A Life Plan Without You. (55 page)

“Oh my word you are a slut girl, two brothers at the same time
there’s a name for girls like you.” There is you're right, it's
prostitute and I'm fuming.

“He would have been upset with the
ménage
à
trois
, going on
that night, my pathetic attempt to get Andy away from Zoe and using
Sam to do it. I thought it would work, but nearly a year of crap
sex with Sam and still Andy wasn’t for leaving pity. From what I’ve
been told, Sam’s shagged half of Stockton on the market, at some
stage, in search of his perfect girl. No doubt trying to find
someone as good as me in the bedroom department… I’m going to see
if I can get a rise out of him, and his bastard brother, mess with
his head? See what this girls like I bet she’s a plain Jane a yes
Sam, no Sam sort of girl. Whoever she is, she won’t be good enough
for him, and I know he still moons after our lost love.

He’d dump her in a flash for me. After all being someone’s
first is special, you always have a piece of them, and well, that’s
what I told him It would be something just for us, what it was, was
a fucking nightmare, he was a shy, fucking nineteen year old
virgin, when I took his three second piece. Andy he may pay more to
keep me away from him. I live in the house rent-free, and he gives
me an allowance bless him, and his fucking conscience. Besides, Sam
should be rolling in it now, if he’s on the same deal as Andy.”
Would Sam dump me for her again, she wouldn't worth looking at when
I have finished with her, if he does?

“I need some more gear, the parties have not got started
properly yet, and we have to be established again fucking Andy
emptied the house, so my savings went on furniture and the shit he
took. The clients have been told were open for business again,
discreetly because the neighbours think it’s a hotel. Andy takes
his business to another club he owns, I may get my hands on a share
of that. He loves his fucking brother so much he will do anything
to protect him from me. Come on let’s get a look see at the girl
he’s picked.” She laughs again and her friend agrees. I don’t think
so bitch. Oh, I’m so ready for her.

I wiped and went to wash my hands, re-doing the lip. She
looked at me through the mirror I eyed her up she looks like Zoë,
not as tall, nice clothes, somewhat pretty. Then it hit me who she
was, her hair is different and her makeup is on with a trowel shit…
She’s picture girl, the whore stood before me is the girl in the
picture he carries around. She looks embarrassed she realises I
must have heard the whole conversation. I find it amazing what
bloody girls find to talk about in loos.

“Ouch, that looks sore?” My heart sank he was still in love
with this girl stood in front of me? I had to wonder why she was a
nasty piece of work. Then again, she had taught him all about sex.
She’d, had that with Sam, which was more than I could get from him!
Crap was this reason for his failure to deliver on that score? Was
she really that good at sex and were her assumptions right and he
was screwing around to find someone as good as her? She would have
to be good at it being a prostitute, surely? Then again he hadn’t
given me a go, was I missing something in the body department? I
scanned hers, nope I’m thinner than her, boobs are the same I’m
shorter by a couple of inches perhaps? Don’t be stupid height isn’t
stopping him having sex with you Michelle, but it is her, what did
she do to you Sam?

“The other girl got a little lucky, I had my back to her, she
didn’t stand a chance once I turned around, it looks far worse than
it is.” She looked at me and made a comment about girls, fighting.
“I don’t fight darling she came at me from behind I was sucker
punched. I blocked her next hit with self-defence moves. I’m not a
fighter, but don’t get me wrong if something’s worth fighting for I
do, believe me with vengeance. I do martial arts and self-defence.
She was stupid enough to think she could take my fella off me.
Which was her first big mistake the second being she thought I’d
take it lying down. Another big mistake, my fiancé actually loves
me and trusts me totally and of course, I love and trust him
totally.” Erm liar, liar pants on fire wow you can lie if you want
to Welles… Shut up and help voices… I’m drowning here!

She nodded. My fingers were tightly crossed, I’d done one year
of judo, and three summers police self-defence classes at Gram’s
church, I am therefore an expert and not well technically his
fiancée, but I have been asked several times though.

“I wouldn’t want to piss you off then.” I laughed, you already
have photo girl you already have.

