#3 Truth and Kisses (5 page)

I gave up and put on the cap and Converse with the leggings and the fleece. I would have been better off asking the dog.

4:55 p.m.

Two words about today's bike ride: it sucked.

Brynn, Billy, and I did the same ride we've always done. We rode four miles to Rock Creek. When we got there, we stopped and took pictures of the three of us clowning around in the trees on the edge of the creek. After that, we pedaled west to Mr. Agee's farm, where we sat side by side on his fence and counted cows. Then we rode to 7-Eleven and bought Slurpees before heading home.

The problems started at Rock Creek. When we sat down on the bank of the creek to look at the pictures we'd taken, Brynn pulled up a picture on her phone of the three of us. “This is kind of crooked,” she said. Then she started editing the photo, and when she straightened it, I got cropped out. “Look, this is cute,” she said as she handed the phone to Billy.

I couldn't believe what she'd done. The same sort of thing happened when we got to Mr. Agee's farm. Brynn had packed water bottles for all of us. She's always been the one in charge of bringing drinks and snacks, and she's always brought three water bottles and three granola bars. But today she only had two of everything. “I can't believe I forgot to bring three,” she said as she pulled the snacks and drinks from her bag. I thought she was going to say she forgot to bring one for me, but what she said was much worse. “Billy and I can share.” Then she handed me a water and a granola bar like I was the odd man out.

And to be honest, I felt like it. We finished up the bike ride, but I wasn't into it. I didn't even have fun when we stopped to get Slurpees. It was so evident that Brynn likes Billy. She's being super aggressive about trying to get him. I guess it's also evident that if I want him back, I better do something about it too. ASAP!

Sunday, January 19, 5:02 p.m.
Confused.
Again.

This morning, I took May and June outside in the front yard to teach them how to rake pine needles into a house. Brynn and Billy and I used to love to make pine needle houses when we were little, and it made me kind of nostalgic thinking about it. Even though part of me is mad at Brynn for the way she's been acting lately, part of me misses her and the way we used to be.

Anyway, my sisters needed some convincing. “It's cold out here,” said May.

“Yeah,” said June. “It's cold out here.”

I handed them each a rake. “You'll warm up when you start working.” I showed them how to rake the pine needles into rooms with walls. “Leave an opening for a door there,” I instructed June. As I was helping them, my mind wandered to Billy. When we used to make pine needle houses, he was the architect and he drew out intricate floor plans for Brynn and me to execute. I was picturing him as a third grader hunched over his drawing pad when I came up with a great idea. I decided to text Billy to see if he wanted to come over and help us make the house. It was a brilliant plan! May and June love Billy. They would be so excited if he helped us. I could picture how much fun we'd all have. I was composing the text on my phone when I realized I was suddenly engulfed in someone's shadow. I turned around.

Matt Parker was standing there. I shoved my phone with the unsent text into my pocket. He looked down at the ground around me. “Are you making pine needle houses?”

I didn't want to say that I was, but it was pretty obvious.

“Do you want to help us?” May asked.

I waited for him to say,
“I'll pass.”
But he didn't. “Sure.” Matt laughed. He took the rake from me and started raking. I watched speech-lessly as he made a wall of pine needles.

“That's the kitchen,” June said, pointing to the wall he was raking.

Matt nodded like it made perfect sense and kept raking.

I furrowed my brow as I watched him. He seemed oddly comfortable.

“Problem?” Matt asked like he was trying to read my thoughts.

I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to tell him that he had surprised me, in a good way. I wrapped my arms around my middle. “It's cold out here!” I said, like the temperature was my only issue.

Matt didn't miss a beat. He propped his rake against a tree, then put his arms around me and pulled me in next to him. I could feel his breath against my neck. “I'll warm you up,” he said.

I was speechless. So were May and June. I could feel them both looking at me. Then May broke the silence. “Brynn!” she said, and waved. I turned my head in the direction May was waving. Even though Matt had made my heart start racing, I'm pretty sure it completely stopped when I saw Brynn.

