A Beautiful Mess (9 page)

“I still can’t believe you haven’t spoken to Jason since you guys got back from Spring Break,” Derrick said while rubbing some suntan lotion on his face.

Derrick, Patrick, Sarah, and I decided to go to the beach for the day. While it sucked that we hadn’t seen Jason since Spring Break ended, we also hadn’t seen much of Jade either. Even though Jade and I lived together she was always closed off in her room or over at Jason’s. While it hurt, I had to think that maybe something was going on at home and they didn’t want to talk about it.

Hell, Jade never even told me how awful hers and Jason’s childhoods were. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt because it hurt like a complete bitch. I had never gone through something like that; not even along the same curvy, twisted lines so I can only imagine what it would feel like peeling that bandage off and opening up the wound.

I looked over at Derrick and just gave a shrug of my shoulders. “What am I supposed to do? I’ve tried to text Jason and I’ve tried to talk to Jade but they’re so closed off.”

This whole thing is just so jumbled up and I don’t know what to do or what I’m supposed to say to anybody. That is, if I’m supposed to say anything in the first place.
Jason told me the secrets that were buried deep inside his closet, Jade hasn’t told me anything and Derrick, Patrick, Isabelle, Maddox, Sarah, and Gabe all just think that Jason is being a pussy and they don’t know what’s going on with Jade.

However, I can’t explain to them what exactly is going on. So in cases like the one I’m in right now I just shrug my shoulders hoping maybe that’ll be enough of an answer … but for how long exactly? I’m not so sure.

I looked down at my twisted fingers when I felt an arm wrap around me and I turned to see Sarah looking at me giving a sympathetic smile. Sarah and Gabe were like the parents of the group. While we are all going through our relationship drama now, they went through theirs back in high school. I was jealous of that but like every relationship there are good and bad times and I’m just having to go through the bad times right now.

“OMG HOT ASS AT TWO O’ CLOCK!!” Sarah and I turned to Patrick and he was pointing behind Sarah and I. So as not to make it completely obvious we turned around all the way and recognized that it was the guy from when Isabelle and I went Christmas shopping together.

We turned back around and saw Patrick fanning himself saying, “Hot damn he’s gorgeous. I would just like to lick…”

That’s when Derrick had begun to cough and said, “Yes sweetie, what would you like to lick of his?”

Patrick’s eyes got huge and he turned to Derrick and smiled. Ever so sweetly he wrapped his arms around Derrick’s neck and whispered, “They’re just words Derr, but the actions are what matter. So with that Derrick … I love you,” and Patrick kisses him on the lips.

If I had somebody by my side being able to do that to I would
so
not hate Patrick and Derrick in this moment. Hell, I don’t even hate them because they are so damn cute together. They even one another out because while Patrick is outspoken and loud, Derrick is quiet and reserved and you can tell from just one look they love each other quite a bit. In complete and total honesty … I’m jealous.

That’s when Sarah had to say, “Well, I have to get going chickys. Gabe and I have to make all the final touches before the wedding.”

Right then and there I went from feeling like nothing to feeling like complete and utter shit. I hated bitching like that but it sucks when you know the person who you are going to spend the rest of your life with and you don’t know how to fix the problems in his life. You have to watch from a distance because he won’t let you in and as much as you try to help he pushes you away.

After Sarah gave us each a hug she said, “The next time you guys will see me I’ll be Mrs. Gabe Prescott!”

We all laughed and cheered, but I couldn’t help but wonder when it would be my time to say things like that. It just seemed like everyone around me was finding someone to spend the rest of their life with. Of course there was Jade because I couldn’t see her ever settling down. If she did though it would take someone who was out of this world because I didn’t see her changing anytime soon.

Once Sarah packed up her beach bag and left, Patrick and Derrick decided to go play in the water so I laid on my stomach, welcoming the peace and quiet and started to read.

Reading is the only thing that calms me and helps me escape. By reading it’s almost like I’m torturing myself because I wouldn’t have to read if my life wasn’t such a fuck up right now.

I envy Isabelle because she’s no longer reading books, but writing them about her and Maddox.
While I probably would never write a book, I do look forward to the day where it’s a possibility that I’ll be able to share the beauty in life and not have to read about it in order to escape mine.

I was on the last chapter of my book when a little girl walked up to me and asked, “Do you know where my brother is?”

I sat up, looked at her and saw that she wasn’t much older than four. I put my book back in my bag and turned to her and said, “No, but I can help you find him. I’m Ashlynn by the way. What’s your name sweetie?”

She gave a tiny smile and said, “Jacquelyn.”

I placed my hand out to shake her hand and asked, “What’s your brother’s name, Jacquelyn?”

We started our walk around the beach when she said, “Neil.”

I was about to ask that sweet little girl what her brother Neil looked like when we hear a deep male voice screaming, “JACQUELYN! JACQUELYN! JACQUELYN!”

We turned around and saw a guy running all over the place carrying a little boy and then Jacquelyn screamed, “NEIL! TOMMY!” The guy stopped in his tracks to face us and saw his little sister. The biggest smile came across his face and he began to run to her.

Releasing her hand from mine Jacquelyn scurried on over to her big brother.

After he picked her up into his arms and spins her around Neil places her back in the sand and looked into her eyes. Very seriously he said, “Jack-O-Lantern you can’t run away like that again, okay? You had me really scared that something might happen to you.”

That was when he turned to look at me and a little smile appeared on his face but just as quickly he looked back at his little sister and said, “What if this nice lady wasn’t here? I don’t know what I would have done.”

In a tiny little voice Jacquelyn squeaked, “I’m sorry Neil. I love you,” and wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him on the cheek. Just like that Neil melts and he goes from this scary big guy to this little softy right before my eyes.

