Before You Leave: A Romance Novel (2 page)

Between the house and the airport, I don’t notice much. I sit in the back seat numb and faintly remember entering the car with Abigail at the helm. She spoke some words to Sarah after she put on my belt for me before joining Abigail in the front. I just lay my head on the window and let each bump from the road turn my stomach even more. Country roads are unforgiving if you have a queasy stomach.

The dry toast at the airport that Sarah makes me chew on absorbs some of the whiskey I drank earlier. Sarah hands me two tablets and without even asking, I swallow them. Gratefully, I zone out on the plane as we take off and fall asleep for the whole four hours. Sarah gently wakes me as the plane touches down on the tarmac and as we wait for the doors to open, I already want to stay on for the return flight. The sun is scorching through the small window as we are taxi to the arrivals bay. This is one cruel trick to play on someone. And right now I don’t class Sarah as my friend anymore.

I have been friends with Sarah since the day we nervously started primary school. Sarah with her blonde hair in pigtails and me with my cheeks sprinkled with freckles. We were inseparable from the moment Lee Walker tried to snatch my favourite doll and we chased him away. All of our moments from then were together and shared. When I told the Sarah that Ryan had asked me to marry him, she was going to be my maid of honour. And after the call came that hot September day, it was Sarah that carried me to bed each night after I had passed out on the floor in the bathroom, exhausted. It was only after Halloween that she needed to move out and start getting on with her own life but I had refused to be a part of real life, I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t bear to watch her relationship develop and move on with Justin, her partner. Though Sarah never stopped calling, I just stopped answering. Until today.

Sarah links her arms with mine and shimmies down the aisle to depart. Abigail brings her own bag and mine down from the overhead compartment behind us. Sarah, not giving a damn whose ankles she is hitting with hers, keeps my jellied legs moving at a steady pace. The stewardess at the door gives us a look of distaste as we leave. I’m sure she presumes that I have to be nearly dragged off the plane because I’m drunk and she’s half right. But Sarah knew it would be the only way that she could get me to sit still and not cause a fuss.
Waiting at the top of the stairs, Sarah steps back to allow Abigail to leave the plane to the annoyance of some passengers. The look she throws them sends a silent warning to keep their mouths shut. Abigail picks up both cases by the handle and starts the descent down.

Followed by my weak legs, holding on to the railing I try and steady myself, knowing I have no option but to keep going down. From behind I can hear Sarah’s light tone changing into one of annoyance.

“For feck’s sake, have some patience. She is nearly half way down. Will you just wait? No she is not drunk, you are though. I can smell it.  Hey hold on I’m next to go down, don’t barge past you arsehole.”

No holding on the hot metal railing is going to keep me from falling as my legs turn to jelly and give way. The sighs and gasps leaving the aircraft from the holidaymakers behind me echo in my ear as I close my eyes tight and wait for thump as I fall. I pass out before the impact happens.

The cool air blowing on me from the air-conditioned lounge is welcoming. My head still fuzzy from my fall, gently I am seated and handed a bottle of water, ice cold to the touch. I try to bring everything back into view and work out my surroundings but the ringing in my ears is still there. Leaning forward onto my legs I lower my head to help bring the flow of blood back round my body. Something I used to do when I was a child when the heat affected me back then. Holding the water bottle on my forehead, I start to cool.

“Sorry, it’s not an unopened one and I’ve been drinking out of it, but it might help.” A deep voice states beside me.

Feeling a little out of sorts sitting this close to a stranger, I gingerly look sideward away from him and start to right myself. Unscrewing the cap, I wipe the top of the bottle and gulp back the icy cold water desperately needing it to quench my overpowering thirst. The liquid slides down the back of my throat and is so welcome that I emptying the bottle before I remove it from my lips.

“Wow you’re thirsty, it must have been the sun that made you dizzy. Luckily I spotted the signs. I had to push past some mad woman on the stairs stopping anyone from departing to get to you.”

