30 Days (17 page)

Turning to scan the living room I notice we already have a new giant flat screen TV hanging on the wall complemented by a new stereo system sitting shelved under it. Ryan’s been busy, that’s probably not the only new purchase. The house is a wreck. Beer bottles, discarded clothes and empty take out containers are strewn everywhere. My instinct is to pick it all up quickly before leaving. I shove the feeling away though. He can’t know I was here and I don’t owe him anything.

I take a deep breath, curl my fingers around the handle of the suitcase and leave through the back door making sure to lock the handle again before shutting it. With my suitcase rolling behind me I walk back to the cab. “First National bank on Pleasant St. please.” I tell him.

Entering the bank makes me nervous. People know me here. They knew my parents and my sister and now probably know Ryan. I sit in a chair, suitcase next to me and wait for a representative to come out. “Hi Mrs. Darling, what can we do for you today?” A man whose name tag reads Robert greets me.

“I need to make a large withdrawal.” I follow him to his desk and sit.

“That’s a hefty sum to walk around with.” He states as he looks over my account on his monitor.

“Yes, I’m aware, but it needs to be done. Leave three thousand in the account.” I hand him my passport and check book as proof of identification and he gets started.

By the time he’s finished the manager has joined us and is asking questions that are starting to alarm me.

“Is everything alright Mrs. Darling? We don't generally advise customers to walk out of the bank with a hundred thousand dollars.” The manager says as he eyes me suspiciously.

“Everything is fine thank you. If we could be quick about this I’d appreciate it.” Thirty minutes later I exit the bank with a large deposit bag full of cash zipped inside my suitcase. The cab the bank called for me is waiting at the door.

“Bus station please.” I tell the driver as I close the door.

I’m standing in line at the ticket counter trying to decide where to go. Just as I take my place at the window I decide on a little seaside town about three hours south of here. “One ticket to Searsport please.”

“Round trip?”

“One way.”

“That’s thirty three dollars.” He says. I had him a fifty and wait for my change and the ticket.

The bus doesn't leave for an hour so I’m stuck sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs in the waiting area. My knee bounces uncontrollably as I wait. I grab a bag of chips from the vending machine, the TV hanging in the corner is set to the local news station. Across the bottom the news ticker scrolls updated news stories.
Local woman; Elle Darling, escaped St. Francis Hospital last night. If seen call 843-543-5555.
 
A picture of me from Jenny’s funeral flashes across the screen. My face is gaunt and lifeless in the picture. I look around the waiting area but all eyes are on books, magazines, or travel companions. I sit back down keeping my eyes on the floor.  I need to be on that bus.

If anyone on the bus recognizes me no one says anything. I sit at the back using my suitcase to keep the seat next to me vacant. The three hour bus ride is boring and mostly highway with the occasional glimpse of the ocean. Every time someone gets up and walks to the bathroom I think they’re coming for me. That they recognize me for the news. Damn Ryan for putting a picture of me up.

I walk away from the bus dragging my suitcase behind me and head straight for the line of cabs out front. I hop in the first available one keeping my suitcase with me in the backseat. Searsport is a decent sized city on the water. The small downtown district is charming, lined with shops and offices. The cabby lets me off at Jowett and Cutler’s law firm. I walk through the glass double doors into the lobby.

“Hi” I greet the receptionist.

“Hello. How can I help you today?” She smiles.

“I need to make an appointment with one of the attorney’s .” I tell her.

“Ok.” She hits a few keys on the keyboard as I wait. “The first available appointment I have is Tuesday at one. Will that work?” She asks.

“Perfect.”

“Your name?”

“Jenny Parks.” I say. I know it’s a lie but I don't want my name to spark any recognition until I can meet with the lawyer.

“Ok Jenny, I just need your contact information and then we’ll be set.”

I falter for a moment. “I ah, I don't have a cell phone or a place to stay just yet.” I shuffle my feet nervously.

“I could recommend a hotel for you. As long as we can contact you at the hotel that should be fine.” She says.

“That would be wonderful.” Half an hour later I have a beach front cottage at the Waterford Inn for the month.

“When you get there, you’ll need to pay and change the reservation to just your name.” The receptionist informs me.

“Thank you.”

I exit the office wheeling my suitcase behind me. It’s a beautiful sunny day. The air smells like the saltwater. I glance over the directions to the Inn again and start walking. Two blocks down is a CVS. I buy myself a box of ‘Mahogany’ hair dye before continuing on to the Inn.

Once I check in and settle into my tiny one room cottage I open the box of hair dye in the bathroom and get to work coloring my honey blonde hair. Thirty minutes later I am officially a brunette. The color works on me. It doesn't look unnatural and it actually makes my eyes pop more. Maybe I’ll keep it for a while.

The cottage is quaint. It’s one great room with a small galley type kitchen that runs along one wall. The rest of the room is open. There is a dining nook to the side of the kitchen and then it’s all living room. There’s a comfortable looking couch and two armchairs that face glass
French doors that swing out to a small deck that has a view of the ocean. Stairs off the deck lead down to a small patch of grass and just beyond that there’s a path through the dunes leading to the beach. I already adore it. The bedroom is maybe ten by ten and houses a single full sized bed and one dresser. The bathroom is off the bedroom and simply has a shower, sink and toilet. It’s all that I’ll need. If I open the bedroom window I can hear the tide crashing against the sand. It’s peaceful.

