#3 Truth and Kisses (7 page)

Brynn had her camera around her neck, and she was following Billy everywhere, snapping pictures and making notes on her phone. When Billy saw me, he did this weird half-wave. I couldn't tell if it meant “I'm too busy being president to stop and talk” or “I'm pissed.”

“Isn't this cool?” Brynn said when she passed me in the hall.

“Yeah,” I lied.

Friday, February 7, 9:45 p.m.
Back to normal

Until this afternoon, I would've classified this as a mostly uneventful week of unsuccessful attempts to a) teach Des to dance, b) figure out if Billy still feels the same way he did when he said,
“I miss this,”
and c) forget about Matt saying, “You should probably get going.” Then something eventful happened.

Brynn called and asked if I wanted to go shopping tomorrow for dresses to wear to the dance. “It's been way too long since we've done something fun together,” she said. Then she went on for a long time about how much fun we always have when we shop together—which we do, it's true. So I said yes, and as we talked about where we were going to go and what we were going to buy and when we would meet, it felt like everything was normal again.

10:02 p.m.
Back to NOT

I thought about it more, and just because Brynn asked me to go shopping with her doesn't mean her feelings about Billy have changed. For all I know, she wants me to go shopping with her because she knows I trust her taste in clothes. How do I know she's not just trying to get me to buy a dress that looks terrible on me? What was I thinking? Things aren't normal at all!

10:32 p.m.

Sophie just called, and I thought maybe it was because she has some kind of Zen ESP thing and could sense that I needed to talk, but that wasn't it. “If you had to choose between cinnamon or sage, which color would you pick?”

“Aren't those spices?”

“Irrelevant,” said Sophie. “It's for a project I'm working on. Don't think, just pick.”

“Cinnamon,” I said.

Sophie exhaled like I'd given her the answer she was looking for. “So, how are you?” she asked. I gave a rundown of everything that's happened since the last time we talked. I told her about Billy calling and saying,
“I miss this,”
and Brynn seeing me with Matt and possibly telling Billy, and hanging out at Matt's, and then about Brynn asking me to go shopping. “How do I know she'd not going to convince me to buy a dress that looks terrible on me?”

“Wow,” she said when I finished. “One thing at a time. First, I thought you were going to tell Billy how you feel.”

I groaned into the phone. “I was going to. But I can't now. I don't know what Brynn told him, so I don't know how he feels about me. I don't want to tell him I like him and then have him say he doesn't like me.”

Sophie made an
ehhh
sound, like she didn't quite agree with my reasoning. “OK, what about Brynn? Why don't you tell her when you go shopping that you still like Billy and that it bothers you that you think she likes Billy, and you don't like how it's affecting your friendship.”

“I can't.”

“Why not?” asked Sophie.

“What would I say? He was my boyfriend first, and I don't like that you gave him a nice gift and that you're writing an article about him so you can spend time with him?”

“Something like that,” said Sophie.

“Brynn and I are best friends. We should be able to talk about anything, but we can't.”

I waited for Sophie to agree. I thought she was going to say something prophetic about how friendships change and it's hard when they do, but she didn't.

“Why don't you acknowledge how you really feel?” Sophie spoke slowly and quietly, like she wanted to make sure her words sank in. “I think you should admit that you don't want Brynn to have Billy, but you don't really want him for yourself. Maybe you want him to always be there for you, but I think the one you want to be with is Matt.”

“No!” I'd just told Sophie how upset I was about Brynn possibly telling Billy she saw me with Matt and how that messes up all my plans (not that I had any good ones) to get back together with Billy. “I don't get why you would say that,” I said to Sophie.

She laughed into the phone like I was the one who wasn't getting it. “Because it's the truth.”

—Taylor Swift

Saturday, February 8, 6:45 p.m.

Brynn and I went to the mall this morning. When we first got there, I wasn't sure how the day was going to turn out. Brynn was totally focused on finding her dress first. Once we did, she wanted to look for shoes to go with it. We went into three different stores before she finally settled on a pair of black wedges. But after that, she was totally into helping me. “April, check this out,” she said when we went into a small boutique with cool stuff. She was holding up a pink beaded mini dress. “It's super cute, your size, and on sale.”

When she showed it to me, the first thing I thought was that it might be too glam. The dress she'd just gotten was all black and much simpler. The thought that Brynn wouldn't give me good fashion advice flashed through my head again. I could picture everyone staring at me and whispering as I showed up in a way-too-glitzy dress.

“You don't think it's too much for a school dance, do you?”

Brynn put the dress in my hands. “Just try it on.”

When I did, I couldn't help but smile. It fit perfectly, and the price was right. “It's awesome,” I said to Brynn.

She squealed. “I told you!” After we got the dress, we found some gold flats to go with it, and then we went to the food court to get lunch. I thought about Sophie's advice to be honest. I figured it was a good chance to at least try and talk to her about things. “This was fun,” I said as we sat down with our salads.

“Yeah,” Brynn said. I knew she got what I meant.

“I feel like we've gotten kind of far apart lately, and it bums me out.” I tried to say it lightly. I didn't want it to seem like I was making too big a deal out of things.

Brynn nodded like she agreed. “I know. It's been hard. I've been so busy with the dance and the story for the paper.” She shrugged like that explained it, but it didn't.

“So who do you want to dance with at the dance?” I tried to ask in a sing-songy kind of way, like I wasn't concerned about anyone in particular.

Brynn took a bite of her salad. “No one special,” she said after she swallowed.

I looked at her to see if she was telling the truth. But her face didn't give away anything. There were still a lot of things I wanted to ask her, like why she brought me back a T-shirt from her ski trip and Billy a sweater, and if she likes him as more than a friend, and if she told Billy that she saw me with Matt. But she stood up and dumped the rest of her barely eaten salad in the trash, and I knew I couldn't ask those things. She wouldn't have answered anyway.