I couldn’t help but stare and smile and with that I said, “Well I’m glad you found your brother Jacquelyn,” and with that I had begun to leave but I heard Neil say, “Stay right here Jacquelyn. Tommy.”

Running towards me Neil said, “Hey wait up!”

I stop and turn around to see Neil running up to me smiling. He stops a few feet away from me and extends his hand and says, “Hey, I’m Neil.”

I smiled and shook his hand and said, “I’m Ashlynn. It’s nice to meet you Neil.”

When I said his name his dimples appeared and a sly grin came across his face. He slowly let go of my hand and said, “You know it would be rude of me to not thank you properly for helping my little sister out; so did you want to go out to dinner with me sometime?”

I giggled and then said, “Really? Is this how you pick up girls?” I looked over towards Jacquelyn and Tommy and asked, “Are those even your brother or sister?”

I looked back over at Neil. He had begun to laugh and then said, “That probably just looked really pathetic but yes they are my brother and sister. Truthfully, I just moved back here and don’t really know anybody. Plus it kind of helps a little when your little sister finds some beautiful girl to help her out and find her dumbass brother because he can’t watch two kids at a time.”

All I could do was laugh because I was not expecting that and it kind of turns me on.

While Neil was blabbering he looked down at the ground but then he looked at me from under his eyelashes and asked, “So what do you think? Want to go out sometime?”

My stomach dropped and my heart began to beat really fast because while I wanted to say, “Yes,” I couldn’t help but think about Jason because I knew when I first saw Jason and shook his hand my heart belonged to him. Unfortunately, I couldn’t wait for forever so against my better judgment and with slight hesitation I uttered, “Okay.”

Neil quirked his head to the side and jokingly said, “Ash you’re going on a date with me. The least you could do is sound a little enthusiastic about it.”

Giggling, I said, “I’ll go out with you Neil.”

He smirked and said, “I don’t believe you.”

I giggled even harder and said, “I want to go out with you Neil.”

He laughed and then said, “Alright Ash relax.”

I just rolled my eyes and pushed him playfully, “Does that work on everybody?”

In a serious tone he said, “I don’t know. I haven’t done that with anyone, so you tell me?”

That’s when I knew we had just went from playful to something else entirely. I was at a loss for words but my lips quirked up in a smile and I managed to say, “I’ll let you know.”

After Neil programmed my number into his cell he said, “I’ll text you what the plans are to go out.”

I just nodded my head and said, “Okay.” I started to walk away from Neil, Jacquelyn, and Tommy. I could feel Neil’s eyes on me as I walked away and then my cell phone beeped. Taking it out of my pocket I flipped it opened. I saw a number I hadn’t saved and read the message.

Unknown - Free Tonight?

I turned around and saw Neil looking at me with such intensity that I smiled. And before I could think about the huge mess that was going to cause I quickly texted him back and winked. The second he looked down at his phone I turned around and walked back over to where Patrick and Derrick were sitting on beach towels smiling and laughing.

Ashlynn – Pick me up at 8?

I was just about to sit down on my beach towel and soak in the sun for a little while longer when I got another text that said:

Neil – I’ll be there!

Sitting down I texted him my address and just as I was about to put my phone away the beep went off signaling that I had another text. I got giddy because I thought it was Neil. However, when I opened my phone I felt like I was going to have a panic attack because it said:

Jason – Can we talk?

Unbelievable! Just as I’m about to let go of Jason he comes back into my life and my world is turned upside down and I’m not sure what the right thing to do is.

After reading his text, Derrick nudged me and asked, “Sweetie?”

With just that one word the tears come pouring down my face and within seconds Derrick and Patrick were on either side of me trying to calm me down and comfort me.

By the time I managed to tell them what had happened I got two more messages; one from Neil and the other from Jason.

Neil – I can’t wait for tonight.

Jason – Please Ash, I’m so sorry.

Taking my phone Derrick asked, “What do you want to do Ash?”

Looking down at the sand between my toes and taking a few deep breaths I said, “I’m not sure.”

Derrick just smiled and kissed me on the cheek. Moving away and looking into my eyes he said, “I’m just going to give you my opinion on this. I know you still really like Jason but I think you should go on this date with Neil. From what you told me he seems like a really nice guy. Maybe it’ll go somewhere, maybe it won’t, but honey you have to get out there and stop hiding behind your books.”

Through a tearful smile I said, “Thanks Derrick. I love you.”

Smiling Derrick then kissed me on the forehead and said, “Always babe. Now hop to it.”

Once I wiped the tears from my eyes I took a deep breath and sent out my replies.

Neil – I can’t wait either

Jason - … no we can’t. I’m attempting to move on, you should too.

As soon as my phone read,
Message Sent
, to Jason I felt somewhat relieved but I wasn’t exactly sure what I was relieved about to tell you the truth. Relieved because I said no to him or relieved because I knew that
this
wasn’t over between him and I and that Jason would fight for us?

I decided on a pale blue sundress for my date with Neil along with some brown wedges. He said that he was taking me to a seafood restaurant that is out of this world spectacular. I was just about to close the door to my bedroom when the doorbell rang. I looked over to the clock and it read 7:50 and I became a little bundle of nerves.

I grabbed my purse from the couch and walked over to the door. Taking a deep breath to try and calm myself I opened the door and Neil was standing there looking downright fuckable. He had on these tan cargo shorts with a bright blue t-shirt on that matched the color of his eyes. I looked up into his eyes and he looked like he was going to devour me. I bit my lower lip and then noticed he had an eyebrow ring.

Without thinking I placed my finger to his eyebrow ring and said, “I didn’t notice this earlier.”

I looked into his eyes and he smiled and grabbed that exact hand and said, “That would be because I didn’t have it in earlier. You ready to go?”