A Beautiful Mess (18 page)

There was no question that I loved Ashlynn Miller but I was frightened that I would become just like my dad. That guy was a selfish prick and thought he walked on water but right now I was trying to do the right thing. I thought I was being selfless by letting Ash leave because I could have grabbed my keys and sped over there. I could have dropped to my knees and begged for forgiveness and we could have lived happily ever after, but this was reality. In that moment I thought I was doing the right thing by staying away.

Letting out a breath I opened my eyes and saw Neil’s demeanor hadn’t changed. His mouth and eyes were still both wide open so I asked, “What the fuck is that face for?”

Blinking he looked at me and said, “So off topic but fuck, your sister is hot when she gets pissed.”

Shaking my head back and forth I said, “Like I said before Neil, that’s a big mistake. You really don’t want to mess with me right now.”

Taking a sip of his beer he got up and said, “You asked.” He walked back to his bedroom and just as his door closed, the front door opened.

I turned around just in time to see Jade storming towards me. I quickly got up and said, “What the fuck are you doing here?” I probably shouldn’t have said that because she walked right up to me and slapped me hard across the face. I was stunned that Jade had slapped me across the face. Lifting my hand to my face I said, “What the fuck was that for?”

Putting her hands on her hips she said, “I was trying to slap the stupid out of that fucking head of yours. What the hell is your problem? I thought you loved Ashlynn and you didn’t say anything to her. I thought you were going to be happy about this. Ashlynn is carrying your child. You’re going to be a dad. Yes, it’s a lot to take in and you guys are young but you love one another.”

Sitting down I said, “Jade, that’s why I can’t do this.”

Walking back and forth in front of me she yelled, “WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? And don’t you dare give me some bullshit excuse, Jason Tyler Williams.”

Oh fuck. Jade was seriously pissed because she never said my middle name.

Looking up at her, I just started crying. Jade knelt and wrapped her arms around me and said, “What’s going on Jason? I’m your sister for fuckssake. Please tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Letting go of me she got up off the floor and sat down next to me on the couch. Taking my one hand in hers she started rubbing her thumb back and forth along the top trying to calm me. Attempting to calm myself I looked over at Jade and she looked scared out of her mind.

“I can’t be like dad, Jade. I can’t and I won’t do that to my children. If our childhood didn’t wound us and leave scars to remind us every damn day that we didn’t have a normal childhood, whatever the fuck that is, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you holding my hand. I would be ecstatic and twirling Ash around because she’s carrying my child and we’re going to have a baby together. It has nothing to do with being scared because I’m only twenty-one. I’m scared because I don’t want to hurt my child the way dad hurt us.”

Jade moved all the way over and wrapped her arms around me while I broke down again. I held on to my sister like she was the only thing keeping me here. She was the only one who could possibly understand why I was doing what I did and be okay with my decision.

Finally calming myself, I let go of Jade and leaned back against the couch.

She was still sitting in the same position as before and, without taking her eyes off me she said, “Jason you have told me that I am nothing like mom and I never will be. I have been carrying this guilt around with me for so long. So please tell me why it’s different for me but not for you?”

Closing my eyes I said, “Because you’re a good person Jade.”

Taking my hand in hers she said, “Dammit, open your eyes Jason.”

Opening my eyes I looked over at Jade and she had tears welling up in hers. “How could you possibly think you aren’t a good person? You took all of the beatings when we were little because you wouldn’t let him come near me. I just watched and did nothing. You love your unborn child so much that you would rather be away from him or her for the rest of your life than become just like dad. You are the most selfless, best person I know and that is why I can tell you that right now you are making a mess of this situation.”

I really needed to hear Jade tell me that. Growing up I had always told Jade that she was nothing like mom, so why then would I think I would end up like dad? In the end we were two people who had our own minds and could make our decisions. We didn’t need the influence of both our fucked up parents to come to those conclusions on our own.

Wrapping my sister in my arms I kissed her on the top of the head and got up from the couch.

Jade jumped up and said, “Where are you going Jason?”

Grabbing my keys off the breakfast bar I said, “I’m going to go see my girl and my baby.”

