Adultery (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (2 page)

“ ... by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the L
ORD
.” (2 Samuel 12:14)

• To adulterate
  is to corrupt or debase.
  
• To adulterate
  is to make impure or inferior by adding something improper.
  
• To adulterate
  sexually means to be involved in any sexually impure activity.
  

“Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity.” (Ephesians 5:3)

Q
UESTION: “How should I pray for my husband, who has left me and is involved in an adulterous relationship?”

A
NSWER:
Your husband needs to feel heavy conviction so that he will want to turn from his unfaithful lifestyle. Rather than praying for God to bless him, pray for him to become a faithful husband, a man of integrity who has God’s favor.

Pray ...

• That your husband can’t help but be miserable because of his betrayal
  
• That he would have a heaviness of heart and piercing guilt
  
• That he would be driven out of the arms of this other woman and into the arms of God
  
• That God will use whatever sorrow is necessary to bring him back to his senses
  
• That God will withhold blessings from him until he repents
  

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” (Acts 3:19)

David’s adultery will snowball into a host of other sins, all designed to cover up what is due to come in nine months—
a baby.
Bathsheba returns home following their one-night tryst, and David may have thought he’d “gotten away with it.” But a short message—just three words long—forever changes his life:
“I am pregnant”
(2 Samuel 11:5). Now with an illegitimate child surely on the way, David’s thoughts turn to one vital person—
the husband of Bathsheba
.

His mind spins; somehow he must bring Uriah home from battle to sleep with her so that the baby will appear to be his. After David sends word to his commander to send Uriah home, David plans to give him perfect marching orders, but the honorable Uriah will not march to David’s drum.

Indeed that one night of fornication will result in fearful guilt. One day David will say ...

“My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.” (Psalm 38:4)

• “Fornication” is generally an umbrella word for any sexual immorality, including adultery and pornographic acts. The Greek word
  porneia
  , from which we get the English word
  pornography
  , is often translated “fornication.”
  3
  
• Fornication sometimes refers to sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons.
  
• Fornication is used as a spiritual metaphor when referring to mixing worldliness and godliness.
  

“Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” (1 Corinthians 6:13 KJV)

Q
UESTION: “My husband had numerous affairs and now wants to reconcile. Should we get back together?”

A
NSWER:
Ask yourself this question: What would make me think I can trust him now when I couldn’t trust him in the past? The past is the best predictor of the future unless some kind of intervention occurs. Negative patterns rarely change, although the Lord can certainly change anyone who is willing to give Him total control. God is a God of reconciliation, but reconciliation takes two people, not just one.

Until you are thoroughly convinced by both his attitudes and actions that he has indeed changed, do not give open access to your home, your children, your heart, or your bed. You need substantial reasons to think he is now trustworthy and ready to commit to the marriage.

Ask these key questions to help determine whether or not your husband has indeed changed:

• Is he genuinely repentant?
  
• Is he taking personal responsibility for his immoral behavior?
  
• Has he stopped blaming you?
  
• Has he sought counsel to understand his wayward behavior?
  
• Is he willing to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases and disclose the results to you?
  
• Does he have
  sacrificial
  love for you, not just physical or emotional love?
  
• Is he unquestionably committed to keeping the marriage covenant?
  
• Is he demonstrating respect for you even when you don’t agree?
  

“Husbands ... be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life.” (1 Peter 3:7)

The seriousness of adultery is seen through God’s prohibition in the Ten Commandments, as well as in Jesus’ warning,
“ ... anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”
(Matthew 5:28).

God designed sexuality to be practiced and enjoyed within the context of marriage—a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman as the embodiment of purity and loyalty.

David hardly seems like the same man that the prophet Samuel anointed with oil and designated as Israel’s next king. Years before, the sons of Jesse were paraded before Samuel. Although he was most impressed with the kingly appearance of the eldest son, God’s assessment was altogether different. One by one God rejected all seven brothers, prompting Samuel to inquire of the father:
“Are these all the sons you have?” “‘There is still the youngest,’Jesse answered. ‘He is tending the sheep’”
(1 Samuel 16:11).

Indeed it was the shepherd boy that God chose to sit on the throne of Israel, and He explained to Samuel why:
“The L
ORD
does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the L
ORD
looks at the heart”
(1 Samuel 16:7).

But the heart once humble before God is now hardened by his own infidelity. Scripture warns about the dangers of a hardened heart:

“Blessed is the one who always trembles before God, but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble.” (Proverbs 28:14)

The outer signs of David’s adultery are encapsulated in one word—
cover-up
.

