Your Little Secret (14 page)

"No, petrified,” she remarked, before she began laughing out loud as Ethan put his arm around her shoulders. Kissing the top of her head, he bent to whisper in her ear. "Thank you for today, Connor's let her down again. I'm glad she's got you."

Smiling up at Ethan, Lucy led him towards Amber who was staring longingly at a dummy with an axe through its head.

"Interested are you,
Ambi?" Ethan teased as she pulled away from the human dummy and smiled up at him. Leaning up to kiss his cheek she lingered for a second.

"Sure is dark in here,
Ethie." Feeling the need to kiss her lips again he let Lucy wander in front and pushed her against a bare wall, away from the mound of people. Stroking her lip with his fingers, Amber felt immediately aroused by his desire. As his lips touched hers, her fingers threaded through his hair, pulling his mouth to hers harshly.

"Amber, let me kiss you gently." Smiling beneath his kiss, she let him do as he pleased against her mouth. Kissing her mouth softly he swept his tongue along her lower lip and took her mouth with it. Entwining their tongues together Ethan needed to feel her skin again.

Letting his fingers fall under her blazer he trailed them up her back slowly causing her to arch and press harder up against him. "It's supposed to be us, Amber, I promise." Pulling away she searched for his ocean eyes, but it was just a dark silhouette of the man she craved. Feeling daring, she copied his motions and ran her fingertips along the waistband of his jeans.

Running her fingers over his taut, tight abs she whimpered over the definition of beauty underneath. She had seen him naked before, seen him in full swing before, but she never craved him like she did now. Something was different, she needed him, wanted him.

"Stop," Ethan warned as he grasped onto her fingers before pulling them to his mouth, and kissing them gently.

Amber heeded, agreeing with him. "We need to get back to Lucy." Pressing a gentle kiss to her plump lips, the tingle she felt from him was unique she had never felt that with Connor. Pulling out her
iPhone to check if he had rung, she felt no want anymore, it was like he was erased, but the trouble was yet to start.

***

It was hours later, she was burnt from running around York in the sun and now filled with TGI's and cocktails, that Amber finally looked at her phone and scoffed - 21 missed calls. What would she have heard had she answered? It would no doubt an apology, a huge amount of sick inducing proclamations of love and then
that
voice in the background. The one he shooed away, the one that got him off the phone quickly. That one unknown voice that made her question it all.

Amber didn't want it, not today. Her mood was sky high, she was feeling so happy, and she didn't want that to be spoiled. Looking to her best friend as he drove, she settled for keeping her sky high mood. Slipping her phone back into her pocket, she was going to go home, be a handful for Ethan and only remember laughing too much.

Exactly how she loved spending her time, with Ethan.

Hearing the song change and Amber singing over it, Ethan couldn’t help but laugh. He dropped the black sack he was throwing the rubbish and ripped up gift wrap into and headed to the living room at the front of the house to the beat of Pat
Benatar’s ‘Love is a battlefield’. He remembered this song, Amber had sang it at an 80’s karaoke party way back when and every time it played it reminded him of her.

Right now, it reminded him of their love – it was a battlefield and he felt dangerously close to stepping onto a mine that would explode and end it all if he made the wrong move.

He froze in the door way as she stood on the sofa, singing out.

“
We are strong. No one can tell us we're wrong.  Searching our hearts for so long. Both of us knowing. Love is a battlefield!
” Amber stood on the sofa, one foot per cushion and sang to the song. She paused as she saw Ethan and she put her finger up to usher him towards her, smirking as she did so. “Come on Ethie!” she shouted over the blasting music, ignorant of the neighbours. “Sing with me.”

He moved forward, but he refused to sing.

“
We are young! Heartache to heartache we stand! No promises. No demands. Love is a battlefield!
” she danced on the spot, but lost her foot and as she toppled off, she found herself caught in Ethan’s strong arms. She giggled at him, “My hero.”

“Silly girl,” he told her with light laughter in his voice.