She was standing there, open-mouthed. “I decided to walk over and see if you wanted to hang out,” she said when I looked at her. Then she shrugged. “But I can see you're busy.”

I thought Matt would let me go at that point, but he didn't.

Brynn gave Matt a disapproving look that seemed like it should be coming from my mother, not my best friend. “I'll come back another time,” she said, and then turned and left.

I wanted to crawl under one of the piles of pine needles. I didn't like Brynn's reaction. I think Matt could tell I was upset. He squeezed me and then dropped his arms. “What's her problem?” he asked.

I took a deep breath and shrugged. Not an answer I wanted to share with Matt Parker.

10:32 p.m.
Problems

I haven't heard from Brynn all day, and I can't decide if I should call her.

I know if I try to explain that what she saw isn't what she thinks she saw, she'll say it couldn't possibly be anything else. She has probably already called Billy and told him what happened. Unfortunately, that's not even my biggest problem.

My biggest problem is that I've been confused all day. It's what happens whenever I'm around Matt Parker. He's the only thing that has ever come between Billy and me (well, except for Brynn), and I'm not going to let that happen again. What's the point?! He doesn't
like
me, like me. He likes to flirt with me, or rake with me, or walk with me. But that's it. I'm done being confused about Matt Parker. He's gorgeous and mysterious and my neighbor, but that's it. I LIKE BILLY!

What I need to be thinking about is Billy and how to get him back.

It can't be that hard. It would be nice if I had someone to talk with about this, like a best friend. But I don't! My best friend is off doing what I should be doing, which is getting the boy of her dreams. How is she doing it? By giving him gifts and writing an article about him and sharing water bottles and granola bars. I wouldn't have called that a perfect plan, but it seems to be working better than anything I've come up with.

And now she can tell Billy that she saw me in my front yard hugging Matt Parker. If Billy didn't like her before, he will now. Brynn should thank me for practically handing her Billy.

How could I be so stupid to let Matt hug me in full view of the neighborhood? If I hadn't gotten four As and one B on my last report card, I'd be seriously concerned for my intelligence. Now putting my brain to work on a brilliant plan of my own. I just don't know what it is yet.

10:47 p.m.
Online

According to Google results, the top ten ways to get your boyfriend back are as follows:

1. Give him space.

2. Play hard to get.

3. Kill him with kindness.

4. Dress more attractively.

5. Hang out where he does.

6. Be irresistible.

7. Find a new hobby.

8. Focus more on school or work.

9. Laugh when he talks.

10. Stand up straight.

Just one question: when the Internet makes me more confused than ever, how am I supposed to figure out what to do?

—Maya Angelou

Wednesday, January 22, 6:17 p.m.

I've been trying very hard for the last few days NOT to think about the Billy situation, and the reason for that is because I have NO idea what I think about it, or more specifically, what to do about it. I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a plan, but I haven't come up with anything. It's put me in a rotten mood all week, which was the mood I was in when I got to the community center this afternoon.

“What's wrong with you, Miss Grumpy Pants?” Des asked as we started rehearsal.

“Nothing,” I lied. I replicated the jazz step Ms. Baumann had just demonstrated. “Your turn,” I said to Des. She shook her head and planted her feet on the floor.

“C'mon!” I tried to coax her into moving. “You need to learn the step.”

Des's hands were on her hips. “I'll do the step when you tell me what's wrong.”

I let out a loud breath. For a cute little kid, she could be very frustrating. I wasn't going to tell her about my boy problems, but the next thing I knew, Ms. Baumann was pointing to me like I'd better get my student moving. “Just tell me what it's about,” whispered Des. “Then I'll dance.”

“Fine,” I said. “Boy issues.”

Ms. Baumann gave us both a stern look as Des let out a whoop. Thankfully, she did the step. “I love boy issues,” said Des.

This was ridiculous. “What do you know about boys? You're ten.”

Des's grin was as big as her face. “I know a lot. I watch TV.” Des was serious. “Go ahead. Tell me your problem, and I'll tell you how to solve it.”

I pointed to Ms. Baumann, who was demonstrating the next step in the dance. “Go!” I said when Ms. Baumann told the girls to try it.