With a big smile across her face and tears in her eyes Jade said, “Go get the both of them Jason and never let go.”

My hand was on the door handle but I ran back over to Jade and hugged her again. Leaning away from her I said, “Thanks Jade, I don’t know where I would be without you. I love you so much.”

Smiling up at me she said, “I love you too Jason, now go.”

Winking at her, I ran out of the front door, hopped in the car, and sped towards my future.

I tried to drive as fast as I could without getting pulled over by the cops but it still took the longest six minutes of my life. Doing a half ass parking job I jumped out of the car, bolted up the stairs and knocked and knocked and knocked until the front door opened to Ash and Jade’s apartment.

Ashlynn opened the door and the view took my breath away. Even though her eyes were swollen from crying, her nose was red, and her face was scrunched up I still had a huge smile on my face. Looking away from her face, I looked down at her stomach and couldn’t believe that Ashlynn and I had made a baby. That we were going to be parents.

Looking back up at her face I smiled and cradling her face in my hands I kissed her. I swept my tongue along her lower lip and felt her arms reaching up and wrapping around me. I let go of her face and wrapped my arms around waist and lifted her up onto me. Encompassing her legs around me I walked into her apartment and shut the door behind me with my foot. I never took my mouth from hers as I walked us back to her room and slowly laid her down on the bed.

She giggled against my mouth and said, “I’m pregnant Jason, I’m not dying.”

Lifting myself off of her I said, “I know you’re pregnant and with my child.”

Moving down her body I lifted her t-shirt and kissed her stomach. She wrapped her fingers in my hair as I kissed all over her stomach and said, “I love you little one. I love you so much.” I then crawled back up Ash’s body and said, “I’m so sorry Ash. I love you so much.”

Kissing me she whispered against my mouth, “Then show me.”

Getting onto my knees I pulled Ash up with me and lifted her t-shirt up and over her. I then unclasped her bra and dropped it onto the floor. Placing her hands to the hem of my shirt I lifted my arms as she pulled it off me. Pushing her back down to the bed I kissed her, sucking her lower lip into my mouth and nibbling down on it. I rolled and pulled her nipples in between my fingers as she ran her hands up and down my back.

Breaking free of the kiss I got up off the bed. Never taking my eyes off of Ash I pushed my sweats and boxers down while she lifted her hips and took off her shorts and thong. Once all of our clothes were on the floor I got back up on the bed and nestled in between her legs.

I started to a push a finger inside of her but she said, “Jason, I need you inside of me.” Wrapping her legs around me I pushed all the way inside her. We never took our eyes off one another as she gasped and I shuddered.

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the fact that Ashlynn loves me and that our child is growing inside of her. It’s an overwhelming experience and one I will certainly not mess up on.

I knew that I wasn’t going to last long and just a few strokes in I grunted, “I love you Ash.” Pulling my head down to hers she kissed me and I thrust into her a few more times we both fell over the edge into a state of bliss. As I kissed and sucked along her neck she ran her fingertips up and down my back. Looking up into her eyes I kissed her and pulled out.

Getting off her and lying on my side she turned over to look at me with a smile on her face. Moving my hand up to her face I stroked her cheek as I said, “I’m so sorry, Ash.”

She smiled at me and said, “It’s ok, Jason.”

Shaking my head back and forth I said, “No, it’s not. I let the best the thing that’s ever happened in my life leave and it took Jade slapping me and talking to me to fully realize that I make my own choices in life and I’m nothing like my dad.”

Lifting her head to look at me she said, “You are nothing like your dad, Jason.”

Nodding my head I said, “I know.”

Kissing me on the cheek she leaned and back said, “Jade talked to you?”

I let out a laugh and said, “I know, right? Who would have thought that Jade was the one filled with all the wisdom? But I guess with all the mistakes she’s made she learns from them. So I guess it’s a good thing.”

Kissing me again Ash said, “Be nice to your sister.”

Wrapping Ash in my arms, I ran my hand up and down her back and for the first time in a really long time I was happy with my life. All of the reasons had Ashlynn Miller in them.