“I think you might find that was me.” Sarah’s voice bellows from close by. “What do you think you’re playing at, pushing through me and kidnapping my friend here? She doesn’t need you to rescue her. She has us.”

Sarah comes into my view with her hands on her hips with Abigail trailing behind her, both looking hot and flustered in, I presume, their run to get here.

“I thought I was helping?” The man confesses to Sarah next to me, not backing down from her. “The quicker your friend was out of the sun the better, don’t you think? At least until she has had a decent meal.”

Sarah stands with her mouth opened. Not being able to throw any of her smart comments back to counteract his remark. “Well at least she is looking better; the colour has started to reach back to her cheeks. I guess I’d better make my move now you ladies are here.” I can feel him fidgeting in his seat eager to leave.

“Yes you had.” Abigail pipes up, defending Sarah and throwing me a distained look.

Out of politeness, I hold my hand out to shake his across my chest even though I don’t feel ready to look at him. My father taught me something years ago, and that is that manners cost nothing. As he wraps his hand I can feel him trying to get me to face him but I just can’t, it just doesn’t feel right. My mouth all of a sudden is like it has been glued together and the words I want to say are stuck behind my lips, swishing around inside, until they are spoken for me.

“Shaking hands is her way of saying thank you, she is a little old school about that kind of thing.” Sarah intercepts, “Come on Julia, let’s get you out of here and in to a taxi.” 

I attempt to slide my hand out of his as I stand. The unknown man slightly squeezes my hand, nothing strong but just enough for the faint ghost touch to remain with me for a few moments.

“Here take this,” he says in a soft tone, as he stands close beside me, I keep my eyes focused on the floor so not to see empathy on his face. Watching his long thick fingers take out a card from his brown worn leather wallet I notice he is tanned already. As he hands it over to me, Sarah intervenes and takes it from him before I get a chance to receive it. “If you are stuck on this island or lost, just call. I know this place pretty well.” He explains to Sarah as she takes my arm to steer me away from his presence.

“Thank you, but I think we have it pretty much covered, we’re quite capable women, you know.” She scorns him.

“I don’t doubt that for a second.” He replies while she shoves the card into her handbag and then takes the handle of her case with her free hand. “Now, are you ready ladies to start this holiday properly?”

“About time!” Abigail chips in. I don’t say anything and although I’m feeling light headed, I take my suitcase from her before I the overwhelming urge to turn towards the man who caught me from falling to say thank you again, properly, but as I do he’s already walking away towards the exit and all I see are his blue jeaned legs leaving quickly. The three of us walk close together and I lean on Sarah for support as we head the same way out of the arrivals building. I know the next few days’ will hard; I very much doubt that they will allow me to stay in bed for hours on my own like I am used too. The thought of being stuck here is starting to become my worst reality as the tablets and alcohol are leaving my system. I know they mean well but good god, I feel like I have been kidnapped. My plans for the future were to stay exactly how I was. Cooped up in our apartment with the smells and my memories of Ryan.

It only takes a mere fifteen minutes in the air-conditioned taxi to reach the white washed small apartment complex we’re staying in. Sarah sat throughout the journey on one side of me keeping her arm linked with mine. I kept my eyes firmly shut throughout the ride and I could hear my breathing so clearly over their chatter. I let my mind wonder to what it would have been like if Ryan was with me, if he would be sitting on the back seat or would he have taken the front next to the driver, like he normally did. Would we be excited to see what this place has to offer?

If I breathe really deeply I can just smell his aftershave from the memory I hold so close still lingering from the pillow this morning. I don’t ever want to let him fade. I hear about some people who say that even picturing a loved one is hard after a few years, I can’t let that happen. I want to him to live with me through my life. If we had gone on our honeymoon would it have been here I wonder. I can still hear him telling me he had it all sorted and no sexy dancing I did in front of him was going to make him tell me where we were booked. A complete surprise he said until we fell about on the bed laughing. I knew all his tickle spots, but he still wouldn’t tell me. The suitcase, now in the boot of the taxi, was the one he packed for me and had hidden out of my sight.