Des shook her head at me. “You first.”

I groaned. It was impossible to reason with her. I knew I'd have to talk if I wanted her to dance. “My problem is that I had a boyfriend, we broke up, and now I want him back.”

“Easy,” said Des. “Go get him.”

I shook my head at her. “That's not how it works.”

“Then tell me how it works.” Her feet were glued to the floor. It was clear she wasn't going anywhere.

“Boys can be complicated,” I said.

“Not as complicated as learning to dance,” she said. Des sat down on the floor and gave me her I'd-rather-talk-than-dance look. I'm not sure which will be more complicated—finding a way to get back together with Billy or teaching her to dance.

Thursday, January 23, 1:33 p.m.
Study Hall

Mr. Barton just told Brynn and me that if we can't stop laughing, he's sending us to the office. Unfortunately, it's not so easy to stop laughing after what happened at lunch.

As Brynn and I were leaving the cafeteria, the most jaw-dropping thing happened. Brynn pointed to Ashley Simon, who was coming out of the bathroom. Ashley's skirt was tucked into the back of her underwear, and you could see the letters THUR written across her butt.

“Isn't she a little old to be wearing days-of-the-week panties?” I asked.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought so, because laughter spread as Ashley walked through the cafeteria. When she passed Kelly Blake, Kelly stopped her and whispered in her ear. There was clapping and whistling as Ashley pulled her skirt out of her underwear and ran out of the cafeteria.

Brynn and I cracked up. “She had it coming to her,” said Brynn. She looped a conspiratorial arm around me. “Justice is served!”

I knew we were both thinking about the time Ashley “accidentally” spilled a carton of milk on me in fourth grade, which made it look like I'd wet my pants. Brynn told the teacher that Ashley had done it on purpose, but it was her word against Ashley's, and Ashley managed to escape trouble. To this day, it bothers Brynn. She can be such a good friend.

I just wish it happened more often.

Friday, January 24, 1:48 p.m.
Study Hall
Ultra annoyed

At lunch today, Billy had to make up a test, so it was just Brynn and me. All she could talk about was how awesome the Valentine's dance is going to be. “The committee is making such amazing plans,” she said, like it was a big, exciting secret.

I nodded like I appreciated she'd told me that, even though I didn't because I knew she was going to say she couldn't tell me more. Brynn continued. “I never knew how much work went into planning these things. It's been really special to get to watch it happen.”

“I'm sure,” I said unenthusiastically.

Brynn eyed me like she was trying to interpret my response. “I'm sure it's hard for you to understand,” she said. “I wish I could tell you all the cool stuff that's in the works. But when you see it, you'll get what I'm talking about.” Then Brynn looked at me like she felt sorry for me.

I felt sorry for me too … I had to sit there listening to her!

10:33 p.m.
Starting to bore myself

My brain is literally consumed with the Billy/Brynn situation. I feel like Brynn and I are just pretending to be friends, and I have no idea how to get Billy back. I know I've overthought the whole thing, and now it's like I'm paralyzed and can't do anything.

Tonight I really needed someone to talk to, so I called Sophie. I wasn't even sure she would answer, but she picked up on the first ring like she was super happy to hear from me.

I told her about the sweater and the bike ride and the picture and the secrets about the dance that Billy and Brynn
can't
tell me.

“I know Brynn likes him. I hate that she won't tell me she does, but it sucks even more that we're supposed to be best friends, or we were, and now we're really not.” I let out a breath. “I like Billy, but I don't know how to tell him I do. It's all so complicated.”

Sophie was quiet for a while, like she was thinking. “It's really not complicated,” she said. “It sounds like a lot of the stuff you're describing falls into the things-that-don't-matter category.”

“They matter to me,” I said defensively.

“I didn't mean they don't matter,” Sophie said, like she hadn't meant to be hurtful. “I just meant it's small stuff and you should let it go.” I was quiet, so she continued. “Talk to Brynn and Billy. Just be honest.” Sophie made everything sound so simple. And it probably would be.