A Life Plan Without You. (53 page)

He told her to do things like you do, act like you and dress
like you. She may have been on the end of one of his drunken
ramblings and took it too heart, and well you got the sharp end of
her drunken tongue. I didn’t follow you not straight away I was
shocked you thought I wanted her and not you, I was gobsmacked at
your belief after all we have said and done, you doubt I love you,
I want you to marry me I want to be with you and only you what more
can I do?

As to the
message, when since we went in that toilet have I not been with you
at night, apart from the drunken girl night and I was back in the
house at bloody ten o’clock with a pissed Andy? Yes my nick-name is
that and it’s not one I’m particularly proud of Michelle Welles! I
cleaned the shit off and I’m sorry baby really sorry, but I can’t
help my past, not now. I hate what I did you know that, and
according to the landlady it wasn’t there at teatime. Andy is
checking Zoë’s bag now, she said she saw it, and sort of said she
hadn’t done it!

So, when I realised I could lose you I went to tell them to do
their own thing, thanked Zoë for being a drunken bitch and taking
Andy’s failings out on you. He was told to quit it too and sort his
girlfriend out and leave mine alone I love you and you are marrying
me, and erm sorry but the whole pub may have heard all that too
sorry, but the bitches in there need to know not to write crap
again! I told Zoë I loved you and not her and I never would love
her. Andy may be licking his wounds as we speak? I left to find you
being lusted over by Adam. You can run in them heels. Can I sit or
do you still want me to leave?” I cried again.

“Adam wasn’t lusting after me, he was being a friend. Why does
Andy want Zoë to change? It’s him who needs to change, she needs to
stop drinking and leave him if she’s so unhappy. Sam, I love you so
much, I can’t believe you want to be with me angel, I feel
threatened by the amount of great looking girls who want you and
yet your with me, and I don’t know why? I’m sorry today has been an
epic fail, the making ups kind of good, but I hate us falling out,
I’m insecure about the sex thing and well it’s getting in the way.
I love your Mum, and I am scared for her, I’d hate anything to
happen to her, because it would upset you too much. I do know we
are meant to be celebrating and all we’re doing is fighting, Sam.”
He pulled me onto his lap.

“I’m sorry, again so sorry. It’s just I know your right, Andy
and I will talk to Mum on Monday. I love you without having had sex
with you, I know it’s hard for you to understand, but I do want to,
like you wouldn’t believe, and when we do it will make us stronger
I know it will, but hell baby please wait, just a little longer?
I’m not going anywhere not without you, you are my everything,
please Michelle, just a short while longer, I promise it will be
worth the wait. As to the makeup you don’t need it, Adam is right
your nice enough without it, but your fat lip needs covering.” He
lent in and kissed me. “Can we go out and have something to eat and
talk please? I can’t tell you I love you more than I do, this being
a boyfriends all new for me too, seeing as you’re the only proper
girlfriend I have ever had? I wish you’d agree to marry me, you are
all I need all I will ever need.”

He helped me up and kissed me again this relationship thing is
hard. I was screwing up everything and all because of my bloody bad
temper and years of people telling me I wasn’t good enough, I
believed I wasn’t good enough for him, I had years of
self-loathing, those wouldn’t just disappear in such a short time,
but I am finally believing he does love me, because Sam has said he
loved me so many times, and I know he means it. The voice in my
head says who’s the one in the photo, it’s not you is it Michelle,
and damn the doubts are there again, thanks to the graffiti. If he
did only love me, who was that girl, whose picture he still held on
to?

“Gimmy time Sam, I haven’t said no, we have things to talk
about, the practical stuff, and what do you want me to do as Mrs
Todd? How will we manage, we have had a shit day and then you slip
marriage into the conversation, like it will cure all your worries,
having a wife will add to your worries, give me time Sam, that’s
all I’m asking for just a little more time.”

“Alright, we will go away for the weekend after your dance
class next week and spend the weekend together, discuss everything,
including finances and what I expect from you, really though I
don’t expect anything from you, apart from what you give me now,
happiness and understanding, you give or are giving me a new
outlook on life, and I’m happy baby, really happy for the first
time in years.”

