#3 Truth and Kisses (11 page)

Matt shook his head politely, like it wasn't a problem. “It's OK,” he whispered in my ear as he left, but it wasn't OK for me.

When Dad got home we went on our “family outing,” which was a drive down a country road. In the history of Sinclair family outings, we'd never taken a drive down a deserted road. The more cows we passed, the madder I got. “I know you did this just so I couldn't be with Matt,” I said from the backseat.

I saw Mom and Dad glance at each other in the rearview. “That's not true,” said Dad.

“You're lying,” I mumbled.

“April!” Dad said my name sharply. May and June scooted away from me, like they didn't want to be part of what was happening. That made me even madder. They're my sisters, so they're supposed to be on my side, and they were having fun when Matt pushed them on the swings this morning.

I poked May in the leg. “Tell Mom and Dad how nice Matt is. Tell them that he pushed you on the swing and how much fun it was.” I knew my voice had a sharp tone, but I couldn't help it. May was quiet. I poked her again. “Go on. Tell them,” I said.

“Matt's OK,” she said quietly. “But I like Billy better.” Her voice was almost inaudible. June looked out the window.

For once, she wasn't going to repeat what she heard, even though her body language made it pretty clear she felt the same way. Mom and Dad looked at each other. They heard what was being said. And what wasn't.

Saturday, March 8
Started out weird
Ended happy

Billy called early this morning. “What's up? I haven't seen you all week.”

“I've just been hanging out,” I said. I knew it sounded lame, but I wasn't ready to tell him about Matt. It hadn't gone well when I'd told my family. I couldn't image how Billy and Brynn would react.

“What do you say you, Brynn, and me go on a bike ride tomorrow?” I didn't answer right away. I wasn't sure that was what I wanted to do.

“C'mon,” said Billy. “It'll be fun.” I knew I couldn't say no. I also knew that sooner or later I'd have to tell my friends about Matt. And sooner was probably better than later. At least they'd have time to digest it before we go back to school.

So Brynn and I met at Billy's, and we went on the bike ride we've done together so many times before. We rode to Rock Creek, then on to Mr. Agee's farm, and we finished our ride with Slurpees at 7-Eleven, just like we've always done. As we sat down on the curb to drink them, I knew it was time to say something.

I waited for the sugary rush from the Slurpee to go to my head. “I have an announcement to make.” It sounded overly dramatic, even to me. Brynn and Billy stopped drinking and looked at me. Anxiety coursed through me. I started talking before I could chicken out. “Matt and I are going out.” I said. The words sat on the curb like a divider between us. No one said anything. Finally, Brynn broke the silence.

“Do you think that's a good idea?” she asked, like she didn't.

“Matt's nice.” I tried to keep my voice steady. I didn't want to seem defensive.

Brynn shook her head like she disagreed with my choice of adjectives. I didn't want to get emotional, but I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Billy could tell I was upset.

He put an arm around me. “Trust your judgment.” He managed to sound diplomatic and reassuring at the same time, even though I'm sure it wasn't easy for him. Then he squeezed my shoulder. It seemed like his way of saying he'd always be there for me.

When we finished drinking our Slurpees, we pedaled home. As I left them behind at Billy's and rode home, I kept thinking about that conversation. Billy had made it easy. He's always a gentleman. Brynn's reaction was annoying, but it was what I expected. It sucks that she couldn't just be happy for me. I know we're growing apart, and it makes me sad.

When I got home, I called Sophie. She'd been in France all week, so I hadn't been able to tell her about getting together with Matt. She started screaming into the phone—in French!

“Huh?” I laughed. I had no clue what Sophie had said.

“I'm sooooooo happy for you!” she explained.

Hearing her voice, and having someone be happy for me—even in another language—made me smile bigger than I had all day.

—Justin Timberlake

Sunday, March 9, 9:45 p.m.
Last night of spring break

Tonight I went to Gaga and Willy's for dinner. My whole family was there, and the main topic of conversation was me. Mom must have told Aunt Lilly and Aunt Lila about Matt, because all night they kept “teasing” me—or harassing me, depending on how you look at it—about my new boyfriend.

“April, we hear Matt's a real cutie pie,” said Aunt Lilly.

“A ninth grader! Wowsa!” said Aunt Lila.

Wowsa?
I could feel myself getting annoyed, and dinner hadn't even started yet. I knew my aunts weren't really impressed that Matt's cute or in ninth grade. All the stuff they were saying was a cover for what they were really trying to do, which was to find out information for Mom, who I'm sure told them she's worried about me going out with Matt. And they weren't the only ones talking about my relationship.

Harry, who is in tenth grade and knows Matt from school, had a lot to say about him too. Actually, he didn't have much to say, but what he said made an impact.

“Matt's an asshole,” Harry announced.

Unfortunately, it made my aunts try even harder than they already had to get information out of me. Aunt Lila took my hand like we were buddies and we had to talk. “So tell us all about him,” she said.

I snatched my hand away. I didn't want to talk about Matt—I wanted to defend him. “How do you know Matt's an asshole?” I asked Harry. “Are you friends? Have you ever hung out with him? Do you even know him?”

