#3 Truth and Kisses (6 page)

For her.

Sunday, January 26, 7:02 p.m.
Home from the diner

Today Dad's brother, Uncle Marty, and his son, Sam, drove in from Mobile. It was Sam's birthday, so Dad closed the Love Doctor Diner early and we all had dinner together. We don't see Uncle Marty and Sam very often, but when we do, it's always interesting. Like tonight. It started when Dad asked Sam how he was doing. “I just turned five.” He held up four fingers.

Uncle Marty smiled at Sam. “He hasn't quite gotten the counting thing down yet.”

“When I poop, I can wipe myself,” said Sam. May and June looked at each other and started laughing. I have to admit, I thought it was pretty funny too. Even Mom couldn't help smiling.

“Sam, remember what we talked about,” said Uncle Marty. “That's not table talk.”

Sam didn't seem to remember. “Dad wipes himself when he poops too. I've seen him do it,” said Sam.

“Sam!” said Uncle Marty. May and June were falling out of their chairs. I was laughing too. But Sam was just getting started. “When I eat corn you can see it in my poop.” Sam pulled his khaki pants away from his belly and stuck his hand down them. I don't know what he was looking for. Maybe poop with corn in it. I was laughing so hard, tears were rolling down my cheeks. May and June were literally on the floor.

“Girls, that's enough,” said Mom. She made everybody sit back down and gave Uncle Marty a look like he needed to do something to restore some order.

He pulled Sam's hand out of his pants. “Sam, why don't you tell everyone about Cassie.”

Sam nodded like he was happy to talk about her. “We're getting married. I got a ring in the gumball machine at the car wash, and tomorrow on the playground I'm going to ask her to marry me.” I bit my lip. I knew I shouldn't laugh.

Sam pulled the ring out of his pocket and showed it to us.

I could tell Uncle Marty thought it was cute. “Sam, tell them why you think Cassie is going to say yes when you ask her to marry you.”

Sam sat up straight while he talked. It was easy to see his confidence on this topic. “Cassie is going to say yes when I ask her to marry me because the other day at lunch, she gave me one of her Oreos.”

His answer made me smile. Love sure is simple when you're five. I wish it was that easy at thirteen.

—Neil Armstrong

Tuesday, January 28, 7:02 p.m.
I'm a genius.
I think.

We had a day off from practice at the community center, so I decided to ask Billy to come over to help me find good music to download. It was a last-minute idea, and Billy said yes, so I decided to take it as a sign that today was the day I should do the Sophie thing and just be honest and tell him how I feel. But it was kind of hard to do when he first got to my house because when May and June saw him, they went nuts.

“Billy!” screamed May.

“Billy!” screamed June.

They were all over him, and both made him give them piggyback rides down the hall. When they finally left us alone, we sat down on the floor of my room to listen to music. “Do you still like Coldplay?” Billy asked.

I bumped my shoulder into his. “You know I'll always love Coldplay.” Billy reached down and took over my laptop. “We Never Change” started to play. It's not their most popular song, but it's really pretty. Billy and I sat side by side, listening. Neither of us said anything as we listened, but the meaning of the lyrics wasn't lost on me. I couldn't help but think that Billy had chosen that song for a reason. As the music played, I let my knee fall so that it was touching his. He didn't move his knee away, but he didn't move it closer either. I looked at Billy, but I couldn't read his expression.

“What are you thinking?” he asked when the song ended.

It was my chance to say something, the perfect moment to tell Billy how I feel. As he looked at me, I thought maybe he was waiting for me to say something about us, about everything that happened. I opened my mouth to speak, but the words stuck in my throat. I wanted to say just the right thing, and suddenly I didn't know what that thing was.

I think Billy sensed my hesitation. “Want to listen to another song?” he asked. Before I could answer, Justin Timberlake's voice filled my room. The perfect moment passed almost as quickly as it had presented itself. Billy and I sat on my floor listening to music until his mom called and told him he had to come home for dinner.