“Oh, so I get everything next weekend do I?” He
laughed.

“Umm,
everything explanations and my body, will that suit madam or do you
want more?”

“No, that’s enough to be thinking about. Then you may get the
answers to your question too.” He held me tightly, laughing as my
hand gripped his cute backside.

We headed back to The Frog, where he waited for me outside the
toilet door I re-did the lips, touching up on the makeup, but not
as much on as before. He held me tightly, as I swept through the
door into his arms, kissing me, we return to the table and he looks
worried, I think he thinks I’m going to kick off with Zoë but she’s
just not worth it. I sat down and Sam bought me a drink, I couldn’t
help note he was sitting really close. Tonight had been ruined he
stroked my thigh as I drank the drink in one. Being drunk worked
for her, maybe I would get drunk and have sex? Sam won’t allow
that, on either option damn it.

“Sam, can I have another please? He got me one I didn’t like
vodka and coke, but it sure as hell made things seem better. Zoë
was on her way over, for round two.

“I’m sorry Michelle, I was angry and I shouldn’t have taken it
out on you. I just have some issues with the perfect Michelle, I
swear I did not write that crap, its mainly true but I didn’t write
it!” I smiled she really was apologising, but still getting a dig
in smart little drunken Zoë, just not as smart as me. She thinks I
was and am perfect, I bloody wish, I’m just not as fucked up as
her.

“I’m far from perfect Zoë I have a heck of load of faults that
no one picks up on. Yes, I’m good a cooking, yes I’m good at
dancing, I have a killer collection of dresses, some from Sam yes,
but even more from my Gramps, the others I bought myself. I have
very overindulgent relatives who are and were fed up of me in boy
clothes. Just a few weeks ago, I was in sweats and tee-shirts, and
dressed up for me was a clean tracksuit. So this dress larks all
exciting and new for me, I like wearing pretty things but
unfortunately for me, Sam likes buying me stuff. Hopefully that’s
ended now after he got shouted at the last time, when he bought me
this dress. I pay my own way Zoë, I know you think I don’t but I
do. I always have and always will.” She sat and Andy brought over
drinks.

“Is it safe to come over now?” I shot him a look.

“Fine, I’ve had a shit couple of days with being ill, the
fighting, and the bust lip see I do have bad days. It has to be
said the fighting wasn’t my fault either. That’s the last time he
goes out with you on his own.” Andy looked at my lip.

“What’s the other girl look like?” I laughed.

“She’s over there, an old friend of yours apparently who
seemed to think Sam was taking her to London and was asking for her
hand in marriage deluded cow. Hitting me in the lip, when I wasn’t
looking, she was mad at me for trying to steal him away from her.”
She looked at me turned and walked out of the pub, so they didn’t
keep her in?

“Thanks for the drink.” Sam had hold of my knee he had been
really quiet I think he thought, if he said something, I’d be off,
I sipped the drink and decided to stick to coke, Sam didn’t have as
tight a grip on my leg as he did before.

“She wasn’t ever the full shilling I did warn Sam she was a
nutter, but he didn’t do anything but talk about you all night. My
brother the soppy little idiot, and no I never slept with her ever,
she erm does drugs and isn’t clean, sad but true. She liked me and
came on to me, before I met Zoë, but her health check didn’t come
back clean, she has mental health issues and likes the white
powder.”

“Isn’t he just, and he’s my soppy idiot, not hers or anyone
else’s. She was taken to the hospital in an ambulance and still
they let her out. I swear the next woman, girl, or freak who cause
shit for Sam and me will bloody know about it I have had enough,
he’s changed and if people believe he hasn’t tough, they barking up
the bloody tree.” Including your Zoë… He smiled and rubbed my thigh
higher. Leant in for a kiss and murmured that he would always be
mine.

CHAPTER
9

“Are we eating then, baby, and where do you want to eat?” I
nodded and agreed the other two could come. We went to the little
Italian place around the corner I went to the loo my head ached. I
sat on the toilet humming a song. I didn’t want to hear any more
talks about my fella tonight. I wasn’t in the mood to play nice if
I did. I sat back at the table the waiter asked about drinks. Zoe
made a dash to the toilet, I’m thinking she’s about to hurl? I
ordered without thinking, and Sam smiled as I did.