“Dance with me, hot stuff,” Amber grinned at him, her voice light and mirthful. There were no remnants of loathing over Connor not showing his face or sadness that he hadn’t even given her a phone call until well into the day. “I still have,” she put her hand back to look at the clock and stayed there a few minutes as she read the clock upside down. Throwing her head back up, she looked at him. “There’s still sixteen minutes to my birthday so dance with me!”

“There’s six, but whatever,” he said and dropped her legs, stabilising her as she stood up beside him. “Let’s dance!”

Ethan had half expected the dancing he had the other day. The type that was slow in pace, that kept their bodies close, their hearts beating as one. He was almost ready to forget the song that was on and put his hands on her waist. Except that never happened, and he couldn’t hate it. He burst into hysterics as Amber started to drunkenly grind him to MC Hammer’s ‘Can’t Touch This’.

At least he knew Amber was still as unpredictable as ever.

“Dance, big boy!” she cajoled him, not booty shaking against him. She then turned around, deadly seriously. “Shake what your mamma gave you,” she coaxed him as if he were a performing monkey. She then grabbed his hands and picked up the rhythm again.

Putting his hands on her hips Ethan couldn't do this. He knew something would twitch downstairs if he felt
her this close to him. Twirling her in his hands, he grabbed her waist from the front, and danced with her as 'When I was Your Man' by Bruno Mars started on the TV.

"Oh I love this song," muttered Amber as she buried her face in Ethan's chest. Nuzzling him like this, even through her drunken state, she still felt this undeniable urge, and that this song was Connor to her.

"
Now my baby's dancing, but she's dancing with another man
." Looking up into Ethan's eyes, he stroked his fingers down her cheek. Leaning down, hovering at her mouth for a moment, he gently pressed his lips to hers. Moving against each other like this, Amber let her arms wrap around his neck and Ethan had to lift her slightly so they were comfortable.

As the song kicked in Amber fell into Ethan. Their tongues entwined like they had throughout the day, but right now, it felt more real. It felt like those stolen kisses were perfect but this was beautiful. It felt natural. Ethan held her tight against him, and fell drunk into this woman, who he had loved forever.

Lifting her again, she wrapped her legs around his waist and he carried her upstairs. All the rhetorical questions played along in his mind - Is this it? Will we ruin us? Should I do this? Ignoring the warning signs in his mind, he followed his heart. Laying her down on the bed, he hovered over her, his knee between her thighs.

"You're so beautiful, Amber," Ethan whispered against her cheek as he kissed her neck. "You've always been beautiful."

"Ethan," Amber groaned as he trailed his fingertips up her ribcage.

Amber reached for his shirt but he stopped her. "No, I've waited this long for you, let me worship you." Lowing himself to the waistband of her jeans, he pushed her top up gently along her abdomen laying soft kisses across her skin, letting his tongue flutter out every so often to desiring the skin he craved. Stopping his ascent just under her bra, he let his fingers explore her.

Trailing his fingers along the waistband of her jeans, she bucked off the bed slightly as he touched sensitive nerves. "It's supposed to be me and you. It always was, Ambi." Kissing softly at her skin she sat up abruptly and lifted her shirt over her head. Laying back down their eyes locked, and she pulled him back up to her.

"Kiss me," Amber breathed against his mouth and he did, taking her lower lip in his teeth, he pulled back gently and released it slowly. Wrapping her arms around his neck, he kissed at her neck and back up to her mouth, letting their tongues caress and release the magic longing inside them both. Amber wrapped her legs around his waist and he pulled away, breathing hard against her face.

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked as she started intently into the aquamarine eyes she loved.

"I've never been
more sure." With that approval Ethan pushed down the strap of her bra, slowly down her arm and kissed her shoulder and dragged his lips along its path. He kissed the swell of her breast and let his fingers touch the soft skin, worshipping and memorising every single moment. He loved her. He cared for her, he wanted to create a life with her. Whispering sweet words to her, he gently undid the metal button of her jeans and revealed her white lace thong. Kissing the material, he skimmed his tongue along the band and Amber breathed in a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed with the sensations her body was feeling.