Conversation over. It was the most I was going to get from Brynn.

Sunday, February 9, 10:42 p.m.
A text from Billy

Billy: What's up?

Me: Not much.

Me: You?

Billy: Not much.

I waited to see what else he would write, but it didn't seem like he was going to, so I did.

Me: Going to bed.

Billy: Yeah. Me too.

Me: Nighty night.

Billy: :-)

His text didn't exactly say
I want to get back together
, but it also didn't say
Brynn told me she saw you with Matt, and I'm pissed
. All in all, a pretty good text.

Monday, February 10, 1:34 p.m.
Study Hall

The only thing anyone at school is talking about is the dance on Friday night. In PE, Julia Lozano told everyone she heard there's going to be a real DJ. After assembly, Jake Willensky told everyone he heard there was going to be a Dippin' Dots cart. At lunch, Billy was at a dance committee meeting and Brynn was in the newsroom editing what she said will be “the best piece ever” in the
Faraway Middle News
, so I sat with Emily, Kate, and Vanessa, and they were talking about the dance too. “I heard there's going to be a dance contest,” Emily said.

“With awesome prizes,” Kate added.

Vanessa grinned. “Put my name on one!” She smiled with confidence.

I felt the excitement too. Hopefully, we hadn't been going to dance practice every day since school started for nothing. As I was listening to Emily talk about what we should do to win the contest, my mind was picturing Billy watching me dance in my pink dress. And that's when it hit me. At the dance, I'm going to tell Billy I want to get back together. It'll be perfect timing. I can't believe I didn't think of it before.

“Earth to April,” I heard Emily say as I was picturing Billy and me happily slow dancing to the last song of the night.

I looked up, startled. “Oops, sorry!” I said. But the only thing I was really sorry about was that it had taken me so long to think up this brilliant plan.

Wednesday, February 12, 9:45 p.m.
Deep in thought

I spent most of today thinking about talking to Billy at the dance. Even though he hasn't said anything else to me about how he feels, he did text me the other night, and I could tell from his text that he's not mad. I think I just need to do what Sophie said and tell him how I feel. And what better time to do it than at the Valentine's Day dance, when I'll be wearing my new pink, sparkly dress? The more I thought about it, the more excited I was.

It was what I was thinking about when I got to the community center after school. Des took one look at me and said, “Why are you all smiles today?”

Usually I make Des dance before I give her any info, but today I didn't. I launched right into my plan to tell Billy that I want to get back together. When I finished talking, Des frowned. “I don't like it,” she said.

I was sure she would. “You're the one who told me to ‘go get him.'”

She shook her head. “I didn't mean like that.”

“Then how?” I asked.

“I don't know,” Des said slowly, like she was actually putting a lot of thought into what I was going to do. “It just seems weird to show up at a dance and tell your old boyfriend that you want to get back together. It's, like, too planned.”

I let out a deep breath. Then Ms. Baumann said it was time to dance. For a minute, what Des said bothered me. But as we started to go over the hip-hop steps, I decided to let her ten-year-old nonsense go. I don't even know why I told her what I'm doing anyway.

Thursday, February 13, 9:45 p.m.
Off the phone

Billy just called. We didn't talk for long, but I'm glad he called.

“Tomorrow is going to be a busy day with the dance and everything, so before things get crazy, I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” I said in a flirty voice.

Billy laughed. “Hi,” he said back.

We both laughed. Any worries I still had about Brynn having said something to him about seeing me with Matt or him being mad melted away. “So, do you think the dance will be fun?” I asked.

“I do,” said Billy. “Especially for some people.”

“What do you mean by that?” I had to ask.

Billy stalled, like he was thinking. “I just meant there are lots of surprises in store.”

That's when it hit me. What if Billy is planning to do the same thing at the dance that I'm planning to do? What if one of the surprises he's talking about is that he's going to tell me he wants to get back together? We've definitely had some good moments lately. Billy doesn't say things unless he means them. Visions of me in sparkly pink, dancing with him, float through my head.

I officially can't wait until tomorrow!

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Friday, February 14, 7:32 a.m.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This morning I washed and flat-ironed my hair, put on my new red-and-white-striped sweater, white jeans, and pink lip gloss, and gave May and June boxes of candy hearts, which I convinced Mom to let them eat at breakfast.“You're the best big sister ever,” May said as she ate her hearts without even bothering to read the messages on them.

“Yeah,” June said, like she genuinely agreed and wasn't just repeating what she'd heard. “You're the best big sister ever.” She read each message out loud before she popped the hearts in her mouth.
Crazy for you. Soul mate. Wink wink
. The words sounded funny coming out of her seven-year-old mouth, and everyone laughed as she read them.

I don't have much time to write. Dad's about to drive me to school. I just took a deep Sophie-style breath and let out a big sigh of happy air. The day is off to an excellent start!

1:38 p.m.
Study Hall

This day has continued to go shockingly well. This morning, all of my teachers let us have Valentine's celebrations in class. Mrs. Thompson even brought in pink glazed doughnuts and gave each of us cards that said
You light my Bunsen burner.
It was weird—and maybe slightly inappropriate—but still, it was sweet of her to try.

At lunch, Brynn was in the newsroom putting the “finishing touches” on her article, which meant I got to eat lunch alone with Billy. “So, are you ready for the dance tonight?” he asked. He bumped my shoulder with his like we used to do when we were going out.

I nodded. “Want to tell me about any of the surprises you have planned?” I looked right into Billy's eyes as I spoke.

Billy held my gaze. “That's for me to know and you to find out.”

I can't wait to find out!

5:30 p.m.
Home from the community center

Being anxious about tonight because of a card is dumb.