“I have to go my fiancé is waiting for me, goodbye nice
talking to you.” I walked out. I went to Sam, I was desperate to
get him out, before he saw her, and she took him from
me.

“Can we go now please and quickly now please Sam?” I was too
late. She was heading our way. He looked as white as a ghost when
he saw her too and he looked at me and then turned from me. Was he
embarrassed by me? Why what had I done? Why was this girl so
special? She had nothing nice to say about him, she was nasty and
vile. All his inabilities were down to the first time sex, with
her. Was he still in love with her? The next few minutes would tell
me which way this would go.

“Hello Sam, we meet again.” I smiled as she looked at me with
horror in her eyes, she knew she was in for a battering, she knew
too I’d heard the conversation. I was now doing a victory lap of
the pub, well in my head I was.

He turned away from me, making bile come to my throat. I
watched as my worst nightmare comes to fruition he’s going to leave
me, he was using me, his promises every day he loves me are
meaningless and empty. No please no, the Sam I know and love is
stood here before me a stranger, embarrassed to be with me, and
ignoring me, what am I missing here? I recover and so help me with
great strength, I resist hitting her straight out, because I am so
in the mood for her.

“Again we should stop meeting like this.” I offer my hand.
Which she stupidly shakes. I squeeze it so hard grabbing her arm
and crushing her elbow in my grip she has tears in her eyes. I go
to give her a cheek kiss. “No more money from Andy and no rent
paid. You leave the house tomorrow and I swear you whore, one word
to Sam and I won’t self-defend. I will, you little slut, fuck with
you worse than anything you could ever imagine happening to you in
your kinky fucked up world. I will kill you, slowly are we clear?
Ask about, I’m sure you will find me more than capable
bitch.”

She looked like she’s going to run. Andy is looking on
terrified she spots Andy's face too. Zoë looks at me with hate in
her pigeon eyes. Get screwed the pair of you. You have done worse
to Sam. I love him I’m going to fight to keep him. She still has my
hand or rather I still have hers, she can’t shake it
free.

“Hello, Sam’s lost his good manners. I’m Michelle, his
fiancée.” Sam’s mates were in and being my cheerleading squad. I go
to grab his hand and he pulls it from me, something Zoë notices and
smiles at, you want to go there? Really? I scowl back at her, but
my priority now is Sam. Andy catches and notices the nastiness with
Zoë too.

“Hiya Rocky, how did the other girl get home ambulance wasn’t
it?” I looked over at them and I laughed.

“No boys I put her in a taxi to the hospital, thanks for your
concern.” I give her hand a final squeeze and whisper in her
ear.

“Run and keep going, don't look back this is your one and only
warning. Next time I promise you won’t be able to fuck, anything
when I’ve finished with you.” She walked out of the pub. I looked
in Sam's direction he looked straight past me. He was watching her
leave, he didn’t move, he just watched her. I was pushed out of the
way by Zoë literally she shoved me away and came to his side. That
was my place not hers but he had refused my hand, hers he took
gladly. She’d left but he was still watching the back of the door,
not moving just watching. Zoë smiled at me whilst hugging my Sam,
my lost Sam, I’d lost him to a whore.

Andy looked as panicked as me, my eyes begging him to help me.
He looked like he wanted to come and hold me, and he looked in pain
too. He watched as I left. I turned to see if he wanted me? He was
hugging her back, Zoe not me. I walked out of the other door. I was
lost he was still in love with her. Then with the Zoë thing, did
they do threesomes together, and that’s why the Michelle heckles
were up? He’d screwed her, with Andy? I felt sick at the thought he
didn’t love me at all? No he did, but why her too? She was the one
other, but were did that leave Zoë? Perhaps they’d had sex, I wish
I wasn’t so bloody in the dark about his past? I was in a daze and
just walked. I couldn’t think straight, my feet were
moving.