A few hours later I venture out to the little Main drag and buy myself a new prepaid cell phone, a radio and a used kindle. For the next three days I sit on the beach or my deck and I read and listen to music in peace and sunshine. It feels good to be alone. It feels good to exist for me only. And each morning when I wake up I feel a little more whole. At night I bask in the glory of concocting meals for myself and experimenting with ingredients. I’ll be honest some of them are terrible and I end up eating a bowl of cereal instead. But with my little radio wafting music into the open space and me free to do and try as I please I experience joy for the first time in a long time.

Jenny can you see me? Can you see my happiness? I want you to know how content I feel right now. I want you to know you were right. I could, and I did do it. I wish you were here with me.

PRESENT

DAY 16

Dinner with Jenna was a blast. Blitz might be my new favorite place. We gossiped about her and Ben’s fledgling relationship, had an amazing dinner and drank too many martinis. Ben, John and Colin had a boys night but by ten Colin and Ben were blowing up our phones wanting to meet up so we all got together at The Lounge, a new club Jenna had wanted to check out. After a night of dancing our butts off and a drunken walk back to the cottage Colin and I had collapsed into bed immediately falling asleep.

After a late breakfast and an even later training session at the gym Colin surprises me by telling me that he took it upon himself to sign us up for a private ballroom dance lesson. I’m so excited I can hardly contain my glee. At his command we dress up and he takes me out to dinner before our lesson making a special date night out of it.

My heels echo on the hardwood floor of the empty dance studio. The old mill makes a beautiful place for a studio. Floor to ceiling windows run along one wall and the other wall is all mirror. From a door at the opposite end a short man walks out.

“You must be Colin!” He claps his hands together as he makes his way to us.

“Yes, nice to meet you.” Colin returns.

“Who’s this lovely thing you brought with you?”

“Hi. I’m Elle.”

“Larry, nice to meet you, aren't you lucky to be with this tall drink of water.” He winks at me. Colin shuffles his feet nervously before Larry pulls a nip out of his back pocket.

“I find that the men usually need a shot to loosen up.”

Colin’s grin grows wide as he takes the nip and chugs it.

“Thanks.” He chortles.

“Ok, let’s get started then! Face your partner and stand close together- close enough that your torsos are touching.” Larry positions us.

“I like this.” Colin grins devilishly at me.

“Colin, place your right hand on the middle of Elle’s lower back. Extend your left hand out to your side with your arm bent and grasp her right hand in a loose grip. On the first beat, walk forward slowly with your left foot, placing down your heel first and then your toes. Elle will mirror each of your movements on every beat throughout the dance.”

The music starts and Larry guides us through the moves he just explained. On the second beat, we step forward slowly slinking forward together followed by stepping forward quickly and immediately sliding our feet quickly to the right. We practice this a few times until we’re comfortable with it before moving on. I love the way Colin’s body cradles mine. The heat he gives off.

“Great! Now, shift your weight to your left foot and do a right forward rock step: While making a half-turn clockwise, step forward quickly on your right foot, and then quickly shift your weight back to your left foot. With your right foot, slowly step forward to complete the half turn.”

“Ah what?” Colin stops moving us completely confused. Larry laughs at our flabbergasted faces and walks us through the rest slowly. After running through the moves almost ten times we finally nail it and move around the floor seductively together in a real tango. My body buzzes with excitement as we dance.

“This is awesome!” I squeal. “I feel like one of those professional dancers being swept all over the floor by you.”
Colin’s only response is a shit eating grin as he keeps me pressed tightly to him and continues to move us to the music.

Our lesson was quite possibly the most fun I’ve had in a long time. The closeness of the moves, the way he lead me around the floor and the fact that he too enjoyed himself has my heart beating wildly in my chest. Joy. Unadulterated joy. Unbuckling my seatbelt I lean across the middle console of the car and start trailing kisses from his ear down to his neck.

“What’s gotten into you?” He smirks.

“You make me feel Colin. I don't want the past to define me anymore.”

“It doesn't define you. You define you.” He puts the car in park and turns to me. “You’ve been doing all these things, we’ve been doing them. Do you realize that we’ve done
more together in two weeks than most couples do in a lifetime? We fit Elle. I want you to enjoy me. I love seeing you carefree and happy.”

“I need to thank your mom.” I blab causing him to treat me to one of his dimples and a deep belly laugh. It’s such a turn on seeing him so happy and content.

I crawl into his lap, my butt beeping the horn accidentally in the process, and kiss him like the world is ending. Our kiss soon becomes frenzied and desperate. We can never seem to get close enough to each other. I pop the door hand
le spilling us out of the car his mouth is gentle as he kisses me below the slope where my neck and shoulder meet. We barely make it into the cottage before clothes are flying and I’m in his arms, legs wrapped at his waist. He stumbles back smashing me into the wall but that doesn't break our kiss. His erection presses between my legs and I think I’ll go insane with need if he doesn't take me soon. “Colin.” I pant. “I need you.” He adjust his hips and slams into me.

There are no words for the pleasure it brings me. Pounding into me with lust lidded eyes he reaches one hand between us and finds the one spot that drives me insane. I don’t have time to catch my breath from his
lascivious kisses before a strangled groan tears from my throat and I’m twisted tighter until I’m coming. Wave after wave of earth shattering tsunamis break over me until I can’t cling to him anymore. I never understood what it felt like to both desire and feel desired before now. He carries all my weight with ease finishing moments after I do. Sliding down the wall to the floor in a mess of body parts he murmurs in my ear, “The things you do to me.” His words make me tremble, not in fear but in knowing that he’s crazy about me. Every action matches every word he speaks to me. He shows me nothing but love and kindness. He gazes at me as if I were the center of his world. It’s a heady feeling. His fingers draw lazy patterns up and down my arms for a spell until we’re forced to move from the unforgiving hardwood floor to somewhere more comfortable.