Part of me is upset. I mean, I blew it. At least, I think I did. Another part of me feels like maybe I didn't. This was the first time in a long time that Billy and I were how we used to be. Just April and Billy. That's a step in the right direction.

Isn't it?

Wednesday, January 29, 6:15 p.m.
Home from the community center

“So how are things with you and B-man?” Des asked while we were going over the steps of the hip-hop dance she's going to be doing at the show.

“B-man?” I asked, even though I knew she meant Billy. My boy drama had become her favorite distraction. “We need to focus on your dancing, not my love life.”

Des ignored what I'd said. “Are things good?”

“Yep.” I nodded, then did a series of moves. “Your turn.”

Des copied what I'd done. It didn't exactly look like what I'd done, but at least she tried. “Define good,” said Des.

We'd developed a pattern. I talked. Then she danced.

“Billy came over, and we hung out and listened to music,” I said.

Des wrinkled her nose like something smelled funny. “How's that good?”

I shook my head like I didn't want to get further into this, but Des clearly did. “If you're trying to get Billy back, I don't see how hanging out and listening to music counts as good. You could do that with anybody. Your dad. Your grandma. Even your dog.”

I'd basically had the same thought, but I didn't like hearing it from Des. “I'm not going to sit here explaining the subtleties of a relationship to you.”

She shook her head. “It doesn't sound like a relationship.”

I flinched. Des could tell she'd hit a nerve. “You just need to look for a sign that he likes you,” she added.

“Right,” I said. But I felt pretty stupid taking relationship advice from a ten-year-old.

10:02 p.m.

Billy just texted me. Two words: Sweet dreams.

I'm taking it as a sign.

Friday, January 31, 10:44 p.m.
Rotten Day

It's confirmed: the world is against me. As of last night, everything was great. Billy called me before I went to bed, and we talked for forty-three minutes. When we hung up, his last words to me were, “I miss this.”

“Me too,” I said softly. It was perfect.

But between the time I hung up with Billy last night and the time I got to school this morning, everything had gone wrong. I know I shouldn't blame other people for my problems, but what happened this morning was Dad's fault.

I've been getting a ride to school from him every day, so I haven't had to walk with Matt and take a chance of people seeing me with him. But today, Dad left early without even telling me, so I had no choice but to walk. When I went outside, Matt was standing in his yard like he was waiting for me.

“I'm glad you're walking today,” he said. “I've been wanting to talk to you.” I couldn't imagine why Matt Parker wanted to talk to me. He motioned to his own house. “Has anyone come to your house asking who lives next door?”

He was making no sense. “Why would someone do that?”

Matt didn't really say. He just kept asking if anyone had come to our house asking about who lives in the neighborhood or if I'd seen any strangers hanging out on our street. I couldn't figure out where any of it was coming from. He was weirdly intense. I tried to lighten the mood. “Are you expecting a talent scout?”

Matt half-smiled, like he somewhat appreciated my attempt at humor. As we walked toward Faraway Middle, I kept asking why he was asking me such strange questions until he pointed and said, “Isn't that your friend Brynn?”

I froze. Brynn was standing there with a book open like she was reading, but that wasn't what she was doing, because when Matt pointed to her, I saw her look down. By the time I'd walked into the gates, Brynn was gone, but she'd seen us. It shouldn't matter that I was walking with Matt, but I knew it did. I decided to say something to Brynn, but she beat me to it. After morning assembly, Brynn came up to me.

“I saw you this morning.” It was her way of saying she saw me with Matt and didn't approve.

“We just walked to school together,” I said. “It's nothing.”

“First in your front yard. Now, walking to school.” Brynn shrugged. “It doesn't seem like nothing.”

It was the first time Brynn had brought up the front yard sighting. I'd been hoping she wouldn't, that it would somehow magically have disappeared from her memory bank, but clearly it hadn't. Now I felt like I had to defend myself. “He's my next-door neighbor,” I said, like that explained everything.

Brynn looked at me in this weird, blank way. “Hmmm,” she said.