“Acqua frizzante prego, con ghiaccio e limone, grazie signore?
Oh sorry I’m having fizzy water, Sam.” Zoë returned to the table.
His hand was on my knee. I put my hand over it and it wasn’t Sam’s
hand. I pinched it so hard Andy had tears in his eyes and pulled it
away, I drank my water and poured another, I was never drinking
again Andy had just made a pass at me, or was I wrong? ‘Don’t be on
your own with him.’ That was what Sam meant he didn’t trust his
brother with me?

“What did you order angel?” He smiled as I ran my fingers
through his hair and kissed him.

“I’ve ordered us a pizza to share if that’s all right?” I
smiled I loved the way he’s smiled at me. Did I really think we
were over because of the drunken lush in front of me and lipstick
wants on a loo door? I need to calm down though and quickly, before
he does leave me because of my childish rants.

“Bueno, Sam.” His hand was on my knee, quick check Andy’s are
on the table. I put my hand on his thigh and stroke his leg. She’s
in a bloody tizzy.

“I speak Italian, should I speak in French, Spanish, or
Russian just to really piss you off Zoë, get over it!” She
scowled

“You speak foreign languages too?” Zoë moaned
again.

“Yes, we had Italian neighbour’s for years, Aunty Liz bought
their house when they divorced, after her Dad had one too many
affairs. Living next to them, I picked it up playing with my
friend, Gina their daughter. Her Mum and Dad argued a lot, so she
and I spent a lot of time with in my garage listening to music,
with my fluffy friends. She was a fantastic teacher, they would
argue and she would translate, and I picked it up quickly. They
argued a lot and swore a lot, I have a few choice swear words I
picked up, and I like to use them as insults too and do a lot,
chances are if I’m in a bad mood there’s an Italian swear word in
there somewhere.

Her Dad was a bit of a gigolo, he had mistresses and her Mum
was so funny her favourite rant at him was ‘Tieni le Mani a posto o
mi graffiare i vostri occhi.’ which meant. 'Keep your hands to
yourself or I scratch out your eyes.’ She said that a lot, because
his eyes wandered as much as his hands.” I looked straight at Andy.
The food came as I was quoting the line at Andy, the waiter spoke
in Italian and I answered him back, we laughed, as he spoke about
the sulky miss at my side.

Sam was smiling, as I chatted, it was brilliant Zoë drank her
drink and scowled. Our pizza came and looked colourful and smelled
fantastic. I didn’t eat a great deal of it, but what I did eat I
liked. Sam battled with the stringy cheese, his tongue grasping at
the loose strands, such a bloody turn on. Hells teeth, I'm being
turned on as he battled with the stringy cheese.

“Mozzarellas such a pain to eat, it stretches. You have a bit
there I wiped it from his mouth and kissed him. His kisses back
were so nice.

“Hearing you speak Italian was so hot Mi cielo, you’re going
to have to speak to me again and well describe what we do in
Italian. One of the lads was listening to me talk to Dave about
you, and I said your eyes were bluer than the sky. He being Italian
told me my sky was just that Mi cielo. I thought it sounded like
Michelle.” Argh, why be embarrassed, I thought it was sweet, so
sweet.

“Fare l'amore con me e presto, o Dio vi aiuti. Would you do
this, if I tell you what I’d just said, or do I have to buy you a
translation book and wait for you to learn the language of love
Sam?”

“Baby whatever you said yes, I will do anything, you sound so
sexy when you speak to me in Italian.” I laughed.

“Sam I want you to make love to me, and soon or God help you.
I'll take it in my very capable hands, if you don’t. Well Sam, will
you? Give me what I want?”

“Seems I promised, baby, we will I promise, soon really soon.”
He finished the rest. I excused myself and went to the toilet, too
much to drink and the tablets. When I came out Andy was
waiting.

“Sorry about the knee thing, I don’t know what made me do it
please I won’t do anything like it again, I promise.” I
frowned.