A Beautiful Mess (22 page)

We were at the mall when I got them and was so excited to show Jason while he got a gift for me. Jason just laughed at me and said, “As long as you’re happy Ashlynn then that’s all that matters.”

I shook my head and said, “No your happiness matters as well Jason.”

Stopping mid-step he turned, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed me. Leaning away from me to look into my eyes he said, “I can’t not be happy when I’m with you.”

Today was Christmas Eve and we decided to just lounge around finishing up decorations and whatnot before the babies arrived. We also watched
A Christmas Story,
maybe four times. I also packed overnight bags for the delivery because we just needed to be prepared. I would rather be over prepared than under prepared.

Later in the night Jason decided to surprise me with a picnic in the living room. He had all of my favorite foods lying on the floor. Pickles (Pregnant here. Remember?), chips and salsa, yogurt, cheese and crackers, mango slices, and celery with peanut butter. He also made himself a sandwich and had some sparkling cider in glasses for us.

I was busy dipping a mango slice into some yogurt when Jason said, “Can you believe that next year we’ll be celebrating Christmas with our kids?”

Leaving the mango slice in the yogurt I crawled over to Jason and kissed him. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have him. Crawling back over to my seat I grabbed the mango slice and just as I was about to put it in my mouth I looked up and Jason was staring at me.

Waving the yogurt covered mango in the air I said, “What?”

Blinking a few times he said, “I just love you so much.”

Leaning over I said, “I love you too,” and kissed him. Finally getting to eat he went back to his sandwich. Swallowing my bite I said, “Jason?”

He looked over at me and around a mouthful said, “Yeah?”

Taking a deep breath I said, “I have two names I picked out and I wanted to see what you thought of them?”

Placing the sandwich on a napkin he took a sip of his drink and said, “Ashlynn, whatever you pick I’ll love.”

I smiled.
Okay here goes nothing.
“I combined our names so I thought for a little girl we would name her Jaylin. For our little boy I thought Bennett. For that I combined my mom’s name Annette and your dad’s name Benjamin.”

Closing his eyes he let out a breath. I thought he was pissed at me for bringing his dad into the name of our son so I quickly said, “We don’t have to-,” but he cut me off and leaned over.

Cupping my face in his hands he said, “Thank you,” and kissed me. After that we forgot all about the food on the floor as he carried me back to our room and we made love.

The day of Christmas Jason and I spent our time in bed talking and laughing. We also cuddled, kissed, and made love. Of course he surprised me with waffles with syrup and hot chocolate like our first time together. Unlike our first time I refused to share with him so he had to get his own plate. Neither of us wanted to cook anything so we ordered Chinese food and had another picnic in the living room and it was the best Christmas I have ever had so far.

We decided to exchange our gifts during dinner. Jason got me a spa package to get a massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, and my hair done before the babies were born. He also got me some comfy socks and slippers because I always complained about my feet hurting.

I was so nervous to give him mine I didn’t spend a lot of money on it but I wanted it come from the heart. I gave him a huge basket and filled it with little things he loved like licorice and Tootsie Roll pops. I also put in a case of his favorite beer and t-shirts and sweatpants he wanted but the most important part was a photo album I made for him. Jade had taken a picture of us together our freshman year of college. She said she wanted to have a picture of the two people she loved the most. Little did she know that three years later those two people would fall in love.

The picture wasn’t anything special. It was taken a night we were all studying in mine and Jade’s room. Jason and I were in an art class together and I was helping him study for a test we were having. Jade was doing homework for a business course she was enrolled in at the time. The three of us were also drinking so Jason and I didn’t get a lot of studying done, but somehow we both aced the test. I guess there really is logic in mixing together drinking alcohol and late night cram sessions.

Anyway, Jason and I were both in sweats and he was making a joke and I was laughing because it was funny. I would have probably laughed either way. There was a second where we both looked at one another and that’s when Jade took the photo. I placed it in the front of the album and across the bottom it had one word … memories. On the inside cover I wrote Jason a note that I wanted him to remember for the rest of our lives together.

Dear Jason,

I can’t believe how quickly everything has changed for us. You joke all the time about me being beautiful and you being a mess but really it’s the opposite. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known and will without a doubt in my mind ever know, both on the inside and the out. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you raising Jaylin and Bennett. Watching them grow and become beautiful little messes of their own.

I knew the day I met you that you were it for me. You stole my heart move-in day freshman year of college and I now know that I stole yours, I just wasn’t aware of it back then. I can’t wait to see where my life takes me and I know I will be happy because I’ll have you by my side. After all I’m the beautiful to your mess. This is the first of many albums to fill with all of the memories we have and will share together and I can’t wait to fill them up with you. I love you Jason Williams.

Forever Yours,
Ashlynn

I don’t think I had ever seen Jason cry so much in my life as he read the letter and looked at all of the photos I picked out to put in it. I had put baby pictures of Jason and I in the album, along with a few when we were little, our senior pictures, and some from our time in college together. Then I put the first and second sonogram pictures in there. Finally the last was a picture Jade had also taken of me and Jason on move-in day to his apartment.

We had all just finished moving into our new apartments and Jason had walked up behind me and placed both his hands on my stomach. I smiled and placed my hands on top of his and turned my head to kiss when the flash went off.

We’d both then looked over to Jade who had tears in her eyes as she looked to us and said, “You’re no longer a mess.”