Lifting her head from my chest, she asked, “What are you thinking about?”

Looking down at her I said, “How happy I am right now and it’s all because of you.”

Crawling up to my face she kissed me and said, “I love you, Jason Williams.”

Cupping her face in my hand I said, “I’m in love with you, Ashlynn Miller,” and pulled her on top of me.

After making love again she lifted herself up off me and lay on her back. I don’t even think she realized what she was doing but she was smiling as she slowly rubbed her stomach. For a couple of minutes I just watched her and I couldn’t wait to see our child grow inside of her. I also pictured a little girl who looked just like Ashlynn but caused a lot of trouble like me or a little boy who looked just like me but had a heart of gold like his mother.

Getting on my elbows and smiling down at Ash I said, “You’re going to be a mom.”

She let out a laugh and said, “I know. I’m going to be a mom and you’re going to be a dad.”

Letting out a breath I smiled because it just hit me. Kissing Ash on the lips I looked into her eyes and said, “I’m going to be a dad.”

Sucking in air she said, “Now we just have to tell mine.”

I couldn’t believe how quickly Jason came around to me being pregnant with our child and it was all thanks to Jade. I don’t know what I would have done if she wasn’t there to help clean up the mess. Jade had really surprised me throughout the whole process and I don’t think I could ever thank her enough for bringing my Jason back to me. Jason wanted to tell everyone the second I was pregnant but I wanted to wait until the second trimester. I’d heard it was bad luck to tell earlier and I was scared something would happen to our little one.

Today was our first visit to the doctor’s for my ultrasound. I couldn’t wait to see my little peanut growing inside of my stomach. I knew I had to tell my dad soon but I wanted to have the ultrasound picture first. Jason surprised me big time after he came back around because he won’t let me do anything. It’s already driving me crazy and I’m not even showing yet but I love him so much.

We’ve been alternating between staying at each other’s apartments but I know we’re going to have to find a new place for us to live before our little peanut is born. I ended up staying at Jason’s last night so he drove me to the library and said he would be back at two for our doctor’s appointment. The second I clocked out of work I opened my phone to text him. As I exited the front doors of the library I saw Jason leaning against the passenger door waiting for me.

Walking up to him I kissed him on the cheek and he opened my door. Bowing he said, “Your chariot awaits.”

I just laughed at him and said, “Oh my god, you’re ridiculous.”

Leaning in to kiss me, he put a hand to my stomach and said, “I just don’t want anything to happen to you or our little man.”

Kissing him on the lips I said, “You don’t know if our baby is a boy and we won’t even find out until the second trimester.”

Leaning into me he winked and said, “Oh, I know it’s a boy Ash.” Shaking my head I got into the car and buckled up as he closed the door.

The whole drive to the doctor’s office Jason was acting so giddy. His leg was bouncing up and down and he was talking a mile a minute. He couldn’t wait to see our baby on the sonogram machine and neither could I, but I was a little nervous about telling my dad that he was going to be a granddad. I was also scared for Jason’s life because I didn’t know how daddy would react to it.

After we walked into the doctor’s office and filled out all of the necessary forms we were taken into a private room where we waited for the doctor. I sat down on the table and just watched Jason jumping up and down all over the place full of adrenaline and excitement. I started laughing and then all of a sudden I got a little heart burn. I must have made a noise because Jason bolted over to me with a worried look on his face.

Placing a hand to my stomach he asked, “Are you okay, Ash?”

I kissed him on the cheek. “Relax Jason, everything is fine. I just have a little heartburn; nothing to worry about.”

He shook his head like he understood but he was still biting his lower lip and I knew he was worried. I was just about to tell him to calm down when the doctor walked in and Jason started rambling to her about my heartburn. The doctor looked at me and just smiled.

Looking back at Jason she put a hand on his shoulder and said, “It’s okay for her to have heartburn, dad.”

The second he heard the word
dad
his eyes twinkled and a big smile appeared on his face. Sitting down in a chair Jason held my hand and rubbed lazy circles while the doctor talked to us about what we were to expect with the first trimester.