I watched in horror as the worst mistake I ever made walked
with Michelle back from the toilet and as I see her face I am hit
with a fear and loathing like nothing I have ever felt before, my
father is the only one person I hate more than this piece of filth,
she smiles as she walks towards me and I can’t take my eyes of her,
I need to see she doesn’t touch Michelle. Michelle cannot see the
hate I have in my eyes now so I turn around, she is tainted with
enough of my shit, and now Janet, what the fuck did she say to my
baby, her face was one of shear horror, she will know how weak I
was and stupid and how I was used by a prostitute.

I hear words coming from Michelle, I can’t focus, as Andy
looks in horror, what the hell’s happening, this isn’t happening
why is she back nearly three years and she waltzes in like we are
best friends? I hear a cheer I hear go Rocky I see Zoë and push her
hand from me, I feel Michelle’s hands around me I calm down she is
here she is safe and I watch as Janet leaves the pub, how long was
I out for this time, fuck I hold my baby’s arms and they aren’t
hers I turn and its fucking Zoë!

“Where is Michelle, Andy where the fuck did she
go?”

“She ran off perhaps she’s in the toilets sulking, how much
bad news can such a little girl take?”

“Fuck of Zoë She ran off Sam crying and I couldn’t follow her
I couldn’t leave you!”

“Which way?”

“I don’t know I didn’t see her go I just know she was upset
and crying I heard her I couldn’t see her. Go get her don’t let her
destroy you and Michelle go get her now.”

“Leave her she will come back she always does!” I send Zoë
hurtling to the ground as I run, I run to the steps again, fuck
celebrating we are never doing it again, third time today I have
visited these bloody steps! I run as fast as I can, she isn’t there
and she isn’t across the field! Fuck have her Dad’s enemy’s found
her? Shane, I run and never have I ran as quickly. The club comes
into view and as see Colin and Chris I panic. Shane has gone
too…

“Where is Shane I can’t find Michelle?”

“Over there, someone’s hurt his Princess and he’s fucking
angry.” Thank God she is safe I died a death then, shit tears
again, I can’t do more tears tonight it’s a mess and I hate this!
Right she gets to know everything and as much as I love her we need
to step back and regroup, I need to tell her everything good bad
and every shit thing I have done…

Somehow I ended up with Shane, he held me tightly as I clung
to his chest. Then the tears started, he picked me up, I couldn’t
go home like this, I was a sorry mess.

“What’s the matter with my Princess? Tell me, who’s done this
to you?” He walked with me in his arms, to the steps opposite and
he let me cry into his chest. I just cried because I couldn’t
speak. I was so confused upset and so angry with myself for falling
for him, so hard and so quickly. He passed me tissue after tissue.
He didn’t ask questions, he just let me cry and he held me
tightly.

“A girl, a tramp, a slut, a whore he loves her, but not me
Shane. Why am I not good enough, why?” I saw Sam running towards
Heaven and us. I heard his voice and he was worried, why, I would
let him go? I wasn’t what he wanted and I’m no bodies sloppy second
and he knew that. I’m just the dumb naive girl, who fell for a
stranger, all be it a dark and handsome one.

“Where’s Shane, Michelle’s she’s not at her usual run to
place, she’s disappeared, I’m worried, really worried about her?”
They pointed to us sat on the steps. My cries were now sobs, deep
and long chest hurting sobs.

“Watch it he’s mad, someone’s upset his Princess, big mistake,
he’s really mad.” He came over and pulled me to him, I pushed him
away. My voice in sobs.

“Go and see the girl your still in love with, go away. Please
leave me alone, just leave me alone and go away. You promised me
Sam, no one I needed to worry about. Who in the hell, was she then?
Obviously someone, I had to worry about my world has smashed into
pieces Sam.”
Mine too baby…

“Michelle I’m with the girl I love. Baby, you’re my whole
world.” He looked down at me all I could see was he and she
together and it made me so sick, sad, and bloody angry, why was he
crying, was he serious he loved me after he ignored me for her and
Zoë?

“She told you to leave and for her sake I’m not going to hit
you, but so help me if you don’t go now. There won’t be that much
left of you, I warned you she wasn’t to be hurt, yet you did it.
Are you back to your old ways Sam? Because I will kill you if you
are, not with my Princess you don’t. She isn’t the usual tart you
take from here.”