Mom didn't give Harry a chance to answer. She nodded toward my cousins Charlotte and Izzy, who are five. “April, let's not use profanity in front of your cousins.”

“Harry used it first,” I said. All I did was repeat what he'd said, which was an unfair thing for him to say in the first place. I didn't think I should be getting blamed for anything here when the people who deserved the blame were the ones getting into my business for no good reason. I tried to change the subject at that point.

“It's pretty cold for early March,” I said. I would have much rather talked about the weather than about Matt, but no one seemed to want to talk about anything other than him.

“Can I see a picture of him?” Amanda asked. I couldn't very well say no, so I pulled out my phone and showed her the one Matt took of us on the bus. Everyone crowded around like I had a picture of the president on my phone. My aunts, Mom, Harry, Charlotte, and Izzy all wanted to see. Somehow Gaga had gotten into the mix too.

“You're pretty cozy there,” Aunt Lila said when she saw the picture.

“He's hot,” said Amanda.

“He sure is!” Gaga put her fingers between her teeth and whistled.

Izzy laughed.

“If I had a boyfriend like that, I'd want to get cozy too,” said Amanda.

Aunt Lilly looked like she was about to explode. She shook a finger at Amanda like she didn't approve of her daughter talking that way. Then she looked at me and made a
tssk
sound, like the direction the conversation had taken was my fault.

But I hadn't done anything wrong! I'm not the one who started the conversation, and it wasn't my fault that Amanda expressed an opinion. She has an opinion on everything.

I'd had just about all I could take. I could feel tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I tried to blink them back. It was the last night of spring break, and I'd come to Gaga's to eat grilled steak, not be grilled about my new boyfriend.

Then something shocking happened. Gaga came to my defense. I think she could tell that I was upset. She wrapped an arm around me. “When I was your age,” she said loudly, like she was talking to me but wanted the whole group to hear what she had to say, “I had my first boyfriend.”

“This is April's second boyfriend,” Amanda interjected.

Gaga ignored her and kept going. “In matters of the heart, there is only one person you need to listen to.” She squeezed my shoulders and looked at me directly. “Only you can know how you truly feel about another person, and that's what matters most. Sometimes you have to take a chance on relationships.”

Then she looked at everyone who was gathered around like she was done talking to me and was now addressing them. “You have to block out what others have to say and do what you think is right for you.” When she finished her speech, I wanted to salute her.

Bravo Gaga!

Everyone was quiet. Gaga just stood there, like she wanted the full effect of what she'd said to sink in. Then she announced that dinner was served.

So I sat down with my family and ate steak with sautéed mushrooms. I'm not sure if it was the delicious dinner or Gaga's wise and protective words that made me so happy, but a warm, relaxed feeling spread through me like the melting butter on the steak.

“Delicious dinner,” my Uncle Drew said to Gaga.

“Thank you.” Gaga looked pleased with herself. “I used a recipe tonight.”

Everyone chuckled. Sometimes Gaga cooks with recipes, but more often than not, she's what she calls a creative cook. She likes to “make it up as she goes along.” Sometimes the results are good, but sometimes they're not.

I had the thought that life would be a lot easier if it came with a recipe—an instruction manual on how to do things, like tell if your best friend likes your boyfriend, or in this case, your ex-boyfriend, or how to tell if he still likes you, and most importantly, how to tell if the hot guy next door likes you as more than a friend.

That would definitely simplify things.

It's crazy—just a few months ago, I was so sure I wanted to get back together with Billy. But now I know I wanted it for the wrong reasons. I think Sophie had it right. Maybe it was because I didn't want Billy to be with Brynn, or because I wanted him to always be there for me. Maybe it was a little of both.

But it doesn't matter. Sometimes it's just hard to separate friendship from something more. And for that matter, it's hard to deal with friendships as they change. It makes me sad that Brynn and I don't see eye to eye like we used to. Hopefully, we can get back there again.

And then there's Matt.

I get why my parents are worried. Matt's older, and they don't really know him. Not like they knew Billy. I guess that's the problem May and June and even Brynn have too—they just don't know Matt. But I know him. And I like him. A lot.

Going out with him makes me feel like there are all kinds of possibilities, a whole world just waiting for me to explore it. Gaga said only I can know what's right for me, and what feels right for me is Matt Parker. I'm trusting my heart.

It seems like a very Zen thing to do.

Laurie Friedman remembers what it felt like to be torn between two boys in middle school. One Valentine's Day, she went through a whole box of candy hearts hoping to gain some insight into her true feelings. She remembers it as tasty but unhelpful.

Ms. Friedman is the author of
Can You Say Catastrophe?
and
Too Good to Be True
, the first two books in the Mostly Miserable Life of April Sinclair series. She is also the author of the award-winning Mallory series as well as many picture books, including
I'm Not Afraid of this Haunted House
;
Love, Ruby Valentine
;
Thanksgiving Rules
; and
Back to School Rules
. She lives in Miami with her family. You can find Laurie B. Friedman on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter, or at
www.lauriebfriedman.com
.