Even after his funeral his family didn’t tell me where he had booked and I never asked. I don’t know who cancelled it or the wedding. I was too busy dying inside to care. The packed suitcase stayed in the back of the cupboard where he left it, until today.

Sarah pays the taxi driver as I reluctantly slide out of the seat. Taking my own case I follow behind trailing my suitcase at a much slower pace and wheel it towards the double half glass doors at the entrance of the complex. My legs are weighed down with worry. I can only guess why Sarah wanted to bring me here and if I had known this morning where I would be standing right now, I would never have answered the phone or the door. I would have left Sarah banging her fist, causing a scene while I drowned out her cries hidden underneath the duvet.

Abigail retrieves a set of keys from a security box; I think I heard them talk about the code being sent during our brief ride here while my thoughts were elsewhere. It only takes two wrong keys to find the right one from the bunch and Abigail opens the entrance door onto a wide-open space hidden from the outside view.

I use my hand to shield my eyes from the bright sun that is shining on us. Is this what Ryan saw in his last moments? Blurred, outlined silhouettes moving against the sun. Did he shield his eyes too, to try and adjust his view before that horrid moment?

“Julia, here put these on.” Sarah presses a pair of sunglasses into my hand and snaps my thoughts back to where I am.

“Thanks Sarah.” I mumble as I cover my eyes with them. They must be one of her good pairs as the filter is perfect and the day looks darker. I make a mental note to ask where she got them from so I can buy a pair to use at home. Glasses that I can stay in the dark behind all year round. Perfect for my mother to stop seeing how sad my eyes are and perfect to cry behind.

“Come on girls, our holiday in paradise has officially begun! Last one by the pool has to buy the first round of drinks.” Sarah cries out as she drags her case behind her and runs past the pool and towards the patio doors of the apartment block.

Abigail follows, laughing as her case wobbles on one of the tiles as she tries to keep up with Sarah.

I stay put.

Julia,
I tell myself
, please just make do for the next few days. You have no choice but to stay. Sarah is your best friend that you love with all your heart. She only is trying to make you smile, not to forget. For her just live while you are here. Even if all I do is stay in the pool or sun lounger, you can cover yourself with a big hat to block out the sun. You. Can. Do. This.

Dragging the case behind me, I slowly follow the route the girls both took. Three doors down from the pool, there is a sliding door open and a fit of laughter coming from within. Without even entering, I know this is our place. Although I haven’t heard anyone this happy for a long while, I would recognise Sarah’s giggles anywhere.

As I enter, the cool breeze from the ceiling fan hits me first and then the silence.

Both of them wait until I enter before Sarah slides the door close behind me.

“Right,” she says while looking at Abigail, “we have rules.”

“Excuse me.” Not sure if she is actually talking to me or not, “rules about what?”

I take the nearest seat underneath the cooling fan. Feeling a whooshing of bile swimming around my stomach yet again.

“Rules for you Julia, and before you try and walk out we just want you to know these few days are because I love you and we care.”

Sarah kneels down beside me and reaches for my hand. Her glasses still perched on the top of my nose.

Her tone changes into one of a caring and sympathetic bystander. One that I’ve heard many times in the first few months by any person that happened to cross my path. The same tone that now is replaced with annoyance for not getting on with my life.

My boss was very clever at using the sympathy voice until I announced that I couldn’t face working there anymore. It all just got too much.

“Julia, just for the next few days, we want you to be the Julia I remember, the one Abigail has gotten to know. The one who loved the sun and life? Do you remember her? All of the holidays we went on together, you and me. Can you do that?”

Sarah looks back at Abigail, who has already started to make her way towards us. I know they mean well, I really do but to forget Ryan for a few days is near impossible.