Two weeks have gone by since Christmas and Jason and I have fallen more in love if it’s even possible. We have fallen over the edge. We have fallen into oblivion and I hope we never get out. I had texted Jade because school was about to start and I had accidentally left a few things at her apartment.

God that feels weird now, calling the apartment hers instead of ours.
We had shared some great memories in that little piece of crap. I was in another hole in the wall now but I was with the man who I loved and that is where we were going to start our family and I could not wait.

I remember moving in freshman year of college and after meeting Jason then Jade came running out. I just remember looking at her and thinking that it was a mistake we were put together as roommates. She looked like the complete opposite of me. I was so simple and plain. I was ordinary. I read books and I had never gotten into any sorts of trouble growing up. Jade, on the other hand, was always getting into mischief and making mistakes. Sometimes I envied her but other times I’d wondered what had happened to mess her up so much.

While I do think part of her attitude towards relationships was built on her childhood with Jason and having to deal with their mother and father I knew that wasn’t the whole story. Though she never told me, I had a feeling it had to do with the first boy she ever fell in love with. Sometimes I wondered if I had made a mistake never asking her but I thought maybe she would open up to me, but that never was the case.

Finding out everything that happened to Jade and Jason it gave me a little more insight on them and I just hoped one day Jade would find someone who would make her the way Jason makes me feel. Happy and alive. Able to breathe when you feel like you’re suffocating. Feeling like you can do anything and be anything because this person loves you. This is what I thought about as I drove to Jade’s apartment but when I got out of my car and walked up to the apartment I looked at it. Really looked at it. I took in the brown shutters, red door, and the welcome mat outside the door. I looked at the doorbell that still didn’t work, even after living there for two years.

We moved into that apartment and quickly made it our home. Sure in the beginning we complained about the drippy faucet, the toilet that did not always flush, and how we had to hurry in order to get a hot shower. However we decorated and hung pictures on the wall that we had taken freshman year of college. We made dinner and ate at the dining room table. Now grant it, most of our dinners consisted of ramen noodles and easy mac and cheese, but in the end it was the company more or less.

We filled our home with memories of staying up till three in the morning watching chick flicks and eating ice cream. We got drunk and made fools of ourselves as we danced around to N*Sync and the Backstreet Boys, screaming at the top of our lungs, “I WANT IT THAT WAY.” Only to have mere minutes go before the neighbors banged on our door complaining about the loud ruckus.

Standing at the door I also remembered my time with Jason. While I had moved into his apartment to begin our family I looked beyond the door at Jade’s apartment and remembered that this was where we had made it. It was where my life had completely changed. I never thought packing my bag to go to Vegas for Isabelle’s birthday and Sarah and Gabe’s wedding party would completely flip my life upside down.

Make me dizzy and giddy.

Make me cry and beg and plead.

Make me realize who I am.

I quickly wiped away my tears and pulled out my key because Jade told me to keep a key and for Neil to keep a key to mine and Jason’s apartment in case we ever needed anything. This was the first time that I had been to the apartment since I moved out over three weeks ago and it felt like everything had changed. I guess it had. While Jade and I would always keep our best friend status we were both moving in two different directions.

I mean shit.
I was pregnant with twins and Jade was still Jade, I just hoped and prayed not for long. Opening the door I saw the box Jade had left me on the kitchen island. Walking in and closing the door behind me I started to walk over to the box when I heard moaning and grunting. I stopped dead in my tracks because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Oh god Neil.”

“You feel so good baby.”

“Neil. Oh god Neil.”

“Ah Jade.”

Wait a minute did I just hear Jade’s name?

“God Jade. Jade.”

Well then, I guess that answers that question.

I started walking backwards. I figured I could just run out of here but I was almost seven months pregnant so the chances of that happening were pretty slim. I decided to just leave the box and come back later. Hopefully when neither of them was there. I had just made it to the door when Neil’s door opened and Jade walked out in his t-shirt.

Her back was to me and she said, “I’ll be back for round two in a minute.”

Giggling at him she started to turn around as I was twisting the knob and then we both froze.

“ASHLYNN!”

I knew my face was bright red and I had no clue what to do. I thought about running out of there but again, seven months pregnant. Instead I dropped my hand from the door and said, “Um?” Her mouth was wide open and I was caught in headlights. Shaking off my nerves I said, “Um, I came to get that box of stuff I left here.” She still looked really stunned but then all of a sudden I started to think about it.

Even though I only saw friendship with Neil I knew he deserved to be treated right. From what I gathered he didn’t seem like the type of guy to just have sex with a girl once. He seemed like the type of guy who made love and fucked every once in a while.

Leaning my back against the door I said, “Please tell me Jade, what the hell is going on?”

Nodding her head she said, “I’m just going to go and get Neil.”

Shaking my head I said, “I don’t want to talk to Neil. I want to talk to my best friend. I want to know what the hell is going on here.”

Biting her lip she said, “I’m just going to go get some sweats on and I’ll be back.” Turning away from me she went into her room and I walked over to the couch.

My heart was beating so fast as I pulled a blanket onto my lap. I just didn’t know what the fuck to do. I mean Jade was my best friend and Jason was my boyfriend. Fuck, we were starting a family together and I didn’t want to keep this secret from him.

I was having this mental conversation with myself when Jade walked back out into the living room and sat down on the couch. Two cushions away from me.