Connor was never this gentle with her; he never whispered or worshipped every ounce of her skin. Ethan pulled her jeans down her legs and threw them to the floor. Lifting her leg, she bent her knee and he kissed the bottom of her foot. Moving to the top, he kissed from her ankle to the top of her hip and continued with the other leg.

When he reached the fine lacy material at the ultimate pleasurable part of her body he took in the sight before him. Here was his best friend, the love of his life, laid out in front of him in her white lingerie her body buckling under his touch. The memory of his first time with Amber was rough, needy, this was making love, and to the person he loved more than life.

But then, just like touching the tip of a flame, he withdrew. Panic racing through him. She was taken, he was taken. She was drunk, he wasn’t. He didn’t want this to be drunkenly fuelled by Amber only for her to wake up in the morning and regret it.

Sitting up, Amber felt naked without his touch. “Ethan?”

“We can’t,” he said trying to suppress his sexual libido and his absolute want for the beauty before him. “You’re drunk. I won’t do this when you’re like this. I can’t.”

Quickly scrambling up to the end of the bed she grabbed for him as he made a quick getaway, “I want this, Ethan. I’ve always wanted you. Connor, he doesn’t come close to what you make me feel, and I know I sound like a bitch, but I have always loved you.”

“You’re drunk,” he answered her pathetically, his eyes no longer a live wire of ensuring happiness. They were now vacant of emotion, dead to the loss he had just thrown over himself. “I don’t want to be a mistake to you because sleeping with you is,” he broke off and sighed. “Sleeping with you because you want to be with me is like a dream come true.”

“I’m not that drunk,” she tried to fight for him to realise. Everything he had made her feel on the short journey between leaving the front room to getting to the bedroom was as unforgettable as having sex with him. “I promise you.”

“I can see it in your eyes,” he told her and his voice was verging on whimpering. “I can read you better than any other book. I can’t do this,” he told her as he pushed her away for the final time.

“I’ll sober up!” she bellowed, haphazardly climbing off from her knelt form on the bed to the floor. She was feral with desperation. Willing to give her heart wholly to him drunk or stone cold sober. His rejection had welcomed back sobriety as quickly as it had the first time they had slept together. This time however she felt there was far more to lose.

Without another word, she rushed down the stairs, in only her bra and knickers, on weak limbs and ran to the kitchen. She quickly pulled coffee from the cupboard and began to boil the kettle. She was shaking so hard at the thought of losing this chance with Ethan because she knew this could well be her last. What man would stick around for her if fate always intervened?

She was taking control of her destiny, of her own future, of her own heart.

“
Ambi, you don’t have to do anything to change this,” Ethan said as he stood in the doorway watching her with her hand on the kettle, waiting for it to finish boiling. “It’s fine,” he placated the moment and watched her hand drop.

Amber put her hands to the side of her, gripping the counter top hard. “Do you know how many times it hurts me to watch you with another girl?” she asked him, keeping her head dipped and her breathing steady. “I’m guessing it hurts just about the same amount as it hurts you to think of Connor and
I together.” She slowly took a moment to turn and face him, her eyes lined with tears, the pearls building on her laces. As one fell she closed her eyes and spoke, “It’s hard to stop yourself falling in love with the guy that pulls you up from the floor when rock bottom hits. You can’t stop how happy you feel whenever he’s around and you can’t stop the jealousy when he leaves you again. I thought I was like that with Connor, but that’s not true. The feelings I carry for him, they’re there, but they are no way near as bright as what I feel when I even so much as think of you.”

Remaining quiet, Ethan realised he had made a grave error rejecting Amber upstairs. The way she spoke was not that of a drunken babble. They were spoken with clarity and readiness, with raw, vulnerable emotions.