Adultery (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (3 page)

Scripture also tells us through John that the snare of adultery is not from God when he said,
“For everything in the world — the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life — comes not from the father but from the world”
(1 John 2:16).

“I will be careful to lead a blameless life ... I will not look with approval on anything that is vile.” (Psalm 101:2–3)

Once again ominous words surround the actions of King David. For a brief period he thinks all the problems are solved. Uriah is dead, and Bathsheba is David’s—she becomes his wife and bears him a son.
“But the thing David had done displeased the L
ORD
”
(2 Samuel 11:27).

• Adulterers
  are smooth talkers.
  

  “ ... correction and instruction are the way to life, keeping you from your neighbor’s wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman”
  (Proverbs 6:23–24).
  

• Adulterers
  play with fire and get burned.
  

  “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?”
  (Proverbs 6:27).
  

• Adulterers
  will be punished.
  

  “So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished”
  (Proverbs 6:29).
  

• Adulterers
  lack judgment.
  

  “A man who commits adultery has no sense ...”
  (Proverbs 6:32).
  

• Adulterers
  destroy themselves.
  

  “ ... whoever does so destroys himself”
  (Proverbs 6:32).
  

• Adulterers
  will be disgraced.
  

  “Blows and disgrace are his lot ...”
  (Proverbs 6:33).
  

• Adulterers
  will experience never-ending shame.
  

  “ ... and his shame will never be wiped away”
  (Proverbs 6:33).
  

• Adulterers
  evoke anger and jealousy in their spouses.
  

  “For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury ... ”
  (Proverbs 6:34).
  

• Adulterers
  often become the object of revenge.
  

  “ ... and he [the husband] will show no mercy when he takes revenge”
  (Proverbs 6:34).
  

For those victimized by adultery, turn to God, seek His guidance, and find hope through a deepened understanding that forgiveness heals wounded hearts and God can restore joy and contentment to your life.

Let this verse be the prayer of your heart:

“Heal me, L
ORD
, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” (Jeremiah 17:14)

David, the adulterer, is asked the question directly,
“Why did you despise the word of the L
ORD
by doing what is evil in his eyes?”
(2 Samuel 12:9).

This piercing inquiry is intended to stir the spirit of a man operating in the fullness of the flesh. Not only are David’s actions characterized as evil, his disobedience displays disdain for the commandments of Scripture. David is silent as God, through the prophet Nathan, lists reason after reason why there is simply no excuse for his infidelity.

“I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more.” (2 Samuel 12:7–8)

When confronted by God, David is no doubt filled with self-disdain for his sinful downfall.

Scripture doesn’t reveal why King David didn’t go to war with his army, as was custom, or why he paced the rooftop of his palace that restless evening. But his actions hint that his flesh may have been inflamed because his spiritual fire was waning. In all likelihood, if David had been conversing with God on that rooftop—immersed in praising and petitioning his Lord—he would not have been deceived and ensnared by adultery.

But on that fateful night, perhaps David believed an adulterous encounter would meet his needs rather than relying on intimate fellowship with God. And now, with Nathan’s finger pointing squarely at him, David realizes just how deceived he has been. He experiences firsthand a sobering truth in Scripture:

“ ... you may be sure that your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23)

Adultery is so deceptive because it ...

• Distorts
  objectivity
  
• Gives
  an illusion of being loved
  
• Feels
  good physically
  
• Numbs
  emotional pain
  
• Makes
  both parties feel wanted
  
• Gives
  a false sense of significance
  
• Gives
  a false feeling of connecting
  
• Provides
  a temporary sense of security
  
• Diverts
  attention away from family problems
  

Adultery deceptively promises happiness but leads to bondage. Only truth is liberating.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

Q
UESTION: “Is it wrong to try to find out whether or not my spouse is being unfaithful? If it’s not wrong, what is the best way to do so?”

A
NSWER:
It’s not wrong to search out and confirm the truth. Truth sets us free to make wise choices regarding the future. When a question of fidelity arises ...

• The first approach is to confront your marriage partner with specific concerns.
  
• Afterward, if you are still unsettled in your spirit, pray about approaches that others have used successfully.
  
• Some have spoken with a close friend, a coworker, or a discerning family member of the spouse, specifically asking if they are aware of any romantic involvement outside the marriage.
  
• Still others hire a private investigator.
  

Before you do anything, pray for God to reveal the truth to you and ask Him to lead you down the path of His choosing.

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’” (Isaiah 30:21)

Every step David takes toward Bathsheba is a step away from God. By being drawn into adultery, David learns a bitter lesson about meeting his legitimate needs
illegitimately
.

