers over me, the pool water drips from the soaking wet white t-shirt similar to the one I wore to bed. His face is etched with concern as he scans me checking I am ok. “I can’t believe I did that to you but you are so frustrating.”

“I was very peaceful in there.”

“I don’t want to bring you pain, I don’t want to ever bring you tears but all I seem to be doing is just that.” Kieran sits back on his heels, threading his fingers through his hair and wringing out the droplets that have gathered. “Right, I am taking you in, getting you dry and then you have no choice in this, I am making you a normal cup of tea before we talk. Well I’ll talk. You’ll listen. When I have finished I will take you back to your hotel room. You can stay there and never hear from me again, or,” Kieran brushes my wet hair off the side of my face, “or you can pack your bag and come back here until you fly home.” He finishes, much more slowly.

Standing up before I can answer him, he scoops me up in his arms and carries me back into the house, and this time I don’t struggle. At the settee he lets my feet hit the floor allowing me to stand.

“Stay there. I am just getting a few things to dry you.”

Within minutes he returns with his white fluffy towels and a dressing gown to match. His own clothes have already been changed in what must have been lightning speed. Now sporting a pair of dark blue denim jeans, his black t-shirt that show his physique even more and he must have sprayed my favourite Kieran aroma before he ran back down the stairs.

“Okay, you really need to get out your wet dress. Here put this on.” Handing me the towel first, I dap down my hair to stop it from dripping too much before I start on my arms and legs.

“That is not going to help. I’ll hold the towel open and you can strip behind it and wrap yourself with it afterwards.” Kieran takes the towel from me and holds it out between his arms, turning his head slightly away from me at the same time. I keep a close eye on him so he doesn’t peek and unzip stepping into the towel as I step out of the dress. Kieran encloses his arms around me and in that instant it felt like a different world, one that didn’t need explaining.

“I’m going to make the tea while I leave you to dry, but first I need to hang out your dress. Do you want to sit outside or inside? It’s still shaded in the seating area.”

“Inside. I think.”

Kieran picks up my wet clothes of the floor and takes them outside before going to the kitchen. Once I hear him opening the cupboards, I guess to retrieve the mugs, I finish drying myself. With my back turned away from him, I put on the dressing gown he left for me. The softness is like a blanket wrapping around me and I warm instantly, not that I was cold but the comfort it gives makes me sink into the settee and rest here for the day.

Kieran brings in the two mugs in his hands with a plate balancing on top of one of them. Carefully putting them on the small coffee table, he removes the plate and places it in front of me. A selection of cheese, fruit and crackers are displayed in a fan. Taking the seat opposite me he sits at the edge and rests his elbows on his knees.

“You hardly had any breakfast so I thought you might like to pick on them instead.” He says pointing to the plate.

“It looks too good to eat Kieran, thank you.”

“I do try my best, even when others think I don’t.” Keeping his focus on his hands he reaches for his drink and takes a sip before replacing it on the table again.

“Ok I’ll start at the beginning and try not to skip. If I miss out anything you want to know please tell me.”

I stack a slice of the cheese onto a cracker and sit back holding my tea in my hands.

“Okay I’m ready.” I say eager to hear what excuses he has for his behaviour.

“Well you know I was on the same flight as you.”

I nod in response.

“I was just returning from being at home, I had to go back to sort some things out.” Kieran pauses for a second and rubs his palms on his knees.

“I don’t want to interrupt but why did you need to go home? I thought this was your home?” I cut in before he speaks again.

“It is. I mean it was my home that I lived in before I moved here. My parents’ home. My sister lives there now but I go back often. I received a call a couple of weeks ago to say my sister had been a little unwell, she wanted her big brother to visit and I was happy to oblige.” He smiles at the thought and it is endearing.

“Does she have a partner living with her?”

“No not Sinead. Oh she has had so-called men wanting to date her and maybe she has taken them up on their offer, but none that I would approve of. I had an extension built on the side of the house for our Aunt to live in and she stays with her. It has worked for over fifteen years now and they both seem very happy with the arrangement.”

I wanted to ask him where his parents are but thought best not when he continues.

“Sinead is sick. The doctors are monitoring her but I wanted to make sure she was getting the best treatment they can offer.”

“Ooh poor love, no wonder you needed to go and see her. Do they know what could be wrong?”

“She was born with Cystic Fibrosis, do you know what it is?”

“I do, my cousins husbands sister has it too. She’s only a teenager and had to do her Leaving Cert in the hospital. I’m sorry to hear your sister has it.”

“So you know how careful it is for her not to get an infection especially on her chest. Anyway, she had been doing well but had managed to pick up something that she found hard to shift. That’s why I was on the plane. I had been to visit her.” Taking another mouthful of his tea that must have cooled down by now, his hand looks a little shaky as he replaces the mug. I put the half eaten cracker back onto the plate and drink my own, hooking my feet up underneath me for comfort.

“And how is she now?” I ask concerned for her even though we hadn’t met.

“Much better after a stay in the hospital and lots of hugs from me.” His mouth smiles a little as he looks up towards me before back to his hands again. “I was already on the plane when you came staggering on held up by Sarah. I don’t know if it was because I saw the same pain in your face that I have seen often in my own but there was something about you I couldn’t shake off. With the four-hour flight I watched the back of your head for most of it. I knew that you were most probably sleeping but I still watched. When Sarah got up and went to the bathroom it was the first time I realised Abigail was with you too. But she wasn’t kind to you like Sarah was. I could see her push you over to the other side of the chair when you tried to rest your head on her shoulder. Through the gap between the seats her face took on one of disgust when she looked at you. Until Sarah returned and then she was all smiles and laughs again. Anyway by the time the flight landed I already detested her.”

“It was a long flight Kieran and I wasn’t being very helpful. I wouldn’t blame Abigail for being mad at me. I would be mad at me too if I was in her situation.”

“I don’t know Julia, this was different. Any time I’ve seen her with you after that she hasn’t exactly been welcoming.”

“Kieran, Abigail has had to deal with losing her partner in a business they both built up. Please don’t be angry with her.”

Resting his chin on his hands he looks directly at me. His eyes seem to want to tell me something that his mouth is not.

“Are you holding something back?” I have to ask.

“This might sound crazy to you.”

“I think right now nothing can be as crazy as me sitting here in your bathrobe.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Kieran rubs his face with his hands and then the back of his neck.

“I’ve seen her before.” The four little words tumble out of his mouth while he is still transfixed on me. I shiver and daren’t reach for the mug now in case my trembling hand gives my sinking feeling away. I try to think back on the holidays Sarah has told me that Abigail has had, but I don’t recall any that was here. Surely she would have mentioned it when we arrived or the places we have been but she hadn’t. Unless the memory for her was a horrid one and she didn’t want to be reminded.