Uriah and David meet, and the king puts his plan into motion with polite conversation. After they chitchat about the challenges of war, David issues a casual directive:
“Go down to your house and wash your feet”
(2 Samuel 11:8).

The king isn’t telling Uriah to bathe—he’s encouraging him, according to an idiom of the day, to have sex with his wife. David may breathe a sigh of relief as he watches Uriah leave his presence, but the noble warrior never leaves the palace premises. He chooses instead to sleep alongside the king’s servants at the entrance to the palace guarding the king,
honoring David
.

The next day David asks Uriah why he didn’t go home. Uriah respectfully responds,
“my commander Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”
(2 Samuel 11:11).

But David, slipping deeper into desperation, will do all he can to make sure Uriah certainly does
“such a thing”
! He gets Uriah drunk, thinking dulled senses will diminish his sense of duty. But the following night, Uriah is found once again sleeping among the king’s servants.

And so David spirals even deeper into the depths of sin, making this confession.

“Troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me.” (Psalm 40:12)

• Change in behavior
  
• Change in mood
  
• Change in spending patterns
  
• Change in schedule
  
• Changes in physical appearance (clothing, jewelry, fragrances)
  
• Less personal conversation
  
• Less vulnerability in sharing
  
• Less discussion of future plans
  
• Less spontaneity
  
• Less sexual intimacy
  
• More out-of-town “business” trips
  
• More unaccounted time away from home
  
• More fault-finding
  
• More emotional distance
  
• More unexpected gifts (“guilt gifts”)
  
• More anger at being questioned
  

Justification. Excuses. Rationalization. Those who have illicit affairs are quick to “spin the truth” in order to cover their tracks, yet this biblical proverb presents an eye-opening perspective.

“Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.” (Proverbs 10:9)

Q
UESTION: “What can I do about my husband’s spending a great deal of money on a girlfriend whom he is living with and incurring large amounts of debt?”

A
NSWER:
Consult an attorney who specializes in family or consumer law to learn about your legal options within the area where you reside. The laws vary from state-to-state or country-to-country regarding how a spouse can protect financial interests when the other spouse is incurring debts on joint credit cards. In a “common law” state, you may be able to protect yourself from a spouse’s debt, but in a “community property” state your assets and debt are normally united.
4

“Plans are established by seeking advice ... obtain guidance.” (Proverbs 20:18)

The forbidden fruit—the temptation to taste. Oh, but it’s acting on the temptation that sours the sweet fellowship David once had with his Lord.

What has become of the man once after God’s own heart, the man who now refuses to heed the dictates of Scripture, who now chooses to pursue temporal pleasures over eternal treasures?

Scripture warns ...

“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:12–13)

David is now “swallowed up” by sin, consumed not with the things of God but with the mechanics of manipulation—how to “solve” his problem once and for all. And so, in coldhearted calculation, David sends Uriah back to the battlefield with note in hand directing Joab to ensure his demise.
“Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die”
(2 Samuel 11:15). The words penned by the hand of David are inconceivably cruel.

Adultery, deception, manipulation, and now
murder
are among King David’s sins, for Uriah does indeed die on the battlefield. But what David has ignored or foolishly forgotten is that ...

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13)

The following is an acrostic using the word
TEMPTATION
.

    
T
ASTING
the forbidden
LURED
by the eyes

    
E
MOTIONAL
enticements
FOCUSING
on lustful feelings

    
M
INIMIZES
the marriage
DEVALUING
the marriage commitment

    
P
HYSICAL
absence
AVOIDING
home and family

    
T
RADING
priorities
CHOOSING
pleasure over principle

    
A
NGER
over accountability
REFUSING
to discuss marriage problems

    
T
WISTING
the truth
LYING
about the affair

    
I
MAGINING
the impure
FIXATED
on fantasy thinking

    
O
BSESSED
devotion
DEFENDING
and justifying the “third party”

    
N
EGLECTING
righteous ways
HARDENING
the heart toward God

“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.” (James 1:13)

Q
UESTION: “Why does anyone get involved in adultery?”

A
NSWER:
While there may be a variety of reasons why a person would get involved in adultery, we must acknowledge that the root of the problem begins when the marriage covenant is not honored. When boundaries begin to waver and when compromises are made, anyone can become ensnared by adultery. In Matthew 5:27–28, Jesus Himself makes it clear that adultery begins with the eyes when He says,
“You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”