Those few encounters of forbidden passion result in far-reaching consequences, and ultimately David has no control over what happens to his newborn son. Most likely, pregnancy wasn’t on David’s mind during his throes of passion, nor was the possibility of the death of their firstborn child on his seventh day of life. In truth, God considers David’s infidelity an affront against Him personally. He said ...

“ ... you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.” (2 Samuel 12:10)

When asked “Why were you drawn into adultery?” the response is almost always among these answers:

• “
  I focused
  on what I thought would meet my needs.”
  
• “
  I blamed
  my marriage partner for my problems.”
  
• “
  I rationalized
  : God understands my situation.”
  
• “
  I failed
  to look at the lifelong consequences.”
  
• “
  I assumed
  my mate would never change.”
  
• “
  I believed
  it would make me happy.”
  
• “
  I opened
  the door of compromise.”
  
• “
  I thought
  I wouldn’t be caught.”
  
• “
  I hardened
  my heart.”
  
• “
  I was lured
  by lust.”
  

The Bible refers to those whose boundaries have been blurred by unrestrained sensuality:

“Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.” (Ephesians 4:19)

Q
UESTION: “I’ve been pulled back into an affair with a woman I once dated. We were both promiscuous then, but I hate the deception now. Why would this woman from my past devalue my marriage now?”

A
NSWER:
Be aware of your wording. The “blame game” is powerfully effective in shifting blame to someone else. In truth, you know right from wrong. The bigger question is:

• Why would you walk into a lion’s cage with a warning sign that says, “Beware, man-eating lion!”?
  
• You walked back into the relationship, totally ignoring the knowledge you possess and are now being eaten up by your lust.
  

You are the one who devalued your marriage by choosing to ignore the warning sign, and now you are being mauled! Get out immediately, slam the door, and don’t look back. Look at this powerful warning:

“Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coy glances seduce you. For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, but sleeping with another man’s wife will cost you your life.” (Proverbs 6:25–26 NLT)

The removal of blessing and the judgment of God are two compellingly powerful reasons to stop committing adultery.

In addition to the death of his newborn son, David’s very own household later experiences rape, violence, and murder as a result of his sins. Even one of his sons will seek to dethrone him.

In the end, David’s adulterous actions were tied to the Lord’s costly consequences.

“You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. ... Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house. ... ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel’”
(2 Samuel 12: 9–12).

No one wants to experience painful repercussions from God. Therefore, anyone who is being unfaithful needs to admit these realities:

• “My Bible forbids it.”
  
• “My mate is wounded.”
  
• “My peace is forfeited.”
  
• “My health is jeopardized.”
  
• “My future will not be blessed.”
  
• “My morality is compromised.”
  
• “My children lose their hero.”
  
• “My conscience is scarred.”
  
• “My integrity is destroyed.”
  
• “My God condemns it.”
  

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” (Proverbs 11:3)

Q
UESTION: “I caught my husband cheating on me. He often treated me disrespectfully before we were married. Why would he do this to me?”

A
NSWER:
Realize that a disrespectful date will be a disrespectful mate. It is as though you saw a warning sign reading, “Quicksand,” yet you kept walking straight ahead and now you are shocked that you are sinking. So what do you do now? Rather than asking why he is disrespectful toward you, ask yourself why you tolerated any disrespect from him in the first place.

• Rather than being shocked at your husband’s behavior, consider why you were attracted to and then married someone who treated you disrespectfully.
  
• Rather than trying to understand the motivation behind his actions, seek to understand the motivation behind your own actions.
  
• Rather than trying to change him, change yourself.
  

Remember, if you want to be respected, don’t tolerate being disrespected. And regardless of the reason for his decision to cheat, you have a decision to make regarding his choice. If you want him to respect you, then you need to decide to respect yourself enough to set firm boundaries on what you will not tolerate. Then get an accountability partner who will help you maintain those boundaries.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)

David’s restlessness should have led him before the throne of God rather than into the bed of another man’s wife. The peace he lacked and the joy he sought would have been given to him by the Lord, but David chose a counterfeit path—a path that promised pleasure but in the end produced pain.

David should have recalled the words he himself wrote when he lived dependently on the Lord.

“The L
ORD
is my shepherd; I shall not want.” (Psalm 23:1 NKJV)

In reality, we have all been created with three God-given inner needs: the needs for love, significance, and security.
5

• Love
  —to know that someone is unconditionally committed to our best interest
  

  “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you”
  (John 15:12).
  

• Significance
  —to know that our lives have meaning and purpose
  

  “I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me”
  (Psalm 57:2 ESV).
  

• Security
  —to feel accepted and a sense of belonging
  

  “Whoever fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge”
  (Proverbs 14:26).