I wasn't completely sure what
“Hmmm”
meant. I took it to mean,
“I can't wait to tell Billy what I just saw.”
I'm not certain she had told Billy when she saw Matt and me in my front yard, but now I'm pretty sure she's told him about both sightings, because she and Billy weren't in the cafeteria at lunch, and I didn't see Billy for the rest of the day. I was hoping that he would call tonight or at least text. But he didn't.

Not a good sign.

—Oscar Wilde

Saturday, February 1, 9:42 a.m.
Problems

I just called Billy to see if he wanted to hang out today, and I'm pretty sure by his reaction that things between us have changed. He said, “Student government is getting together to make posters for the dance. I have to go. I'm late.” His tone was informational. He didn't sound like the Billy who had called two nights earlier and said,
“I miss this.”
The only reason I could think of that his attitude had changed was because Brynn told him about seeing me with Matt, and he's pissed.

When I hung up with him, I called Brynn to see if she wanted to hang out. I wanted to see if I could get out of her what she'd said to Billy. But she didn't want to hang out. “I'm getting together with the student government dance committee to help make posters,” she told me.

“I thought you were just observing what they do and writing an article about it,” I said.

“That's all it was supposed to be,” said Brynn. “But I've been spending so much time with them, they made me an honorary member of the committee.”

CRAP.

4:38 p.m.
Weirded out
In more ways than one

I'm sure Brynn told Billy about seeing me with Matt. I get why she would. If she likes Billy (which clearly she does), she knows how sensitive Billy is about the subject of Matt and me. She knows that if he heard I was hanging out with Matt, there's no chance Billy would like me. But here's what doesn't quite add up:

It's not like Billy and I act flirty when we're together, especially around Brynn, so she doesn't have a reason to think he likes me and not her. Unless she's just worried about the fact that he used to like me.

Or maybe she does have a reason. Maybe she knows Billy doesn't realize how she feels about him because he's told her how he feels about me. But I don't think Billy would do that. Plus, I'm not even sure how he feels about me.

I actually spent a big chunk of this morning looking in Mom's magnifying mirror, counting my pores and trying to imagine what those two must have been saying about me. The more I thought about it, the more my thoughts began to swirl around in a giant circle that didn't lead down a path toward any answers.

It had me a little weirded out, so after lunch, I decided to take Gilligan on a walk. Surprise, surprise—when I did, I saw Matt. “Want to hang out?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said. Since all my other friends were off together making posters and, in all likelihood, talking about me, I didn't see that it made much difference. So I went over to Matt's, and we sat on his couch and watched TV. For a Saturday, it was strangely quiet at his house. “Where are your parents?” I asked.

“My mom is at work,” Matt said. He didn't mention his dad. Then he looked at me. “I really don't want to talk.”

Did that mean he wanted to kiss? That's all I could figure. And even though the only thing I've been thinking about lately is getting back together with Billy, as I sat there beside Matt on the couch and thought about Brynn talking to Billy about me and Billy barely speaking to me this morning, what I was thinking was that I wanted to kiss Matt too. I moved a little closer to him and tilted my face toward his. It seemed like the perfect moment.

Matt looked at me. Then he looked down. “You should probably get going,” he said. “I have baseball practice this afternoon.”

It wasn't what I'd expected him to say. I felt like such an idiot. The next thing I knew, I was walking home with Gilligan and a head full of even worse thoughts than I'd gone there with.

The whole day was so weird. Sometimes it seems like Matt likes me, and then he has a chance to kiss me, but doesn't. It's so hard to figure him out.

He's like a Rubik's Cube. Nothing ever lines up perfectly.

Does he like me? Or doesn't he? How does Billy feel? Did Brynn tell him what she saw? Does Billy still feel the way he did the other night when we talked? Was he really in a hurry to go this morning because he was late?

Way too many questions. Not enough answers.

Monday, February 3, 1:39 p.m.
Study Hall

This morning, the school dance was the only thing anyone was talking about. When I got to school, there were posters up everywhere. There was a student government rep stationed at every poster passing out teaser pins that said,
What will happen at the dance?